I'm saving BDSM for marriage, but...

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Jan 1, 2019
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I decided (it was very hard for me to come to the conclusion, actually) that I want to experiment with and experience it on myself. I am still saving it for marriage, but I am now open to using gagballs and ties ON MYSELF, whilst masturbating, so long as I am by myself and no one is watching me, not even on video call with the guys I typically have phone sex with on my personal life, and absolutely not on cam either. Nobody gets to see it, just me enjoying myself while I masturbate for pleasure, for myself; not for money, not to make my fwbs happy, none of that. I decided that since I am a reflection, extension, and the other half of my future husband, that I should allow myself to enjoy that if that it what I want. My urge to do BDSM with my current very casual fwbs is rising increasingly every day, and I need to be a strong woman and submit to my future husband by not caving in once pressure hits. It's never been hard before, because I've never had an interest in kink, but now that I do, I do NOT want to be that bitch that caves in under pressure, brags about the weather until it gets hot, etc etc etc. That would be very shallow of me to do and I would rather get my desires out this way, since I feel like it will help me get in touch with my deeper self. I have a hard time being present and in the moment, I struggle with constantly living in the past and romanticizing my future, and never being mindful and grounded in the here and now. I feel this could possibly be a way to do a handful of good things- 1) Getting my urges out in a way that does not compromise my values, analogically in the way a person saving themselves for marriage would masturbate and 2) Force me to be present, and accept pleasure and that I deserve it. I feel this is going to be an AMAZING way to have a deeper, more emotionally, spiritually, and sensually intimate, compassionate and empathetic relationship with myself


I am posting this here to get it off of my chest- because I have decided. I won't start for a while, as buying this type of gear and these items are NOT at the top of the financial priority list. But when the time feels right, I already made a decision for that moment. That I will do it.

A disclaimer: My intent is not to offend anybody who holds different ways of living than me. If you believe you shouldn't have to save anything for marriage, that is you. I'm not telling anybody to live like me. I also know submission gets a bad rep these days, so I feel the need to add the disclaimer that I am not talking about extreme-crazy submission, and that of course abuse or anybody using these things against me in an emotionally abusive way is not okay. Some people believe in saving things for marriage, and that is okay. Some people believe that is ridiculous, and quite frankly I am not being directly affected by your life, and I even admire your strength in a way. I'm not telling anybody to or implying that anyone should live differently, change their beliefs, or be more like me. It simply was a sexy thing that was on my mind, and I decided it would be an interesting and fun topic to discuss in the sexy things forum :)

I'm also posting this for open-discussion, tips and tricks, the sky is the limit. Both the value-system part of it, as well as the sexy part of it; Though, I was hoping to hear more sexy things ;) I honestly don't know the first thing about kink or what these experiences are like,I don't know what a paddle to my ass feels like, what a gagball feels like around my neck (they kind of scare me haha, so I'm going to be SUPER adament about buying from reputable places. If I would have never found body-safe toy blogs, I would have never made this decision), and I haven't the first IDEA how tying works. I'm so klutzy and bird-for-brains sometimes that idek if I'll be able to manage even the most basic tying LOL. Is there a art or a trick to it? Haha.. is it actually easier than it looks??? LOL.
 

JigglesJane

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So, surely, at some point, you will at least discuss dondage with your future husband, right? Like it won't be sprung on him over the honeymoon right? Very curious about how you might bring this up, or meet a like minded mate.

I admire your desire to save this as a shared experience with your future husband. I also admire that you intend to enjoy it, for now, with just yourself. That's a very healthy and safe means to explore your kink! Some people just go hog wild and end up getting hurt.
 
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Jan 1, 2019
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So, surely, at some point, you will at least discuss dondage with your future husband, right? Like it won't be sprung on him over the honeymoon right? Very curious about how you might bring this up, or meet a like minded mate.

I admire your desire to save this as a shared experience with your future husband. I also admire that you intend to enjoy it, for now, with just yourself. That's a very healthy and safe means to explore your kink! Some people just go hog wild and end up getting hurt.
Haha yeah, I totally plan on mentioning it to him well in advance xD

Thank you for the support!
 
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Just_A_Guy

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Just cracking a joke here. Don't take me seriuosly. But, sorry, just couldn't help it. You don't need to save for it. Marriage is totally going to be a huge BDSM experience. Emphasis put on the sm part of it. At least that's what some of my married friends keep telling me.
That said, wish you all the best.
 
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Since you have zero experience and will be completely alone PLEASE do not tie yourself up. The most important part of BDSM is safety, please be safe and chill with the things you try without supervision.
 
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