Porn: Why am I/are we here?

[kittywitty42]

I am currently sitting in front of my keyboard wondering where on earth to begin and how the heck I'm ever going to write something like this and have it actually say what I want in a way that is as understandable and nonjudgmental as intended.

Allow me the necessary indulgence of a bit of backstory.

I was that guy. Porn had always been a big NO to me despite its ever-present draw. Anything sexual was awkward and scary. I never admitted to anyone that I liked girls until college, to the point that my mother wondered if I was gay. And at around age 16 I embraced Christianity, further shaping my views of sexuality and acceptable sexual practice.

It was not too long after college, then, that I slippery-sloped my way to regular porn consumption. The only surprising thing was that I had held off that long, and this was more due to an intensely held fear of judgment (others and my own) than any positive source of motivation. I had long been suppressing my sexuality, and none of the few relationships I had tried to pursue during college ended in more than friendship. Moreover, I simply was not comfortable in my own skin. I had good qualities. Even good friends who were girls. But no real self-confidence or feelings of commonality with the average college student, or, hell, human being. My life was too much a study in perpetual avoidance and slavery to fear.

Ironically, my entrance into the land of porn was to be part of what helped me to begin changing . . .

Today, now more than two years strong, my porn consumption continues and has long since revealed itself as an addiction. Whenever I feel bad, or stressed/depressed, or even simply bored, the cravings come, and I frequently give in to them. I've lost a lot of time and sleep to porn. The strain of it, coupled with the stress, shame, and guilt, have not been the best for my health. Yet somehow or other, porn has helped me even as it has hurt. It has played its role in helping me to begin to come to terms with myself. To show love and forgiveness where formerly judgment and even hatred ran rampant.

It's a long story, and not one that I could possibly detail all in one post.

To be honest, I do not know how I feel about porn. Or rather, I feel a lot of things, and it is not easy to sort through them.

I guess that is the purpose of this thread. I see it as a chance to express my thoughts about porn and hopefully even dialogue with others. Those who consume porn and those who, as Cam Girls, are actively involved in its creation. (I guess it would be valuable to note that I am not limiting my definition of porn to sex, but including any form of erotica, essentially.) I would love to learn what others think, to just be real people with one another for a change, and to talk openly and honestly about this industry, with all the complexity that entails.

Most of my journey with porn has centered around trying to get away from it and what I have learned in the process, about myself and those in the industry. How I started to learn to love myself in the face of an addiction and to show that same love to those in the porn industry, despite formerly being full of a judgment borne out of ignorance.

So, having said all of that, I would like to begin by asking a few related questions that attempt to get at the heart of what I have been thinking about. The questions themselves are simple enough, but answering them thoughtfully . . . well, let's just say I will be very pleased if anyone does. I will share some of my thoughts afterward.

In an industry with as much complexity and unavoidable notoriety as the porn industry*, why did you choose to become involved (as either a viewer or a performer)? Do you see the industry and your role in it as a good or a bad thing, both for yourself, those you interact with, and humanity as a whole? Why? Have any of your views changed over time?

*Note: By porn industry, I include all forms of erotica, and as participants both those who view and those who perform, whether on their own or as part of a larger establishment.

God, where to begin. I have so many thoughts, and my time for the day is running low, so I will touch on one issue here and then post more at a later date. When it comes to the porn industry, one of the questions that bothers me most, if I am being perfectly honest, is how a woman could ever willingly present herself as a mere object for the pleasure of men, even in exchange for money and companionship/attention, without it being a real and unfortunate sacrifice on her part. I've seen the way men tend to treat women in this industry. It's frequently not pleasant. It's one thing to be okay with and express your sexuality, and to share good times which include said sexuality within the confines of a carefully defined chat room. I can get behind that. But subjecting yourself to, and reinforcing the behavior of, men who simply view women as objects for their personal gratification . . . to me this seems one of the more unfortunate and inescapable realities of the porn industry. Both that the guys are so deprived of their own humanity that they willingly deprive women of theirs, and that the women have come to such circumstances that they allow themselves to be part of it all. Heck, even if you're doing everything you can to present yourself as a human being rather than an object, is that something you can do and earn a living with? (Real question.) Or does earning necessitate willingly subjecting yourself to objectification? Is objectification always bad? It can all be so complex and confusing! Do you ever break down and ask yourself why you go through all this? Or on behalf of all the guys you've genuinely come to care about, but some of whom are clearly depressed or messed up in some way that porn consumption probably isn't helping . . . and really you just want to help and maybe don't know how. Here I am just thinking as one human to another, 'cause I would struggle with all of this and I don't have all the answers. I don't mean to be overly negative or judgmental . . . I just feel for those involved. Being human can be rough at times. For me, the porn industry can bring up a lot of emotions.

[Note: I realize that this post has made certain traditional, heterosexual assumptions about the porn industry that are not, in fact, true. Forgive me for this. It is not that I believe that the porn industry solely consists of women as performers and men as viewers. I am speaking more from my personal experience with industry, which exists in this capacity, and not as a judgment of the way things are or ought to be.]

Please, any thoughts you all would like to share are much appreciated. Thank you for reading such a long post. I apologize that it is a bit scattershot in its presentation. My mind is still far from clear these days!

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

First thing, I really thing this could be an interesting discussion and I'm hoping ladies don't get offended and you don't get trolled.

In an industry with as much complexity and unavoidable notoriety as the porn industry*, why did you choose to become involved (as either a viewer or a performer)? Do you see the industry and your role in it as a good or a bad thing, both for yourself, those you interact with, and humanity as a whole? Why? Have any of your views changed over time?

When I was in middle school I read a magazine article about a woman who was a prostitute. She didn't have any one above her and worked completely independently. I was instantly fascinated and I saw myself pursuing adult business since then. I was raised in a fiercely "feminist" home that was very anti-sexuality. Women were seen as victims, men as criminals, and even from a very young age I never felt that way and growing up in the way that I did really fueled a passionate love of sexuality for me. I feel very strongly that a woman taking charge of her own sexuality is one of the most world changing things that a woman can do. I believe that denying and altering our sexuality, that letting men call the shots and paint us how they choose, that that is what fuels so much of the ugly culture we are currently dealing with. So for me, camming isn't just a job that I do for something to do, I 100% believe that it has a positive impact on the world.

I do understand that addiction exists but a person can get addicted to absolutely anything. I, for one, have OCD and know that addictions can be found in the most random of places. We all have a personal responsibility over ourselves, I can't take responsibility that what I'm doing might be unhealthy for someone. That's on them to get help and refrain from me.

...one of the questions that bothers me most, if I am being perfectly honest, is how a woman could ever willingly present herself as a mere object for the pleasure of men, even in exchange for money and companionship/attention, without it being a real and unfortunate sacrifice on her part. I've seen the way men tend to treat women in this industry. It's frequently not pleasant. It's one thing to be okay with and express your sexuality, and to share good times which include said sexuality within the confines of a carefully defined chat room. I can get behind that. But subjecting yourself to, and reinforcing the behavior of, men who simply view women as objects for their personal gratification . . . to me this seems one of the more unfortunate and inescapable realities of the porn industry. Both that the guys are so deprived of their own humanity that they willingly deprive women of theirs, and that the women have come to such circumstances that they allow themselves to be part of it all. Heck, even if you're doing everything you can to present yourself as a human being rather than an object, is that something you can do and earn a living with? (Real question.) Or does earning necessitate willingly subjecting yourself to objectification? Is objectification always bad? It can all be so complex and confusing! Do you ever break down and ask yourself why you go through all this? Or on behalf of all the guys you've genuinely come to care about, but some of whom are clearly depressed or messed up in some way that porn consumption probably isn't helping . . . and really you just want to help and maybe don't know how. Here I am just thinking as one human to another, 'cause I would struggle with all of this and I don't have all the answers. I don't mean to be overly negative or judgmental . . . I just feel for those involved. Being human can be rough at times. For me, the porn industry can bring up a lot of emotions.

I don't subject myself to anything. I am a self employed woman. I film what content I want to, I do what cam shows I want to, I ban what members I want to and I end any show that makes me uncomfortable. And yes, there is money in that. That being said, there is nothing wrong with objectification between two consenting adults. When I am watching porn, I don't need to think of these people on my screen as people, I just need to get off and that's fine. It doesn't encourage me to look at people as objects to enjoy pornography, I don't buy that one bit. My belief is that if you start treating people differently, or looking at them differently because of watching porn then you already had a problem in the first place. Obviously I have no way of knowing but that's how I feel and I tend to follow my instincts in all aspects of my life. There are so many fetishes out there that we may not share with our partners and I really enjoy being able to help people with that. There are even just people who have higher sex drives than their partners, people who are alone, people who want to explore something new to see if they are into it, people who have fetishes that fill very deep emotional wounds for them. It brings me so much pleasure to bring other people pleasure. I don't care what your fetish is, I believe that people who pay for videos or buy cam shows, tip cam girls are usually the most sexually healthy people there are in this world. There is nothing more depressing, more encouraging of rape culture, than people who deny both their own sexuality and the sexuality of woman kind as a whole.

Another thing to note is that yes, we all have days where we dealt with a member who made us feel used. In these situations either we banned or could ban always but sometimes it still puts us off and we get into a funk. No one (unless you have a very strong kink) wants to be treated like an object. But what people don't realize is that this happens at any job. When a guy tells me I can't leave the show and to keep fucking myself I honestly feel no more used than when I was working minimum wage and covering everyone's shifts and still getting screamed at by my boss. If you are employed, you have experience with feeling taken advantage of. I understand the assumption that if we are being sexual while taken advantage of then we are much worse off and will end up scarred but it simply isn't true. No matter what, I can always say no. I don't care how much money people make or what field they are in, very very few people have such a luxury.

Oh, and regarding depressed customers, that is hard and something that comes up frequently. At the end of the day it's just about taking responsibility for ourselves alone. I'm not a therapist and as much as I want to help people I can't so I take care of myself, share whatever light I can and leave it at that. It can be draining to have a job that involves so much intimacy and it's definitely for the emotionally mature and grounded. Sure, other people can do it but they either won't last long or it will take a lot more out of them.

 

[Serenity_Tam]

I have never read something so condescending. Okay. I'm a woman so legit i read condescending stuff all the damn time. It's funny... Women can get paid to do physical labour but no one worries about our being used as an object then buy when we monetise our sexuality we are suddenly selling ourselves and an object..


But that's the thing, women aren't treated as objects because we are in porn. We are treated that way in society. I could be a waitress and get paid way less and have to work longer hours and be subjected to dudes flirting and unwanted physical advances. At least that was my experience. I waitressed for three days and quit. If men were going to look at me as a sexual object they'd pay me to do it. And. My experience overall from pron is that SW clients are more respectful to me than the dude who grabs my butt while I am handing his wife her meal. I also have the power in this job to block and disengage with those who overstep the boundaries I have set. With this job I am more in control than anything I have done and probably ever will do for work. An example: I was tipped 11k tokens from a member who had been overstepping his bounds. That tip was intended to get me to let him keep being uncomfortable to me. I banned him immediately. We haven't spoken since. I am not for sale. Women do not need pity or a saviour in this industry.

I started doing this because money. I wanted a job. And I wanted the flexible hours and to be able to stay home.

Consumption and acceptance of that consumption of pornography' is healthy. Those who pay for their porn are the most respectful individuals towards women overall in my experience. There is actually a study that showed lowered aggression in prison pops when porn was introduced lol. There was also an attempted study by Fraser university i believe that was going to study the effects of porn ... But they couldn't find a control group. Ie there was no one in their population who had not consumed porn. So the consumption of porn doesn't make pigs who disrespect women. The pigs were already there. It's an issue with societal values and norms that are taught to children. But my experience, those that have accepted their sexuality and respect women enough pay for the porn and in turn respect us. I believe Sasha grey wrote a blog post on this very topic as well.

Porn consumption might help the sad. It might not. I think that depends on the person. I know for one of the former members in my room whom I still hold dear to my heart suffered from awful depression. He told me on multiple occasions that through our interactions I helped him. I was one of the few human interactions he had and over the course of two years I saw h grow so much. To be clear I never acted as a therapist and we didn't discuss his depression really. we just had human and healthy sexual interaction. But not every person is like this. Also with viewers many are married or in relationships. They watch porn often to fulfill some fantasy their wife may not be into or they aren't ready to talk about. Sex is a big part of healthy relationships and when I did RT domination I had a client who was sent to me by his wife. She didn't want to engage in his crossdressing fantasies. Her hubby engaging in a paid fantasy with me may have saved their marriage. Porn gals or even RT SWers are paid, they most likely aren't looking for a deep connection or to break up a mans relationship so as far as I see it porn has the potential to save relationships so man isn't going elsewhere to have his deep need fantasy fulfilled.

As has beenentioned addictions can happen to anything. There's probs a higher percentage of dudes who are gaming addicts than actual porn addicts. Everything in life is about healthy use.

 

[Mikachu_MFC]

I've replaced "men" with "bosses," "women" with "men," and the "porn industry" with the "construction industry." Re-read your paragraph with these tiny changes and see how universal the use of one's body to make a living really becomes.

When it comes to the construction industry, one of the questions that bothers me most, if I am being perfectly honest, is how a man could ever willingly present himself as a mere object for the productivity of employers, even in exchange for money and companionship/attention, without it being a real and unfortunate sacrifice on his part. I've seen the way bosses tend to treat men in this industry. It's frequently not pleasant. It's one thing to be okay with and express your physical strength, and to share good times which include said strength within the confines of a carefully defined workplace. I can get behind that. But subjecting yourself to, and reinforcing the behavior of, bosses who simply view men as objects for their personal gain . . . to me this seems one of the more unfortunate and inescapable realities of the construction industry. Both that the bosses are so deprived of their own humanity that they willingly deprive men of theirs, and that the men have come to such circumstances that they allow themselves to be part of it all. Heck, even if you're doing everything you can to present yourself as a human being rather than an object, is that something you can do and earn a living with? (Real question.) Or does earning necessitate willingly subjecting yourself to objectification? Is objectification always bad?

How is using my sexuality to make money somehow different from someone using the strength of their body to make money? Objectification of other human beings is something that is deeply written into our sexist and capitalist society and the people who treat others as things rather than humans are coming to the table, already having a problem. It isn't up to me to fix people. It is, however, up to me to engage in a job that I fully understand the affects and risk of, and that I fully and completely of my own will CHOOSE to be in.

 

[Dani Picas]

I've replaced "men" with "bosses," "women" with "men," and the "porn industry" with the "construction industry." Re-read your paragraph with these tiny changes and see how universal the use of one's body to make a living really becomes.

When it comes to the construction industry, one of the questions that bothers me most, if I am being perfectly honest, is how a man could ever willingly present himself as a mere object for the productivity of employers, even in exchange for money and companionship/attention, without it being a real and unfortunate sacrifice on his part. I've seen the way bosses tend to treat men in this industry. It's frequently not pleasant. It's one thing to be okay with and express your physical strength, and to share good times which include said strength within the confines of a carefully defined workplace. I can get behind that. But subjecting yourself to, and reinforcing the behavior of, bosses who simply view men as objects for their personal gain . . . to me this seems one of the more unfortunate and inescapable realities of the construction industry. Both that the bosses are so deprived of their own humanity that they willingly deprive men of theirs, and that the men have come to such circumstances that they allow themselves to be part of it all. Heck, even if you're doing everything you can to present yourself as a human being rather than an object, is that something you can do and earn a living with? (Real question.) Or does earning necessitate willingly subjecting yourself to objectification? Is objectification always bad?

How is using my sexuality to make money somehow different from someone using the strength of their body to make money? Objectification of other human beings is something that is deeply written into our sexist and capitalist society and the people who treat others as things rather than humans are coming to the table, already having a problem. It isn't up to me to fix people. It is, however, up to me to engage in a job that I fully understand the affects and risk of, and that I fully and completely of my own will CHOOSE to be in.

YES! I was thinking about the comparison of the porn and construction industries the other week, and was going to post it in here when I had time to sit down and organise my thoughts but you beat me to it with this amazing analogy. THANKYOU.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

It was not too long after college, then, that I slippery-sloped my way to regular porn consumption.

First off, if you believe (as I do) that our natural state is to be roaming buck naked across the savannah, then this dressing up and hiding from our nudity is the aberration that mankind has slippery-sloped it's way into.

In an industry with as much complexity and unavoidable notoriety as the porn industry*, why did you choose to become involved (as either a viewer or a performer)? Do you see the industry and your role in it as a good or a bad thing, both for yourself, those you interact with, and humanity as a whole? Why? Have any of your views changed over time?

• I did not choose to become involved. It was hardwired into me. I remember as a kindergartner trying to peek and see my mother naked. Playing "you show me yours, I'll show you mine" with schoolmates. The drive was always there. Viewing pornography around the time of puberty was just a natural progression.
• I don't see it as a good or a bad thing. It is just a thing. You have predators and shits of every description involved, then you have people that could qualify as saints if they would just keep their clothes on.
• My views have changed a lot over time. I used to fight my urge to view pornography, then absolutely loathe myself when I caved in. I rode an emotional roller coaster for a long time, not because of porn, but because of Christian brainwashing.

 

[Sevrin]

I still remember my first boner. It was looking at an advertisement for, of all things, a well-known chain of German roast-chicken restaurants, called, of all things "Wienerwald". Yes, Wien (Vienna) is in Austria, but it's a German company. I digress. There was this model/waitress in one of those traditional Austrian outfits with the white blouse and this bib thing that's cut out to frame the breasts. That triggered me.

AFAIC, porn is just refined chicken restaurant advertisements.

 

[Phoenix4987]

I joined MFC during a time in which I was very isolated. My car had just broken down and I sort of lost my freedom. I could still get to school, my brother would give me a ride or let me use his car sometimes, but then he'd need it to get to work. So I started to be stuck at home most of the time. I revealed in another topic that I used to go on omegle for hours, but I got tired of spending so much time trying to find something that was already available if I shelled out the $ for it. And what was readily available was way better than even the luckiest chance I got to find a chick on omegle.

So, I remember getting my first private and was like wow this awesome. So I bounced around a lot in my early days. Wow, that girl is hot! OMG THAT GIRL TOO! Started getting a friends list going of my favorite girls and kept it strictly pleasure/business on my end.

Then one day comes and I'm like...you know..I wonder how many guys actually take the time to appreciate the girl for more than her looks / shows. So then I started to get to know some of the girls. Ironically, my friends list was made of predominately Romanian models. Later I find out I actually have Romanian in my blood, but moving on. Couple girls weren't active as much, some quit. So my friends list began getting smaller and smaller.

I had it down to 2 girls. One of them (I'll call her Trish.) I started to help offline (Western Union). I was a little vulnerable at the time because at this point, I've been pretty much living in my room and was very lonely. But Trish would say a lot of nice things and even had me convinced she liked me. But Trish was always in some sort of trouble and had no shame in straight up asking for $. And even when I helped her, she'd often try to argue with me about how much I could send. The boiling point for me was when I sent her $1000-$1500, a week later it was her birthday and she had the nerve to get mad at me for not tipping / not sending anymore because I should have known it was her birthday or some crap. I was furious. Semi-recently saw trish again, regretted it, won't be contacting her again.

So that leaves me with 1. And I'll call her Katie. Katie warned me about Trish and knew of the $ I was sending her. So Katie started using a similar approach and I started to get feelings for her. To which she said oh I have feelings for you. Long story short, I debunked some of Katie's lies and we had a falling out. I made a post on here seeking advice and did some soul searching in myself. I couldn't place the blame entirely on Katie for what happened and I had to accept that I was at fault too.

Despite our history, we're strictly just friends now with no other delusions. And we're actually a lot closer as a result (Thanks to everyone at ACF as well who helped bring insight and allowed me to bring myself to a point where I understand how things are). We just celebrated a 1 year anniversary...camiversary? Shared some drinks and just talked for a few hours. I was a bit of a dork and put up a banner and some decorations and got all dressed up for the occasion. The highlight of the night was talking about how ultimately, one day, she's going to stop camming but how she'd like to still be in contact. And that one of her dreams is to go skydiving and hope we can go experience that together when I visit next summer.

So, for the OP, experiences vary. Yes, my reasons in visiting a cam site in the beginning was strictly just for watching girls masturbate live. But now I go there to support and just spend time with someone that I can say has helped me grow as a person and I'd like to think I made (and continue to make) a positive impact on her life. Lately, I've been trying to resist the urge to get sexual shows from Katie and just spend more quality time. But it is definitely hard some nights.

Do you think Actors/Actresses the same way for portraying themselves as fake characters and depriving themselves of their humanity for the sake of entertaining others? After all they have to spend a lot of time putting on make-up, costumes, reading lines, virtually erasing their own identity.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I still remember my first boner. It was looking at an advertisement for, of all things, a well-known chain of German roast-chicken restaurants, called, of all things "Wienerwald". Yes, Wien (Vienna) is in Austria, but it's a German company. I digress. There was this model/waitress in one of those traditional Austrian outfits with the white blouse and this bib thing that's cut out to frame the breasts. That triggered me.

AFAIC, porn is just refined chicken restaurant advertisements.

One of my earliest stirrings was watching footage of Nadia Comăneci score her perfect 10, sometime around the release of the made-for-tv-movie.

 

[RahqZee]

Something about the way that was written made me want to punch my screen.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

There's nothing wrong with coming to a community asking to gain insight and it sounds like that's what he was doing. Obviously, parts made me roll my eyes but not everyone with misconceptions is an asshole. Particularly if they're here wanting to have an open conversation about the topic.

 

[n_i_c_u]

Dude/OP, your post is killing my eyes and I couldn't get thru it. I get out of hand all the time and write long stuff (I secretly wish someone would tell me that I am being toooooo wordy). Sorry. I love the header though.

Porn: why are we here? I don't know. For some reason I never really think of Camworld as porn. It is just me though I am sure. Porn for me was always bad story and bad acting and bad directing. So, I hear about web cam models (from a repeat of the Howard Stern show) and MFC pops up on a google search. I created an account and tipped not so much for the first model and it gradually increased. It was interesting being a person in their rooms and interacting with the Female (I don't do that often in real or virtual life). I do think I learn about myself by what I say and do. I even went so far as to seek insight on the experience of it all on a message board.

From a guy that doesn't have much interaction with the womens of this world in daily life, I think I learn a lot from the virtual side..sooooo I guess I am just "porning" to learn lots of neat things about other people I meet on MFC and cultures and distant places and people I will never see. It can be interesting.

 

[DonaDiabla]

My experience is different when it comes to this industry. I came to this industry because my mother suggest that I go into the family profession. I was a butcher at 18 and attending art school. My mother felt that I was tailored made for this industry.She was right.Even as a child; I wanted money, luxury, and power. For example, I was 13 and I had several boys for other schools pay me 100 per week to have me as their girlfriend. It was pretty cool because my cousins were in on the hustle as well. At 16, I moved up to having steelworkers pay 600 per month to "help" me. Why? Because I love men paying for the illusion of bonding with me.In my culture; sex is quite normal and is presented as such. Thus, I do not have Western hangups when it comes to sex, relationships, or even love. Making money off sexy illusions and romantic dreams is pretty great.Looking at porn was seen in the same way as viewing horror films in my culture. Porn is not real and is a mere illusion. Sex in porn is meaningless and forgettable. I love the illusion and fantasy that I create for men. I love the money and the power of sexuality. I love the make a profit of all the same things that my ancestors made money off it. As you can tell, I love the money, power, creativity and illusion in this industry.So, I do everything from camming to sugaring because I love it.

I am currently sitting in front of my keyboard wondering where on earth to begin and how the heck I'm ever going to write something like this and have it actually say what I want in a way that is as understandable and nonjudgmental as intended.

Allow me the necessary indulgence of a bit of backstory.

I was that guy. Porn had always been a big NO to me despite its ever-present draw. Anything sexual was awkward and scary. I never admitted to anyone that I liked girls until college, to the point that my mother wondered if I was gay. And at around age 16 I embraced Christianity, further shaping my views of sexuality and acceptable sexual practice.

It was not too long after college, then, that I slippery-sloped my way to regular porn consumption. The only surprising thing was that I had held off that long, and this was more due to an intensely held fear of judgment (others and my own) than any positive source of motivation. I had long been suppressing my sexuality, and none of the few relationships I had tried to pursue during college ended in more than friendship. Moreover, I simply was not comfortable in my own skin. I had good qualities. Even good friends who were girls. But no real self-confidence or feelings of commonality with the average college student, or, hell, human being. My life was too much a study in perpetual avoidance and slavery to fear.

Ironically, my entrance into the land of porn was to be part of what helped me to begin changing . . .

Today, now more than two years strong, my porn consumption continues and has long since revealed itself as an addiction. Whenever I feel bad, or stressed/depressed, or even simply bored, the cravings come, and I frequently give in to them. I've lost a lot of time and sleep to porn. The strain of it, coupled with the stress, shame, and guilt, have not been the best for my health. Yet somehow or other, porn has helped me even as it has hurt. It has played its role in helping me to begin to come to terms with myself. To show love and forgiveness where formerly judgment and even hatred ran rampant.

It's a long story, and not one that I could possibly detail all in one post.

To be honest, I do not know how I feel about porn. Or rather, I feel a lot of things, and it is not easy to sort through them.

I guess that is the purpose of this thread. I see it as a chance to express my thoughts about porn and hopefully even dialogue with others. Those who consume porn and those who, as Cam Girls, are actively involved in its creation. (I guess it would be valuable to note that I am not limiting my definition of porn to sex, but including any form of erotica, essentially.) I would love to learn what others think, to just be real people with one another for a change, and to talk openly and honestly about this industry, with all the complexity that entails.

Most of my journey with porn has centered around trying to get away from it and what I have learned in the process, about myself and those in the industry. How I started to learn to love myself in the face of an addiction and to show that same love to those in the porn industry, despite formerly being full of a judgment borne out of ignorance.

So, having said all of that, I would like to begin by asking a few related questions that attempt to get at the heart of what I have been thinking about. The questions themselves are simple enough, but answering them thoughtfully . . . well, let's just say I will be very pleased if anyone does. I will share some of my thoughts afterward.

In an industry with as much complexity and unavoidable notoriety as the porn industry*, why did you choose to become involved (as either a viewer or a performer)? Do you see the industry and your role in it as a good or a bad thing, both for yourself, those you interact with, and humanity as a whole? Why? Have any of your views changed over time?

*Note: By porn industry, I include all forms of erotica, and as participants both those who view and those who perform, whether on their own or as part of a larger establishment.

God, where to begin. I have so many thoughts, and my time for the day is running low, so I will touch on one issue here and then post more at a later date. When it comes to the porn industry, one of the questions that bothers me most, if I am being perfectly honest, is how a woman could ever willingly present herself as a mere object for the pleasure of men, even in exchange for money and companionship/attention, without it being a real and unfortunate sacrifice on her part. I've seen the way men tend to treat women in this industry. It's frequently not pleasant. It's one thing to be okay with and express your sexuality, and to share good times which include said sexuality within the confines of a carefully defined chat room. I can get behind that. But subjecting yourself to, and reinforcing the behavior of, men who simply view women as objects for their personal gratification . . . to me this seems one of the more unfortunate and inescapable realities of the porn industry. Both that the guys are so deprived of their own humanity that they willingly deprive women of theirs, and that the women have come to such circumstances that they allow themselves to be part of it all. Heck, even if you're doing everything you can to present yourself as a human being rather than an object, is that something you can do and earn a living with? (Real question.) Or does earning necessitate willingly subjecting yourself to objectification? Is objectification always bad? It can all be so complex and confusing! Do you ever break down and ask yourself why you go through all this? Or on behalf of all the guys you've genuinely come to care about, but some of whom are clearly depressed or messed up in some way that porn consumption probably isn't helping . . . and really you just want to help and maybe don't know how. Here I am just thinking as one human to another, 'cause I would struggle with all of this and I don't have all the answers. I don't mean to be overly negative or judgmental . . . I just feel for those involved. Being human can be rough at times. For me, the porn industry can bring up a lot of emotions.

[Note: I realize that this post has made certain traditional, heterosexual assumptions about the porn industry that are not, in fact, true. Forgive me for this. It is not that I believe that the porn industry solely consists of women as performers and men as viewers. I am speaking more from my personal experience with industry, which exists in this capacity, and not as a judgment of the way things are or ought to be.]

Please, any thoughts you all would like to share are much appreciated. Thank you for reading such a long post. I apologize that it is a bit scattershot in its presentation. My mind is still far from clear these days!

 

[Rosy]

Who has diagnosed you with a porn addiction? Is it a self-diagnosis? Researchers do not believe it is an addiction that can be compared to addictions such as alcoholism or smoking. You might want to look into that.

I'm not sure how you go from saying its always been a "NO" for you to addiction to "most of my journey has been trying to get away from it." It doesn't make any sense.

Nevertheless, it sounds like you are just trying to find someone to blame. Those in the porn industry don't need your approval or sympathy. I think your discussion is better suited to be between you and a therapist.

 

[AudriTwo]

I'm sorry you had a struggle with your sexuality OP growing up.

I am so sick and tired of people saying porn makes women into a sexual object. I have never EVER felt sexually objectified by being a pornographer, model, dancer, and domme. Probably because I see myself as a person who creates sexually stimulating media. It's a form of entertainment that stimulates your genitals. Labeling people as objects just perpetuates victimhood, imho.

In an industry with as much complexity and unavoidable notoriety as the porn industry*, why did you choose to become involved (as either a viewer or a performer)?

I choose to be in this industry like how people choose any other profession. Like, nurses or teachers. I was interested in it and decided to make a career out of it. I left all that puritan religious guilt at the door when I walked away from religion when I was 17.

Do you see the industry and your role in it as a good or a bad thing, both for yourself, those you interact with, and humanity as a whole? Why? Have any of your views changed over time?

FUCKING AMAZING. Someone may have a bad experience with me, but that is on them. I'm not in control of their brain or what they take away from my content. My goal is to create a fantasy and bring pleasure. May that be just basic company or smut. The majority of my customer base walks away feeling good about themselves. and they come back for more. May it be a little boost of self-confidence or just a quick fap.

I believe in not taking things too seriously. Enjoy the small little pleasures in life. Life's too short to live up to people's expectations on how you should human. As long as you are not causing any physical harm or intended mental harm. You are good. And don't listen to assholes who are self-conscious about how women show their vaginas and buttholes for a price. I don't care if they do it for free. It's their body, they can share with whoever they want

Oh and dudes who feel like they consume too much porn. Teach yourself some limits. Use a web blocker to limit your time. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/stayfocusd/laankejkbhbdhmipfmgcngdelahlfoji

If it's spending too much money. Get a Visa gift card. put a weekly limit on there instead of using your credit/debit cards.

 

[kittywitty42]

Wow. I really appreciate the replies. It's a lot to process . . . but it's exactly what I wanted!

I'll say this upfront. I'm not asking everyone to agree with me; that was never the point. I like discussion and didn't come here to be right or to claim to be more informed than I am (not very). I came here to be exposed to dissenting points of view and to have my current thinking challenged as I am able to express it. I am no authority. I apologize that I am not the most concise or well-organized writer in the world, either, but I must work from where I am, even if that can feel frustratingly inadequate at times.

I like the comparison of a construction worker to a Cam Girl and appreciate the basic point that being taken advantage of or treated as less than human while on the job is hardly the exclusive misfortune of Cam Girls. I guess more people than I am comfortable admitting treat others like objects. Consent is indeed the key here. I will need to think more deeply about this issue before replying further. Valuable insight keeps poring in. Love being challenged to hone my thinking!

So, objectification happens more widely than I would care to admit, and may not always be bad, depending upon whether there is consent or not. See, baby steps, people.

@Rosy,

I grew up with the notion that porn was WRONG WRONG WRONG. Because I had unfulfilled and unexpressed sexual desire, I felt drawn to porn anyway even though I believed it was wrong. After finally "giving in" to porn after a long tug-of-war between resistance and desire, my views began to change. On the one hand, I felt a lot of guilt for regularly doing something I believed was wrong and kept trying to stop. On the other hand, I began to question whether it was really wrong or not, and to ask myself why I was behaving so compulsively toward it (which is what I mean by addiction: that is, that I would experience regular, strong cravings that were hard to resist and that I wanted to resist for various good reasons: like getting enough rest at night, having a clear mind, facing life's pain rather than avoiding it through dopamine surging, etc., while at the same time wanting to give in for the pleasure and distraction of it.) If it seems like I am trying to deny responsibility for my porn use, that is not the case. I take full responsibility. The purpose of this thread was not to blame anyone. It is to explore a subject I am curious about and to dialogue with others. I realize you do not need my approval or sympathy, and that's not what's on offer here.

 

[Yavin4MFC]

OP, I'd recommend looking up No Shame Movement and reading a lot of what they post. Toxic purity culture in Christianity can fuck you up very badly. You aren't alone, members as well as cam models came out of it.

http://noshamemovement.com/

 

[DonaDiabla]

Actually, kittywitty42, I believe you put too much meaning behind sex. It is a function like using the bathroom or eating. It is nothing more or less. Just a biological response that most living beings feel the need for. Yes, it is pleasurable but it is not the best thing ever. As far as being treated like object as an sex worker. It is really no different than being an actor in a play for me. You are just entertainment to pass the time in this dark world. I can accept being a novelty act or jerk off material for payment. As long as everyone is respectful and having fun; then it does not matter to me. As long as people accept the illusion and fantasy and try to make it into some sort of emotional engagement. I am just a performer giving men a show. Again, I do not have any those Western hangups so I can not relate to having unfulfilled sexual desires. My sexual desires have been easily fulfilled for the most part. However, I can relate to having unfulfilled financial desires. However, sex work does cure a lot of my unfulfilled financial desires.

Wow. I really appreciate the replies. It's a lot to process . . . but it's exactly what I wanted!

I'll say this upfront. I'm not asking everyone to agree with me; that was never the point. I like discussion and didn't come here to be right or to claim to be more informed than I am (not very). I came here to be exposed to dissenting points of view and to have my current thinking challenged as I am able to express it. I am no authority. I apologize that I am not the most concise or well-organized writer in the world, either, but I must work from where I am, even if that can feel frustratingly inadequate at times.

I like the comparison of a construction worker to a Cam Girl and appreciate the basic point that being taken advantage of or treated as less than human while on the job is hardly the exclusive misfortune of Cam Girls. I guess more people than I am comfortable admitting treat others like objects. Consent is indeed the key here. I will need to think more deeply about this issue before replying further. Valuable insight keeps poring in. Love being challenged to hone my thinking!

So, objectification happens more widely than I would care to admit, and may not always be bad, depending upon whether there is consent or not. See, baby steps, people.

@Rosy,

I grew up with the notion that porn was WRONG WRONG WRONG. Because I had unfulfilled and unexpressed sexual desire, I felt drawn to porn anyway even though I believed it was wrong. After finally "giving in" to porn after a long tug-of-war between resistance and desire, my views began to change. On the one hand, I felt a lot of guilt for regularly doing something I believed was wrong and kept trying to stop. On the other hand, I began to question whether it was really wrong or not, and to ask myself why I was behaving so compulsively toward it (which is what I mean by addiction: that is, that I would experience regular, strong cravings that were hard to resist and that I wanted to resist for various good reasons: like getting enough rest at night, having a clear mind, facing life's pain rather than avoiding it through dopamine surging, etc., while at the same time wanting to give in for the pleasure and distraction of it.) If it seems like I am trying to deny responsibility for my porn use, that is not the case. I take full responsibility. The purpose of this thread was not to blame anyone. It is to explore a subject I am curious about and to dialogue with others. I realize you do not need my approval or sympathy, and that's not what's on offer here.

 

[Guy]

@kittywitty42 The fact that your porn addiction started when you were religious is no coincidence.
Because conservative christians are sexually oppressed, they are a LOT more likely to get addicted to porn.
Your should google sex addiction therapists and contact ones that live in your area. Don't see one that is from a faith based resource.

 

[kittywitty42]

Actually, kittywitty42, I believe you put too much meaning behind sex. It is a function like using the bathroom or eating. It is nothing more or less. Just a biological response that most living beings feel the need for. Yes, it is pleasurable but it is not the best thing ever. As far as being treated like object as an sex worker. It is really no different than being an actor in a play for me. You are just entertainment to pass the time in this dark world. I can accept being a novelty act or jerk off material for payment. As long as everyone is respectful and having fun; then it does not matter to me. As long as people accept the illusion and fantasy and try to make it into some sort of emotional engagement. I am just a performer giving men a show. Again, I do not have any those Western hangups so I can not relate to having unfulfilled sexual desires. My sexual desires have been easily fulfilled for the most part. However, I can relate to having unfulfilled financial desires. However, sex work does cure a lot of my unfulfilled financial desires.

Interesting viewpoint. The significance I give to sex is more due to its current role in my life as a compulsion and the longstanding position of awkwardness it has held in my life. I don't actually think of it as the most important thing in the world. That would more go to exploring questions of ultimate meaning in life, loving others to the best of my ability, and other things. An actual, meaningful relationship with another human being will always be more interesting to me than physically relieving built up sexual tension.

Being comfortable in my own body and with the emotions and desires I have, however, is more of what I would be pursuing here. I would not confuse this with sex! Nor do I see it as "Whatever I want, well, that's something I should do." That seems foolish to me. What I am looking to do is more to learn to acknowledge my feelings and desires, accept them, but not feel like I must compulsively act upon them. In this vein I have started studying and practicing mindfulness. I really recommend it! Impulse control has long been a big issue for me.

When you use the language "this dark world," it resonates. Challenging as it may be, Christianity has shaped me in ways I would not undo. I want to believe there is more to life than simply pursuing pleasure until death and avoiding pain. I don't want to live a merely selfish life, no matter whether God is real or no (would that he were, and loving), and I don't want to live a life of fear. My life has long been based around avoiding pain above all else. I am finally making my feeble beginnings at embracing the fact that pain is a part of life, and to begin to open up to it rather than always resisting. I want to accept and heal myself so that I can join those who are providing light in the world. Not everyone will understand, and they will judge me for my mistakes and shortcomings, but I can still try. And I will.

 

[Mila_]

Hi, OP, welcome to ACF.

My views aren't shared by many here, but I believe I can add some contrast to this interesting thread.

In my opinion porn is not a positive thing. It satisfies men's sexual urges so they have less motivation to go find an actual woman in the real world. Real world women take effort and commitment. Porn is easy, immediate, and often free. This is only made worse by camsites because they add the emotional dimension to it. It isn't only simulated sex, but a simulated relationship. Why risk rejection? Why spend money and time and energy on someone who may or may not want you in the end when you can just go to a camsite? Some men are naturals with women and find it easy to hook up or get a girlfriend. But most men are not and learning game takes a lot of effort and thick skin.

From the perspective of an individual, porn can make you sabotage your future in exchange for immediate release. And if you look at a society, porn can undermine family formation and maintenance, which weakens it. In an ideal traditional society there is no porn and the only way to obtain sexual release is through marriage. Since each man only gets one wife in a traditional society, everyone settles and everyone (or almost everyone) has a life partner, so porn becomes almost irrelevant. Prostitutes still exist to satisfy men who are unhappy within their marriages, but it costs a pretty penny so it isn't something you do every day.

But we do not live in traditional societies anymore. The traditional family is becoming more rare and the majority of women my age do not want to get married or do it at a very late age. In a feminist society women are free to have as many partners as they wish and what this means is they are free to exercise hypergamy leaving 30% of men as incels for life. For these men camsites or porn could be the only outlet they can aspire to get. So I believe in a fucked up society like ours porn is a necessity.

Actually, kittywitty42, I believe you put too much meaning behind sex. It is a function like using the bathroom or eating. It is nothing more or less. Just a biological response that most living beings feel the need for.

This would be true if sex had no purpose beyond satisfying an urge. But unlike eating or peeing, the natural consequence of sex is having children. Sex also used to be full of meaning because it was something you shared only with someone you loved who could protect you and provide for your future children. So it does have a great meaning even if we pretend like it doesnt in the current year.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Hi, OP, welcome to ACF.

My views aren't shared by many here, but I believe I can add some contrast to this interesting thread.

In my opinion porn is not a positive thing. It satisfies men's sexual urges so they have less motivation to go find an actual woman in the real world. Real world women take effort and commitment. Porn is easy, immediate, and often free. This is only made worse by camsites because they add the emotional dimension to it. It isn't only simulated sex, but a simulated relationship. Why risk rejection? Why spend money and time and energy on someone who may or may not want you in the end when you can just go to a camsite? Some men are naturals with women and find it easy to hook up or get a girlfriend. But most men are not and learning game takes a lot of effort and thick skin.

From the perspective of an individual, porn can make you sabotage your future in exchange for immediate release. And if you look at a society, porn can undermine family formation and maintenance, which weakens it. In an ideal traditional society there is no porn and the only way to obtain sexual release is through marriage. Since each man only gets one wife in a traditional society, everyone settles and everyone (or almost everyone) has a life partner, so porn becomes almost irrelevant. Prostitutes still exist to satisfy men who are unhappy within their marriages, but it costs a pretty penny so it isn't something you do every day.

But we do not live in traditional societies anymore. The traditional family is becoming more rare and the majority of women my age do not want to get married or do it at a very late age. In a feminist society women are free to have as many partners as they wish and what this means is they are free to exercise hypergamy leaving 30% of men as incels for life. For these men camsites or porn could be the only outlet they can aspire to get. So I believe in a fucked up society like ours porn is a necessity.



This would be true if sex had no purpose beyond satisfying an urge. But unlike eating or peeing, the natural consequence of sex is having children. Sex also used to be full of meaning because it was something you shared only with someone you loved who could protect you and provide for your future children. So it does have a great meaning even if we pretend like it doesnt in the current year.

Counterpoint: is the "traditional society" truly something to aspire to/lament the corruption of? Boy meets girl, girl commits to boy (and that boy only), boy marries girl at a young age, girl gives boy a child, boy seeks expensive extra-marital sex once girl is no longer able to satisfy his urges, girl raises child with boy so that said child can dutifully grow up to fulfil its role in society. I get it, it works on paper, but is it truly ideal?

Marriage strikes me as an outdated institution that has all but lost its meaning and creates and exacerbates as many problems as it solves (not saying that people shouldn't marry the people they love, just that making marriage something akin to a societal mandate and a pre-requisite for sex isn't practical or productive any longer). Then there's the fact that not everybody wants children, and with the planet already being over-populated as it is, and unwanted and unloved children being an all too common occurrence, is that truly a bad thing?

I do agree that porn, and camming in particular can be stifling for the people on both sides of the camera. The users of cam sites can all too easily fall in to the trap of placing a greater importance on relationships that only exist online with a big asterisk attached to them than the relationships in the real world with real people that can truly make them happy; and models open themselves up to all sorts of issues the second they hit the 'broadcast' button.

So I agree that porn can be a detriment to individual growth and ultimately individual happiness (though in fairness, the same could be said of almost anything), but I'm not convinced the effect it has on this ideal social paradigm you allude to is all that pronounced. Or rather, I don't think that social paradigm is ideal, so the effect that porn has on it, isn't as troublesome to me.

 

[DonaDiabla]

Actually, Kitsune, sex holds no meaning in my culture at all. It was taught as an function nothing more nor less. Sure, it gives you pleasure and babies but it is meaningless in my cultural values. So, I am not pretending to be edgy or whatever. My parents, grandparents, and all of my ancestors believed this as well.. I do not believe that sex holds anything because that is how I was raised. Everyone in my family is raised that way and everyone finds "romantic" love to be fairy tales for those of the Western world. Nor do I believe in such fairy tales as that is not apart of my culture. For centuries, my ancestors even got married for cultural, financial and practical reasons. Thus,I do not have any hangups over sex nor sex work. I do not come from a Western mindset nor mentality. I do not believe in romantic love because that is a myth to me.So, you can not put Western relationship values on someone who was not raised that way and think they are fairy tales to her. By the way, I only pretend to care for my clients in this industry because they come from the Western world mainly. It is apart of my acting abilities and to make myself seem more "passionate" to them. However, my culture holds extreme nihilistic views on most things.

Hi, OP, welcome to ACF.

My views aren't shared by many here, but I believe I can add some contrast to this interesting thread.

In my opinion porn is not a positive thing. It satisfies men's sexual urges so they have less motivation to go find an actual woman in the real world. Real world women take effort and commitment. Porn is easy, immediate, and often free. This is only made worse by camsites because they add the emotional dimension to it. It isn't only simulated sex, but a simulated relationship. Why risk rejection? Why spend money and time and energy on someone who may or may not want you in the end when you can just go to a camsite? Some men are naturals with women and find it easy to hook up or get a girlfriend. But most men are not and learning game takes a lot of effort and thick skin.

From the perspective of an individual, porn can make you sabotage your future in exchange for immediate release. And if you look at a society, porn can undermine family formation and maintenance, which weakens it. In an ideal traditional society there is no porn and the only way to obtain sexual release is through marriage. Since each man only gets one wife in a traditional society, everyone settles and everyone (or almost everyone) has a life partner, so porn becomes almost irrelevant. Prostitutes still exist to satisfy men who are unhappy within their marriages, but it costs a pretty penny so it isn't something you do every day.

But we do not live in traditional societies anymore. The traditional family is becoming more rare and the majority of women my age do not want to get married or do it at a very late age. In a feminist society women are free to have as many partners as they wish and what this means is they are free to exercise hypergamy leaving 30% of men as incels for life. For these men camsites or porn could be the only outlet they can aspire to get. So I believe in a fucked up society like ours porn is a necessity.



This would be true if sex had no purpose beyond satisfying an urge. But unlike eating or peeing, the natural consequence of sex is having children. Sex also used to be full of meaning because it was something you shared only with someone you loved who could protect you and provide for your future children. So it does have a great meaning even if we pretend like it doesnt in the current year.

 

[Dani Picas]

Actually, Kitsune, sex holds no meaning in my culture at all. It was taught as an function nothing more nor less. Sure, it gives you pleasure and babies but it is meaningless in my cultural values. So, I am not pretending to be edgy or whatever. My parents, grandparents, and all of my ancestors believed this as well.. I do not believe that sex holds anything because that is how I was raised. Everyone in my family is raised that way and everyone finds "romantic" love to be fairy tales for those of the Western world. Nor do I believe in such fairy tales as that is not apart of my culture. For centuries, my ancestors even got married for cultural, financial and practical reasons. Thus,I do not have any hangups over sex nor sex work. I do not come from a Western mindset nor mentality. I do not believe in romantic love because that is a myth to me.So, you can not put Western relationship values on someone who was not raised that way and think they are fairy tales to her. By the way, I only pretend to care for my clients in this industry because they come from the Western world mainly. It is apart of my acting abilities and to make myself seem more "passionate" to them. However, my culture holds extreme nihilistic views on most things.

Just out of curiosity, where are you from ?

 

[DonaDiabla]

Dude, I can't really relate to this post for many reasons. Actually, I do not understand what this post have to do with sex work at all.Frankly, I am quite comfortable with myself and desires. Also, I do not come from a Western mindset and do not have guilt associated with sex. Christianity did not teach me about guilt when it comes to sex either. Also, I am a sex worker and I do not understand why you are having a rough time with understanding sex work. Sex work is not about having meaningful relationship with people.Porn is not about having meanful relationships. Sex work is just an outlet for men to get their rocks off and pay. Nothing more or less Sure, some people are looking for relationships with sex workers but those people are either white knights, captain-save-a-hoes,or something else.Personally, I believe that you should stay away from porn, camming, and everything sex work related because it does not make you happy.

Interesting viewpoint. The significance I give to sex is more due to its current role in my life as a compulsion and the longstanding position of awkwardness it has held in my life. I don't actually think of it as the most important thing in the world. That would more go to exploring questions of ultimate meaning in life, loving others to the best of my ability, and other things. An actual, meaningful relationship with another human being will always be more interesting to me than physically relieving built up sexual tension.

Being comfortable in my own body and with the emotions and desires I have, however, is more of what I would be pursuing here. I would not confuse this with sex! Nor do I see it as "Whatever I want, well, that's something I should do." That seems foolish to me. What I am looking to do is more to learn to acknowledge my feelings and desires, accept them, but not feel like I must compulsively act upon them. In this vein I have started studying and practicing mindfulness. I really recommend it! Impulse control has long been a big issue for me.

When you use the language "this dark world," it resonates. Challenging as it may be, Christianity has shaped me in ways I would not undo. I want to believe there is more to life than simply pursuing pleasure until death and avoiding pain. I don't want to live a merely selfish life, no matter whether God is real or no (would that he were, and loving), and I don't want to live a life of fear. My life has long been based around avoiding pain above all else. I am finally making my feeble beginnings at embracing the fact that pain is a part of life, and to begin to open up to it rather than always resisting. I want to accept and heal myself so that I can join those who are providing light in the world. Not everyone will understand, and they will judge me for my mistakes and shortcomings, but I can still try. And I will.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

Interesting viewpoint. The significance I give to sex is more due to its current role in my life as a compulsion and the longstanding position of awkwardness it has held in my life. I don't actually think of it as the most important thing in the world. That would more go to exploring questions of ultimate meaning in life, loving others to the best of my ability, and other things. An actual, meaningful relationship with another human being will always be more interesting to me than physically relieving built up sexual tension.

Being comfortable in my own body and with the emotions and desires I have, however, is more of what I would be pursuing here. I would not confuse this with sex! Nor do I see it as "Whatever I want, well, that's something I should do." That seems foolish to me. What I am looking to do is more to learn to acknowledge my feelings and desires, accept them, but not feel like I must compulsively act upon them. In this vein I have started studying and practicing mindfulness. I really recommend it! Impulse control has long been a big issue for me.

When you use the language "this dark world," it resonates. Challenging as it may be, Christianity has shaped me in ways I would not undo. I want to believe there is more to life than simply pursuing pleasure until death and avoiding pain. I don't want to live a merely selfish life, no matter whether God is real or no (would that he were, and loving), and I don't want to live a life of fear. My life has long been based around avoiding pain above all else. I am finally making my feeble beginnings at embracing the fact that pain is a part of life, and to begin to open up to it rather than always resisting. I want to accept and heal myself so that I can join those who are providing light in the world. Not everyone will understand, and they will judge me for my mistakes and shortcomings, but I can still try. And I will.

Now I'm confused. What was the reason for your original post? You seem pretty happy in your new ways and it doesn't sound like you want porn to be a part of your life. So what exactly are you here looking for?

If porn is unhealthy for you then good for you for realizing it but I certainly hope that you aren't assuming that because it has been an unhealthy outlet in your life that it must be that way for everyone.

 

[DonaDiabla]

I was born in America but I am of Afro-Latina/Caribbean descent.However, my cultural values come straight out of Medieval Kongo.

Just out of curiosity, where are you from ?

 

[Gen]

I agree with @Kitsune a lot (on her point and also that it's unpopular on this, a board full of people who watch and/or make porn, haha).

Overall I don't think porn is especially healthy or a positive thing in society. I have concerns about ~the children~ and how accessible porn is. and the common occurance of escalation where just watching some chick get fucked isn't interesting anymore and you slowly start looking for more extreme things. I don't think porn intended for adults has a responsibility to censor itself or be educational just because kids will inevitably find it; that said, I think it's not insignificant that kids have increasing access to adult content (of all kinds -- porn, movies, etc) and will be exposed to and shaped by it. (I saw Jaws when I was little and it terrified me for life!!! )

When I first started camming, I did feel objectified because I was trying to do what I felt I was supposed to. It took me time to realize I could do whatever I wanted and do things on my own terms. That said, I still feel some of my regulars see me in a purely sexual light -- I have some really dope regs who fap to me and also ask about school, my dogs, my job, etc and joke around with me. But there are also the types who reply to a snapchat of me at school saying "mmm u should be naked, u should flash ur prof for an a". And that makes me feel objectified, which isn't necessarily a bad thing -- they're paying for sexual entertainment. I am content to offer sexual services, and I do so willingly, and so it doesn't offend or bother me to feel reduced (in that persons eyes) to an object. But I do feel objectified.

To add to that, I feel camming can counter a lot of the objectification in that it inherently has interaction. So many members on MFC came for the boobies, stayed because they found a model or models who they think is awesome. So I feel that's a big difference between camming and traditional porn.

Being a psych student who's interested in sexuality, I read a lot of studies about the effects of porn and they paint a fairly grim picture. i will look up the prison study that Serenity mentioned but if anyone has more positive links I would love to see more.

I honestly feel these conversations get stunted at times because we're so used to defending our jobs to outsiders, where we almost have to rely on generalizations and absolutes to defend it. But I think it's okay to consider potential negatives, without that necessarily meaning we're disparaging ourselves or our customers. I am a tiny fish in a giant porn pond, so I don't lose sleep over contributing to an industry that I think can *potentially* have negative effects. (Obviously everyone has different perspectives, haha, I just mean it often seems each side of the argument falls into "it's 100% good" or "100% bad" and I think there can be truth in the middle.)

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Sex also used to be full of meaning because it was something you shared only with someone you loved who could protect you and provide for your future children.

When was this?

 

[Yavin4MFC]

I want to believe there is more to life than simply pursuing pleasure until death and avoiding pain.

Read Ecclesiastes.