A deep topic: family & friends' reactions to camming...

[pennybabyblue]

Hey guys,

This is a bit heavy/deep but I feel like you all can relate.

I'm a newish cam model and have been loving the freedom and joy I get from this job. There are downsides of course, (it IS work, fear someone will recognize me, moral issues, etc.) but for the most part I feel okay and even really good with it.

The few friends I've told up until this point have been supportive, but when I told a best friend from childhood about it recently, she was so upset and unsupportive that she cried. Her intentions were VERY noble (she loves me, I can do better, fear that someone will find out, hurting my family, hurting any future career I want, others judging me, etc.) but I was pretty shook up about it.

My fear is mostly family members finding out. If I keep this up, I will eventually want to tell them. Their reactions could go positively (supporting me) or not. Hard to say. Even a best friend is unsupportive, so it could be much worse with a family member. I also hate hiding things from those I love.

My question to you is how do you handle telling family and friends about your lifestyle? Have you told anyone/all of them? Who DO you tell? How do you handle being close with someone and not telling them? What have the reactions been? Do they affect how you feel about camming and if you continue/stop?

Knowing you guys can relate and I appreciate the stories!

Lovely day!

xo

 

[AudriTwo]

I haven't spoken to my parents and one brother in over a year since being publicly outed.

I can go more into it in models only.

But to you answer your question if it affects me. Yes. Tremendously. I chose to originally tell my good friends. They have been so supportive and understanding of my job. I always been sex positive and open. My family is big, complicated, close, and toxic. I slowly got outed and a few family members have been great. The most supportive loving member has been my nonna, for sure. She don't like it, but she respects me. I wish I could say the same for others, or thought I could.

Does it affect me working? No. Not anymore. I have reached a point in my life where I am tired of trying to make everyone happy. My life is for me and me only. I love my job. It's the best thing to ever happen to me.

Every new person in my life I am honest about my work. I have zero space in my life for people who have petty hang ups over whatever thing.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

I dont have time to write all id like. It took me 7 years to come out fully. Mixed bag... stigma is one of hardest parts of this job.

I want to reccomend a book, coming out like a porn star... its a series of essays and experiences on this topic from ppl working in the adult industry. It helped me process a lot of things

 

[BiancaBaker]

This is unfortunately going to happen they will find out, it's just when. I don't talk to ANY of my bio family (mainly due to this job).

I can go more into it in MO as well but not here in public. I don't give a fuck but I may be the minority. Nobody is paying my bills but me I'm a grown ass adult and my income is amazing. I'm so fucking happy and that's all that really matters.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

My Mom and sister have known from the start that I cam and have been 110% supportive for all these years. Other more conservative, judgey family members I don't bother telling because I'm not close to them anyway, I don't think they're entitled to that information about me just for merely being related and don't want my Mom dealing with their drama-that aspect would bother me. I can take the hits for whatever bullshit anyone can say about it but if it's directed to my loved ones and people try to weaponize my job to hurt them is where I get pissed. I've had one recent event where someone my fiance is close to called me terrible, slut-shamey names degrading me and trying to make him feel like shit for being in love with me. That part SUCKED and was probably the only time that really stands out for me after 6 years in the industry that pissed me off.

I don't think I could stay close to someone who I didn't feel comfortable telling but that's just me. My heart is in this job & it's a big part of who I am. I'm a private person and let so few people in my life as it is and like it that way. I'm happy and love sex work and will not make time or effort to be around people who will have a problem with it. Over time, you can kind of get a vibe of who would freak and who wouldn't. I don't plan on ever stopping on someone else's terms. Their issue with my job is their own problem not mine.

 

[Sillykitty]

I started camming in my mid 30s, after being out of work from illness for a few years. My husband and I weighed the pros and cons for almost an entire year before I started. I have told all of my close friends, and they have all been amazingly supportive. They trust me and my choices in life and know I wouldn't have chosen this path if I didnt think it would make me happy and bring good things to my life.

My family is extremely religious. My husband's is very uptight and judgemental. Neither side know what i do. I live far away from both sides, so they arent involved in our daily lives. I'm sure they will eventually find out. I worry about it, but I dont let it keep me up at night. I pay taxes and I'm not breaking the law. My marriage is secure, and I have been so happy and fulfilled since I started camming. Their reactions about it will say way more about them, than me. In my opinion, life is too short for me to worry about what other people think of me. I want to be able to contribute to having a roof over my head and food on my table. I want to be able to donate to charity and help my loved ones if they need it. I want to be able to live an authentic and present life, and camming has helped me achieve those things. That said, I'm still hoping to put a few years between now and them finding out.

 

[QuinnQuaintrelle]

I kept the job a secret for years and years, and I wish I could say "I should have been open about it sooner" but that just isn't true. I think my instinct to keep it secret was good. I wasn't the person I am today. I was still very slut-shamey as a person and I didn't respect myself or my job. If I had come out back then I would not have been able to convince my loved ones to respect what I couldn't respect for myself.

Now everyone knows besides a few of my boyfriend's relatives (who I plan to tell soon). I've been pretty aggressively sex positive and pro sex work for a few years now and I have very harsh boundaries for my loved ones. Being the person I am today and coming out to my family was almost.. idk the word.. maybe redundant? There was no room to criticize me because we've had these discussions before in a societal context and they know I will without hesitation create distance between myself and someone who degrades sex workers or women who like sex.

The way my loved ones view sex workers is bigger than me, but I am glad I am able to be a reference point for them.

 

[pennybabyblue]

I dont have time to write all id like. It took me 7 years to come out fully. Mixed bag... stigma is one of hardest parts of this job.

I want to reccomend a book, coming out like a porn star... its a series of essays and experiences on this topic from ppl working in the adult industry. It helped me process a lot of things

Wow I can't believe there's a book on this topic! Thanks! Thanks for sharing.

 

[pennybabyblue]

Thank you guys so much for sharing. This has helped a lot.

Also wondering if you're single, or were single, and start dating someone when do you tell them about camming?

Thanks

 

[EmiliaSong]

Thank you guys so much for sharing. This has helped a lot.

Also wondering if you're single, or were single, and start dating someone when do you tell them about camming?

Thanks

I tell people before I even meet them. That way I can weed out the ones who are uncomfortable with it and the ones who fetishize my job so I don't waste my time.

 

[QuinnQuaintrelle]

I tell people before I even meet them. That way I can weed out the ones who are uncomfortable with it and the ones who fetishize my job so I don't waste my time.

Same 100%

 

[pennybabyblue]

A

I tell people before I even meet them. That way I can weed out the ones who are uncomfortable with it and the ones who fetishize my job so I don't waste my time.

Ah you mean people you meet from online dating?
What about someone you met in person, are friends with, and its started to become "something"? Still, you'd tell right away?

 

[MASKEDDANDY]

Hey guys,

This is a bit heavy/deep but I feel like you all can relate.

I'm a newish cam model and have been loving the freedom and joy I get from this job. There are downsides of course, (it IS work, fear someone will recognize me, moral issues, etc.) but for the most part I feel okay and even really good with it.

The few friends I've told up until this point have been supportive, but when I told a best friend from childhood about it recently, she was so upset and unsupportive that she cried. Her intentions were VERY noble (she loves me, I can do better, fear that someone will find out, hurting my family, hurting any future career I want, others judging me, etc.) but I was pretty shook up about it.

My fear is mostly family members finding out. If I keep this up, I will eventually want to tell them. Their reactions could go positively (supporting me) or not. Hard to say. Even a best friend is unsupportive, so it could be much worse with a family member. I also hate hiding things from those I love.

My question to you is how do you handle telling family and friends about your lifestyle? Have you told anyone/all of them? Who DO you tell? How do you handle being close with someone and not telling them? What have the reactions been? Do they affect how you feel about camming and if you continue/stop?

Knowing you guys can relate and I appreciate the stories!

Lovely day!

xo

Hey so I can def relate and honestly, you’re an adult. You’re a big girl. And what comes with that is bills. Bills bills bills. I have a strict ass mom and a judgy family so I was scared so much I stuck to Chaturbate even though I made ten tokens every ten hours but I got to wear a mask. Once I was comfy I switched to MFC because I just don’t give a DAMN!! You have to be ok and content that if your family finds out you’ll be ok and can’t care. You’re your own person. If it makes you happy jumping around with your boobs out or riding a dildo with a hundred people watching you , then so be it.

If you want to tell them, sit them all down and express it makes you happy and you wanted to tell them before they found out and hope they respect your choice even though they may not personally like their daughter/sister/aunt/niece showing her tits. Who to tell? Make a list on who you care finding out. Do you care about Uncle Earl finding out? No? Don’t tell him. Your mom/dad? Yeahhhh. Personally I can give a rats ass if my father or his family find out. My mom is a different story. I can live with not telling my immediate family but if you can’t tell them ASAP. In person. Not thru text. If my mom found out I won’t stop. At all. Unless she does something extreme and like threats Suicide which she definitely won’t but like I’m just saying. Like I said I’m a big girl and mommy don’t pay my bills. I tried to answer everything I can that I can relate to. Good luck!!

 

[BiancaBaker]

A

Ah you mean people you meet from online dating?
What about someone you met in person, are friends with, and its started to become "something"? Still, you'd tell right away?

Yes, why would I not tell someone. If someone doesn't want to be my friend, etc because of my job why would I want to be friends with them. Thats pretty fucked up to not like me because of my job so if someone has an issue with it BYE BYE

 

[MASKEDDANDY]

Yes, why would I not tell someone. If someone doesn't want to be my friend, etc because of my job why would I want to be friends with them. Thats pretty fucked up to not like me because of my job so if someone has an issue with it BYE BYE

AMEN SISTER!!!

 

[pennybabyblue]

Yes, why would I not tell someone. If someone doesn't want to be my friend, etc because of my job why would I want to be friends with them. Thats pretty fucked up to not like me because of my job so if someone has an issue with it BYE BYE

I feel you.

I started this thread here:
https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/when-do-i-tell-someone-im-dating-i-cam.32889/

A lot of people handle it differently and have had horror stories.

Sucks

 

[BiancaBaker]

I feel you.

I started this thread here:
https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/when-do-i-tell-someone-im-dating-i-cam.32889/

A lot of people handle it differently and have had horror stories.

Sucks

I handle it one way - they can walk out my fucking door and never talk to me again. Nobody pays my bills but me so I really have 0 interest in anyone else's opinion. I don't date so I can't really put input on that thread because dating is even worse than family & friends lol.

 

[SpookybunzSM]

I don't talk to any of my biological family anymore, but I did tell my mom when I first started and she really didn't care.
And later outed me to everyone she knows (not why we don't talk).
I couldn't care less to hide it though. I've been working in the sex industry, in some capacity, since I was 18 and have always been open about it.
I also hate making up covers, so if someone asks I give them a vanilla description and if they're cool, I'll indulge them.
Its kinda cool because, by gauging people's reaction to it, I can figure out if I want to be around them or not.

I'm also a bit nomadic though, and change cities every few years. So usually when I meet someone I don't have any reason to lie, because I don't have any reputation to uphold.