An Open Letter from A Cam Girl to All Her Internet Friends

[HiGirlsRHot]

For me it seems to be very straightforward:

the models are on MFC to make money, and if a models thinks engaging in chats and PMs helps , the model should do it .
If the model thinks it is not helping to make money she should focus on other things helping her more....
A lot of members try to get stuff for free, it is really up to the model to draw the line where she is comfortable..see no point in making big announcements...

+1 and I also agree with Jicky's comments as well the people who need this the most are the one's least likely to pay attention to an open letter.
I totally understand what Mojito what was saying, but I was bothered by it bit.
Because I think this scenario is fairly common.
A model that I've tipped has a bad day on cam, or troubles with her parents, landlord, sick grandmother, airline, telephone company and post something on twitter. Or sometimes it's a positive thing, made top 100, graduated from college.

I send DM or MFC mail (if it's a cam related issue) expressing sympathy or congratulations, in some cases maybe even a suggestion. Let's say it's an issue with an apartment, I'm a landlord, so I've actually read the laws for a few states, so I may send a detailed note. I'm fine if the model never gets back to me, most do and thank me for the note. In some cases, they'll start a conversation, which fairly often is a rant on the part of the model about the landlord or whatever. I generally enjoy a good rant so I'm more than happy to hear them.

I don't think this in the OPs intention, but if I read her open letter literally. I get don't send my sympathy or congratulation notes unless it's accompanied by a tip. That doesn't sit too well with me.

 

[Gen]

I think breaking it down into "you may message me if you've tipped $500+" and whatnot is a bit much, and will understandably not sit well with members. I also think it's a bit awkward seeing how often models (myself included) say "all tips of all sizes are appreciated!" to then say "but lol don't talk to me if you have only tipped me $100". I know I'm taking it to the extreme, but still.

I do think a note like this could be useful, not for the random dudes who PM "hi bb....hi bb...?????....how r u.....????.....u look good", but rather for the dudes who watch your shows every night, commentating in PM only and sending Twitter DMs and stuff all day. Guys who are regulars in every sense except the tipping. I know I've had a few of those guys and it's a lot harder to say "hey, you're taking up a lot of my time/energy and not really giving back". That said, my biggest issue with these guys (in my experience only) is that they want to be friends, but not in the true sense - they still want to fap to you or DM you dirty things or whatever else THEY like, but not actually build a real friendship with you - as in, they want to received friendship but not give it. Those are the guys that may need a gentle reminder but again, it would likely fall on deaf ears (and is a separate issue, kinda, anyway).

Anyway. I do believe you can build a friendship with your regulars but I think if you want to befriend camgirls, tipping should be part of that. When I log onto my premium account, I tip models if I'm sitting in their room. Not because I want to buy their friendship but because I think it's just the nature of the site. If I wanted to make friends I didn't have to tip, I'd do it elsewhere. I'm not saying drop bombs all day, just a little tip to reaffirm that "hey, I know tips keep you on cam and I don't want to feel like I'm taking your attention without showing I appreciate it!"

I really like when members send me messages like "hey I saw on Twitter you had a big exam, how did it go?" or "I saw this dog and thought of you". Those are unsolicited messages but they also show that the dude has some interested in me/my life, and that's cool. The notes @HiGirlsRHot mentioned, I think those things are nice. I would never want someone to feel like they couldn't approach me just because they weren't a frequent/high tipper.

I appreciate your writing @Mojito____MFC and the discussions you bring up! It's hard sometimes to verbalize the fine line of "I appreciate you company, I don't think you need to pay just to talk to me, but you blow up my Twitter DMs all day and this friendship feels awfully one-sided", haha.

The poll results are kind of blowing my mind

 

[KOTJ74]

Well said @ BobbyB & GenXoxo.

I can also appreciate where HiGirlsRHot is coming from.

 

[AmberCutie]

I do think a note like this could be useful, not for the random dudes who PM "hi bb....hi bb...?????....how r u.....????.....u look good", but rather for the dudes who watch your shows every night, commentating in PM only and sending Twitter DMs and stuff all day. Guys who are regulars in every sense except the tipping. I know I've had a few of those guys and it's a lot harder to say "hey, you're taking up a lot of my time/energy and not really giving back". That said, my biggest issue with these guys (in my experience only) is that they want to be friends, but not in the true sense - they still want to fap to you or DM you dirty things or whatever else THEY like, but not actually build a real friendship with you - as in, they want to received friendship but not give it. Those are the guys that may need a gentle reminder but again, it would likely fall on deaf ears (and is a separate issue, kinda, anyway).

Anyway. I do believe you can build a friendship with your regulars but I think if you want to befriend camgirls, tipping should be part of that. When I log onto my premium account, I tip models if I'm sitting in their room. Not because I want to buy their friendship but because I think it's just the nature of the site. If I wanted to make friends I didn't have to tip, I'd do it elsewhere. I'm not saying drop bombs all day, just a little tip to reaffirm that "hey, I know tips keep you on cam and I don't want to feel like I'm taking your attention without showing I appreciate it!"

I think both of these paragraphs really sum up how I think and feel about the subject. Also bolded an important line for emphasis.

 

[MojitosJourney]

I did not predict this would turn into a full-on debate, I'm sweating over here, thinking @JickyJuly and @BobbyB are right, that this could be handled more simply and directly than a public post. But it's up now, and I freaking loved writing it and although I may feel a bit conflicted now from everything it's stirring up, I'm standing by what I said. Of course, I understand and respect that many have varying opinions and I appreciate having heard yours.

Thanks to those that complimented me on my writing, that really made me smile. @fandango, @pg240

@HiGirlsRHot, @GenXoxo, my letter is talking about everyday, on-going, one-on-one conversation. I have a kind MFC mail someone sent me that really touched me so I put up on my blog. It didn't come with a tip note and what the guy said was better than money. But that circumstance is much different that what I am trying to discourage - people expecting to chat with me everyday. I had to set firm rules to message me because it's hard to define and enforce a grey area between some nice guy sending me a congratulatory e-mail, and some other nice, friendly guy who wants to chat with me everyday, all day.

Anyways, I think I might bow out of this thread and just quietly watch it unfold from this point unless I feel like I really, really, really need to respond to something.

 

[Empress Mika]

This is such a sensitive topic for me and it took me some time to process together a response that I knew the entire public community of ACF would see. I rely very heavily on my friendships with my members and I think this is even more true for me because I am also non-nude. I have put out and given countless hours cumulatively to any MFC member that would enter my room. I made it a point to do my best to ensure that they felt welcome and I did my best to befriend, converse and find common ground. I would PM members, if I saw they were on, as well. I had focused my room to be pressure-free from tipping and never wanted to come across as someone that is only there for the tokens (because I truly wasn't). Living alone, being single and just generally not having a lot of people in my life made it even easier for me to genuinely want to connect with people. I naively assumed that people would tip when they could and I would somehow end up okay.

Well, needless to say, I wasn't okay. I ended up quitting MFC due to exhaustion mentally and physically. I did end up with a ton of people who did seemingly think I was a pretty cool, friendly chick. We could go back and forth in PMs, Twitter DMs, or in free chat and what have you for hours. It was fun, for a while... but it ended up taking a lot of time to keep up with these friendships, especially as I would make more and more friendships... and it became very stressful to do this while also trying to make tokens (not specifically from them - but just in general in my free chat or plan on doing a group show). I was putting in 8-12 hours a day on cam but then also keeping in touch with people off cam while trying to simultaneously think about how to obtain tokens from contests, improving my shows, and what have you.

It pained me to face it... and it actually pains me a bit to re-live all of this again, as I try to type this out. But, I did start to feel a lot of resentment towards MFC in general. I was conflicted. I didn't expect anyone to tip (or tip on a regular basis) just because they met me on MFC. I knew that "real friendships" weren't about tipping nor did I want anyone to feel like they had to pay me for my time or friendship. At a certain point, it became a full time job in and of itself to just be a friend to everyone. I remember being conflicted about that, too. It shouldn't feel like a job to be a friend with someone. To be honest, I still don't know what to make of it... but I can say that I was mentally and emotionally exhausted to the point of tears. I eventually got to my breaking point and had to explain that I didn't have time to keep up with them as much, which was also painful for me. However, I knew I had to make some serious changes because I was ultimately giving too much of myself away and not taking enough time for me to re-charge.

Since I quit, I learned a few things applicable to me. In my experience, whatever I am giving, people will take - and that translates to not just friendship but shows or anything else as well. I realized this makes me feel really taken advantaged of and that, unfortunately, most people will not appreciate me via tips. Here again, it's really difficult to explain or describe because I was not talking to people just to hopefully get tokens. As tough as it was, it was my responsibility to establish boundaries and make the necessary changes for a healthy balance in my work life while enabling myself to have a healthy personal life. For me, this meant leaving MFC and moving on to a private based site: SM. Here, I can have the one on one attention that I love from members but I am being compensated for it. @Tristyn explained it so well in her posts in this very thread - thank you so much

Anyway, I think it comes down to what kind of cam site and cam room and interactions you want to have and being able to understand yourself enough to enable a balance in both your work life and personal life. At least, that's what it was for me.

Best of luck to everyone still on MFC ^_^;

 

[KOTJ74]

Miquote.

I read your post and I think you did an A+ job at articulating yourself and allowing others to see what your world was like on MFC. I can also relate to the frustration you've experienced. I know that I have model friends that started out knee deep on MFC (on everyday) and now it's a hit or miss thing with them, and I'm lucky to see them in their room once a week. However, I do still hear from them on occasion as they pop in to check their mail and such. Sometimes I've even be as fortunate as to get a PM with an update as to how they're doing.

As far as the friendship thing, it can be very difficult, and I know where you are coming from. I know many models ask you to tip to be their "friend", and if you do this, then they'll PM you. I completely understand the reasoning behind it, but it also doesn't jive with me. My personal policy on MFC is that "I don't tip to become someone's friend, but I tip my friends." I do this because I feel like if I have to pay someone to be my friend, then they're not really a friend at all. I will participate in their room, and I will even tip them to a certain extent. I just won't drop that 200 token tip or whatever it is, until I know that we have some type of connection. With that being said, it can go either way. Sometimes the model will add me, and we will get to know each other, and other times the model is very firm on her stance, and I eventually just go to a different room. I am never rude and I am straightforward about it with the model. I realize this probably isn't what some models want to hear, but it also helps me to take care of my "friends" that really want to be my friend. To this day it has worked out well for me, and it has helped me to refine my tipping to those that I can really get to know on some level. It has also helped weed out some of the wolves that are only interested in getting tokens and have little regard for their tippers.

Anyway, your post was very inspirational, and I wish you well with your modeling career. You sound like an amazing person, and I wish you were still on MFC so I could drop by and visit, but I completely understand your reasoning for moving on to other things. Best wishes always and happy holidays.

 

[Empress Mika]

Miquote.

I read your post and I think you did an A+ job at articulating yourself and allowing others to see what your world was like on MFC. I can also relate to the frustration you've experienced. I know that I have model friends that started out knee deep on MFC (on everyday) and now it's a hit or miss thing with them, and I'm lucky to see them in their room once a week. However, I do still hear from them on occasion as they pop in to check their mail and such. Sometimes I've even be as fortunate as to get a PM with an update as to how they're doing.

As far as the friendship thing, it can be very difficult, and I know where you are coming from. I know many models ask you to tip to be their "friend", and if you do this, then they'll PM you. I completely understand the reasoning behind it, but it also doesn't jive with me. My personal policy on MFC is that "I don't tip to become someone's friend, but I tip my friends." I do this because I feel like if I have to pay someone to be my friend, then they're not really a friend at all. I will participate in their room, and I will even tip them to a certain extent. I just won't drop that 200 token tip or whatever it is, until I know that we have some type of connection. With that being said, it can go either way. Sometimes the model will add me, and we will get to know each other, and other times the model is very firm on her stance, and I eventually just go to a different room. I am never rude and I am straightforward about it with the model. I realize this probably isn't what some models want to hear, but it also helps me to take care of my "friends" that really want to be my friend. To this day it has worked out well for me, and it has helped me to refine my tipping to those that I can really get to know on some level. It has also helped weed out some of the wolves that are only interested in getting tokens and have little regard for their tippers.

Anyway, your post was very inspirational, and I wish you well with your modeling career. You sound like an amazing person, and I wish you were still on MFC so I could drop by and visit, but I completely understand your reasoning for moving on to other things. Best wishes always and happy holidays.

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed my post. I hope it was insightful.

I'll be honest. Based on what you're saying, I related the most to members like you. That is, the ones that wanted a real connection. I would spend hours and hours talking and being a genuine friend to as many members as possible. Great as it was, as I explained, it became very time consuming to manage on top of trying to get tokens. It was as though it was 2 separate worlds: "Friendships" (which I can't actively pursue for tokens, in the name of the friendship) and then "Everyone else" with which to pursue tokens from (but many people also went in to the "Friendships" category from this as well).

What you said stated it all: You won't "drop that 200 tokens" until after you have what you deem "a connection". I know this all too well because I've experienced this over and over again with hundreds of members throughout my career on MFC. For the model, this is $10 after how many hours of actively talking with you and spending time together to gain that connection? I'm sure it varies. I'm sure you also may tip more than 200 tokens over the life time of the friendship. However, in my experience, most of the time, the hours to token ratio are really, really bad. As much as I wanted to have as many friends as possible, it ended up being impossible to sustain because there's not enough time in the day nor enough of my energy to keep up with the friendships while also trying to make money from "everyone else". It was such a painful lesson for me personally to learn and even more painful to have to fix.

 

[KOTJ74]

Miqote,

I agree with everything you just said, but I also think there is a balance that can be found as well.

Also, and in most circumstances, I take up very little time of the models that I actively see as friends unless they sincerely do want to chit-chat a bit. Usually I save it for the main cam room, and anything other than that is just icing on the cake.

Still wishing you the best with your modeling.

 

[Jovin]

No offense KOTJ... do you agree with everything everyone says? When I read Miqote's post, I knew exactly how your reply was going to start off, "I agree with everything you just said".

 

[LuckySmiles]

@Miqote In my experience with @KOTJ74 he's being a little misunderstood here and guilty of over-explaining himself. He's more the type of member to show up in public... chat a little for a sec to establish this "connection" he mentions and tip the same day or next time he pops in. I include him among members I chat with once in awhile in PM offline.. for me I don't like twitter. I don't like having too much connection with members when I'm offline.

I do log on to mfc occasionally to PM offline while doing other things. (Not excessively or in a way that might interfere if a members visiting other models at the time.) But that's a way I kind of make up for no twitter/emails. I only do it with a handful of members. Essentially it's "for free" but only when I want and with people I have a bit of familiarity/fun with that have contributed and likely will again. It's to chat about random stuff. Not something that would work for everyone but it's helped me keep a small variety of members around for years no matter how little or lot I'm camming, without expecting too much from each other.

 

[Empress Mika]

Miqote,

I agree with everything you just said, but I also think there is a balance that can be found as well.

Also, and in most circumstances, I take up very little time of the models that I actively see as friends unless they sincerely do want to chit-chat a bit. Usually I save it for the main cam room, and anything other than that is just icing on the cake.

Still wishing you the best with your modeling.

Thank you. Maybe there is a balance to be found some where but I never was able to find it for myself. What I may think is a balance may not be a balance to another member. Even if you and all members took up "very little" (which means different things to different people) of the model's time, it all adds up really quick. Some models have hundreds of people in their room daily. For simplicity, let's say 5 minutes per member. 5 minutes per member for even just 30 people is 150 minutes. That's over 2 hours of a model's time doing nothing else but talking. And how much of that actually leads to tokens? See where this is going?

As awesome as it was having a lot of people to talk to, again, it wasn't sustainable to balance that along with trying to make money. It ultimately lead to a painful mental, emotional and even physical exhaustion for me that was a main factor in why I had to leave MFC.

 

[KOTJ74]

@Miqote In my experience with @KOTJ74 he's being a little misunderstood here and guilty of over-explaining himself. He's more the type of member to show up in public... chat a little for a sec to establish this "connection" he mentions and tip the same day or next time he pops in. I include him among members I chat with once in awhile in PM offline.. for me I don't like twitter. I don't like having too much connection with members when I'm offline.

I do log on to mfc occasionally to PM offline while doing other things. (Not excessively or in a way that might interfere if a members visiting other models at the time.) But that's a way I kind of make up for no twitter/emails. I only do it with a handful of members. Essentially it's "for free" but only when I want and with people I have a bit of familiarity/fun with that have contributed and likely will again. It's to chat about random stuff. Not something that would work for everyone but it's helped me keep a small variety of members around for years no matter how little or lot I'm camming, without expecting too much from each other.

Okay, before I respond to this, let me say that Lucky is a true asset to MFC and she is one of the most genuine, and of course smiley, models you will ever meet. She treats others fairly, has a great sense of humor, and she's just a lot of fun.

Now that I got that out of the way, Lucky is right on. Usually she PM's me, and that's not to say I wouldn't PM her, but I try to be respectful or her and what she has going on around her. That's not to say I wouldn't ever PM her if I felt I had something to say, and I don't think she would be upset if I did. I think if she was busy, she would just let me know and everything would be fine and dandy.

I also try to tip Lucky when I can. Sometimes they are just small tips, and sometimes she hustles me in a bet and I'm forced to drop some serious tokens. She's good at hustling me that way. But all in fun, and I enjoy tipping her win she wins.

She is a genuinely nice model, and she has been on my friends list longer than any other model on MFC. I have great admiration for this lady and hope to continue to get to know her, but in a comfortable fashion, as we have been.

If you're a member, get to know her in her cam room. You won't be disappointed.

Thank you. Maybe there is a balance to be found some where but I never was able to find it for myself. What I may think is a balance may not be a balance to another member. Even if you and all members took up "very little" (which means different things to different people) of the model's time, it all adds up really quick. Some models have hundreds of people in their room daily. For simplicity, let's say 5 minutes per member. 5 minutes per member for even just 30 people is 150 minutes. That's over 2 hours of a model's time doing nothing else but talking. And how much of that actually leads to tokens? See where this is going?

As awesome as it was having a lot of people to talk to, again, it wasn't sustainable to balance that along with trying to make money. It ultimately lead to a painful mental, emotional and even physical exhaustion for me that was a main factor in why I had to leave MFC.

Understood and I respect you for doing what you had to do. I also think that there is a great opportunity in a community forum like this where you can find out what other people are doing and what has worked for them. There is balance to be found in it, but sometimes it takes awhile. And yeah, if you're experiencing burnout, then it's definitely time to move on or take a break. This is true in just about anything. Anyway, even if I don't ever get to visit you in a room, I still hope to have a bit more dialogue with you in the future in this forum. I really enjoy how you are able to articulate things, and its been a joy so far. Hope you have a great night.

 

[HoldItNow]

These threads always seem to contain baking analogies. I did not know muffins were so integral to MFC.

 

[BobbyB]

I did not predict this would turn into a full-on debate, I'm sweating over here, thinking @JickyJuly and @BobbyB are right, that this could be handled more simply and directly than a public post. But it's up now, and I freaking loved writing it and although I may feel a bit conflicted now from everything it's stirring up, I'm standing by what I said. Of course, I understand and respect that many have varying opinions and I appreciate having heard yours.

Thanks to those that complimented me on my writing, that really made me smile. @fandango, @pg240

@HiGirlsRHot, @GenXoxo, my letter is talking about everyday, on-going, one-on-one conversation. I have a kind MFC mail someone sent me that really touched me so I put up on my blog. It didn't come with a tip note and what the guy said was better than money. But that circumstance is much different that what I am trying to discourage - people expecting to chat with me everyday. I had to set firm rules to message me because it's hard to define and enforce a grey area between some nice guy sending me a congratulatory e-mail, and some other nice, friendly guy who wants to chat with me everyday, all day.

Anyways, I think I might bow out of this thread and just quietly watch it unfold from this point unless I feel like I really, really, really need to respond to something.

I was not referring to your post here, perfectly fine to raise a topic here to get opinions. I was assuming you wanted to send your post to each of your members in your room.....

I notice in this thread there is some talk about being a friend with members, in my book being a friend means I would be very happy to meet my friends in real life, not sure if this is the case in most model / members "friendships".....
Maybe it would help to call relations when there money involved something different maybe a fan or a follower or whatever and reserve the term friend to people you feel a real connection with and where money and privacy is not an issue...

Just my opinion..

 

[Ambers Troll]

This was a hard poll question to give a simple yes or no response to.
I am one of those members that takes quite a bit of attention, but can also spend well and freely on a model friend at any moment. Conversations may be short or long, and tipping for some extra time and attention is often ok by me. Members should know when they are taking too much of a model's attention, and tip for the time or leave her to let her work. Those who respect a model and her work should be pretty easy to notice in a regular.

Cut the conversation part and you may not hear from me in a long time, not because of some childish tantrum, just because I am too busy with those wanting to chat, even if only on the good chance I will tip too. Regular and quite real contact is critical to the pleasure of my interactions with models, otherwise I find it quite pointless to log on.

Offline messages would be a challenge for models, I guess managing them is a major part of the job. I would assume some can be replied to with a cut and paste reply redirecting them to visit your room, some would be ignored, and a few would need real replies. One or two will also require a bit of a 'Dear John' style letter, this can also be of the cut and paste style; be nice but firm. As horrible as it sounds to categorize your members, if you want your free time, a popular model would have to do this to some extent: your members wont notice.

 

[Osmia]

Fascinating thread, as it tackles head-on two problematic features of sites like MFC: the nature of online friendship, and the role of money in those friendships. I don't want to get into an analyis of whether online friendships are "true" friendships. That's been exhaustively debated in this and other threads on ACF. It's interesting, however, to consider the roles of communication and interaction in each type of friendship. In a "real world" friendship, one spends time with the friend, going to a movie or to a restaurant, helping them move their belongings, having them pick you up after a medical procedure, watching a ball game on tv. You also communicate electronically (phone, text, email) probably much more often than you are physically together, but the nature of these online communications is primarily to support the friendship (catch up with what's going on, make plans, etc.).

The friendships on MFC occur solely online, with very few exceptions. Any interruption or barriers to online communications weaken the core of the friendship, because that core is all there is.

By the way, I voted "No" on the poll, and I still would after reading all the discussion. The way the poll question was worded almost requires a "No" vote ("Do you think it should be free to regularly message conversationally with a cam girl?" [emphasis mine]) Lesser levels of messaging fall into a gray area, as discussed in previous posts.

 

[ThePioneer]

I feel the need to clarify that it wasn’t my intention to question if model/member friendships were possible or real. The point I was trying to make is that in my observation, models who play the “friend for hire” or ”GFE” role are far more likely to attract the type of member this open letter is intended to address. If a certain style of camming attracts the wrong crowd or is causing multiple people to behave a certain way, it seems to me that it would be easier to change how you do things instead of attempting to change the behavior patterns of an entire group of people. This open letter places the blame on members and tells them to modify their behavior when they’re just trying to take you up on your offer, which I find offensive. I feel these sorts of things are handled better internally, that is all.

As far as the friendship thing, it can be very difficult, and I know where you are coming from. I know many models ask you to tip to be their "friend", and if you do this, then they'll PM you. I completely understand the reasoning behind it, but it also doesn't jive with me. My personal policy on MFC is that "I don't tip to become someone's friend, but I tip my friends." I do this because I feel like if I have to pay someone to be my friend, then they're not really a friend at all. I will participate in their room, and I will even tip them to a certain extent. I just won't drop that 200 token tip or whatever it is, until I know that we have some type of connection. With that being said, it can go either way. Sometimes the model will add me, and we will get to know each other, and other times the model is very firm on her stance, and I eventually just go to a different room. I am never rude and I am straightforward about it with the model. I realize this probably isn't what some models want to hear, but it also helps me to take care of my "friends" that really want to be my friend. To this day it has worked out well for me, and it has helped me to refine my tipping to those that I can really get to know on some level. It has also helped weed out some of the wolves that are only interested in getting tokens and have little regard for their tippers.

Why do you feel the need to justify and defend your tipping habits so heavily? In the end, you’re still just paying for a friendship, attention, or entertainment that you perceive as valuable. The only difference is that your “friends” will smile as they take your money and play along with your fantasy to establish connections with people, whereas the “wolves” prefer not to be strung along for hours for a measly $10. Some models may place more or less emphasis on earning money, but they are still camming to earn money. You’re naive if you think a model is any less valuable, less appreciative, or less capable of expressing feelings as a person because she chooses to provide a different type of entertainment to a different clientele.

 

[KOTJ74]

ThePioneer,

I like to be very straightforward with people, so I'll get straight to the point with your question. I don't need to justify anything I do, but I do like to contribute and share what I've had success with. This is how growth occurs. You share your experiences and others share theirs as well. This is just the way the world works. Knowledge built upon other knowledge. This leads to refinement and progression.

Next, my friends can take my money/tips/tokens etc... all they want because they are gifts, and I never ask for anything in return. But let me be very clear about this, I am very quick to establish my friends from the wolves, and I take care of my friends exceptionally well without fault. This doesn't just apply to the cam world either. And for the wolves, once they are revealed, I am one to systematically expose them. Once a wolf, always a wolf. If they try to scam or trick me, they will do the same to others as well until they're busted. I am personally one who doesn't like injustice, but I don't cry about it. I go deal with it.

Furthermore, I don't string anybody along. I give people my best until they give me their worst, then I go move on in what I feel the best way possible. I don't expect to walk through life getting along with everybody, but I also try to give everybody a fair shake, and I admire those who do the same with me.

Finally, you are making inaccurate generalizations about what I think, or in believing that I'm naive.. I never said any model was less valuable, but I like what I like in terms of interaction. It doesn't mean I don't value other models, their interests, or their time, but I value who I am as well.

My suggestion to you would be "ask before you assume", and if you are okay with wolves, then by all means go play with the wolves. I'm not going to lose sleep over it either way and I hope your arrangement with the models works out well for all of you. Happy Holidays.

 

[mutantdonut]

To the OP: i get what you’re saying here. At least i think i do. I’m not sure if your audience is strictly meant for the ACF community, or for the greater general public. I’m sure ACF members, for the most part, understand its message. But i’m wary for harsh responses... that is if your letter is meant for the greater population out there.

Based on what i think you’re trying to say: "Models genuinely hold high regard with their friendships toward members, but members need not forget this is also a job for models. Tips are greatly appreciated when you spend time with her."

What i think some irrational heads will take this letter as: "She says i matter, but i can't waste her time any longer if i can't keep up with tipping. This all about money and i’m not really worth a damn without the constant flow of tips."

I guess my response is a critique of wording and structure, and how the message is delivered. One thing i’ve learned through all years alive: message sent is not always the same as message received, thus i fear a miscommunication leading to really ugly backlash if this were posted publicly. There will be some that understand its intent, and likely a fair amount that won't.

~2cents

 

[ThePioneer]

You like to be straightforward and yet you preface all of your posts by brown nosing models so much you could send them an invoice for a colonoscopy?

Different people tip in different situations for a multitude of reasons. This isn’t some miraculous new discovery. I will never understand why people come here and post every reason why they tip and try to present that as useful information that is indicative of a population’s behavior when the sample-size is just you. All of this is relevant in exactly one scenario only. Otherwise, it's just you rambling on to make yourself feel better about your spending habits. You’re NOT sharing knowledge or information that has any context or relevance. You are sharing your opinion. Learn the difference.

If you genuinely don’t think these models are less valuable, why do you have your own derogatory term for them?

 

[AmberCutie]

Different people tip in different situations for a multitude of reasons. This isn’t some miraculous new discovery. I will never understand why people come here and post every reason why they tip and try to present that as useful information that is indicative of a population’s behavior when the sample-size is just you. All of this is relevant in exactly one scenario only. Otherwise, it's just you rambling on to make yourself feel better about your spending habits. You’re NOT sharing knowledge or information that has any context or relevance. You are sharing your opinion.

You're right, this does happen here really frequently. People take their own experience and tout it as "the way things are". Everyone has their own motivations for how they spend time and tokens on MFC.

That is, the ones that wanted a real connection. I would spend hours and hours talking and being a genuine friend to as many members as possible. Great as it was, as I explained, it became very time consuming to manage on top of trying to get tokens. It was as though it was 2 separate worlds: "Friendships" (which I can't actively pursue for tokens, in the name of the friendship) and then "Everyone else" with which to pursue tokens from (but many people also went in to the "Friendships" category from this as well).

What you said stated it all: You won't "drop that 200 tokens" until after you have what you deem "a connection". I know this all too well because I've experienced this over and over again with hundreds of members throughout my career on MFC. For the model, this is $10 after how many hours of actively talking with you and spending time together to gain that connection? I'm sure it varies. I'm sure you also may tip more than 200 tokens over the life time of the friendship. However, in my experience, most of the time, the hours to token ratio are really, really bad.

I have really appreciated your posts in this thread, Miqote, they come through so open and honest and I do hope that models new to camming will read and understand the learning process you went through in your first months on MFC. I also feel a bit heartbroken for you that the original plan you had didn't come to full fruition for you. I know a few of us models expressed concern for you for this exact situation early on as we knew how draining it could be to put all of your social eggs in one basket, so to speak. I'm just so glad you realized your reality before it really broke you down and are stronger now because of it.

 

[KOTJ74]

You like to be straightforward and yet you preface all of your posts by brown nosing models so much you could send them an invoice for a colonoscopy?

Different people tip in different situations for a multitude of reasons. This isn’t some miraculous new discovery. I will never understand why people come here and post every reason why they tip and try to present that as useful information that is indicative of a population’s behavior when the sample-size is just you. All of this is relevant in exactly one scenario only. Otherwise, it's just you rambling on to make yourself feel better about your spending habits. You’re NOT sharing knowledge or information that has any context or relevance. You are sharing your opinion. Learn the difference.

If you genuinely don’t think these models are less valuable, why do you have your own derogatory term for them?

Seriously? Who have I brown-nosed? Now you are the one being naive. I tell people what I think and if you don't like it, then "oh well."

Everything I've said to models on here hasn't been a bed of roses, and if you believe that, then you should go back and educate yourself. In addition, some of these models I already know. They do what they do, and they do it well. I have high regard and admiration for them.

Also, I've shared some of the reasons I tip because for some it might be helpful. I do agree that everybody has their own spin on things, but again, if you would've taken a bit of time to educate yourself, you would've noticed that I've said this numerous times as well.

Furthermore, how do you know if what I do isn't relevant to others? Do you have absolute knowledge of everybody's thoughts about cam modeling? I'm just gonna go out on a limb and guess that you don't. And once again you are completely off-base with your comment about me needing to feel good about my spending habits. You don't know my motivation for things, so again, stop with the ridiculous generalizations. But if insist on this, then maybe we start a topic on "logical fallacies" and why it's generally good to avoid them in forums, especially ones that are supposed to be friendly.

And last but not least, and in reference to your question about a derogatory term, sometimes the truth hurts, but I'm sure you know the old saying, "If the shoe fits..." But please keep in mind I have not dropped one name. Also, let's get a grasp on reality. There are wolves out there, including members, so the term isn't just applicable to one group of people. In fact, "wolves" is a very common term used to describe certain people, and I didn't even need to try and explain it to you for you to understand.

Now let me make one thing clear to you, I find value in all people. In fact, this is very much part of the code of ethics that I adhere to on a professional level, but also socially as well. I believe in the potential of all people, even if they are acting like wolves. People do change.

I'm going to end with this. If you continue to try to flame me or instigate a flame war, I'm just going to put you on ignore. I'm not wasting anymore time with it. Good day.

 

[MFCuser]

This is a really interesting topic to me, thanks everyone for sharing.

The most consistently enjoyable rooms for me are the ones where there is a clear line where guys in the room are clients not friends. It sets boundaries for both sides of the relationship, I know what to expect.

The room where I have tipped the most started like that, but over time I grew to become actual friends with the model off the site. I still enjoy her room and love her as a friend and as a person, but because I know her so well personally it's not really a place I can go anymore just to zone out and take my mind off of what went on that day at work or in my personal life.

 

[Roger]

I just woke up from a drunken stupor, so clearly now is a good time to post a reply on an interesting topic! I appreciate a model trying to more clearly define the expectations of a relationship (whether it's strictly a "business" relationship or a "friendship"). The poll itself is a simple question, but I found myself struggling to give a simple yes or no answer (gotta add those qualifiers in there!). As one saying goes, your freedom ends where mine begins..." (maybe a bad analogy, but I'm gonna roll with it). In my opinion, people have different boundary lines for what they consider acceptable and unacceptable (of course, there are universal examples of totally douchery) and the sooner both parties can establish and agree upon their boundaries, the better both parties will be off.

On a personal level, I find myself liking the offline interaction and I do feel that a model deserves "compensation" for that time and attention given, however I think much less of it in a transactional manner (i.e. x number or tokens for y number of minutes). I tend to think of it more as giving tokens of appreciation (bad pun intended!) for above and beyond service! To overuse the analogy of the restaurant server in the US, tipping in restaurants is not an absolute requirement / law, however it is pretty much a 99% expectation (1% reserved for all those special cases you may want to bring up).

~ Ramblings of a drunk person

 

[LoonaVision]

I only ask new people to use pms or any other private way of messaging only when it's something important and can't be said in free chat. "Hi baby, how are you" CAN be said in public chat!!!
For friends I have no limits, "spam" me as much as u want, I can handle it all
And I don't consider a friend who tipped me zillion tokens, a friend is a person who comes to my room regularly, helps me when he can, talks to me, actually cares about me. I had dentist appointment just some time back and I was really upset about it, it was bad, 2 of my teeth were "dying", and I was so flattered when after dentist appointment so many people asked me in pms, in emails how was my appointment and if all okay right now, many of them I don't even know but i responded to everyone coz it was fucking sweet of them. they listen, they remember, they care

 

[LilyAnne]

You worded this so perfectly! I have always struggled with this. I want to make people feel special to me, and I even like to send a nice personal message every once in a while, but sometimes I will become less interested in a person just from feeling like they are taking more of my time than is reasonable

 

[MFCuser]

For models who do have active, ongoing, day to day conversations with members, where the member is upholding their end and tipping appropriately, what are these interactions like? Is it mostly the member doing the talking and you listening or do you open up personally at all? Do you have any members you talk to offline who you feel are on the level where you don't need to be compensated for your time monetarily?

My experience with talking with models outside of their cam rooms is I generally don't enjoy it. Most models have their online self that they try to maintain in offline interactions as well and keep aspects of there personal lives hidden, and justifiably so. For me though this takes away the enjoyment of one on one interaction because I like to learn about the other person I am talking to. In these cases I'd rather keep the relationship what it is and keep most interaction in the chat, and I am perfectly ok with that.