Moral dilemma?

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CurvyJ

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I have someone following my husband and I who has spent tokens on us and I am fairly certain they aren't really in a position to be spending tokens/money on us...and it's tearing at my heartstrings

We are here to make money for our family... but I don't like the idea of someone causing themselves financial distress to get their rocks off...

My husbandson thoughts are they are an adult and they make their own choices...

Anyone else been through this? I'm considering taking the person aside aND asking that they stay and enjoy our company but save their money for something else...

And or... if they aren't spending money on us... they will probably spend it else where?
 
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I have someone following my husband and I who has spent tokens on us and I am fairly certain they aren't really in a position to be spending tokens/money on us...and it's tearing at my heartstrings

We are here to make money for our family... but I don't like the idea of someone causing themselves financial distress to get their rocks off...

My husbandson thoughts are they are an adult and they make their own choices...

Anyone else been through this? I'm considering taking the person aside aND asking that they stay and enjoy our company but save their money for something else...

And or... if they aren't spending money on us... they will probably spend it else where?

I'd be similar to you but I understand your husbands view point too.
Spending tokens can be like an addiction similar to gambling (it really can, i know - I have a very addictive personality).
So I think what you should possibly try do is talk to and get to know the persons lifestyle a little more, what their work is, etc etc. And then decide from that. Maybe even directly ask the guy.


Edit:
I think a lot of people will think similarly to your husband, but you do also need to decide on your own consciousness. Will it really bother you and by how much? Or will you be able to just shrug it off as "oh well, his fault, not mine"
 

ElaySmith

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There is a whole thread floating around here somewhere about this but I cant seem to find it right now to link you to it. If I remember correctly though, I think the general consensus was that these are adults and its not our responsibility to control their spending habits.
 
Lots of members like to talk about their financial issues for varying reasons, none of which should be our responsibility to concern ourselves with, many of which are simply manipulation tactics. Yes, I agree that you should do whatever you will feel good about. But I think it's worth noting that, even if you don't take their money, there will certainly be someone to happily accept it. Might as well be you.
 

heybarkeep

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Very interesting thread. I would agree with the majority that the responsibility is ultimately on the user. A lack of willpower and self discipline would most likely be the root cause. People are so commonly looking for a scapegoat for all their problems. A strip club isn't to blame for a failing marriage. Nor are Budweiser or cartels or McDonald's or video games responsible for the actions of the users. I remember video games and musicians being blamed all the time instead of the parents in so many cases. Was frustrating to see.
 

DFT

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As a Scottish ancestor said - stick to your knitting.

Works as well for avoiding being a nosy neighbor or trying to take on the burdens and the faults others have. You do you, do what you do well to the finest. If you want to volunteer to help people on your off time, great. But your job isn't doing volunteer work.
 
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Mintx

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People talk about money issues a lot when it comes to buying things from camgirls. It's really odd, but at the end of the day, they're adults and might even be lying to try to get free shit. It isn't your responsibility to give a fuck imo. If it makes you feel bad, block them and take the loss of income and a regular.
 

CharlieCharma

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He's an adult who can make his own decisions on how he spends his money. That said, if it makes you feel guilty or if he is making you feel guilty by bringing up his financial troubles often, block him. It's not worth making you feel like shit.
 

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I'd be similar to you but I understand your husbands view point too.
Spending tokens can be like an addiction similar to gambling (it really can, i know - I have a very addictive personality).
So I think what you should possibly try do is talk to and get to know the persons lifestyle a little more, what their work is, etc etc. And then decide from that. Maybe even directly ask the guy.


Edit:
I think a lot of people will think similarly to your husband, but you do also need to decide on your own consciousness. Will it really bother you and by how much? Or will you be able to just shrug it off as "oh well, his fault, not mine"
Its interesting you brought up the
He's an adult who can make his own decisions on how he spends his money. That said, if it makes you feel guilty or if he is making you feel guilty by bringing up his financial troubles often, block him. It's not worth making you feel like shit.
Thank you! He hasn't mentioned a thing, sometimes we stop in to other members streans by request and I noticed a few things and put 2 and 2 together, as we are just getting a few regulars no one has particularly been too open about finances
 

paige_orion

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If I didn't have a lot of money, and I was saving it to spend on someone who brought me joy, I think it would make me feel good. I enjoy spending money on other people more than I enjoy spending it on myself. That is one thing that always makes me very happy, even when money is tight. So if I saved up and got someone a gift, and then they sat me down and told me they are concerned about my spending habits and making assumptions about my money... I honestly might be a bit offended or hurt, y'know?

Even when people don't have a lot of money, it's still okay for them to splurge on treats every once in a while. Some people like buying a cup of fancy coffee. Others might go out to eat. Others, grab a movie. This person might save up to be splurging on something that brings him happiness, and it probably makes him feel good to do it. I can totally empathize with someone finding more joy in spreading love and support through money, than using that money to buy himself occasional treats. Perhaps that is what he is doing - and having his gift rejected probably would feel like a bummer.

You said that this person has never mentioned money issues before, and that's where the problem lies, in my opinion. Unless this person has explicitly spoken to you about their money issues, it might be construed as rude to tell them how they should spend their money. Unless they have made their finances your business... Then confronting them and asking them not to spend money kind of crosses the line between what is your business and what is their business. They are a grown adult. They aren't a child who cannot be trusted to make responsible financial decisions. They aren't a submissive who has asked to give up control of their finances. Their decisions are their decisions, and it is their responsibility and their choice on what to spend it on.

If they are spending LOADS of money and it clearly makes you uncomfortable, then you should block them. Anyone who makes you uncomfortable isn't worth keeping around. That's a good rule of thumb to follow for any camming circumstance. Or, if this person flat out tells you that money is super tight, or explains in detail about their finances. Then, they are making it your business, y'know? Which kinda gives you permission to voice any concerns you might have. But, I personally would feel pretty miffed if someone made assumptions about my finances and told me that I wasn't spending my money wisely, when I was just spending money on things that brought me happiness. That would feel a bit patronizing to me, y'know? Because that means they thought they knew better than me about my own money and how I should spend it.

Obviously, you have a sweet heart, and you aren't meaning it as patronizing at all. You are coming from a kind and loving place, and want the best for your members, and that is admirable. And you might be right that money is tight for them. But it still might bring them joy to share a little of what they have in support of the people who bring them happiness. Adults are capable of making their own decisions. You aren't responsible for what other people spend their money on. You are responsible for your finances, your career, your business, and taking care of yourself and your family. You can't make yourself responsible for every member who comes into your life, cuz that can lead to emotional burn out faaaast.

Edit to add: This is just my opinion, however. The fact that it is causing you concern or distress is valid. The good thing about this business is that we can decide our own morals, and we don't have to compromise them for anyone. If this continues to upset you, then by all means, do what you have to do in order to feel better about your job. You decide what makes you feel good, and where you stand on any issue! You are not a bad person for taking the money that is offered, ESPECIALLY when they have not brought up any financial woes. You are not taking advantage of them and you don't need to feel guilty. You are just recognizing that they are adult enough to make their own decisions. But ultimately, you know yourself best! If this is going to continue to make you feel bad, then it's not worth it.
 
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If I didn't have a lot of money, and I was saving it to spend on someone who brought me joy, I think it would make me feel good. I enjoy spending money on other people more than I enjoy spending it on myself. That is one thing that always makes me very happy, even when money is tight. So if I saved up and got someone a gift, and then they sat me down and told me they are concerned about my spending habits and making assumptions about my money... I honestly might be a bit offended or hurt, y'know?

Even when people don't have a lot of money, it's still okay for them to splurge on treats every once in a while. Some people like buying a cup of fancy coffee. Others might go out to eat. Others, grab a movie. This person might save up to be splurging on something that brings him happiness, and it probably makes him feel good to do it. I can totally empathize with someone finding more joy in spreading love and support through money, than using that money to buy himself occasional treats. Perhaps that is what he is doing - and having his gift rejected probably would feel like a bummer.

You said that this person has never mentioned money issues before, and that's where the problem lies, in my opinion. Unless this person has explicitly spoken to you about their money issues, it might be construed as rude to tell them how they should spend their money. Unless they have made their finances your business... Then confronting them and asking them not to spend money kind of crosses the line between what is your business and what is their business. They are a grown adult. They aren't a child who cannot be trusted to make responsible financial decisions. They aren't a submissive who has asked to give up control of their finances. Their decisions are their decisions, and it is their responsibility and their choice on what to spend it on.

If they are spending LOADS of money and it clearly makes you uncomfortable, then you should block them. Anyone who makes you uncomfortable isn't worth keeping around. That's a good rule of thumb to follow for any camming circumstance. Or, if this person flat out tells you that money is super tight, or explains in detail about their finances. Then, they are making it your business, y'know? Which kinda gives you permission to voice any concerns you might have. But, I personally would feel pretty miffed if someone made assumptions about my finances and told me that I wasn't spending my money wisely, when I was just spending money on things that brought me happiness. That would feel a bit patronizing to me, y'know? Because that means they thought they knew better than me about my own money and how I should spend it.

Obviously, you have a sweet heart, and you aren't meaning it as patronizing at all. You are coming from a kind and loving place, and want the best for your members, and that is admirable. And you might be right that money is tight for them. But it still might bring them joy to share a little of what they have in support of the people who bring them happiness. Adults are capable of making their own decisions. You aren't responsible for what other people spend their money on. You are responsible for your finances, your career, your business, and taking care of yourself and your family. You can't make yourself responsible for every member who comes into your life, cuz that can lead to emotional burn out faaaast.

Edit to add: This is just my opinion, however. The fact that it is causing you concern or distress is valid. The good thing about this business is that we can decide our own morals, and we don't have to compromise them for anyone. If this continues to upset you, then by all means, do what you have to do in order to feel better about your job. You decide what makes you feel good, and where you stand on any issue! You are not a bad person for taking the money that is offered, ESPECIALLY when they have not brought up any financial woes. You are not taking advantage of them and you don't need to feel guilty. You are just recognizing that they are adult enough to make their own decisions. But ultimately, you know yourself best! If this is going to continue to make you feel bad, then it's not worth it.
Note to self, don’t try and impress certain friends like Page with money, they know how to make it already. I’ll do my best to avoid dad jokes :)
 
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CurvyJ

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If I didn't have a lot of money, and I was saving it to spend on someone who brought me joy, I think it would make me feel good. I enjoy spending money on other people more than I enjoy spending it on myself. That is one thing that always makes me very happy, even when money is tight. So if I saved up and got someone a gift, and then they sat me down and told me they are concerned about my spending habits and making assumptions about my money... I honestly might be a bit offended or hurt, y'know?

Even when people don't have a lot of money, it's still okay for them to splurge on treats every once in a while. Some people like buying a cup of fancy coffee. Others might go out to eat. Others, grab a movie. This person might save up to be splurging on something that brings him happiness, and it probably makes him feel good to do it. I can totally empathize with someone finding more joy in spreading love and support through money, than using that money to buy himself occasional treats. Perhaps that is what he is doing - and having his gift rejected probably would feel like a bummer.

You said that this person has never mentioned money issues before, and that's where the problem lies, in my opinion. Unless this person has explicitly spoken to you about their money issues, it might be construed as rude to tell them how they should spend their money. Unless they have made their finances your business... Then confronting them and asking them not to spend money kind of crosses the line between what is your business and what is their business. They are a grown adult. They aren't a child who cannot be trusted to make responsible financial decisions. They aren't a submissive who has asked to give up control of their finances. Their decisions are their decisions, and it is their responsibility and their choice on what to spend it on.

If they are spending LOADS of money and it clearly makes you uncomfortable, then you should block them. Anyone who makes you uncomfortable isn't worth keeping around. That's a good rule of thumb to follow for any camming circumstance. Or, if this person flat out tells you that money is super tight, or explains in detail about their finances. Then, they are making it your business, y'know? Which kinda gives you permission to voice any concerns you might have. But, I personally would feel pretty miffed if someone made assumptions about my finances and told me that I wasn't spending my money wisely, when I was just spending money on things that brought me happiness. That would feel a bit patronizing to me, y'know? Because that means they thought they knew better than me about my own money and how I should spend it.

Obviously, you have a sweet heart, and you aren't meaning it as patronizing at all. You are coming from a kind and loving place, and want the best for your members, and that is admirable. And you might be right that money is tight for them. But it still might bring them joy to share a little of what they have in support of the people who bring them happiness. Adults are capable of making their own decisions. You aren't responsible for what other people spend their money on. You are responsible for your finances, your career, your business, and taking care of yourself and your family. You can't make yourself responsible for every member who comes into your life, cuz that can lead to emotional burn out faaaast.

Edit to add: This is just my opinion, however. The fact that it is causing you concern or distress is valid. The good thing about this business is that we can decide our own morals, and we don't have to compromise them for anyone. If this continues to upset you, then by all means, do what you have to do in order to feel better about your job. You decide what makes you feel good, and where you stand on any issue! You are not a bad person for taking the money that is offered, ESPECIALLY when they have not brought up any financial woes. You are not taking advantage of them and you don't need to feel guilty. You are just recognizing that they are adult enough to make their own decisions. But ultimately, you know yourself best! If this is going to continue to make you feel bad, then it's not worth it.

Thank you so much for the detailed response, and I think you are absolutely right...It is just little bits of money here and there not loads and loads. I didnt even think maybe it was a little treat for himself, youve given me a lot to think about
 
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CurvyJ

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Note to self, don’t try and impress certain friends like Page with money, they know how to make it already. I’ll do my best to avoid dad jokes :)
But dad jokes are the best
 
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SNATCH

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This used to be something I worried about in the beginning....

I don’t care anymore.

That sounds harsh, but in reality, I’m not their parent, accountant, or spouse. It’s not my problem. They’re more than likely an adult, & they should be able to keep track of their own finances. If you’re not encouraging it, there’s nothing you can do except tell them to stop, or block them.

I’m sure this isn’t a popular opinion... But I’ve had a lot of fucked up shit happen to me in this line of work (been doing sex work since 2005/2006) & I’d rather get paid for the shit I deal with daily, & have dealt with in the past.

Also, he might just go spend it elsewhere. My priority is making money first & foremost, because I have a family to take care of, & i personally cannot worry about every Tom, Dick & Harry that can’t manage their finances properly.

If this is something that bothers you that much, & you think that it will bother you afterwards, I highly suggest talking to him or blocking him, etc.

Otherwise, get paid! XO.

I have someone following my husband and I who has spent tokens on us and I am fairly certain they aren't really in a position to be spending tokens/money on us...and it's tearing at my heartstrings

We are here to make money for our family... but I don't like the idea of someone causing themselves financial distress to get their rocks off...

My husbandson thoughts are they are an adult and they make their own choices...

Anyone else been through this? I'm considering taking the person aside aND asking that they stay and enjoy our company but save their money for something else...

And or... if they aren't spending money on us... they will probably spend it else where?
 

CurvyJ

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This used to be something I worried about in the beginning....

I don’t care anymore.

That sounds harsh, but in reality, I’m not their parent, accountant, or spouse. It’s not my problem. They’re more than likely an adult, & they should be able to keep track of their own finances. If you’re not encouraging it, there’s nothing you can do except tell them to stop, or block them.

I’m sure this isn’t a popular opinion... But I’ve had a lot of fucked up shit happen to me in this line of work (been doing sex work since 2005/2006) & I’d rather get paid for the shit I deal with daily, & have dealt with in the past.

Also, he might just go spend it elsewhere. My priority is making money first & foremost, because I have a family to take care of, & i personally cannot worry about every Tom, Dick & Harry that can’t manage their finances properly.

If this is something that bothers you that much, & you think that it will bother you afterwards, I highly suggest talking to him or blocking him, etc.

Otherwise, get paid! XO.

Very true! I like getting paid! Now if the cheque would only show up lol
 
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Natalie_Lavender

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I agree with every previous reply. Every one of them makes a valid point. You are now operating as a “business”, not a charity or non-profit. It is not our responsibility to help them manage their money. I’m a very compassionate person, but that isn’t going to put tokens in my pocket. If you block him, he’ll spend them elsewhere. If he spends an amount you feel he really can’t afford, then I guess he eats Ramen for a week. But at least your family isn’t. You can still be empathetic to his situation & be emotionally supportive. You won’t be saving him any money by cutting him off. When I worked in a casino we’d have a homeless guy come in & put the only $5 he had, that someone just handed to him, right into the machine without any hesitation. I would have loved to pull him aside and talk about what he could have done with it instead, but it wasn’t my place to say. He might be the first user to tell you about his financial problems, but he won’t be the last. Remember, it’s just business.
 

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I like to verbally remind my members to be financially responsible if they bring up money issues. But if they don't heed my advice, oh well. They are an adult.

I've had a member tell me he was thousands in debt on a credit card and still try to spend. Had to cut him off because he owed SM money and was trying to spend on my indie site. I wasn't going to let him do that.
 

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I am a very nice person in real life, but when I started modeling I decided to go full mercenary with no feelings. I’m able to completely detach myself from the sweet caring person in real life. Other people’s money issues are not my problem. This is capitalism and I don’t give a fuck about someone else’s situation. That sounds harsh but I spent years being walked all over for being an empathetic person. So fuck that. Like someone else said, this guy is an adult and makes his own decisions.

I’m real life I am a very nurturing caring individual but a lot of times that just isn’t appreciated :’(
 
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