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Mar 19, 2021
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Exactly one week ago, I went onto my first sexcam site. It was LiveJasmin, and it was largely because it was a name I recognized as "oh that pops up every time I'm on pornhub. It seems established and legit."

In a matter of days, I blew $700 on private cam2cam sessions with lovely girls I could barely believe would talk with me.

I'm also overwhelmed with shame, guilt, confusion and sadness. And even though I got to have some excitement and explore my sexuality, I still don't know what to think.

I grew up hearing that porn was smut and wrong and not for viewing. (And I still love my mother dearly for imparting me with a wish to love and respect the women in my life.)

But, like a lot of young men, I started gravitating to photos of girls in skimpy costumes and by the time I was 17, I found full-blown porn. And I liked it. I just didn't quite like that I liked it.

I am now 29. And I've sort of accepted that watching porn is a part of a lot of people's lives, and that it can even be artistic (usually considered erotica) and healthy sometimes (couples watching it to get closer and have more fun in the bedroom.)

But, lately, with COVID-19 and lockdown being pretty intense in my country, I went looking for more. I haven't seen my friends in months. It's been over a year since I went on a date, and over 3 years since I had anything that even resembled a relationship. When I got on LiveJasmin, I was looking for sex... But really, I wanted connection. Connection, with sex involved. The isolation and loneliness got to me, and I thought "why not...?"

To be honest it was like a drug. The last 7 days, I found myself logging in every day, and going to a couple girls I was enamored with like 3 times each. I asked for sex toy play. I asked for mutual masturbation. I asked if I could show them my penis and if they could tell me if they liked it. And to my perverted delight they all said yes.

Some more info one me: I'm a virgin. And in the last week, 3 women have seen my penis on camera. Before now, I had not shared my body, visually or otherwise, with anyone. I've had girlfriends. One of them even long-term (2 years). But they were all very innocent (maybe overly innocent) chaste, relationships. By and large, I didn't even want to ask a woman for sex. I wanted them to ask me, so I could know they felt safe. But none of my girlfriends ever started that conversation.

Back to my last week with camgirls... I think showing them my penis and masturbating on camera in front of them has left me with the most shame. I feel like a piece of shit pervert who went around flashing girls. Since being friendly and agreeing to sexual encounters over camera is part of their job, I feel like I was forcing them to look at me. Now, I had enough sensitivity and awareness to direct message each model, ask what she was comfortable with in a private session, and to then ask for verbal permission before whipping it out. So on another level, I recognize that I had enough decency to do what I could to thoroughly confirm their consent.

My issue is that I have read several accounts from women who worked as camgirls, who now feel traumatized and used. And who hate the men that used them for their entertainment. I have always sworn I would be a man who never uses women. Who respects women. Who always sees them as whole and complete people with feelings and a soul, and values them for more than just their body.

But now I'm not sure I'm that man anymore.

Now the other difficult side of things. I started having emotions and feelings for a few of the camgirls I met. There was a sweet, soft-spoken 20 year old Russian. She was the cam model I started with, and sure enough, I started thinking of her as "my first." She was so young and sweet and vulnerable, and I couldn't actually bring myself to go to her for a cam2cam session again. After the first time we rubbed one out together, I'd simply drop into her chatroom, leave the best tip I could, tell her she deserved love and happiness. I found myself just looking at her photos and wondering what she was like in real life. Like she was my crush.

So those are all the troubling issues I've had with my camgirl experiences.

On the other hand, part of me thinks in some ways, these experiences with camgirls were possibly better and healthier than just watching regular porn. For one thing, I am very aware that a lot of videos on Pornhub were uploaded without the performers knowledge or consent, and that the performers won't see a dime for their work. The inability to always verify the age, or if the performers in a porn video were coerced or trafficed has also made me very suspect of tube sites. I make a point of only seeking out Girlsway or Brazzers videos, if for no other reason than they are known entities that I assume would steer away from abuse and illegal dealings if for no other reason than self interest.

On LiveJasmin, the age of every performer was there in black and white, along with what they were comfortable performing, and not to mention an expectation that there would besome conversation and a wayt o communicate with them and ask what they felt like doing. Not to mention the power to end the chat/performance any time if they didn't wish to continue, and essentially a zero percent chance of contracting STIs. All these details, in a way, made me feel better about my LiveJasmin subscription than I did about casually hopping on Pornhub every other day.

But, I found these cams far more intoxicaand enticing. I blew a lot of money, and worst
of all, the intimacy of these moments no longer made me a passive viewer but an active participant in feeding the adult industry. But maybe I was doing that all along by watching video after video on Pornhub.

Overall, I feel shame, guilt and confusion. I don't know what to think. I have now deleted my LiveJasmin account because, not only was I blowing a lot of money, but the ethics of being a part of a camgirls show have really started to weigh on me. I am trying to go off of these shows cold turkey, but at the same time... I was already looking at another model, on another cam site, and started fantasizing what a private show with her might be like...

OK. My venting and crying session is over. I guess I'm reaching out and posting on this forum in hopes some cam-models here, active and formerly active, could provide their thoughts.

What is ethical? What is it to treat a Cam-model with respect? Do you always feel used by your viewers? Was showing my penis to them abusive? Should I quit these sites completely? Should I get help? Are these live shows actually more ethical than regular porn? What do I do with my shame, guilt and confused feelings?

Also, I want to say I 100% do not judge or malign any woman who made camming their job or part-time job. It's labour and it's a way to make money. A Cam-girl deserves respect like any human being.

I guess I just need reassurance or some help thinking through my experiences and potential future experiences, and I wish to ensure that I never traumatize or use a cam model, or ever make her feel less than precious and human.

Help. What should I do with all these feelings?

Thank you for reading this incredibly long post.
 

EliMarie717

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Do you always feel used by your viewers?
Never, I have fun. Loaded question.
What do I do with my shame, guilt and confused feelings?
I would ask a therapist there. Seems like a lot to be laying on us, or asking of us. Those are your issues.

My perspective on this, is that a lot of this seems like way overthinking in your own mind. As far as I knew LJ is not one of the good sites at all, they have a reputation for overstepping the mark with their models and telling them what they can and cannot do.

Always ask for consent when showing your penis.

If a model finds penis's traumatizing, then why would they be a cam model in the first place? If a model finds sexual acts for money traumatizing, and not fun, then why would they be doing this in the first place?

Again you seem to be way overthinking, something which is supposed to be fun. I think you can likely answer the questions you have about what to do, going forward, yourself. I don't mean to be harsh, just seems a bit dramatic and all in your own head. As for the money, if you didn;t have it to spend, then that is something you should look at yourself. There are people out there who spend money they don't have, I guess they need to find a way to manage themselves. Most people don't do that, or at least learn not to do that.

It's nice to be respectful of women, but that also involves not overstepping the mark and thinking you know what all women need, want, or what is good for us. That's not your place to do.

You feel a certain way, and it sounds like you have used confirmation bias to seek out info, and anecdotes that support this negative point of view. That is sad for you.
 
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AmberCutie

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If a model finds penis's traumatizing, then why would they be a cam model in the first place?
I didn't survive the journal entry length OP, but did the model say she was traumatized by a penis?

Because I am a cam model, and I really hate seeing penis pics/etc but they aren't traumatizing. Maybe person in question was just mad that she had to see dick?
 

EliMarie717

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I didn't survive the journal entry length OP, but did the model say she was traumatized by a penis?

Because I am a cam model, and I really hate seeing penis pics/etc but they aren't traumatizing. Maybe person in question was just mad that she had to see dick?
I don't think anyone said they were traumatized by a penis. I think this guy just thinks that they were, because he feels guilty and conflicted about porn, and his own sexual feelings in general. So he's projecting it onto the models. That's my take. The use of the word traumatized is confusing me too. I think he might be traumatized by his own penis, maybe? 🤷‍♀️

ETA; Oh yeah, he read accounts of women who were cam models and hated it and now feel traumatized and used, and hate the men they had shows with. I think that's it. I get mad if strangers who aren't paying send me dick pics. Paying members show me their penis's all day, and sometimes send me pics via DM w prior permission. Doesn't bother me in the slightest, unless they aren't hard. Makes me wanna go eat bratwurst to be honest.
 
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KingMarti

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Now the other difficult side of things. I started having emotions and feelings for a few of the camgirls I met. There was a sweet, soft-spoken 20 year old Russian. She was the cam model I started with, and sure enough, I started thinking of her as "my first." She was so young and sweet and vulnerable, and I couldn't actually bring myself to go to her for a cam2cam session again. After the first time we rubbed one out together, I'd simply drop into her chatroom, leave the best tip I could, tell her she deserved love and happiness. I found myself just looking at her photos and wondering what she was like in real life. Like she was my crush.

You want to be careful with this, check this thread out to find out why.

 
Sep 11, 2020
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I will be honest with you :) Livejasmin is the whorst site, girls are forced to masturbate all the time during 8 hours of beeing on cam if the customers asking for ,. and moslty all this traumatized girls are from this site . I worked on lj before they create any other site and i try not even to remember, horible , had no other options that time. Second, this days we have other sites who are not forcing models to do what they dont like, so now girls can decided if they want pvts or not and manny girls who allow privates are ok even happy with .. About cam2cam and showing your dick, i usually ask guys to put camera on, i wanna see if my show is giving him fun and if he gonna cum in private or i can only guess what he is doing if he finished or not(without cam on :) ..also im bored watching myself masturbating in pvt i prefer to watch someone else :)) so if you still wanna go on cam sites ., pick sites with no rules where models do what ever they feel like when they feel like and noone force them to do what they dont like ..
 
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Camming was sought out as you seem to be missing intimacy and connection in real life. I would address that need as it is a pretty important one! I know that isn't especially easy in a pandemic however. The guilt you feel about doing something that seems to jar or be at odds with your personal values when it comes to women and your interactions with them is clearly causing a lot of pain and anguish. You need to forgive yourself as you are human; you craved a connection as well as to enjoy your sexuality. Nothing innately wrong with either of those. Those things do not mean you deserve to beat yourself up. But clearly your feelings are telling you that this is a problem for you. If you had cammed and only done it twice and spent say $50- $100 in total, had fun and thought 'that was fun. I might return to it in a few months if I feel like it', would you be so in conflict?

I am thinking that the fact you were able to spend so much, and get so attatched to one girl especially says that actually you are seeking a connection in the real world, but camming cannot fill that void. It can be a fun accompniament or indulgence, but if you find yourself spending too much and then feeling terrible regret, then I feel that you need to address why you were drawn to it in the first place. And remember you are human; you haven't committed a henious crime.

Yes I too have read accounts of ex cam girls who feel that looking back their experience on cam was traumatic. The industry was not right for them, and they left. They were right to do so, if they felt trauma or their experience was damaging for them. Everyone is different. Some women find sex work the best job they have ever had, due to the financial independence and safety of working from home that it affords them. It is not absolute. Not all cam girls hate seeing men's appendages nor feel traumatised. There are cam girls who absolute love what they do and cannot believe how lucky they are to work in this industry. I myself am ambivalent and sit on the fence about my own feelings about being a cam girl, but then I also did that in my previous, extremely vanilla career. On the whole I really enjoy camming. On the whole I also really enjoyed my other job. I also have and had days where I thought I was in the wrong job, in both industries. That's just how it is with any job. Though some might view working in this industry as shameful or degrading, I am not doing anything 'wrong', and I also don't think people who visit cam sites are bad either. Also, I am in a priviledged position being able to work my own hours and from the comfort of my own home; I am not being exploited by human traffickers nor am I working in a sweat shop in Bangladesh for a dollar a day. I am very lucky. I chose to do this and don't regret it. If I feel regret in future, I will remember I too am human and I made the best decision I could for me at that time. We all do, essentially.

Anyway OP, I think you need to accept you are human, stop punishing yourself because it doesn't help you at all. You have done enough of that already, so now forgive yourself. It's ok. You are not a terrible person. You did spend a lot of money very quickly, but then again, you didn't spend it on drugs. You didn't do anything illegal. Also, if this is how bad you feel after camming, perhaps you need to avoid it and instead save that money in future, and use it to speak to a therapist or plan something amazing to do once covid restrictions lift, such as travel, which will most definitely help you to meet people and form connections, because it sounds like you are missing those in your life. That $700 dollars tells you how valuable connecting with other humans is/was for you, clearly. I wish you all the best :)
 
Dec 27, 2020
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I have always sworn I would be a man who never uses women. Who respects women. Who always sees them as whole and complete people with feelings and a soul, and values them for more than just their body.

That sounds nice, but if you respect them you should also respect their decision to be a CAM model and to be OK with seeing your penis after you asked them for permission.

It's their job to set the boundaries, not yours. Normally they are very good in doing that, if not its their fault as hard as it is.

Claiming to be respectful and supportive is a male tendency to get attention from women. It doesn't work :)
 
I'm gonna revisit this thread later since I'm typing in a rush (I'm about to pick up an order of two dozen crabs), but real quick I wanted to say that I really don't like this idea (that so many people have) that just because a man loves porn/live adult entertainment, that he "doesn't respect women." I think it's about as silly as people saying that sex workers are in the industry because they "have no respect for themselves...have low self-esteem...have daddy issues." *Eye roll*


Look...when I got my first place of my own living in New York, I used to go to the adult video store and buy $100 worth of porn on VHS (Each VHS was about $20). Lol. This doesn't mean I had no respect for men or women. It just meant I was a single woman excited to get the fuck outta my parents' house...and I happened to be a person who loved watching other people fuck on cam. I thought that shit was hot. Hell, I remember when I was a teenager, when I'd be channel-surfing and I'd get to "the naughty channels" (The Spice Channel, etc.) I'd be mad af that we didn't have those channels, and that all I could see was a bunch of fuzzy lines bouncing up and down. :giggle:

OP, try not to beat yourself up. You sound like a good dude who has nothing to feel guilty about, but I agree it wouldn't hurt to talk to a therapist if you're feeling this way.
 
Mar 19, 2021
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I really want to thank everyone for posting their thoughts.

I would ask a therapist there. Seems like a lot to be laying on us, or asking of us. Those are your issues.

My perspective on this, is that a lot of this seems like way overthinking in your own mind.

In terms of my own guilt/shame, EliMarie you're correct. I'm responsible for my own feelings and how my own actions effect me. So if visiting Camsites messes with my own mental health then you're right, I should stop and make that choice for myself. And no you're right... I can't lay that choice at anyone else's feet. Let alone models who're just doing their job. My issues are my issues. No one else's.


did the model say she was traumatized by a penis?

Because I am a cam model, and I really hate seeing penis pics/etc but they aren't traumatizing. Maybe person in question was just mad that she had to see dick?

Sorry AmberCutie. To clarify: No, not one model said she was annoyed seeing my penis. Every model who saw my penis I either asked beforehand in a direct message if they'd be willing to look at it, or/and I asked them verbally during our private cam2cam if they'd be OK with it. Only after getting permission and getting a yes did I expose myself, and each model was sweet and said something along the lines of "oh it's nice" or "yes show it to me, show me your pleasure."

I'm just sort of rattling around in my own head, wondering if their consent was forced because LiveJasmin or the studio they might work in forces them to say yes to everything. (I don't have confirmation which models were more independent and which ones were part of a studio.) Again, I guess that means I'm sort of putting all my guilt and confusion onto the model instead of acknowledging her consent as genuine and owning my own feelings. So I should cut that out.

That sounds nice, but if you respect them you should also respect their decision to be a CAM model and to be OK with seeing your penis after you asked them for permission.

True. And, I did ask one model if she was comfortable with any anal play in her performance. She said no. And that was that I said ok and we didn't bring it up again. So, yes you're right I should put more stock in consent being consent and non-consent being non-consent and leaving it at that. What she says is what she says. Her rules.

I think he might be traumatized by his own penis, maybe?

Lol.

I will be honest with you :) Livejasmin is the whorst site, girls are forced to masturbate all the time during 8 hours of beeing on cam if the customers asking for ,. and moslty all this traumatized girls are from this site . I worked on lj before they create any other site and i try not even to remember, horible , had no other options that time.

This is actually what I'm most afraid of and most disgusted by. The possibility that I'm just one more horny bastard, logging on and asking for shit that they don't feel like doing, but are too constrained by a studio or the site to refuse. One model did say to me "I like what I do but LiveJasmin is greedy." So yes, I'm glad I gave up my LiveJasmin account, $700 was too much to give them. If anyone has any tips for ensuring the cam-models and sites I visit are dedicated to respect and devoid of coercion, and that most of the profit if not all of it goes to the models, I'd appreciate that. If I end up going to a cam-site again, I want it to be as pro-consent, pro-model and as anti-exploitation as possible. From what I've heard, I guess LiveJasmin isn't that.


Claiming to be respectful and supportive is a male tendency to get attention from women. It doesn't work

You're right, some of my blabbing sounds like a lot of white-knight/Fedora shit. Sorry, I need to stop prioritizing my identity and self-conception over another person's words and their own decisions. Sometimes, I'm just a conceited idiot.


Therapy OP. It will do you good.

Lol. Oh where to start.

Anyway OP, I think you need to accept you are human, stop punishing yourself because it doesn't help you at all. You have done enough of that already, so now forgive yourself. It's ok. You are not a terrible person. You did spend a lot of money very quickly, but then again, you didn't spend it on drugs. You didn't do anything illegal. Also, if this is how bad you feel after camming, perhaps you need to avoid it and instead save that money in future, and use it to speak to a therapist or plan something amazing to do once covid restrictions lift, such as travel, which will most definitely help you to meet people and form connections, because it sounds like you are missing those in your life. That $700 dollars tells you how valuable connecting with other humans is/was for you, clearly. I wish you all the best

AutumnPage, your response was so thorough and so compassionate, all I can say is thank you. :)
 
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I think the only traumatic experience here is how your upbringing completely tried to shut down anything to do with a healthy sex life and that sex should only be in the confines of the marriage bed blah blah blah. Causes you to feel immense guilt for being a human who has natural needs and wants. Therapy from someone not deep in religion would be good for you. I was raised in a deeeeeeeply religious family and fuck that. The hypocrisy and constant judgement was suffocating. I'm now agnostic.

Couldn't get through the entire post because well, holy long. Stay away from live Jasmin and cam studio models if you're worried about them. Independent models only answer to themselves and do want they want vs what the studio might push for. Don't fall for love scams. No one in the adult industry is traumatized by your dick especially if you asked prior. Humans are made to enjoy sex and it's not dirty or shameful if there's consenting adults involved.
 
You are very very kind, thank you. :)

(P.S. Why so many crabs?)

You’re welcome.

And because I love crabs. You know I live in Maryland, right? Lol. Us crab lovers don’t mess around! Hell, I probably would’ve gotten A BUSHEL of crabs if it’d been available.
 
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Diana_Devil

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I think the only traumatic experience here is how your upbringing completely tried to shut down anything to do with a healthy sex life and that sex should only be in the confines of the marriage bed blah blah blah. Causes you to feel immense guilt for being a human who has natural needs and wants. Therapy from someone not deep in religion would be good for you. I was raised in a deeeeeeeply religious family and fuck that. The hypocrisy and constant judgement was suffocating. I'm now agnostic.

Couldn't get through the entire post because well, holy long. Stay away from live Jasmin and cam studio models if you're worried about them. Independent models only answer to themselves and do want they want vs what the studio might push for. Don't fall for love scams. No one in the adult industry is traumatized by your dick especially if you asked prior. Humans are made to enjoy sex and it's not dirty or shameful if there's consenting adults involved.


This !

And

PS : just an example i never watch cocks , not because i am traumatized by cocks its because watching a cock do not trigger me sexually , instread i love to masturbate without knowing the actual person or seeing it , its somehow makes my imagination go wilder. and just for the record i have a husband and a few dildos and i totally love penetration , :)))) Everyone its diffrent

LIke many ladys told you here you went on the wrong site
 

EliMarie717

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I really want to thank everyone for posting their thoughts.



In terms of my own guilt/shame, EliMarie you're correct. I'm responsible for my own feelings and how my own actions effect me. So if visiting Camsites messes with my own mental health then you're right, I should stop and make that choice for myself. And no you're right... I can't lay that choice at anyone else's feet. Let alone models who're just doing their job. My issues are my issues. No one else's.




Sorry AmberCutie. To clarify: No, not one model said she was annoyed seeing my penis. Every model who saw my penis I either asked beforehand in a direct message if they'd be willing to look at it, or/and I asked them verbally during our private cam2cam if they'd be OK with it. Only after getting permission and getting a yes did I expose myself, and each model was sweet and said something along the lines of "oh it's nice" or "yes show it to me, show me your pleasure."

I'm just sort of rattling around in my own head, wondering if their consent was forced because LiveJasmin or the studio they might work in forces them to say yes to everything. (I don't have confirmation which models were more independent and which ones were part of a studio.) Again, I guess that means I'm sort of putting all my guilt and confusion onto the model instead of acknowledging her consent as genuine and owning my own feelings. So I should cut that out.



True. And, I did ask one model if she was comfortable with any anal play in her performance. She said no. And that was that I said ok and we didn't bring it up again. So, yes you're right I should put more stock in consent being consent and non-consent being non-consent and leaving it at that. What she says is what she says. Her rules.



Lol.



This is actually what I'm most afraid of and most disgusted by. The possibility that I'm just one more horny bastard, logging on and asking for shit that they don't feel like doing, but are too constrained by a studio or the site to refuse. One model did say to me "I like what I do but LiveJasmin is greedy." So yes, I'm glad I gave up my LiveJasmin account, $700 was too much to give them. If anyone has any tips for ensuring the cam-models and sites I visit are dedicated to respect and devoid of coercion, and that most of the profit if not all of it goes to the models, I'd appreciate that. If I end up going to a cam-site again, I want it to be as pro-consent, pro-model and as anti-exploitation as possible. From what I've heard, I guess LiveJasmin isn't that.




You're right, some of my blabbing sounds like a lot of white-knight/Fedora shit. Sorry, I need to stop prioritizing my identity and self-conception over another person's words and their own decisions. Sometimes, I'm just a conceited idiot.




Lol. Oh where to start.



AutumnPage, your response was so thorough and so compassionate, all I can say is thank you. :)
Yes, like everyone else added, there's nothing to feel guilty or bad about. Unless you spent money that you didn't have. In that case you just need to work on that, and would only feel guilty toward your own self. But I bet that money you spent made someone/ several, people really happy, so it's not a loss, hopefully you won't think of it as so.

Maybe you got a bit carried away on an adrenalin rush from all of the excitement of discovering this new world, and maybe now you are on a bit of a crash. It's OK.
I think that is a common thing that happens to all of us. First time I went to a strip club, I spent all my extra money and grocery money for the week. Looking back it still makes me smile, how happy those ladies and watching men were. However, I wasn't necessarily smiling when I had to eat PBJ for the next week. But it was only me I could blame. Shit happens. It's OK to have fun, and explore your sexuality. It's not like you did anything risky or dangerous.

If you really wanna blow a therapist's mind, tell them you are there to work on your relationship with your penis, and that you would like to use the Gestalt empty chair technique to do so. You will make their day :rofl: Kinda kidding, but maybe speaking to a sex therapist, if you feel that these issues of guilt and shame around sexuality plague you. They could help you to let go of those, so try not to worry. It doesn't sound to me like you did anything abnormal or weird, in fact it sounds to me like you made several people really happy. That's something to be proud of/ happy about too.

ETA; I think Autumn Page made a really good point about the intimacy part. It's normal to want to be close with people, and it's totally normal to be feeling lonely due to all these restrictions. Hopefully, it will be over soon. Just be careful not to subconsciously chose women who are going to feed into this thing you have about women being such delicate little flowers. I think that type of woman may not be good for you because it will only lead to feeding into this guilt and worry pattern more. I could see how a guy with those unconscious partially ingrained beliefs, could unwittingly end up with a partner w/ similar ingrained beliefs, who then shamed them and made them feel even worse. So you know, just be wary.
 
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AmberCutie

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AmberLand (Seattle, WA)
Twitter Username
@amberlynnegirl
MFC Username
AmberCutie
ManyVids URL
https://www.manyvids.com/Profile/1000458969/AmberCutie/
I'm just sort of rattling around in my own head, wondering if their consent was forced because LiveJasmin or the studio they might work in forces them to say yes to everything. (I don't have confirmation which models were more independent and which ones were part of a studio.) Again, I guess that means I'm sort of putting all my guilt and confusion onto the model instead of acknowledging her consent as genuine and owning my own feelings. So I should cut that out.
Try a different cam site so you know there isn't anything (well at least directly from the site) preventing a model from saying no to any requests. (Avoid studio models for this reason, too.)
 
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I really want to thank everyone for posting their thoughts.



In terms of my own guilt/shame, EliMarie you're correct. I'm responsible for my own feelings and how my own actions effect me. So if visiting Camsites messes with my own mental health then you're right, I should stop and make that choice for myself. And no you're right... I can't lay that choice at anyone else's feet. Let alone models who're just doing their job. My issues are my issues. No one else's.




Sorry AmberCutie. To clarify: No, not one model said she was annoyed seeing my penis. Every model who saw my penis I either asked beforehand in a direct message if they'd be willing to look at it, or/and I asked them verbally during our private cam2cam if they'd be OK with it. Only after getting permission and getting a yes did I expose myself, and each model was sweet and said something along the lines of "oh it's nice" or "yes show it to me, show me your pleasure."

I'm just sort of rattling around in my own head, wondering if their consent was forced because LiveJasmin or the studio they might work in forces them to say yes to everything. (I don't have confirmation which models were more independent and which ones were part of a studio.) Again, I guess that means I'm sort of putting all my guilt and confusion onto the model instead of acknowledging her consent as genuine and owning my own feelings. So I should cut that out.



True. And, I did ask one model if she was comfortable with any anal play in her performance. She said no. And that was that I said ok and we didn't bring it up again. So, yes you're right I should put more stock in consent being consent and non-consent being non-consent and leaving it at that. What she says is what she says. Her rules.



Lol.



This is actually what I'm most afraid of and most disgusted by. The possibility that I'm just one more horny bastard, logging on and asking for shit that they don't feel like doing, but are too constrained by a studio or the site to refuse. One model did say to me "I like what I do but LiveJasmin is greedy." So yes, I'm glad I gave up my LiveJasmin account, $700 was too much to give them. If anyone has any tips for ensuring the cam-models and sites I visit are dedicated to respect and devoid of coercion, and that most of the profit if not all of it goes to the models, I'd appreciate that. If I end up going to a cam-site again, I want it to be as pro-consent, pro-model and as anti-exploitation as possible. From what I've heard, I guess LiveJasmin isn't that.




You're right, some of my blabbing sounds like a lot of white-knight/Fedora shit. Sorry, I need to stop prioritizing my identity and self-conception over another person's words and their own decisions. Sometimes, I'm just a conceited idiot.




Lol. Oh where to start.



AutumnPage, your response was so thorough and so compassionate, all I can say is thank you. :)
You're so welcome, lovely. Hope you're feeling better after reading these responses :)
 
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