Regarding members who get "too attached."

[Sevrin]

It wasn't really an odd request, but there was something in CamiliaSilf's reply in the "wierdest thing someone has ever asked you to do in private?" that caught my eye.

others, hmm, i have had guys take me pvt to talk, one actually left mfc cause he was getting too attached to me...

I didn't think the thing about taking models into pvt to talk as being particularly unusual, as I see it happening all the time. I spent a fair amount of time with one model after she told me that she was kind of down because of her situation. This was a model I'd known for a while, and we'd already done the pvt steamy thing, and this wasn't some string-along BS. All we did was chat about her crap and my crap, and it was fine. The last part was more intriguing. Would you really want to know if someone left a site you were on for this reason?

Members come and go for any number of reasons and you are never the wiser. Wouldn't it mess with your head more than anything to know that someone left specifically because of you? I'm not saying that we're merely seen as token dispensers, but the way I see it, a model can't really afford to get too far into the members' heads and keep their sanity in this business. The outright assholes are bad enough, but I can see members who get too close potentially being an even bigger issue.

 

[LadyLuna]

Re: A Question for the Ladies of the Cam

Would you really want to know if someone left a site you were on for this reason?

Members come and go for any number of reasons and you are never the wiser. Wouldn't it mess with your head more than anything to know that someone left specifically because of you?

I think that depends on the model, and possibly the situation.

It's difficult for me to tell how I'd react to such a thing, because it really depends on how bad my paranoia's been in general and how bad it's been about that particular member.

If it's been bad on the member but not in general, I'll probably be a bit reassured. If it's been bad in general, I'll probably start being paranoid about the member. If it's been bad in general and bad on the person in specific, there goes my sanity.

I'm not saying that we're merely seen as token dispensers, but the way I see it, a model can't really afford to get too far into the members' heads and keep their sanity in this business. The outright assholes are bad enough, but I can see members who get too close potentially being an even bigger issue.

Very perceptive of you. And also very true, for too close romantically. I don't see, however, a problem with becoming a very close friend of a regular. As long as it's a TRUE friendship, and not a pity "aw, he needs me, I should give him attention" thing. Because those are the ones who will probably end up having to leave...

 

[Bocefish]

Re: A Question for the Ladies of the Cam

I'm no model...but I'll add my unsolicited opinion.

Sounds passive aggressive to me...maybe trying to lay a guilt trip down.

It's NOT a model's fault if a guy gets too attached! :violin:

A couple models touch on this very subject in the Model's Pet Peeves thread.

For example:

My top two pet peeves are:

Guys 'falling in love' and getting WAY too attached. I've had guys emailing me saying they don't know what to do, and are considering leaving their wives, it's worrying!

 

[LadyLuna]

Re: A Question for the Ladies of the Cam

I'm no model...but I'll add my unsolicited opinion.

Sounds passive aggressive to me...maybe trying to lay a guilt trip down.

It's NOT a model's fault if a guy gets too attached! :violin:

Unless the model was specifically playing him, hoping to get tokens off his attachment.

But I doubt any of the models here do that sort of thing.

 

[AedanRayne]

Re: A Question for the Ladies of the Cam

It's really bothersome if members "fall in love" with me. I'm down for being friends n all, but once they cross that line it totally freaks me out. I have one member who continues to tell me he's looking for work in my state. He actually suggested that he could move in with me weeks after we met. I told him this behavior does -NOT- fly with me. He lays off the 'meeting' talk for a little while, but the moment I'm nice to him he begins talking about how he's looking for work near me. Delusional?

 

[AmbrosiaCer]

Re: A Question for the Ladies of the Cam

Hahaha, I am STILL getting occasional PMs from this guy: http://camgirlinsider.tumblr.com/post/6 ... o-grown-up

(Submissions to the Tumblr are welcome, BTW.)

 

[AlexLady]

Re: A Question for the Ladies of the Cam

I've never had it happen as I'm usually pretty straight forward and that tends to scare people who are too stupid to figure out that this isn't a dating site away.

Besides, I'm willing to bet that if a guy had this problem it'd be lust and not love.



Though I do believe you can fall in love with someone online, it's only the friend-type love.

And yes, someone online can be dear to you - but um, if someone falls in love with you -that- much on a cam site then there's probably a lot more he's fallen in love with than the model. For example maybe he loves the idea of spending time with someone--anyone--who he can get along with. People can get confused and addicted to broad love like this.

 

[LuxDahl]

Re: A Question for the Ladies of the Cam

I had a guy in my room for about 15 minutes that said he wrote poetry so I told him to send me some of his work since I also write (although not poetry). Just common ground, expressing interest in the written word of others (I am). And yeah...now he's sending me emails now telling me he's printed my pics out and put them on his nightstand and how much he loves me and all this other sappy stuff that just comes off as plain creepy.

If a member left the site because somehow he couldn't control his "feelings" for me, that would be his problem and not mine. I'm a very real person and it's easy to get to know me in some aspects, but under no circumstance should they believe they know enough about me to develop longings of that nature. Close friend? Sure, that could happen and I wouldn't mind. Potential lover/soulmate? Natch. I've had it happen before and nipping it in the bud sooner rather than later is a really good idea. Most guys mean no harm, but some are straight-up sociopaths.

 

[camiliasilf]

i am very straight forward in my room, everyone knows i am married and that my husband frequents my room.. it is also known that i have a child and am activly working on having another (pregnancy fetish anyone)

however with that said, the guy that left did want a friend and he was physically disabled so it was unlikely hed meet anyone so probably he confused loved with the friendship i was offering without judgement, (husband is a nurse so i dont mind disablity and am quite used to it)

i also have another premium who has been in my room for two years and activley tells people he is in love with me, his parents even know about me... he knows i dont feel the same way but is ok with that...

to me... as long as the guy doesnt try to hunt me down or something and take it to stalker stage.... i dont mind being a bright spot in his day or night or week... and who am i to cut him off from something that may be the one happiness in his week.... now more to the question of the topic.... it did not mess with myhead cause he left because of me because i knew he was protecting himself... he was a longterm premium of mine and i did appreciate that he told me this...

future premiums... well as i do make friends with mine... i actually am ok knowing or not knowing why they leave... either way its their choice and i do like to say bye... i know people will get attached and if they need to leave because of that... i understand completely.. i dont intend for them to get attached but i know it will happen

oh and i do form true friendships with people as well, the one loyal that has been there for two years... i do look forward to sharing things with him that made me laugh and such... and i know no matter what i have at least one person on this site that will make me feel good no matter how the night is going

 

[Jebbaz]

I do see some models who exploit this rather creepy predicament that some gents seem to find themselves in, and honestly I can't blame them. These guys who get so attached don't seem to get the concept of the site. It's ok to have some degree of infatuation with your favorite models, thats where the desire to watch them again and again, and build a friendship with them comes into play. But falling in love with a model, most likely hundreds if not thousands of miles away, who (and lets be honest here, the average user of mfc isnt the most physically appealing chap, while the girls are for the most part beauties in a class all their own) has no interest in them other than a business or friendly relationship, is just retarded. Its creepy for the girls, and its creepy for those of us who watch these guys do it.

My two cents.

 

[Bocefish]

Loving friendships cultivated over time is one thing, but it's a whole lot different from being in love. I can't even imagine being in love with someone I've never met or spent a great deal of time with in person.

 

[Keithy]

I hit on everything that moves. One day, it might work. Then who's the idiot?

 

[Cassidy Nicole]

I knew a guy that used to go up to every girl in a club and ask "hey do you go home and fuck?"


Every night he went home with someone.

 

[LadyLuna]

As to falling in love with someone online...

Master and I met online. But, I didn't fall in love until we met in person.

Despite the fact that he is exactly the same in person as he was online, I still couldn't fall in love until we met in person, and with how fast it happened after that, well, I know for a fact if it could've happened online, it would've. And it didn't. So I definitely agree that you can't really fall in love with someone online.

However, the person didn't say "falling in love". They said "getting too attached". There's a difference. It's definitely possible to get too attached to a model without ever meeting her in person.

 

[autumnpeach]

I had a member do this to me just today, and I didn't really know how to deal with it. He took me into my first private back in January and wanted me to move out to Louisiana to be with him! I didn't really know what to say at the time (noob moment - still have those!), so I just didn't really say yes or no. I don't know if that led him on...

Anyway, I starting camming again at the beginning of September. I had told everyone that I was single in January (even though I wasn't) because I thought that was what people wanted to hear. I decided that I didn't want to lie this time, so I am telling everyone that I have a boyfriend. As soon as I got on the first time to fix my profile, he was on and was really upset that it said I was involved now. I didn't see him for a while, but he came into my room today and PM'ed me. He told me how disappointed he was in me and that I had led him on and told him I was going to come visit him and how he really wanted to meet me. I mean, come on dude, this isn't a dating site. I wasn't trying to find a boyfriend, I just like hanging out and talking to guys!

I didn't mean to lead him on (and don't even know if I did), but what do you think I should do with him in the future? I don't think that he will bother me anymore (or I hope he won't), but what if he does?

Kisses,

Autumn

 

[camiliasilf]

i hate to say it almost but if he is a bother... just put him on ignore.... if he is a friend of yours... maybe tell him that you werent trying to lead him on but if he continues to be a bother you will have to ban and ignore him...

either way try not to waste energy on ... be to the point and honest about how it will be if hes an ass and move on i suppose

 

[AmbrosiaCer]

I just had another guy do that to me yesterday... I wouldn't tell him my real name so he calls me Fred. xP But yeah... Here's a bit of the whole log.

Member: do i have a chance with you Fred
AmbrosiaCer: Haha sorry
Member: i guessed no
AmbrosiaCer: aw
Member: give me a chance fred
AmbrosiaCer: Sorry, I cant
Member: why not
AmbrosiaCer: I don't meetup with people from here
Member: i will keep trying to get you to change your mind

...

Member: Fred - i am a happy man
Member: i will give you as much time as you want
AmbrosiaCer: And the more important part is, I don't dig guys that say they fell in love wiht a girl while barely knowing a thing about her
AmbrosiaCer: No sorry
Member: nor did i
Member: till i saw you
Member: Fred - i am a happy man
Member: i will give you as much time as you want

 

[Sevrin]

If someone gets clingy with you and won't take no for an answer, it's probably not his first time and it won't be his last. The alternative is that he is trying to screw with you. There are all kinds at MFC. In either case, I would end it and let the site know, just so they have a record in case the member does this with other models in the future.

 

[Cassidy Nicole]

I mean I find it super annoying for guys to ask to meet, beg to be my boyfriend, and want me to move in with them and all that, but I know 2 personal friends who are also cam girls who have moved states away with guys they met on MFC or other sites. So I guess it happens more than we think

 

[Sevrin]

For American models, I'm sure it's mostly creepy. However, for *some* girls living in EE or, especially, the Philippines, I'm sure there are some who can think of a lot worse things than taking a chance on some guy living in a Western country. "Civilian" jobs are not plentiful in some parts of the world and they can't cam forever. There are a lot of risks - more than I'd be prepared to take - on both sides, but in some cases, there's also a lot of upside potential.

 

[Enon]

however with that said, the guy that left did want a friend and he was physically disabled so it was unlikely hed meet anyone so probably he confused loved with the friendship i was offering without judgement, (husband is a nurse so i dont mind disablity and am quite used to it)

I've often wondered how many other crippled dudes frequent MFC...

 

[Sevrin]

I've often wondered how many other crippled dudes frequent MFC...

A lot. Often, it's emotionally.

 

[Cassidy Nicole]

I've often wondered how many other crippled dudes frequent MFC...

A lot. Often, it's emotionally.

Yup, for some guys this is basically there only interaction with other people.

 

[Jebbaz]

There are a lot of crippled men who frequent the website, they get to make friends with and view a beautiful woman in a sexual way, which is in no way easy for a man confined to a wheel chair I'm sure.

 

[Chrisb2k8]

I met my girlfriend from this site and she lived all the way in romania and i lived in the uk. But luckily we made it work i stayed in romania for a month and now she is living with me in england. So its not always bad when a guy gets attatched, the model might fall in love with him afterall if he stands out from the crowd.

 

[Enon]

I've often wondered how many other crippled dudes frequent MFC...

A lot. Often, it's emotionally.

Yup, for some guys this is basically there only interaction with other people.

That's a very sad thought. I've definitely gotten that vibe from the one or two handicapped folks that visited Amber's room besides myself. I feel bad for them.

I am one of the aforementioned crippled dudes, but I have a shitload of amazing friends and family. I mainly perv on Amber because I'm a pervert.

 

[NinjaPerv]

People say mfc isn't a dating site, but honestly when you have guys with money and beautiful girls its gonna happen. While i'm sure the average guy that visits mfc isn't the best looking, there are good looking guys wandering around also. Honestly you never know what girls like anyway, either way if a guy has enough money some girls will deal with it. Yet others may try to run scams....
And for some girls living in less developed countries it really is their golden ticket out.

cam to cam is fun, but it also puts things on a more personal level for both, especially after several months.
So i can see how this may cause guys to get confused or models too.....

Personally i can't see falling in love with someone online, just a strong infatuation, but people get things confused.
For me if the sex isn't good its not going to work out in the long run, and you can't find that out just online... Now if you paid for a "date" and fell in love thats a different story....

Either way in the long run i think its best for girls to be honest about being married or having a bf. Plenty of girls say they're married or have boy friends and still have big followings. Even when you tell guys you have a boy friend, that doesn't phase them, but at least this way, they only have themselves to blame if they get denied.

I think its easier for studio girls to say they don't have a boy friend or aren't married, because they work set hours and not at home. But i've seen a number of studio girls who claimed they didn't, then decided to work on their own from home and ..... yea some butt-hurt members for sure. Definitely more problematic when starting out on a new account to lose regulars.
I mean honestly how long is a hot girl gonna stay single.

 

[LadyLuna]

People say mfc isn't a dating site, but honestly when you have guys with money and beautiful girls its gonna happen.

Very true. But some guys actually come in thinking it is a dating site, because of this one ad that they have. I think it goes something like "Looking to meet beautiful girls from all over the world?" This one member who came in thought it was, and I, being the first model he met, had a bit of confusion about it, since I have that "girl next door" persona.

All I can say about it is- when you have men and women meeting and speaking on a daily basis, relationships happen. They happen at work, at school, at the library, at the movies. A girl can meet a guy anywhere and end up in a relationship with him. That doesn't mean that every guy who's looking to score should go to that one spot looking for a girl.

"MFC is not a dating site" is a line I see using for the guys who think all the models are there to meet the prince charming who will sweep them off their feet, and make money while they wait for him to show up. And yes, those guys do exist, since I've actually had guys tell me "you're here to meet guys, aren't you?"

"MFC is not a dating site" doesn't mean that no one will hook up through mfc, just as "the con is not a dating service" doesn't mean that no one will hook up at a con. (though, the odds of hooking up on mfc are probably a bit higher than the odds of hooking up at a con )

It's not a dating site. Not all the models are looking to meet someone. It's not a porn site, as there is nothing in the rules that states we must do pornographic things- just that we have to tell members if we're not going to get naked in private.

 

[heart42]

I admit that some guys get too attached but I hope I never end up like that as I love women grant you that much but there's a thin line
between friendship,love & stalking. MFC needs to stand by their models when there's a problem with certain guys & I hope they do as
this is a class orginazation & models need to be alert as well for this problem

 

[Mirra]

I met my girlfriend from this site and she lived all the way in romania and i lived in the uk. But luckily we made it work i stayed in romania for a month and now she is living with me in england. So its not always bad when a guy gets attatched, the model might fall in love with him afterall if he stands out from the crowd.

While "MFC is not a dating site" has pretty well been covered by others, I just want to touch on this in my own words. When people interact, relationships happen and sometimes it can end up like our buddy Chrisb2k8 there. My money says, however, that he was not on MFC looking for a wife and that's the point. MFC can lead to more but it should not be a destination for such things. If it happens, cool. If not, fap and move on.