How to cope with GF being a Cam Girl?

[gfk2]

Hello, recently my girlfriend has started to cam on chaturbate for around a month and is also thinking about starting on another site, we have been dating over a year and I'm really struggling with this. She is doing this to help with the costs of University and have the flexibility to see me more than a normal part/full time job would allow her too, i am also in education and work evening shifts so travelling to stay at hers may be more difficult if she has to work a regular job. As we don't get to stay with one another that often as we are a few towns apart it can be quite hard seeing each other frequently.

I am really struggling to cope with this and it has quite severely affected me at points i.e. struggling to eat and sleep for 1-2 weeks and having anxiety whenever she is online (i never have anxiety issues normally). whats the best way to cope with this? i have tried being supportive towards her, helping her with ideas and other bits and bobs but some days it is so painful to know she is getting naked for other guys. What would anyone suggest?

Thank you guys in advance

 

[PearTV]

This is an article I like to share with people, it's called "How to date a sex worker." http://christianbvega.blogspot.com/2013/04/how-to-date-sex-worker.html?m=1

 

[Serenity_Tam]

Don't think of it as her getting naked for other guy. Think of it as her JOB. Sure her job i potentially being nakey but first and foremost you must remember it is a job. Would you be jealous if say she were a barista and she had a regular coffee patron who flirted at her? In the case of this job, she gets paid for that flirtation, and when that coffee patron makes her feel uncomfortable, or gets weird she has the power to kick that coffee patron out as a sex worker. As a barista she has to serve that asshat coffee everyday and grit her teeth through unwanted advances.

My GF snickers and says I am the pretty cupcake everyone looks at but she is the only one who gets to eat it. Because she's fucking weird. But it makes sense. Your girlfriend is like a delicious lovely human behind a piece of glass. A work of art? a cupcake? and everyone is paying to view her beauty or whatevs, but you are the only one who truly gets to know her and be with her.

This is a job. But like any thing in a couples life ... y'all should talk about it. Talk about your feelings. Listen to her and what she has to say ... and most importantly ... believe her. She is doing what is best for her and probably isn't doing this to be hard on you but is doing what is important to her to make her future better.


ETA: That article Pear posted is glorious. GLORIOUS.

 

[Picnic]

The article @PearTV shared has some amazing points! But something that OP said stood out to me as well:

. She is doing this to help with the costs of University and have the flexibility to see me more than a normal part/full time job would allow her too,

There are quite a lot to perks to sex work and you have highlighted one of them in your post.

Your partner is partially choosing to do this so that she has more time to spend with you. That is amazing! "Getting naked for other guys" or not, she obviously cares for you enough that one of her main priorities is to have more time together. How lucky you BOTH are that this job gives you that option. Never forget that!

 

[AmberCutie]

I am the pretty cupcake everyone looks at but she is the only one who gets to eat it.

This right here is fantastic.

 

[EllaGray]

Get on cam with her one time. See how the customers treat her and you. After that, you'll totally understand how it can be just a job and how she will totally still love and want you. Why? Because it is ROUGH out there. Camland is not a place full of Romeo's.

Relax, read that article that @PearTV linked. She is going to need you and need you to be supportive as well, believe me. But you really do need to at least familiarise yourself with how cam custies behave. You'll understand so much better after.

 

[BobbyB]

See the bright side :

If you are not with her you can watch her on the camsite doing sexy stuff for hours....

 

[AmberCutie]

What would anyone suggest?

Talk to her about your feelings. Preferably without making her feel guilty, but open enough to have her understand why you feel the way you do. Communication is HUGE in any relationship, and even more so in a relationship involving someone in the adult industry.

 

[gfk2]

See the bright side :

If you are not with her you can watch her on the camsite doing sexy stuff for hours....

Yeah i'd rather not but thanks?

Talk to her about your feelings. Preferably without making her feel guilty, but open enough to have her understand why you feel the way you do. Communication is HUGE in any relationship, and even more so in a relationship involving someone in the adult industry.

I have talked to a number of times and discussed things but now there isn't really much else she can/can't do, she has not done certain things such as c2c as i disagree with it but the general idea of it just doesn't sit well in my head. i want her to be happy but i feel awful when i ask for her to not do something or she doesn't do it because of me.

 

[Mila_]

Dating a camgirl is not for everyone. It is demanding, it requires a lot of strength, communication, and flexibility on both sides. The fact that you are in a long distance relationship doesn't help one bit. If the majority of your relationship takes place online or through the phone, then you feel much more insecure about her sharing the same kind of relationship with strangers. In your mind it can feel like you are on the same level as her viewers.

You need to talk to her. Supporting her is important but you also need to have some self respect. If this is bothering you so much, talk to her. Try to find out what is bothering you the most so you can start to look for a compromise.

for example... rate from 1 to 5 the following statements (1 being "doesnt bother me" and 5 being "keeps me up at night")

1) There are images of my girlfriend naked on the internet
2) My girlfriend flirts with strangers
3) My girlfriend does private shows where she fulfills someone else's sexual fantasies
4) Other men show my girlfriend their bodies
5) My girlfriend meets hundreds of men through her camroom every day
6) My girlfriend builds emotional bonds with her viewers

Some boyfriends don't like their girls to do private shows. They are not okay with them sharing intimacy with another man. Others are okay with private shows but are not okay with their girlfriends being naked, so they make her girlfriend take the non-nude route. Finding the sweet spot will take some trial and error, but if you are both committed to making it work it is a good way to handle it.

 

[EmiliaSong]

Get on cam with her one time. See how the customers treat her and you. After that, you'll totally understand how it can be just a job and how she will totally still love and want you.

I like the idea of getting involved, but you don't have to perform on cam with her, especially if it could compromise your own job. You could check out her chat room so you can see what happens. It'll help demystify her job. You could also look at other models' rooms together, or ask her to recommend some models that she admires so you can get a feel for it. There are plenty of couples who don't cam and share user accounts. Just be open and honest with her about it (don't go behind her back!). She'll certainly appreciate your effort.

 

[gfk2]

Thank you for all of your posts, most of them mention communication and i have talked to her almost every time i can, it just doest seem to help the bad feels always come back, she does a brilliant job of listening to me and i'm deeply appreciative of that but i just cant shake it.

 

[EspiKvlt]

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but: If you can't deal with it, you need to break-up. Either she's gonna quit and be resentful and angry at you, or you're going to be upset at her so long that the relationship is going to fall apart.

i feel awful when i ask for her to not do something or she doesn't do it because of me

i just cant shake it

These replies tell me you aren't happy with the replies you're getting and want us to tell you you should make her quit or something. I could be wrong, but it's the vibe I'm getting. That's why I'm saying: If you can't deal with it, you need to just end it.

 

[Guy]

I am really struggling to cope with this and it has quite severely affected me at points i.e. struggling to eat and sleep for 1-2 weeks and having anxiety whenever she is online (i never have anxiety issues normally)

I agree with @EspiKvlt. Sounds like you feel that she's cheating on you.

 

[Serenity_Tam]

but i just cant shake it

This sounds like you have some deeper trust issues. Whether you spend your life with this gal, or another ... jealousy issues will come up. Like dude friends gals have or whatevs. Perhaps you aren't built to date a sex worker, or perhaps you have deeper things preventing you from being able to trust your girlfriend.

 

[FluffyGalore]

Everyone has different kinds of relationships. And deals with things in different ways. In life me and my partner are 100% open with each other, I don't think I've ever been with anyone I trust fully like I do him. That is felt on both sides. He sees my camming as a job which it is. There were times at the beginning where he would be in the chat room keeping things going if it was quiet that way he was like part of my team. When I came off cam we would have a chat about what had happened who had said what etc. Just like you would when you get home from work.

You need to understand that she will chat and to a certain extent become "friends" with guys in her chat room. That means nothing she is with you not them. As for seeing endless dicks on cam, well from a female point of view you REALLY have nothing to worry about I can assure you of that. It seems, like other girls have said, that your issue is more about trust than anything else. Would you have issues with her having actual guy friends who she spends time with and is close to?

 

[gfk2]

Lost access to gfk so gfk2 it is now

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but: If you can't deal with it, you need to break-up. Either she's gonna quit and be resentful and angry at you, or you're going to be upset at her so long that the relationship is going to fall apart.

She has already said she doesn't mind stopping if it comes to it but i personally want to be okay with this as of the benefits i stated in my original post, and we are extremely happy together and definitely wont be breaking up due to this just trying to sort this out so we can both be happy with it.

Would you have issues with her having actual guy friends who she spends time with and is close to?

I have no trust issues with her regular guy friends admittedly there are a couple i dislike but that is due to them sending dick pics over facebook and just being general creeps which i think is reasonable to dislike them for. i trust her fully and i trust her with what she says she is doing on cam as she has kept me up to date on what is happening which helps.

 

[AmberCutie]

Lost access to gfk so gfk2 it is now

Off topic, but other than you forgetting your password for the first account then not being able to get into the email you used to retrieve said password, no reason you should have "lost access" to it. I merged the original account with this one.

 

[Ambers Troll]

I would try to think of what your gf does as a cam model as putting some of her fantasy life on display for those interested in paying to see it. It really is a game. There may be members who she even likes to play with more, but it wont affect her with you, it is a trade in fantasy worship, nothing more. Being away from you it is probably a good release, and she is most likely dreaming of what she wants to do with you anyway.

Think of your own fantasies, some you will have of your gf, but most are not. If you dream of another woman should her bf be concerned, after all the one you dream of wont be fantasizing about you? Even if she did, is there really much of you in that?
Don't stress about the members, many lonely and desperate for someone much like your gf, but it isn't her. Think of them as guys with great taste in women.

 

[Phoenix4987]

Camland is not a place full of Romeo's.

Omg all the feels! Haha, just kidding.

OP, I'd seek comfort and knowing that you're the guy who actually gets to spend time with her in the physical world. And also to understand that she's doing this to help pay for school (to better HER future) and to have more flexibility to be with YOU (to better YOUR relationship).

She's not doing this to replace you as a lover and you shouldn't feel that any customer can have the true intimacy that you and her share. Think about it. None of her customers will ever know the taste of her kiss, the softness of her skin, what perfume she loves to wear for you, what really turns her on. Over everything, they don't know the joy that simply being in the same place brings to you and her.

Words on a screen. A guy behind a webcam. Can someone really come close to the actual relationship you have established with her?

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Not to make light of OP's distress (it is a current thing, after all), but I have really been puzzling over this lately.

A model who quit a year ago is engaged to a basic who never tipped her. Camming was just a stepping stone for her. Yet after all this time, it is now suddenly bothering him; he's wanting to know what all she did in privates, any members she got close to, etc...

I remember in high school, my girlfriend was in a play, and in one scene she had to hug some guy. It ate me up for a good week or two.

 

[gfk2]

Off topic, but other than you forgetting your password for the first account then not being able to get into the email you used to
retrieve said password, no reason you should have "lost access" to it. I merged the original account with this one.

Thank you for that and only lost it as i used a disposable email.

OP, I'd seek comfort and knowing that you're the guy who actually gets to spend time with her in the physical world.

This is kind of one of the issues where i will probably only be able to stay with her for a weekend every month, our relationship is mostly over text and skype and as Kitsune said it can feel like i get the same as the guys that watch her sexual wise (obliviously they don't get to actually know her true personality ect) but it is quite difficult when i see her posting photos of herself on twitter when i get the same kind of stuff. i know that its a completely different meaning but at the end of the day she is still posting nudes and getting naked in the same kind of way that i get to enjoy, it might sound selfish but then surely i am allowed to be selfish over my girlfriends body. i have improved massively but that anxiety is there still. Its no where near as bad but i don't understand why people are recommending us to break up over what? a 'job'? its not like i started dating her knowing that this would happen, as i said i have been dating her for over a year and love her truly and wouldn't just ditch her for that. But thank you for all your comments i appreciate it

 

[AuroraKnight]

Thank you for that and only lost it as i used a disposable email.



This is kind of one of the issues where i will probably only be able to stay with her for a weekend every month, our relationship is mostly over text and skype and as Kitsune said it can feel like i get the same as the guys that watch her sexual wise (obliviously they don't get to actually know her true personality ect) but it is quite difficult when i see her posting photos of herself on twitter when i get the same kind of stuff. i know that its a completely different meaning but at the end of the day she is still posting nudes and getting naked in the same kind of way that i get to enjoy, it might sound selfish but then surely i am allowed to be selfish over my girlfriends body. i have improved massively but that anxiety is there still. Its no where near as bad but i don't understand why people are recommending us to break up over what? a 'job'? its not like i started dating her knowing that this would happen, as i said i have been dating her for over a year and love her truly and wouldn't just ditch her for that. But thank you for all your comments i appreciate it

The reason people are bringing up ending the relationship is because unresolved jealousy and anxiety over her job could lead to other issues. A lot of us have been there, guy says he's okay with camming, things are good for a while, then suddenly you're having a fight about something unrelated and all those feelings come up and turns something small into something huge. We don't want you to end the relationship, just realize that if you don't come to terms with your anxiety about it, that might be the only road you can take.

 

[EspiKvlt]

Yep, a lot of resentment from an ex of mine not only destroyed our relationship, but also caused other horrible things to end up happening as a result of his inability to cope. I'm not saying horrible things will happen between the two of you, but I am saying that I have been in those kinds of relationships and know what happens when jealousy and resentment build up over a long period of time. The end result is never pretty.

 

[gfk2]

The reason people are bringing up ending the relationship is because unresolved jealousy and anxiety over her job could lead to other issues. A lot of us have been there, guy says he's okay with camming,

I was never really was okay with it, she knew i wasn't really okay with it but she was like "right im doing it now idc" because i bought a macbook when she said not too and that kinda made her start it without me being okay with it. now she's saying she would have never have started it if she knew what would have happened with myself as i was being a shitty boyfriend beforehand. i just kind of feel stuck within limbo. but then should she really chose a job that she says she is doing for me over breaking up?

 

[FluffyGalore]

I was never really was okay with it, she knew i wasn't really okay with it but she was like "right im doing it now idc" because i bought a macbook when she said not too and that kinda made her start it without me being okay with it. now she's saying she would have never have started it if she knew what would have happened with myself as i was being a shitty boyfriend beforehand. i just kind of feel stuck within limbo. but then should she really chose a job that she says she is doing for me over breaking up?

She's not doing it for you, she's doing it for her. You getting extra time to spend with her is a perk that comes with the job. She obviously wants to cam regardless of what you feel being that she went ahead with it, and I assume she enjoys it and the money. At the end of the day you either deal with it and come to terms with her decision or you move on. If the jealousy hasn't ebbed and you still feel the same then you need to end it. If you tell her to stop she will hate you for it and you can't feel the way you are. Find someone who is closer and not a sex worker. This has taken a year and there is no change in your feelings so why stay. Your holding her and yourself back by digging your heels in.

 

[Mikey_P]

I'm the jealous type but camming would not make me the least bit jealous but I would worry about the long-term implications of camming on any future family that we might make...

 

[EspiKvlt]

Then you shouldn't date a sex worker?

 

[SexySteph]

I'm the jealous type but camming would not make me the least bit jealous but I would worry about the long-term implications of camming on any future family that we might make...

I'm not sure I understand the implications. A mother that is able to be there whenever, wherever because she doesn't work 40 hour weeks? Being able to afford to go on all their school field trips?

 

[Serenity_Tam]

surely i am allowed to be selfish over my girlfriends body

Can we replace the word selfish with control here? because that's what it sounds like.


Its one thing to want a monogamous relationship and not want either of you to engage in sex with others. It's another for you to dictate her job that she has expressed a want to do regardless. Then it becomes wanting to control her financial situation and her future. If that's the type of relationship y'all both agree on cool. But it sounds like she has expressed a desire to do this job and control her own future without your say. So it surely would make sense for folks to say break up because it sounds like y'all have different ideas of what a relationship is.