"Client Hygiene 101"

[Poker_Babe]

So I came upon this this post on an escort website and laughed my ass off... Just thought I share it...

"Client Hygiene 101"

Steps to obtaining a clean backside:

Step 1. Enter shower with a bar of soap and a wash cloth. I know men do not use wash cloths, but it is critical to obtain a clean backside.

Step 2. Once in shower, rub your wet wash cloth and bar soap together until the wash cloth is nice and soapy.

Step 3. Place the soapy wash cloth in your right hand and use your left hand to spread your butt cheeks.

Step 4. Rub the soapy wash cloth in a vertical motion back and forth over your anus all the way down to your scrotum. Use the same motion you would use when sanding a block of wood or waxing your car.

Step 5. If your backside is extremely hairy OR you are overweight, repeat steps 2, 3, and 4.
If your backside is extremely hairy AND you are overweight, you will need to repeat steps 2, 3, and 4 three times.
Note: rinse wash cloth between washings.

Step 6. The freshness test. Take your index finger and rub it along your backside, pressing against your crack and anus. Now place your index finger against the tip of your nose and inhale through your nostrils. If you still smell ass, then repeat steps 2, 3, and 4. But this time you will need to squat to gain better access to the smelly area. If you weigh over 250 lbs. Or it has been ten years since your last knee bend, brace yourself by holding on to the soap dish. Remember safety first.

Congratulations, you now have a clean backside.
:happy-cheerleaderkid:

 

[JordanBlack]

:lol: PokerBabe your post made me giggle!

I would add another step: if you do have a hairy back, WAX IT please

 

[bawksy]

Can I ask why you were on an escort website?

 

[Poker_Babe]

Can I ask why you were on an escort website?

You sure can! :thumbleft:

 

[lordmagellan]

I know men do not use wash cloths

News to me.

 

[southsamurai]

on washcloths: nope, dont use em... i use those puffy exfoliating scrubbers instead

on back hair: i shall never ever wax my sweet gorilla back, thank you very much lol im a full grown male of the species, approaching silverback status. if i wax it away, i'd be just another pink hairless monkey lol

 

[Rose]

on washcloths: nope, dont use em... i use those puffy exfoliating scrubbers instead

on back hair: i shall never ever wax my sweet gorilla back, thank you very much lol im a full grown male of the species, approaching silverback status. if i wax it away, i'd be just another pink hairless monkey lol

BJ uses that axe double sided scrubby thingy. He says he recommends those for the hairier among us. :lol:

His solution for cleaning a hairy back, chest, crack, armpits, legs, etc is to use a bit of shampoo or one of those dual shampoo and body wash soaps. Apparently that makes the body hair less stinky and softer so ladies will be more apt to touch on him. Did not know that, but that would explain why he's probably never had b.o. since I've known him.

Upon asking my father, apparently he does the same thing. Hmm, either I only know men with good hygiene or they're keeping this a secret from all the stinky guys out there. Spread the word!

 

[JerryBoBerry]

I don't care about the repercussions I'm going to put this out there anyway.

Truth is there's a large percentage of the female population that suffers from this problem too. Women like to stick together and not admit to smelling like anything but blueberry cupcakes or some such nonsense; but we know they are out there. Yes, we do.

 

[Poker_Babe]

Oh nobody is saying that there aren't women who smell just a foul. OMG I remember back when I used to work at Carl's Jr. there was this homeless lady who used to come in and buy a salad bar every other day... I swear that poor woman smelled so bad that the stench lingered in the area that she was well after she left. And it was so bad, it literally made me want to vomit.
(I'm not making fun of her btw, this is tragic, I'm just stating a fact here, nothing more.)
But like I said in the OP, this was written by an escort, on an escort website. The comedy here is in the lady being able to show a little self deprecating humor in her job, instead of just bitchen' about all the fat lazy guys she fucks who don't know how to wash their ass crack.

 

[Rose]

I don't care about the repercussions I'm going to put this out there anyway.

Truth is there's a large percentage of the female population that suffers from this problem too. Women like to stick together and not admit to smelling like anything but blueberry cupcakes or some such nonsense; but we know they are out there. Yes, we do.

There are some smells that come from women that can bring grown men to tears, weeping like a baby. :?

I've met more women with hygiene problems than men, but either sex can make some funky odors. Fromundacheese is a nasty, nasty thing.....

 

[LilyMarie]

Fromundacheese

Why does this sound Australian to me...

Some days I'm so happy I don't know what all English words mean. I think today is such a day.

 

[Nordling]

Fromundacheese

Why does this sound Australian to me...

Some days I'm so happy I don't know what all English words mean. I think today is such a day.

I think it's slang for smegma that's been hanging around too long..

 

[bawksy]

Can I ask why you were on an escort website?

You sure can! :thumbleft:

Well played.

Okay, so, why were you on an escort website?

 

[AmeliaArcana]

Careful, or else daddy's going to turn on those parental controls so you can't look at big kid websites anymore!

 

[Poker_Babe]

Well played.

Okay, so, why were you on an escort website?

A few reasons,
I find the forum very entertaining, I freelance skype shows via the chat room, do graphic work for the ladies, and
I'm also a stripper...

 

[Rose]

Fromundacheese

Why does this sound Australian to me...

Some days I'm so happy I don't know what all English words mean. I think today is such a day.

I think it's slang for smegma that's been hanging around too long..

It doesn't mean that where I grew up. :? Fromundacheese is easy to figure out if you break up the words..... From unda (under) cheese; so cheese from underneath. *gags*

Fromundacheese is a combination of butt and genital funk that's been building up and mixing with sweat, dingleberries and body hair. My parents thought describing it in graphic detail would be an excellent way to teach their young children proper hygiene and it worked very well. They told us once you get fromundacheese you can never get rid of it. :shock: Part of me still believes that.

 

[Just Me]

Fromundacheese

Why does this sound Australian to me...

Some days I'm so happy I don't know what all English words mean. I think today is such a day.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Fromunda Cheese

 

[emptiedglass]

Couldn't help but think of this...

 

[AnaVictoriaXO]

I'm also a stripper...

How did I not know this! :shock:

Zomg, I loveeee it

 

[Anonymous]

BJ uses that axe double sided scrubby thingy.

*Sorry, it's so big*

 

[Nordling]

BJ uses that axe double sided scrubby thingy. He says he recommends those for the hairier among us. :lol:

*sorry, it's so big*

:lol: :lol:

 

[IsabellaSnow]

If men want to be clean it's much easier to be clean. For example: Cock washing. All you have to do is every time after you pee just stick it in the basin and give it a rinse. If I ever want to wash my pussy without having a shower... well, it's pretty much impossible to do it properly and results in a LOT of water over the floor.

I am certain there are some gross smelling women, but in this day and age I don't think I even know anyone who doesn't shave their pussy. Now if you're shaving your pussy you will be spending a fair amount of attention on that area, rubbing it with soap, shaving it etc. As many girls do things like anal, or have sex in doggy style then I don't know about everyone else, but I'm very paranoid about all hygiene whilst having sex so everything gets washed and scrubbed. Actually if I'm not completely clean I won't let anyone go near there.

Another thing that I think is easier for men to keep clean is for a girl being in the shower you can't really get water inside you, so I prefer taking baths.

One thing I'll say to all guys: Wash your pubes!!!! Loads of guys will wash their penis's and won't think about the pubes. Use shampoo/soap, make sure you wash it all out properly. Seriously, I love giving head, but it's not the easiest place to breath, pubes stink of piss, sweat etc. They're gross. Even if your cock is clean if you can smell that it's repulsive.

On this subject, for men who want blowjobs: be careful about what you eat. Healthy eaters= sweet nice tasting cum. Bad eaters= gross overly salty tasting cum. And obviously the hygiene thing. Oh and not insisting/pressuring someone to swallow your cum will probably make them a lot more happy about the idea of sucking cock. I have been with guys who've wanted me to give them head and their penis's are disgusting. Even just things like someone having showered in the morning and has been to work then the gym since, I'm sorry, but no fucking way!

I do think men sweat more than girls though, and their sweat often smells worse, although it may just be me. I'm naturally a relatively clean person, I don't sweat much and my hair takes a few weeks to get greasy.

 

[LilyMarie]

Fromundacheese

Why does this sound Australian to me...

Some days I'm so happy I don't know what all English words mean. I think today is such a day.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Fromunda Cheese

Like I said, I didn't actually want to know :lol:

 

[Mirra]

and my hair takes a few weeks to get greasy.

A little jealous about this. My hair is pretty bad by about the 20 hour mark.

Add in that I get some of the most frightening bed head you've ever seen and I wash mine every morning.

 

[Rose]

and my hair takes a few weeks to get greasy.

A little jealous about this. My hair is pretty bad by about the 20 hour mark.

Add in that I get some of the most frightening bed head you've ever seen and I wash mine every morning.

Same boat. Thank you Southern summers, hormones and genetics..... Come bed time every night I look like Frankenstein's bride or something. Mornings are worse. :shock:

@BrownFox I have an extra one of those axe thingies for myself that I use on my feet to keep them soft. :lol: My parents accidentally gave BJ two for Christmas one year so I stole one and he uses the other. Mine is blue and his is red.

 

[NoelleBright]

Another thing that I think is easier for men to keep clean is for a girl being in the shower you can't really get water inside you, so I prefer taking baths.

Ahhh water shouldn't get inside of you frequently if you can help it! Taking a bath isn't harmful, but purposely sloshing water into your cooter is risky business. Our vaginas are fancy as fuck and are self cleaning.
In actuality, getting water in there can cause MORE of a funk because you're throwing your PH level off.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

My parents accidentally gave BJ two for Christmas one year so I stole one and he uses the other.

It took me a second to remember who BJ is in your life. As I was reading this I stopped rather shocked at 'My parents accidentally gave blowjob...' :scratch: I had to restart the sentence. :laughing9:

 

[ErinEcstasy]

t 'My parents accidentally gave blowjob...' ::laughing9:

I love you ladies already!