I have posted this on a different forum but this one seems a lot more active and I'm hoping for feedback. Any input, especially based on your own previous experience, is truly appreciated:
Let me briefly recap my cam site history, such as it is: first got on MFC back in May (also tried other sites) The first two weeks were exhilarating, exciting, crazy. It felt almost dangerous. I could tell girls what to do for tips...actual real live women. Felt like I was in my 20's again (I'm 58). The second phase that set in was ennui...I kept surfing the sites, kept jerking off but felt a sense of existential dread almost. Hard to describe. That phase then slowly turned into boredom. Gradually, I stopped visiting cam sites and deleted my MFC account. I even boasted about being done with the camming world, good riddance.
Well, you know what's coming. After about three weeks of abstinence, I started peeking at MFC again, first as a guest, then as a premium and this time, I really started spending like a drunken sailor. I did a bunch of privates, Skype shows, found a couple of very attractive Romanian models with whom I played the "rich uncle" (sent money). But the worst of it hit about ten days ago. I happened to wonder into the room of a very young American model and it was e-love at first site. I was totally smitten within minutes. Never, ever, ever had I thought something like this could happen. I tipped her very well and very often, got her email address and we started emailing back and forth, which very quickly turned into red hot sexting. I'm talking a rock solid hard-on from her first "hello" . She sent me some naughty pics and I sent her naughty stories (I'm a musician and a part time writer, so I have a way with words which she said she loved)
So now of course we get to the point where I want her all to myself, I want to basically drain my bank account for her (and when I say "want to", I mean "feel driven to".....it has NOTHING to do with actually *wanting* any of it) In the last three or four days, I've been a complete wreck. My days revolve around hearing from her, seeing her emails, sensing what mood she's in, feeling resentful if her emails aren't as cordial and emotional as I'd like them to be. In short: I am fucked up.
For the record: I am happily married and have no intention of leaving my wife for any 22 year old, no matter how insanely infatuated I may feel. I still have that much judgement left. But I wanted to share this here because I KNOW there are others that have been through this. And also because I have no one else to talk to about this.
I'm looking forward to your responses but please bear in mind that you don't need to make light of this or make fun of it: I know myself very well how ridiculous and dramatic I'm sounding
Giorgio
Let me briefly recap my cam site history, such as it is: first got on MFC back in May (also tried other sites) The first two weeks were exhilarating, exciting, crazy. It felt almost dangerous. I could tell girls what to do for tips...actual real live women. Felt like I was in my 20's again (I'm 58). The second phase that set in was ennui...I kept surfing the sites, kept jerking off but felt a sense of existential dread almost. Hard to describe. That phase then slowly turned into boredom. Gradually, I stopped visiting cam sites and deleted my MFC account. I even boasted about being done with the camming world, good riddance.
Well, you know what's coming. After about three weeks of abstinence, I started peeking at MFC again, first as a guest, then as a premium and this time, I really started spending like a drunken sailor. I did a bunch of privates, Skype shows, found a couple of very attractive Romanian models with whom I played the "rich uncle" (sent money). But the worst of it hit about ten days ago. I happened to wonder into the room of a very young American model and it was e-love at first site. I was totally smitten within minutes. Never, ever, ever had I thought something like this could happen. I tipped her very well and very often, got her email address and we started emailing back and forth, which very quickly turned into red hot sexting. I'm talking a rock solid hard-on from her first "hello" . She sent me some naughty pics and I sent her naughty stories (I'm a musician and a part time writer, so I have a way with words which she said she loved)
So now of course we get to the point where I want her all to myself, I want to basically drain my bank account for her (and when I say "want to", I mean "feel driven to".....it has NOTHING to do with actually *wanting* any of it) In the last three or four days, I've been a complete wreck. My days revolve around hearing from her, seeing her emails, sensing what mood she's in, feeling resentful if her emails aren't as cordial and emotional as I'd like them to be. In short: I am fucked up.
For the record: I am happily married and have no intention of leaving my wife for any 22 year old, no matter how insanely infatuated I may feel. I still have that much judgement left. But I wanted to share this here because I KNOW there are others that have been through this. And also because I have no one else to talk to about this.
I'm looking forward to your responses but please bear in mind that you don't need to make light of this or make fun of it: I know myself very well how ridiculous and dramatic I'm sounding
Giorgio
