Should I tell my date over text or wait to be in person?

[callmejesss]

I've been chatting/texting with a guy for about a month now but due to his thesis and my finals, we haven't met up yet. If we had already met and were going on in person dates I would have told him about my camming already, but I haven't. The longer we talk via text the more I want to just be upfront about it because we're getting to know each other more and more and I really like him.

But, I also feel like it's better to be discussed in person, but I don't know exactly when we'll be meeting up and I feel more and more nervous every day.

Thoughts?

Edit: I'm not currently camming but have in the past 6 months and hope to start up again sometime soonish

 

[rockin_rod]

Personally I would take it easy and just see how your first face-to-face meeting goes. If you mutually want to see each other again, and it looks like developing, that's probably as good a time as any to bring the subject up.
Can I ask though, how did you connect in the first place, if not in person?
At the risk of sounding Dad-like, you should take precautions around that first meeting - make sure a friend knows exactly where you are, check in regularly with them throughout the date (especially if you change locations), stay in a public place, never leave a drink unattended or accept one you haven't bought or seen poured etc.

 

[callmejesss]

Personally I would take it easy and just see how your first face-to-face meeting goes. If you mutually want to see each other again, and it looks like developing, that's probably as good a time as any to bring the subject up.
Can I ask though, how did you connect in the first place, if not in person?
At the risk of sounding Dad-like, you should take precautions around that first meeting - make sure a friend knows exactly where you are, check in regularly with them throughout the date (especially if you change locations), stay in a public place, never leave a drink unattended or accept one you haven't bought or seen poured etc.

I'm just nervous, I really like him and it seems like we're on the right track. Also, if all goes well we will likely have sex on the first date (based on sex discussions) and I feel like I should get it discussed before that. I've tried to put as many signals that I do SW where he (and other people) could see it.

We met on Bumble, which I never had much success with until him. I put a picture in amongst my face that used a spice girls image to say that "if you wanna be my lover, you gotta be pro sex work" and I've posted plenty of pro sex work posts on instagram where he now follows me, so I'm hoping he's on board.

No, being Dad-like is wonderful, I really appreciate it. We're going to be meeting in public certainly, at a bar most likely, and of course, I'll be very cautious.

 

[Nigerian Prince]

I think it would be better to call him, would definitely be much easier to have a discussion about it over a call then by text, and I think it would be more ideal if he ends up having a really negative reactions.

 

[rockin_rod]

Thanks for the extra info! Hopefully your openness towards the industry isn't what attracted him, and that he's just a cool guy.
I guess the timing of when and how you tell him is really up to you and how you read the situation, so can't offer much in the way of advice.
But I will say that if he really likes you but is put off by your work, better you find out early rather than after investing time and emotion in it.
To me, it makes no difference, it is the person that matters. But not everyone is on the same page.
Good luck!!!

 

[callmejesss]

I think it would be better to call him, would definitely be much easier to have a discussion about it over a call then by text, and I think it would be more ideal if he ends up having a really negative reactions.

We've never actually talked on the phone so I think it would actually be weirder to call him for the first time and tell him, much more awkward. Though I agree, if we had a regular call routine or had talked on the phone at all I would for sure prefer that forum

 

[InAweOfCB]

I've been chatting/texting with a guy for about a month now but due to his thesis and my finals, we haven't met up yet. If we had already met and were going on in person dates I would have told him about my camming already, but I haven't. The longer we talk via text the more I want to just be upfront about it because we're getting to know each other more and more and I really like him.

But, I also feel like it's better to be discussed in person, but I don't know exactly when we'll be meeting up and I feel more and more nervous every day.

Thoughts?

Edit: I'm not currently camming but have in the past 6 months and hope to start up again sometime soonish

It sounds as though you have other avenues for your life's passions... and surely there are (for example) lots of young women who have done some sort of sex work to fund their way through college. With that in mind, the concerns you have will likely be recognized in his head as a means to an end, and that will likely reduce any perceived stigma.

Additionally, IF you are (likely to have sex on the first date)... he probably already recognizes a certain vibe about you which is beneath the same umbrella as most anyone might perceive about sex work.

IF his sense OF you, were markedly different from YOU-you... then he wouldn't be anticipating sex on the first date, and neither would you.


LOTS of human life happens merely because people were not on the proverbial "same page"... but most hints in this case imply that your page and his are quite nearby to one another.

I think it will go well no matter when you tell him... BUT at the same time, you DO want to tell him early-ish, and NOT have such a thing as a "surprise" of any sort down the road.

 

[thinkinboutit]

Also at the risk of sounding like dad....

Don't share your camsite link/persona if you're not confident this relationship is going to be a stable/long term one. Yes you will need to explain at some point what you do. But sharing the intimate details of your work with someone you're only dating casually isn't worth the potential fallout IMO.

Sorry if that's super obvious. I started camming many years ago and been through a bunch of dating misadventures. I hope this goes great for you OP!

 

[callmejesss]

Also at the risk of sounding like dad....

Don't share your camsite link/persona if you're not confident this relationship is going to be a stable/long term one. Yes you will need to explain at some point what you do. But sharing the intimate details of your work with someone you're only dating casually isn't worth the potential fallout IMO.

Sorry if that's super obvious. I started camming many years ago and been through a bunch of dating misadventures. I hope this goes great for you OP!

That's something I hadn't thought of! Thanks for the response, I'll definitely keep that in mind and be cautious about what I share with him!

 

[MallorieReese]

Would you rather have someone tell you an important thing over the phone? I wouldn't. I hate texts when it comesto important stuff. I guess e real convo would be so much better x

 

[haravoss]

Definitely in person! But I wouldn't tell him right now, go on a few dates with him, see if you vibe together and if he's a good person. It's a big information and maybe it's best to share it with someone you know a bit.

 

[curious68]

I haven't read the other replies, but I wonder if there is another option. If only there was a way to talk to him beforehand, but not in a face to face situation. If only someone could invent a texting device that allowed people to actually communicate through speech with a microphone and listening thing

 

[Danigirl]

Uh you haven't even met the dude yet. Some people click over texts and have zero chemistry in person. I wouldnt say anything until at least meeting and having a mutual spark. I wouldn't even tell the first date. Takes a bunch of dates to get to know a person and see what they're like when not on best behavior. Why give your info to someone who could easily doxx you? I'm assuming he has your actual name and details so I would never risk that getting leaked especially for someone you've never met. Girls always have to be on guard meeting new dudes and especially given how we make money. Security and safety should be important.

 

[Billyboy]

We've never actually talked on the phone so I think it would actually be weirder to call him for the first time and tell him, much more awkward. Though I agree, if we had a regular call routine or had talked on the phone at all I would for sure prefer that forum

Hi Jess, any reason you haven't spoken on the phone, or is that how things work these days? lol, I'm early fifties.

Reason I ask is that it is easy to cultivate a persona with texts etc, when you can think about each reply, much harder in real time. Even more so if you video chat. I prefer a face to face, verbal interaction with somebody, even new people I meet at work, than instant message and emails. Maybe I am just old fashioned!

 

[yummybrownfox]

Uh you haven't even met the dude yet. Some people click over texts and have zero chemistry in person. I wouldnt say anything until at least meeting and having a mutual spark. I wouldn't even tell the first date. Takes a bunch of dates to get to know a person and see what they're like when not on best behavior. Why give your info to someone who could easily doxx you? I'm assuming he has your actual name and details so I would never risk that getting leaked especially for someone you've never met. Girls always have to be on guard meeting new dudes and especially given how we make money. Security and safety should be important.

This. It's a good thing I'm not dating/in a relationship, because I have no interest in telling a guy IRL (who knows my real name and where I live) the name of the cam site and my name on there. I don't need any of my "IRL" people crossing over into my "adult" world. I barely trust men these days as it is. Lol.

 

[melanieoncam]

Even if you weren't in sex work, and putting that issue aside for a moment, meeting in person is very very different than talking online, and you have never even heard his voice?

I think it would be wise to put the brakes on sharing any personal information and good grief do not have sex the first time you ever meet in person! You don't really know him at all yet. This could end up being a nightmare scenario. If you really like him it's worth waiting for a bit since with some guys that fire will burn hot and then completely burn out fast if you hop into bed. Happened to me before. To me it's so much sexier to get to know him better and let that sexual tension build a bit first.

Have a few very casual in person dates before you move forward, then you can consider sharing more personal information and maybe becoming intimate.

 

[Deleted member 45270]

Since 2015, all of my relationships have been online-only, so the talk has had to have happened online; the big difference is that my real name wasn't exposed first, we were all under usernames/fake names for months beforehand, which definitely takes the edge off. But that's not going to be the case for most - especially on a dating app! (honestly, I'd still be using a fake name on a dating app in case someone happened to recognise my face and I could feel safer knowing my real name isn't out there...)

I do 100% agree to talk on mic/video (think skype, discord, etc) before meeting irl to test chemistry. Seems like it would fit both of your schedules right now anyway.

You have mentioned being pro sex work in your dating profile, which is one way to go about it for sure.
Another way is to bring up a SW related topic, like, "oh, [x celebrity] started an onlyfans" and try to fish out their feelings about SW while talking about someone else in SW.

Good luck OP, I hope it works out!

 

[Smores]

I think it is the most common thing in the world for people to have lots of chemistry by email and text, only to discover they have no chemistry at all in person. If I started from 100 women with whom I had chemistry only by email and text, the number I would still feel chemistry for after a phone conversation would be less than 10. If I then met those 10 women, I might want to pursue two of them further. Those are not great numbers. If you have never spoken to him, I think you might be letting your emotions get ahead of reality.

The way you described things, I have a real concern that by saying you are "pro sex work" you made yourself a target for someone who wants sex. Right or wrong, the typical guy assumes sex workers are easier to "score" with when in fact the opposite is the truth.

I think you should not be outing your sex work until it is obvious he wants to consider a committed relationship. And you need to be prepared for the possibility that he will not want to date you after he learns about it. That's a hard situation, and I understand why you want to be up front with him. But at this point he could turn on you and dox you, and you have to think about self preservation first.

 

[thinkinboutit]

I must have missed it, but yes if you have never you might want to have some Facetime dates before meeting up. MTVs Catfish has been adapted as a podcast and Ive been binge listening

@Danigirl said it really well. several in person dates before telling him about camming. And serious relationship before telling where you work. Ive had guys who seemed totally cool get pushy and weird after telling them.
(Hope that doesn’t sound patronizing)

 

[uzhvecher]

This post is so sweet. It's a total breath of fresh air. Best of luck with this, OP.

 

[EvaRomania]

I've been chatting/texting with a guy for about a month now but due to his thesis and my finals, we haven't met up yet. If we had already met and were going on in person dates I would have told him about my camming already, but I haven't. The longer we talk via text the more I want to just be upfront about it because we're getting to know each other more and more and I really like him.

But, I also feel like it's better to be discussed in person, but I don't know exactly when we'll be meeting up and I feel more and more nervous every day.

Thoughts?

Edit: I'm not currently camming but have in the past 6 months and hope to start up again sometime soonish

Be honest and open with him and tell him about it. It is the best way to start the relationship. I don't believe in relationships with secrets

 

[thealixlynx]

I've been chatting/texting with a guy for about a month now but due to his thesis and my finals, we haven't met up yet. If we had already met and were going on in person dates I would have told him about my camming already, but I haven't. The longer we talk via text the more I want to just be upfront about it because we're getting to know each other more and more and I really like him.

But, I also feel like it's better to be discussed in person, but I don't know exactly when we'll be meeting up and I feel more and more nervous every day.

Thoughts?

Edit: I'm not currently camming but have in the past 6 months and hope to start up again sometime soonish

10000% tell him in person.

While telling him via text may seem easier, I think there's more of a risk of him taking it the wrong way this way. With text, you can't read a person's body language. You can't tell intonations, or emotion behind it if that makes sense, which is so crucial for delivering this news.

I also think waiting to do it in person is more respectable, and while it's uncomfortable, you'll also have him right there in front of you so you can gauge his reaction. PLUS, he'll be able to ask you any questions he has on the spot.

In my experience, too, it's ALL in how you deliver the news. So if you act shameful, or insecure about it, he'll pick up on those vibes. If you have the vibe of "Hey I did this thing that I liked and now I want to start back up, it was so fun and empowering, but I wanted to be open about it with you. I'm an open book so please ask me any questions, etc." that kinda thing. I find it's received WAY better this way. It may be a shock for him initially bc different people have different views on sex/sex work.

All in all it's like ripping a Bandaid off. Best to do it sooner than later and best to do it in person. You got this.