Members wanting relationships

[GamingAngel]

Hey!

So, Ive been having a lot of experiences with members wanting to date. I dont believe it's a good idea for myself personally to get involved with with members... I feel like it could create tension in your chat, either between other members or with them not getting more of your attention. I also really cant tell if they are only doing it to get "free services"..

I have no idea how to approach this situation for a couple of reasons and am hoping that maybe someone can help me with this! I dont want to hurt anyones feelings or lose out on having good time - I dont want to be a turn off! lol

Also, Id like to know if it's a good or bad idea to state your relationship status... As of right now I am single and I think that is a lot of the reason members have asked to date, but lying Im in a relationship (or even if I get into a relationship) seems like something that would chase off tippers...

I enjoy getting to know everyone and talking to those that want to get to know me better, I figure this would be a big hang up that is to be expected lol Just a little advice/opinion of how others would handle the situation would be wonderful!

 

[Carmita Bonita]

It doesn't matter whether you're single, in a relationship or lying to be one. Guys will ask you on dates etc lol I know an openly married Camgirl who still deals with it. Just part of the job I guess. Don't be afraid to tell someone you're not here for dating. If it does upset them greatly, you're probably better off without that kind of emotionally draining, oblivious member anyway. Nearly all the guys who tipped me that I wasn't direct with from the start ended up disgruntled resulting in me banning them. Don't worry about whether or not it's a turn off. It's their own fault setting themselves up for rejection like that. This was recently mentioned in another thread. I say there's no harm in sweetly saying "aw thanks but I'm not here for that sorry!" And smile and leave it at that . That has worked for me most of the time and if anyone wants to be persistent and purposefully ruin the Camgirl member relationship id just ban them. Direct approach can be done nice and sweet.

Also I wanted to add some girls will lie about being single wanting more success when dealing with members and being more the girl next door attainable yet unattainable vibe and that is okay too. I had a lot of butt hurt members when I got a BF but they were clingy and annoying anyways and if they're going to let that get in the way of the fantasy of me okay. Also some girls have a "too good for you" bitchy vibe, some girls have a horny housewife vibe, most of the time I don't think relationship status can hinder or elevate success--Regardless of what you choose to share with members you will still get asked to date.

 

[Serenity_Tam]

There are a few very important phrases and actions to have in your camgirl bag. These are more important than knowing how to be sexy and knowing crazy sex positions, they are as follows:

"No."
"No, I do not do that"
And the action of banning.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

There are a few very important phrases and actions to have in your camgirl bag. These are more important than knowing how to be sexy and knowing crazy sex positions, they are as follows:

"No."
"No, I do not do that"
And the action of banning.

Also, "Why yes, I love Abba Dancing Queen!" Very important one.

 

[_Travis_]

Best clients of my girls in my studie think that they are her virtual girlfriend, i think that if you refuse them on every way the will leave you for another girl ready to say "yes" without have a real meeting with them, viewers deserves leaving her "long distance virtual relationship" lol

 

[CrazyCatLady]

Best clients of my girls in my studie think that they are her virtual girlfriend, i think that if you refuse them on every way the will leave you for another girl ready to say "yes" without have a real meeting with them, viewers deserves leaving her "long distance virtual relationship" lol

What??

Scum. Ugh.

 

[_Travis_]

What??

Scum. Ugh.

WTF? Scum?!
Ok. Maybe i don't wrote it on the appropriate way, sorry for my broken english.
My point is...if you have a good user who loves you, not just for your body, and he spends all his money and time in your room, saying how much he loves you, paying your bills... why is so bad please his fantasy? why is so bad if he's your "boyfriend" while he's on private with you? You don't need to engage with anyone, they are just looking for some nice girl to fill their lonely lives when they are online.
Just as @GamingAngel said, any of us want to hurt anyones feelings.

 

[CharlotteLace]

It's one thing to have a good connection with a regular, but leading people on and pretending like you'd meet them can lead to a lot of drama, resentment, and sometimes even dangerous issues. Not all of us want to take that risk. If a member is upset you won't meet him, and threatens to stop contributing to shows, let them go, direct them to a dating site. They're not looking for a cam show, they're looking for a relationship in the wrong place.

 

[_Travis_]

It's one thing to have a good connection with a regular, but leading people on and pretending like you'd meet them can lead to a lot of drama, resentment, and sometimes even dangerous issues. Not all of us want to take that risk. If a member is upset you won't meet him, and threatens to stop contributing to shows, let them go, direct them to a dating site. They're not looking for a cam show, they're looking for a relationship in the wrong place.

Exactly! You're absolutely right, if that connection will turn in something dangerous for you every girl should to avoid it.
Sorry for my wrong post, i'm still learning english lol

 

[CrazyCatLady]

WTF? Scum?!
Ok. Maybe i don't wrote it on the appropriate way, sorry for my broken english.
My point is...if you have a good user who loves you, not just for your body, and he spends all his money and time in your room, saying how much he loves you, paying your bills... why is so bad please his fantasy? why is so bad if he's your "boyfriend" while he's on private with you? You don't need to engage with anyone, they are just looking for some nice girl to fill their lonely lives when they are online.
Just as @GamingAngel said, any of us want to hurt anyones feelings.

Eh yeah. This response didn't make it any better.

Have a wonderful day.

 

[mynameisbob84]

WTF? Scum?!
Ok. Maybe i don't wrote it on the appropriate way, sorry for my broken english.
My point is...if you have a good user who loves you, not just for your body, and he spends all his money and time in your room, saying how much he loves you, paying your bills... why is so bad please his fantasy? why is so bad if he's your "boyfriend" while he's on private with you? You don't need to engage with anyone, they are just looking for some nice girl to fill their lonely lives when they are online.
Just as @GamingAngel said, any of us want to hurt anyones feelings.

It's one thing to offer a virtual experience that very clearly exists in the realms of fantasy, but it's another thing entirely to knowingly lead another human being on, preying on their naivety and manipulating them for financial gain, ultimately breaking their heart in the process. If a model does that, she's a shit person. If a studio manager encourages "his" models to do that, then yes, he's scum. Not saying this is what you do, but if it is, then yeah...

 

[JerryBoBerry]

Also, "Why yes, I love Abba Dancing Queen!" Very important one.

@AmberCutie Noooooo, why you do dees?






Oh wait. I forgot. You mostly like traditional Mexican music.


[GALLERY=media, 1710]Ambercutie Dancing Bear by JerryBoBerry posted May 3, 2016 at 3:07 PM[/GALLERY]

 

[Sevrin]

Exactly! You're absolutely right, if that connection will turn in something dangerous for you every girl should to avoid it.
Sorry for my wrong post, i'm still learning english lol

This stuff works differently for models who live far away from members. For example, if it's not very likely that a member who lives in the US will show up without an invitation at the door of a Russian or Romanian or Columbian model he is in "love" with. For an American model, it's a real possibility.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

This stuff works differently for models who live far away from members. For example, if it's not very likely that a member who lives in the US will show up without an invitation at the door of a Russian or Romanian or Columbian model he is in "love" with. For an American model, it's a real possibility.

Additionally why are we not talking about the very real damage a woman can do to a man? Like...guys commit suicide over shit like this. It's disgusting.

 

[MFCuser]

Additionally why are we not talking about the very real damage a woman can do to a man? Like...guys commit suicide over shit like this. It's disgusting.

I have logs of several months of texts between a member and a former pretty consistent top 20 model (they were given to me, i didnt do anything illegal) showing this guy was convinced the model was going to marry him. At the same time this model had at least 3 other members thinking the same thing. She was also advertising on a sugar baby site....

Dont even dabble with making members think you will get into an actual offline relationship with them, too much can go wrong.

 

[GamingAngel]

Well, I wont quote you all lol

I really appreciate the feedback here!
I have no intentions of leading any man on, just the same as I dont want to hurt their feelings by saying no in the wrong way.. Just as it was said, many members are lonely guys that may do harm to themselves over rejection or being lied to. I find it to be a very sensitive matter - which is why I asked the question.

I definitely have no idea why it seems many men are on the site looking for a relationship.. Im sure it will just take some time to figure out the best way to approach the situation based on each interaction and I can use what has been said here to mold my own "best response".

 

[Gary_Indeed]

I think being upfront and consistent is the best way. Saves you and the member time, effort, and emotions. Sometimes people do not (or want to understand) when you are being nice by politely saying no. If the member does not understand that there is not an interest, Tam is right in "no" means "no".

Lies and inconsistent messages can only blow up later into bigger situations.

I have been on the receiving end of a cam girl who played me for the long game. She asked me early on if I was married. When I told her no, she said she was not married either and could not have an emotional relationship while she was camming. Over time (1.5 years and daily visits) we built up a good friendship. We would chat offline and text a few times a day. She would tell me that she "truly loved me", called me her boyfriend once, "come sleep with me" and some more things. Which I believed and have to admit that I developed some deep feelings for her. When I pushed about dating, she would back off and change topics. Even after the time she said "I think we would have a wonderful night together." My thinking was that we had reached the emotional boundary she did not want to cross.

I recently found out that she is married (for 3 years before we met). I was angry at her because of the lies and manipulation. I also realized that I had not been truthful with myself about this and only saw what I wanted to see. So my anger was also directed at myself.

The long and short of my opinion and why I think this way, is to always be truthful. Not only to the other person, but more importantly to yourself.

 

[Mila_]

There was a similar thread a while back but I will repeat what I said then:

To some girls it does make a difference to say you are in a relationship (whether or not you truly are in one) simply because you ruin the romantic fantasy for your members. I have found the best approach is to simply deflect the question and avoid answering it.

At the same time you do have to tell them in straight and simple terms that you do not want to meet anyone from the site and you would never date them. They will find reasons to uphold their fantasy even after hearing you say "no" ten or fifteen times. This way you allow them to fantasize without leading them on.

If you tell them you are dating or you talk about your relationship you are putting mental images of you with another man in their heads and they know they can't compete with someone you know in real life.

 

[LiaAir]

Here is my 2 cents, members just keep asking about this it seems to be deeply within their minds / fantasies. Agree with the "tell no way", still some do not want to hear it, even telling I am in a relationship wont help sometimes.

This discussion is a good reminder to be more strict about it I guess (I need that from time to time ). Problem is that u develop connection to regulars and it might be in human nature that they imagine more ...? Also googling cam name shows ads on pages implicating to meet escorts, girls etc. Some might be lured in by false expectations, so beeing clear is even more important. Thanks for raising that topic (again) I will twist it around in my head for myself a little longer.

 

[FluffyGalore]

Well, I wont quote you all lol

I really appreciate the feedback here!
I have no intentions of leading any man on, just the same as I dont want to hurt their feelings by saying no in the wrong way.. Just as it was said, many members are lonely guys that may do harm to themselves over rejection or being lied to. I find it to be a very sensitive matter - which is why I asked the question.

I definitely have no idea why it seems many men are on the site looking for a relationship.. Im sure it will just take some time to figure out the best way to approach the situation based on each interaction and I can use what has been said here to mold my own "best response".

Your best response if you don't want to cause any hurt is "aww thanks babe that's really sweet but I don't do meets". Short sweet to the point. If they continue then you need to get your bitch side out and shut them down in a way they will never ask again. Sad I know but sometimes it's needed. You will learn very quickly how to deal with guys like this.

Edit to say: some guys will keep asking regardless what you say to them. Just ignore or deflect it when they start. As long as your up front initially.

 

[Ellen Belle]

I think some guys get a kick out making themselves 'different' I have this one guy I talk to, he has only ever tipped me once (happened after the below conversation, lol) - to be fair when my room is dead he comes and chats to me and doesn't be creepy or anything. BUT he does go on about how 'I'm different' and he 'feels different' when he is chatting to me ETC and I think thats what he gets his kicks from. He did try and pull somewhat of a fast one.... in the sense that I didn't make a countdown for a cumshow (coincidentally if would have been my first one on cam) so of course I didn't do 'anything' just went offline and he did try and ask if I would go onto skype because 'he was horny and so was i'. Which isn't really something any cam girl would just do I don't think no matter how regular the person was or horny they might be. so it shows that somewhere in his mind a line had been crossed between him being a customer and him being something 'different'..... However I have learned to be firmer because of him so meh xD All experience I guess!

Since then he has tipped for me a skype so you know... I guess he crossed back over into being a customer again ^^,

 

[mutantdonut]

At the same time you do have to tell them in straight and simple terms that you do not want to meet anyone from the site and you would never date them.

There's always going to be those guys who are gonna try to break through that wall because they think they can be that special exception.

 

[Lila Brooks]

There's always going to be those guys who are gonna try to break through that wall because they think they can be that special exception.

This is why I have "DO NOT ASK TO MEET UP WITH ME" listed more than once on my profile. If someone asks, I say, "No, read my profile. If you ask again, I'll ban you." The kind of people who don't respect my boundaries enough to press the issue aren't the kind of people I want in my room anyway. That lack of respect translates to tons of other unhealthy behavior.

 

[Guy]

I wonder if there are guys who join camsites because they have had numerous failed relationships.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

There definitely are. Certainly some find it easier to fulfill their desires for connection, intimacy, and or/sexy times by interacting with cam performers than trying to get those needs met in the real world.

 

[Guy]

There definitely are. Certainly some find it easier to fulfill their desires for connection, intimacy, and or/sexy times by interacting with cam performers than trying to get those needs met in the real world.

That's really sad.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

That's really sad.

I don't think it's sad. I mean maybe some guys are bummed about it, but I think it's something a lot of guys do between relationships, or if they don't have time for relationships. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[papichulo80]

Please just be fair and up front. If you do those two things you wont have problems. I'm at the point now where if I do go at all I only go to rooms where the "room" is fun. Where the host is interactive and has good games, fun mods, and attracts a good crowd. I'm not interested in talking to any model in a personal way. I really don't even like p.m.'s anymore. I'll drop a fair amount of tokens in the room but I will not do privates at all.
This is as a result of being worked over once and having every single other conversation with a model start going down the same road. So identically that I wonder if there is a script. I didn't pursue my first debacle but a was absolutely complicit once it got going.
I work odd hours but do well so imagine I would have been a "good regular" lol. But now I'm kind of turned off and suspicious. I'm probably not alone. I think there is probably a bad cycle of experienced members screwing good hearted models who then become experienced at screwing new members lol.
On the "it's sad" comment. Hiding in a chat room after a break up is a lot safer than a lot of the stupid things people do to recover from heartbreak. But it does make you vulnerable to manipulation if you run across the wrong person in either case.

 

[Ambers Troll]

As a general rule relationships between model and member should be avoided, there is usually just too much fantasy in the way to get to something more real. There can be some good friendships, but that next step beyond some casual meet up is a massive one.

My advice to the OP, the dating offers are only half serious and most likely don't include seeing much of the real you. Offers such as this is where you need to protect the member from themselves and label it a 'sweet fantasy' on their part: or on your part if you are tempted to say yes.
You can also slow down how you get to know your members by keeping interactions more public. Models can rely on long term members for company and artificially build relationships with members that can ultimately become confused.
You can also learn to be okay with letting members drift to other models, and not to act possessive of their time and attention. As a member I have found this is the best way to protect myself from letting fantasy rule my heart; to find a few models I really like, rather than just one I will ultimately obsess over.