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Escaping the friend zone

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Oct 26, 2017
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A lot of people talk about the infamous friend zone, complaining that they're just friends with a person they'd like to have as a girlfriend or boyfriend. I wanted to write my thoughts about it, especially because I do think a lot of those complaints are unfounded, since the people in question sometimes do nothing and still expect to get results.

I would be curious to hear your opinions on the matter.

https://aishadevereaux.org/post/94612/escaping-the-friend-zone
 
Interesting topic Aicha :) I would say whoever finds himself in the infamous "friend zone" should really just gtfo of there :)) how? I think it's enough to realise that you are in the zone, from that point on you should have enough self love and self esteem to make your way out :)
 
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First off, I don't like the phrase "just friends" like the only relationship worthwhile is a romantic one. All other relationships are just a lesser throwaway thing in comparison. If I consider you to be in my inner circle, a person I go out of my way to talk to and be around that's something I highly value. I consider this to be way more than JUST a friend and never has to lead to anything romantic. But if you must go down this road I personally feel like being in the friend zone is a good place to test the waters. I can think of at least one time where being in the friend zone helped me realize that we just weren't right for each other and saved us so much time and heartache. I can't help but feel like most of the guys crying about the friend zone are the same guys trying to convince everyone they are "nice guys". You know the "nice guys" that think they should get anything they want because they are "nice" And of course expecting things for your good behavior is anything but nice. So those are a few of my thoughts on this subject. I'm not really sure why I felt the need to share them, but here they are.
 
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I have been a friend to someone I might want to be with a few times. Usually they are unavailable, but where they have been available they have usually closed the door (like a brat type of personality) pretty early to any approach.
When you are in that position it is quite a difficult one to move from, so a little sympathy for the infatuated might be called for (unlike your link). From experience I can say that no direct approach works if you don't fit that other person. You may get your dream for a moment (a hot summer romance for example) but ultimately the other tends to take themselves from you.

As you get older you accept and even enjoy friend zone relationships far more. When you know yourself and others better it is easier to accept these friend zone interactions.
 
I am no relationship expert, but I am of the opinion that it takes more than kindness, respect and honesty to escape the friend zone.

  • Being too available, too easy
This is one way to quickly kill attraction. People want what they can't have and feel there is value to something that has to be worked for. If a guy is always on call, always answering texts in .05 seconds, there is no mystery there. The girl has no time to even wonder about him because he quickly tells her everything that is going on.

  • Confidence
In body language, attitude, actions and words. A guy doesn't need to shove all of his feelings onto a girl before she finally realizes he's interested. That part is pretty obvious from the get go. If he lacks confidence, then he'll stay around after he's friend zoned if he wants something more. To keep chasing someone without reciprocation makes a guy weak. But having the confidence to walk away and find someone who is interested or date other people may raise her eyebrow.

I don't think you need to even have any talks about feelings and stuff. Because if things happen naturally, then there wouldn't be this friend zone shit. So something got fucked up along the way.

  • A little gym time never killed anyone
  • Focus on yourself and your own ambitions, take the girl off the pedastal and be the best version of a man you can be (One with ambitions, goals, hobbies, interests, other shit than being so frustrated about this friend zone shit)

I feel attraction isn't really a choice, it can be there one minute and gone the next. And it's usually cause of some shit that the guy did to turn a girl off that it disappears too.
 
The first tip I'd give is not to expect a Romantic comedy scenario, hence hovering around the lady as much as you can will not put her under any spell. Like with most people, don't overdose your presence. We all need some air and personal space, even with people who are no longer in our friend zone :) Making things happen is cool, as in the gym, or our daily goals, however letting things happen has more art than science to it.
Why do I sound like a fortune cookie advise by a 50 year old yuppie drinking a Cosmopolitan all of a sudden?
 
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I have no issues being in the friend zone. There's times where it just won't work, and it's better to be friends than to not have them as one and not a part of your life. No need to be an ass about being there, or treating them like shit if they don't see you in the same way.
I have a lot of female friends, and consider myself lucky to have them as such. The only unfortunate part of it is that I don't always get a chance to visit with them as much as would like. But, this applies to hanging out with the guys, as well as seeing family.
 
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The Friends Zone is the first zone I go for. I can't date or go out with a girl unless I get to know her first really well and that takes me quite a bit of time to do. So, how does a man/woman get out of the friends zone and make the transition into the intimate zone? Well, I wouldn't know what a woman should do but the very first thing a man should do is tell her exactly how he feels about her. Explain to her all the things, qualties, that you like about her in depth and don't be stingy on the flattery, if you really love her then you should want to flatter her anyway. But Dont lie or exagerate. Also, leave the physical flattery for last. Also, do not do this over any kind of media. Face to face is always best, otherwise she will think that you are afraid of her and no girl likes a coward. Anyway, that's your first move and you put the ball in her court. Your next move will depend on how she responds. But if you don't immediately get the response you want dont be discouraged. Girls are more emotional then guys so she may need to think about it for awhile and make some adjustments to how she feels about you and that's a Good thing. And in the meantime you have to increase her opinion of you as a potential mate and there are many many ways to do that. That's step one in my opinion.
 
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