How to Create Rules Using Positive Language & Why You Should

[Miss_Lollipop]

Hi guys! I posted this writing over at the CamgirlToolkit blog (by the way if any cammodel has advice or perspective they'd be interesting in us featuring over there.. please dm me for more info.)

I'm reposting it here - hopefully you guys find it helpful. I'd love your feedback on whether this style of writing works for you or not and why.

So why do I need to be positive in a list of rules anyway?

A while back we posted this short tip to our Twitter feed @CamgirlToolkit and it generated some great discussion!

Some of the replies we got were a little confused about what exactly we meant so today’s writing is going to address this a little bit. We are not saying you should never express a negative thought or opinion.

We are speaking about a specific style of writing that focuses on creating the results that you want to get rather than avoiding the ones you don’t want.

I want to say before I start that there are exceptions to EVERY ‘rule’ in camming. If the advice here doesn’t fit your brand or image as a cammodel, that is OK!

OK, so now that that’s out of the way lets talk about language. If the very first thing a member encounters is you talking about all the things you don’t want them to do it’s not leaving a positive impression. Most members will have a neutral reaction or it might make them feel confused about what they should do, wonder if you’re really negative on cam or it could even make them defensive.

If I hand a glass of milk to you and say “NOW LOOK, DO NOT SPILL THIS OK?” your mind instantly is subconsciously picturing spilling the milk. I just put that picture there by talking about it. Instead I could choose to say “Hold this glass carefully with both hands, and keep the milk in the glass” and suddenly you have a very clear picture of what you’re supposed to be doing. This is a method they teach to people working with small children and as condescending as it may sound it works on grown ass adults too.

Sometimes I see profiles, websites or social media content that reads as nothing more than a very long list of “Don’t ever do this” rules. After reading a little members gloss over them and don’t take them in easily. Does this mean we can’t express clear boundaries as cammodels? Nope. Of course you need to be crystal clear about what is acceptable behavior and your expectations. And there may indeed be situations where you do need to say a big fat “NO WAY. STOP THAT” to something. But make it count. Balance your “Don’t do this” language with wording that says “Do this!”

I find concepts easier to grasp when I can see examples so I created two example profiles using the Profile Builder (shameless plug..) to illustrate what I mean. You should be able to click on the image to make it bigger and easier to read.

Both of these profiles express their rules and boundaries clearly but the first one is doing so in a way that will leave a positive impression and the second will leave a negative impression. Note that both of the rules list is essentially saying the exact same thing just different ways of saying it. The positive profile also placed some general “about me” information before hitting them with a list of expectations. Notice that the positive writing example also included one very clear “DON’T” and ask yourself if it was more impactful in the positive profile or the negative one? What kind of model do you think each girl is? Who would YOU want to spend your time & tokens with?

I hope that my thoughts on this were helpful for you! I would love to hear from you guys in the comments in dis here thread, or on twitter etc about your thoughts on this. Do you find it hard to write with affirmative language? Do you think it even matters? Does anyone even read profiles anyway (lol)? As always, the thoughts I expressed here are my personal opinions based on my time and experiences as a cam model. On some sites profile writing is much less important, but you may still need to express your rules or expectations in the chat room and this concept can apply there also.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

I agree 100% with Lolli. By the time I read "Don't ask myself for stuff before you read my profile", I had already click next model in my mind.

First, a read my profile direction, in your profile is completely unnecessary, cause they are already doing something a minority of MFC members do, READING YOUR PROFILE.. If you want to tell people to read your profile it should be in the room topic, or better part of Charlesbot script.

As Miss Lollipop advises really focus on positive language. So instead of telling people to read the profile, at the end of your profile, thank them for taking the time to read your profile, and then something like "if you are the type who reads directions I want you in my chat"

 

[Osmia]

I think this is a worthwhile effort, and there is certainly room for improvement in how some models present themselves in their profiles. I do have what I hope is constructive criticism.

There's a trend (maybe it could be called a fad) in dog/puppy training that seeks to accentuate the positive by reinforcing desired behavior and refraining as much as possible from punishing bad behavior. Still, it's the animal's nature (and human nature, especially with children) to probe and explore and test boundaries, and that includes things that are not on the "positive" list. In short, I think both are necessary. It's a matter of finding the right balance for the circumstances.

For example, if you hate being called "bb," it would be more straightforward to have a negative rule to that effect than to just list the names you do want to be called, and hope that members won't stray from the parameters you've set forth. Because they will stray, either because they're not thinking, or English is not their primary language, or because they're trolls or assholes. The trolls will be trolls, but the members who generally have good intentions, or who are at least not incorrigible assholes, would benefit from the explicit guidance.

I noticed that many of the negative rules in your list were expressed with unnecessary profanity or in a confrontational voice, to the point where they are caricatures of negativity that don't help advance the point you're making.

Finally, I think it depends on the model. Some models (or their on-air personas) are sweet and good natured. That's their thing, and they would probably lean heavily toward the positive. Others have more no-nonsense, badass personas, and it would suit their style to lean toward using negative rules.

 

[Lelo1]

In sales this is called positioning.

 

[Mikachu_MFC]

Thanks for this! As soon as I read the first few sentences, I realized that I could better my rules list. "Don't just sit and freeload" turned into "Please talk and tip! Freeloaders and creepers will be banned" for example.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

I think this is a worthwhile effort, and there is certainly room for improvement in how some models present themselves in their profiles. I do have what I hope is constructive criticism.

There's a trend (maybe it could be called a fad) in dog/puppy training that seeks to accentuate the positive by reinforcing desired behavior and refraining as much as possible from punishing bad behavior. Still, it's the animal's nature (and human nature, especially with children) to probe and explore and test boundaries, and that includes things that are not on the "positive" list. In short, I think both are necessary. It's a matter of finding the right balance for the circumstances.

For example, if you hate being called "bb," it would be more straightforward to have a negative rule to that effect than to just list the names you do want to be called, and hope that members won't stray from the parameters you've set forth. Because they will stray, either because they're not thinking, or English is not their primary language, or because they're trolls or assholes. The trolls will be trolls, but the members who generally have good intentions, or who are at least not incorrigible assholes, would benefit from the explicit guidance.

I noticed that many of the negative rules in your list were expressed with unnecessary profanity or in a confrontational voice, to the point where they are caricatures of negativity that don't help advance the point you're making.

Finally, I think it depends on the model. Some models (or their on-air personas) are sweet and good natured. That's their thing, and they would probably lean heavily toward the positive. Others have more no-nonsense, badass personas, and it would suit their style to lean toward using negative rules.

It's totally constructive and a fair point. There are times when it's more straitforward to explain clearly what you don't want than to say what you don't want. I did also point out that it wasn't a hard and fast rule, but yes.. i probably could have added (and will probably go edit the blog on the site) That if telling them what to do is confusing or long then it makes more sense to use the negative.

The negative example I was trying to present a caricatures/extreme example but maybe that decreased the clarity a bit. Hopefully it didn't and it was still clear enough.

Regarding the style comment - I did mention at the start that it DOES depend on the model - obviously a bitchy Domme might benefit from being that way. I hope that was clear, that this is not a one size fits all solution, simply a guideline.

Ty for this I appreciate the reply and thoughtful feedbacks

 

[EllaGray]

I love this and totally agree with it...I've found that it also helps encourage long time loyalty from people. I always say that if people can't tip/go private, they should at least try an contribute to the conversation...I've garnered a lot of spenders that way by eliminating the "if you don't tip go away" type of language from my room. Not everyone will be able to spend on a day, but if they see you as friendly and approachable and can get to know you, you might have a supporter for life.

That said, I don't think you should be afraid to lay down the law when necessary, as some people will perceive positive language as you being soft, so its also just good to have a balance I think. But overall I love this concept.

 

[Osmia]

It's totally constructive and a fair point. There are times when it's more straitforward to explain clearly what you don't want than to say what you don't want. I did also point out that it wasn't a hard and fast rule, but yes.. i probably could have added (and will probably go edit the blog on the site) That if telling them what to do is confusing or long then it makes more sense to use the negative.

The negative example I was trying to present a caricatures/extreme example but maybe that decreased the clarity a bit. Hopefully it didn't and it was still clear enough.

Regarding the style comment - I did mention at the start that it DOES depend on the model - obviously a bitchy Domme might benefit from being that way. I hope that was clear, that this is not a one size fits all solution, simply a guideline.

Ty for this I appreciate the reply and thoughtful feedbacks

One more thing--often, the only things people will read in an article like this are the lists/summaries/illustrations, so it's particularly important that they effectively make your point. Instead of having positive and negative lists, how about having Before and After lists? People intuitively know what that means and how to interpret it. In fact, I think people are instinctively drawn to "before/after" presentations, especially when the subject matter is themselves (appearance, behavior).

The Before list might have a few positive items, some "mild" negative items, and some excessively bitchy/aggressive negative items. In other words, it's a realistic list, but overall too negative in tone. The After list would contain the same items, point for point, except rewritten to be more positive or less bitchy if needed.

I think the necessary content is already there in your positive/negative lists. It just could benefit from a bit of re-framing so that the cam girls who read only the lists will still get the instructional point.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

That said, I don't think you should be afraid to lay down the law when necessary, as some people will perceive positive language as you being soft, so its also just good to have a balance I think. But overall I love this concept.

Absolutely. I mentioned in the article there would be times when you just have to lay it out there. And when you do, it will generally have more impact because it's something different than normal.

 

[MissBlaire]

I love this so much!
Being human, I make plenty of mistakes, but I do my best to remember that our brains do better with positive reinforcement.
I read somewhere that our minds only hear positives... so if we say "dont forget to do this" we are hearing "forget to to this" etc.
I try to do this with my dogs as well. When saying no, I try to keep it neutral, and then be happy and excited when praising behavior I do want. When dealing with trolls in my camroom, I do my best to do the same. Overall, my life is better by maintaining a more positive outlook, and my dogs behave way better, which is beneficial in a pack of 3 big bullies. And my room is relatively devoid of trolls for the most part, quite a few of those who originally came in being rude or aggressive have even converted to being fairly positive contributors and tippers.

Definitely recommend this way of communication! (Unless of course you have a reason why not to, and we all do I'm sure at some points, like the previously mentioned Domme thing or if you're feeling particularly sassy etc heheh). And it made me take a look at my profile, I could benefit from changing a few lines

 

[SierraSquirts]

Thanks for this hun, it's really helpful! We literally have to spell it out to these guys, huh?

 

[AllureLorrie]

Thank you for taking your time to make this thread It really does make a difference when you're nice to the guys I can't wait to make my profile now

 

[curvyredhead]

Loved this, thank you.

 

[bunny_lovexoxo]

it's true people respond to postitivity. I try to even talk to my guests wen they enter my room n have found some who repeativly come back to my room n while they dont become members will send me gifts off amazon or send me stuff through paypal which imo is even nicer then tipping me. When I get people who try to troll i'll start joking with them which typically makes them actually stop n be nice or go away although sometimes u really do have to ban them tho =( My biggest problem is figuring out how to deal with the beggers who can't seem to read my topic aka tip menue. Currently me or another one of my regulars will tell them to please read the topic. we send this to them 2 times but on the 3rd time if they are still begging I normally have to ban them which I rather not have to do =/

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

it's true people respond to postitivity. I try to even talk to my guests wen they enter my room n have found some who repeativly come back to my room n while they dont become members will send me gifts off amazon or send me stuff through paypal which imo is even nicer then tipping me. When I get people who try to troll i'll start joking with them which typically makes them actually stop n be nice or go away although sometimes u really do have to ban them tho =( My biggest problem is figuring out how to deal with the beggers who can't seem to read my topic aka tip menue. Currently me or another one of my regulars will tell them to please read the topic. we send this to them 2 times but on the 3rd time if they are still begging I normally have to ban them which I rather not have to do =/

Yeah beggers are a part of camming, no matter what you do.. there's always someone who can't behave nicely. Just try not to let it get to you. Tell them *once* what they need to do then if they dont listen ban away. You don't have to be 'nice' to people that are disrespectful.

One way that typically disarms beggers and makes them shut up or fuck off (or occasionally pony up) is to say, for example:

ImAFreeloadingAsshole: Show tits bb?
AmazingModel: You must be asking me how much to tip to see tits right? Boobie flashes are 50tks, thank you so much for asking!

You can add as much snark as you feel warranted LOL

 

[mutantdonut]

Great stuff

I think there's an art to communication that's oftentimes taken for granted, while people don't always realize how delivering a message in different styles of wordage, along with tone, can generate different reactions. And in many cases, message sent does not always align with message received.

May i make the suggestion to @AmberCutie that this thread could be pin-worthy?

 

[CamLee]

Love this! Thank you for the tips. I'm always wary of coming across as aggressive.

 

[Olivia Taylor]

I just wanted to say thank you so much for this post! I read it took it to heart, and then updated my own rules to be more positive. This was actually super beneficial because in general, I'm super upbeat and a "sweetheart" on cam. After reading this, I realized that the wording of my rules was not meshing well with the vibes I give off. After re-writing them, there's a much more cohesive element that I was previously missing.