Should I cut my crazy friend off?

[BobbyB]

What I honestly WANT to to is combine these two, and possibly leave her in the 'acquainatnce-zone'

However, I don't exactly want to risk pissing her off because I know/have seen what she's like after somebody crosses her, and I don't want that to be me next... and because of that sometimes I feel like I'm the one using her. Idk it's weird.

It is your life and it is your decision how you want to live.
Some people stay in a lousy company and some stay in a lousy relation, that is OK as long as they are fuly aware that it is their own decision to stay...and if they are not happy they can change the situation any day they want.

In life most things are really up to you....

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

I didn't know whether to face palm or hug on this post. You have a really big heart but when you start camming you are going to have more money and you don't need to share it with anyone so they can be your friend. I can understand buying someone food but if it's as often as it sounds like and youre stealing for her... Sounds like material stuff she's into. This is not really a healthy way to be with friends.. It should be about friendship. Plus you don't want to cam and then never see much of your own paycheck :/

 

[paige_orion]

I am slightly worried about you getting involved with camming. In camming, you have to be able to put firm boundaries in place. You will come across a lot of people trying to use you. Trying to take advantage of you. Trying to manipulate and guilt you into getting what they want. You need to be able to stand up for yourself. You need to be able to recognize when you are being taken advantage of, and you need to find the strength to put your foot down. You need to be able to put down clear boundaries, and enforce them - or you will burn out so fast.

Stop stealing from your family. Let her steal from hers and you be the better person. No friend would ask you to commit a crime just because they wanted new material goods. That is a felony or a misdemeanor, and what would have happened if your family had caught you? Bad karma all the way around.

Your money is your money. Friends are friends and don't give a fuck about what you make. I can't imagine borrowing money from any of my friends - let alone being so selfish as to expect a cut of their salary. That is all sorts of fucked up, and if you are frightened to cut ties with this girl, then tells me that your friendship is emotionally abusive.

If you are worried about revenge, then do NOT tell her about camming. In camming, you need to protect your privacy. Too many models have their personal information leaked, their names, their addresses, their family's info. And that is a scary situation. She could leak your information. If I were you, I would tell her that you had changed your mind on camming and had decided to open an Etsy craft business or something like that. And hope she doesn't find out.

She sounds like a pretty vile person - and you deserve to have friends who appreciate you for being you. I know it is hard to stand up to people you care about, but I think you care about her more than she cares about you. She is using you. And you deserve sooooo much better than that.

Camming isn't easy money. You have to work hard. You have to be determined. You have to stand up for yourself if you want to succeed, or you will be walked all over and burn out. You need to learn to value your own worth - especially if you want others to do the same. You need to be strong enough to put your needs first, and not allow toxic people to take advantage and drag you down.

Standing up to your friend is good practice for the kind of mindset you will need as a cam girl.

Good luck!

 

[AudriTwo]

This is no friend. Friends don't do that. She is USING you.

I know finding new friends is hard when you are an adult, trust me. I struggle with this all the time. But the great thing with friends is you PICK and CHOOSE them! I just had to cut out some unhealthy friends out of my life who were gaslighting me. Once they are gone, it's therapeutic. You feel like the weight has lifted and you can breathe.

Sex work can be pretty isolating because of all that stigma and bullshit that we endure. But stay active on sex worker boards you may meet other camgirls that are nearby. I have met several camgirls near my small area. I have become close with a few of them!

 

[alegendawaits]

The weird thing is this guys: Like I said... she may be, but she may not be.

I know that she is pretty immature for her age and is a very impulsive spender. She may very well just have zero sense of priorities whatsoever, and it be nothing more than that... and the fact that I'm the one she talks to 8+ hours a day I do feel like I am her bestie, however she just has an addiction. To blowing money. And I feel like as a friend I should try to confront her and help her, but I also know her well enough that she'll try saying "I'm grown" and stuff of that nature.

Oh, also, camming isn't a thing I bring up regularly, AT ALL. I've let that subject die down over months.
...She's never actually asked for a cut of my salary, I know for a fact that she would never do that!! When I said I was 'figuring up a cut' what I basically meant was figuring up what percentage I'd be willing to spend on her... because she's the binge-spending type. The type of person who will have 1 plan, then come up with a bigger idea to involve more people (she's a raging extrovert and I'm an ambivert), then 3 things will get in the way of the plan and we'll need extra gas money than we thought, therefore a night that was supposed to end at 7pm will end at 4am.

This is why I think she may actually not be using me, but just needs to take better control of her life and habits.

The main thing that concerns me here is that, like I said, if she's NOT CURRENTLY using me, money would be the reason that she 'held onto me' if something ever happened between us.

 

[n_i_c_u]

I would cut her off. I get used all the time and wish for deep relationships, but the fact you fear that you are possibly gonna get used isn't healthy. I can wish and wish and wish that a person will like me for me but most of the time it just doesn't work out. It is a part of life--you run in to a lot of people who only look out for themselves and will take your time and money and soul with no remorse. Finding a person that wants to be friends is tough but it is doable and when you find a good friend you won't be posting about your worries here (friendship isn't easy and isn't always bliss, but you won't be so worried you have to post it on a message board--you might actually be able to talk it out with that person).

My 2 pennies

 

[AudriTwo]

Okay, so why can't she get her own money? Why does she have to mooch off you? Sounds like she is using you to support her bad habits. She is maintaining this illusion of a friendship so she can get what she wants. That's SELFISH behavior. She might be totally unaware of it. But she isn't your responsibility, that's her parent/guardian's job to teach her money management skills. If it is her behaviour, then you are enabling her addiction. The best way to heal an addict is to cut them off.

Friends like these will distract you from your OWN life goals. Just because they talk to you for 8 hours a day, doesn't make them your bestie.

 

[alegendawaits]

True!!!! I understand what you guys are saying tbh.

On a side note: the reason she doesn't work is bc she has a neck tattoo and it is hard fir her to find a job. She was working in fast food and got into a confliction with a coworker and had gotten fired. She's been struggling since.


But yeah, I definitely see what you guys are saying. I've actually been answering her calls less, and it feels good tbh.

 

[paige_orion]

The weird thing is this guys: Like I said... she may be, but she may not be.

I know that she is pretty immature for her age and is a very impulsive spender. She may very well just have zero sense of priorities whatsoever, and it be nothing more than that... and the fact that I'm the one she talks to 8+ hours a day I do feel like I am her bestie, however she just has an addiction. To blowing money. And I feel like as a friend I should try to confront her and help her, but I also know her well enough that she'll try saying "I'm grown" and stuff of that nature.

Oh, also, camming isn't a thing I bring up regularly, AT ALL. I've let that subject die down over months.
...She's never actually asked for a cut of my salary, I know for a fact that she would never do that!! When I said I was 'figuring up a cut' what I basically meant was figuring up what percentage I'd be willing to spend on her... because she's the binge-spending type. The type of person who will have 1 plan, then come up with a bigger idea to involve more people (she's a raging extrovert and I'm an ambivert), then 3 things will get in the way of the plan and we'll need extra gas money than we thought, therefore a night that was supposed to end at 7pm will end at 4am.

This is why I think she may actually not be using me, but just needs to take better control of her life and habits.

The main thing that concerns me here is that, like I said, if she's NOT CURRENTLY using me, money would be the reason that she 'held onto me' if something ever happened between us.

The fact that you are defending her terrible behavior is alarming. Let's look at what you told us: you stole from your family for her. She cost you a job because she wanted to hang out with her boyfriend and hung you out to dry. She sells gift cards meant to by presents for her CHILD so she can buy tattoos. She gets vindictive when people cross her and you are afraid to get on her bad side.

That isn't immaturity. That feels worse than a spending addiction. That is selfishness, complete lack of empathy, and by giving her money, you are only enabling her addiction. Frankly, she sounds like an awful person. Anyone who steals from her child for tattoos, who asks you to steal from your family, is a bad person. You yourself called her crazy and trashy. You have not said anything good about her - and every single situation you have described goes far behind immature. It is truly despicable behavior. I know many immature people her age. Not one of them would take advantage of a friend like this or encourage thievery or steal from their child.

If she is grown up, she needs to spend what she earns. She will not learn to control her life because she knows that you will pay for what she wants. Why should her wants come out of YOUR paycheck? That's fucked up. Stop enabling her. Stop spending on her. Cut her off. She isn't a good friend. She sounds like a manipulator and a user.

Why would you want someone like that in your life? If you feel compelled to calculate another person into your salary - and they aren't your family, then that person is using you.

You wanted advice. Every single person has given you their outside unbiased opinion. She is using you. Get out of there.

 

[AudriTwo]

I have a neck tattoo, and I work. I was able to find vanilla work before camming with a neck tattoo. I worked for some pretty conservative people in the past, but they only cared how I treated their customers and was a hard worker.

By the way, they make a foundation that will conceal your tattoos.
http://www.sephora.com/lock-it-tattoo-foundation-P311138

 

[SaffronBurke]

the reason she doesn't work is bc she has a neck tattoo and it is hard fir her to find a job

Turtlenecks aren't just for hiding hickies. In an office environment, decorative scarves are also an option. A lot of office places also just don't care anymore. I work for a Fortune Top 50 financial company, and I've had managers with purple hair, eyebrow piercings, or visible tattoos. As long as you're not a customer-facing position, dress code allows it.

This girl is making excuses and mooching off you. She's using you for your money. It's better to have no friends than to have only shitty friends.

 

[alegendawaits]

Omg.... you guys are totally right ... and thanks SO much for the insight into the tattoo thing!! I don't have any, so I don't have any experience getting denied for that reason, and was therefore believing it.

Today when I talked to her I told her I was playing with my dog. She said 'you don't have anything better to do huh' ...thinking she was commenting on my being pretty damn introverted as of lately. and I'm just thinking like "okayy, sorry I don't have to be around a million people to have fun"

Then she said something about she's at the beach getting money. and I'm just thinking "LIES LIES LIES LIES LIEESS" I ask her how and she says 'don't worry about how' so I'm sitting there thinking she's either 1.) lying or 2.) robbing people at the beach or doing some very mild escorting

she'll come up with a crazy way to get $5 and then claim that she "hit a lick" ....shit even when she hit a 100 dollar lick once (a rarity), I still didn't even consider that a "lick"

So when she asked me today why I'm not getting money I'm sitting here thinking this: (these were my exact thoughts)

"You probably got $10 some crazy way at the beach and are gloating over it, and don't even have a regular minimum wage vanilla job. Meanwhile, though I'm not making SHIT at the moment, the things I do every day involve: 1.) looking for a vanilla job to put towards camming expenses 2.) working out/exercising so that I can have the looks as well as confidence to be a successful cam girl and 3.) doing cam research. So that way, when the time comes and I'm ready to start up again, I'll be extremely successful. Because I would rather PLAN for my future in order to get quality results, than hit tiny little licks all day and then spend it right away. "


Seriously considering blocking her number.



edit;; to add, just in case I come off as a person against tattoos, I'm not. I want a neck tattoo myself, a full leg, and half arm sleeve.. I only consider it trashy if you put it above your child. Especially when I went to her baby's meet and greet (it's a newborn) and I saw how well off her family was. Her gift cards, checks, money for her baby totaled over $400... whereas my family would have only been able to afford $25 to $50 if I was extremely lucky. I was like wow if it was me I would be extremely grateful and go on a shopping spree for stuff for my kid with some of the money, and save some of it for when she's older, like a toddler.

 

[AudriTwo]

Seriously considering blocking her number.

DO EEEET. Block every form of communication if you can. If she won't stop contacting you through your number, change it.



Oh, and I didn't take any offense to your tattoo comment. I just saw right through that excuse of hers.

 

[Gen]

There seems to be a lack of respect between you two, and you don't seem to like her much, so just end it. Just cut it off and be done of each other.

 

[alegendawaits]

I am slightly worried about you getting involved with camming. In camming, you have to be able to put firm boundaries in place. You will come across a lot of people trying to use you. Trying to take advantage of you. Trying to manipulate and guilt you into getting what they want. You need to be able to stand up for yourself. You need to be able to recognize when you are being taken advantage of, and you need to find the strength to put your foot down. You need to be able to put down clear boundaries, and enforce them - or you will burn out so fast.

Stop stealing from your family. Let her steal from hers and you be the better person. No friend would ask you to commit a crime just because they wanted new material goods. That is a felony or a misdemeanor, and what would have happened if your family had caught you? Bad karma all the way around.

Your money is your money. Friends are friends and don't give a fuck about what you make. I can't imagine borrowing money from any of my friends - let alone being so selfish as to expect a cut of their salary. That is all sorts of fucked up, and if you are frightened to cut ties with this girl, then tells me that your friendship is emotionally abusive.

If you are worried about revenge, then do NOT tell her about camming. In camming, you need to protect your privacy. Too many models have their personal information leaked, their names, their addresses, their family's info. And that is a scary situation. She could leak your information. If I were you, I would tell her that you had changed your mind on camming and had decided to open an Etsy craft business or something like that. And hope she doesn't find out.

She sounds like a pretty vile person - and you deserve to have friends who appreciate you for being you. I know it is hard to stand up to people you care about, but I think you care about her more than she cares about you. She is using you. And you deserve sooooo much better than that.

Camming isn't easy money. You have to work hard. You have to be determined. You have to stand up for yourself if you want to succeed, or you will be walked all over and burn out. You need to learn to value your own worth - especially if you want others to do the same. You need to be strong enough to put your needs first, and not allow toxic people to take advantage and drag you down.

Standing up to your friend is good practice for the kind of mindset you will need as a cam girl.

Good luck!

I MOST DEFINITELY, MOST DEFINITELY understand where you are coming from with this!!

let me say this, however:

I have about 3-9 months of camming experience (yes i know it's a huge gap lol, but quite honestly, i really don't remember. all i know is that i picked up a LOT of useful experience and information during that time period)

I now know what works for me and what doesn't.

The only reason I closed my accounts is because I'm not happy with my body. I know very well that if I would have continued I could have still made decent money. However, I'm just not comfortable broadcasting if I am not comfortable in my skin. So I am working on being healthy and fit, and then starting up again.

I feel as though being BOTH: CONVENTIONALLY attractive as well as CONFIDENT will be better business for me. This is my mindset, my plan, my ambition, and if you ask anybody I've ever known, whether I'm still on speaking terms with them or not, anybody will tell you that once I put my mind to something, it does happen.


So, I've gotten used to the crazy, tuff-talk men. The degrading. All of that. I've gotten used of the men who will try for free shows. I've grown a thicker skin.

I also have a 5-subject notebook that I write in. It is my "Things to do before I start camming" notebook.

I have written down tactics that I am going to use on all of these douchebags. I have pages full of "questions and answers"

And I have the mindset that WHATEVER IS IN THE NOTEBOOK IS SACRED. Meaning, I basically "oath" or "pledge" to my notebook that whatever client says, I give the written response. Of course I can change it up as needed, but obviously not if it pertains to somebody begging for something I do not deliver/do not deliver cheap.

I know what to expect. and I now know that the 'tuff talkers' can't bite me. They can only tuff talk or leave.

I've grown a thicker skin already and feel as though camming will help me grow an even thicker skin. I feel like it would teach me discipline, and it is truly something I want to make a career of.

 

[alegendawaits]

Went to block her and I thought I was going crazy

I'm not though http://www.downforeveryoneorjustme.com/facebook.com

 

[Admiralfoot]

My FB account is up and fine

 

[alegendawaits]

My FB account is up and fine

mine is too now. She's blocked on everything

 

[EllaGray]

You don't have to be conventionally pretty to cam. I'm not and I still succeed. But, I digress.

Honestly I don't think you've been 100% truthful about the nature of the relationship between you two. Sounds more like you got mixed up with the wrong someone and there's a very real chance that something could happen to you if you tried to let them go.

No one allots money to spend on their friends unless its a special occasion. That's absurd. She can get a job with a tattoo if she really wants to. There are so many makeup products. But I doubt that's what its about. This sounds like something entirely different and not super above board. Your entire behaviour pattern is strange and hers is even more so.

I really hope you did block her and that you can get away from whatever it is that put you there and move forward. In the meantime, just dabble in camming, trust me, guys aren't always looking for the perfect looking girl. Camming is cool for exactly that reason. Make some money, get on your feet again and you'll see how much easier it becomes to move forward with all the rest of your goals.

 

[AudriTwo]

trust me, guys aren't always looking for the perfect looking girl. Camming is cool for exactly that reason. Make some money, get on your feet again and you'll see how much easier it becomes to move forward with all the rest of your goals.

Yes! Remember there are guys who are not into the slim fit model. There are guys that prefer their girls filled out more There are guys that fetishize fitness who will be all supportive of your weight loss journey. You don't need to be a certain weight to have self-confidence! It's wonderful to have healthy goals, but camming can also up your self-confidence. I'm not a conventional knockout hot, but with the power of makeup and high confidence, you can transform yourself into a new person! Camming is sometimes more of a personality contest instead of a beauty one.

 

[alegendawaits]

Ugh... I just had to come here to rant this out, since you guys know the backstory:

So this girl gets mad bc I blocked her, calls me and texts me on 18 different numbers, COMES TO MY HOUSE just to start shit and calls the police bc I had some of her stuff, which I then had to give back, but the hell of it is she has my shit. Ugh, oh well... rest in peace Uggs.

I originally went out there to make some shit up and say that me and my family got into an argument and they took my phone, to see that the police was there.

SO I told Ol' officer dude "look.... in all honesty, I blocked her on everything and only came out here to make some shit up bc I didn't want her to know'

Dude says 'Welp, I'mma tell her, bc you obviously don't want her in your life no more'

So idk if he told her or what. But fuck it.

I was going to change my number, but I just got done applying to a vanilla job. Once they call and I update my info with them, my number is changing.

I really was thinking about giving her a whole other chance but keeping her in the acquaintance zone.... but NOPE, that shit was petty. Calling the police bc I had your shoes. So through.

 

[alegendawaits]

was going to edit but the edit button is MIA?

Anyways, the only reason I was trying to avoid straight up telling her that I was done with her, and just acting like we're cool is because I know she knows where I live and I don't want any drama at my house.

But that blew over.

As for the camming thing, I'm pretty set in my ways about it. I know you don't have to be conventionally pretty or skinny or whatever, but when I was doing it this way I felt gross. However, I've always known I've loved the idea. I have vision.
Must I add, nothing against people who do it this way, that's more power to you guys and I strongly admire the confidence. But people just find inner peace in different ways, it's what works for you booboo lol