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someone is falling in love with me

Discussion in 'Ask-a-Model!' started by Nina L, Mar 12, 2018.

  1. Nina L

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2018
    Messages:
    5
    what do you do when a guy you do shows with is falling (but really falling) in love with you ? I'm afraid to hurt him... Because I am what I am and it's very weird to mix feelings and the "work" together... Maybe I'm just being silly... but really I would like to know what to do in those kinds of situation ? do you encourage it ? (the guy is really a nice person, kind and generous, etc.)

    sorry for my english, still working on it !
     
  2. AwesomeKate

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2012
    Messages:
    777
    A guy who I thought was in love with me actually wasn't. He tipped me a lot and talked to me every day but it turns out he just thought it was fun and sexy and wasn't actually interested in being with me. So... Maybe just ask him how he feels?
     
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  3. Songbird_Shelly

    Joined:
    May 24, 2015
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    2,088
    Are you sure it's love, and not lust?
     
  4. Wolf_3_5_9

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2018
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    I would say just be honest about your boundaries ("I never meet members in real life", etc.) if it ever comes up.

    "Encouraging it" is a broad spectrum. On one end, it's your job to be sexy, flirty, and try to connect to your members emotionally. On the other end is manipulation through saying things like "If only I had enough money, I could come see you," while having no intention of doing that. If you stick to the former and not the latter, I think you are OK.
     
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  5. WickedTouch

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2011
    Messages:
    2,339
    Personally, I hold to the idea that what happens in camland, should always stay in camland.

    More than likely he has fallen for your performance... your on-screen cam persona, not the real you. Just tell him that you are simply a little princess made out of pixels who exists only on his computer, but like a fish taken out of the water, you can't exist in another world.

    ;)
     
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  6. Pure_emotion

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2013
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    For some people is just a fantasy, they never gonna act on it.
     
  7. Goblin

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2018
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    I may be wrong, but I think OP is talking about doing B/G shows and the guy is falling for her, not a member.
     
  8. ForceTen

    Joined:
    May 11, 2017
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    That is how I took it as as well. Either way, just inquire.
     
  9. Nina L

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2018
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    Yeah we talked about it actually and it's mostly not sexual he only pay me for talking with him... and he actually told me he was starting to feel sad about how he feels...
     
  10. ForceTen

    Joined:
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    Was it a member then, or is it someone you do a M/F cam show with?
     
  11. AudriTwo

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2014
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    You need to lay out clear boundaries. Don't be afraid to hurt someone's feelings. It's crueler to lead them on by not being honest. Which will end up hurting them more in the end. If it costs you a reg, oh well.

    If you do enjoy your talks with him, tell him. But mention it's strictly platonic.
     
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  12. Starman

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2017
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    99
    "mostly" not sexual. So, it is sexual, but not ONLY sexual. And he's hoping you feel the same. That's my guess.

    I suggest telling him - or hinting - that you have a boyfriend. See if he still just wants to hang around to talk.
     
  13. Nina L

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2018
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    All right, thank you :)
     
  14. Lexi Lovegood

    Cam Model

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    Mar 1, 2018
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    92
    Can I use this quote on my profile? I kind of love it.
     
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  15. MojitosJourney

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2015
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    842
    I had a member who told me on several occasions that he felt he could fall in love with me, and then minutes later on several occasions said he loved me. I'm all for love-fantasy-roleplay but it wasn't clear that's what I was doing or if he was serious. He was spending quite a bit, so after this happened a few times I told him I was uncomfortable with him telling me that he loves me, unless I know it's 100% fantasy only. He came back again, still interested, listened to my request and no longer acted super romantic and did not say I love you - and spent less money. I think he enjoyed mostly the fantasy of love, which led him to spend more, as he was getting what he desired - but morally I felt uncomfortable giving that to him in case he was serious and would get hurt.
     
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  16. kimimo

    Banhammered

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2018
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    I have actually seen a model getting to move from Europe to USA to marry her clients who they met on a cam site
     
  17. AmberCutie

    AmberCutie ACF Owner & Admin. (I don't work for CB.)
    Staff Member Cam Model

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    More than one?
     
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  18. kimimo

    Banhammered

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2018
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    sorry just one of the clients
     
  19. Starman

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2017
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    I develop strong feelings about models, usually my regulars. I know it's not real, but its a natural reaction to sharing intimacy. Even if it is virtual, it feels intimate. And includes developing a deep closeness, if just in the moment. There are chemical physical and emotional reactions to sex - it's built into our biology. I've told models - the ones I know well - that I love them, and I mean it. But I mean friendship-type love. The models understand that.

    And, yeah, I know they are only friends because I pay them, but I'm friends with other people I pay for services/talents - my physical therapist comes to mind. We are always happy to see each other, even outside the PT office. Come to think of it, that's a relationship that also involves a lot of intimacy.
     
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  20. AlbinoGator

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2018
    Messages:
    39
    If he is truly falling in love with you, if you do not have the same feelings for him, then absolutely do not encourage it. This is the kind of situation that can spiral out of control real fast. The best thing to do is just be straight up with him and tell him in no uncertain terms that it's just not a possibility. Be direct. Do not worry about his feelings. He's a grown man. He can worry about his feelings. And if he makes you uncomfortable, tell him that. Make him understand that you do not want the same thing he wants.
     
  21. Smores

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2017
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    Well, just to maybe state the obvious: isn't the whole basis for the success of many webcam models that (mostly lonely) men develop huge crushes on them? Those crushes go through life cycles, just like real relationships do, and men can get quite lost in this and go through a withdrawal that is at least similar to what you experience in a real life relationship. This raises the interesting question: what level of affection is too much? How do you identify that? What should you do about it?

    I like to believe that I can steer myself clear of bad situations, but I think crushes and affection are just tough to manage. Emotions are intense and sometimes fleeting, and it is hard to intellectualize and suppress them. Usually the sign for me that things are not right is when there is an imbalance in the time I spend on the model versus the time the model spends on me. If I am generating lots of long e-mails, and she is responding to one e-mail out of four with really sparse answers, that is an unhealthy relationship. I need to back off and show less interest. I will start missing her shows. You have to give people a chance to actually miss you. If you shower nothing but attention they take your presence for granted. Usually I am able to back myself out of a developing bad situation by detecting these imbalances and acting on them very early. Sometimes the model does miss you and starts reaching out to you, and you can find a healthy balance by making yourself more or less available.

    I have a developing relationship with a model now that is the most complicated relationship I have experienced with any model. She gives me something similar to a girlfriend experience, but I actually give her something close to a boyfriend experience, and without providing messy details, that is actually something very hard for other men to do because of her life situation and unusual history with men. If I am honest with myself, I am also becoming something like a therapist to her, and she depends on me in a mostly good way to build self-esteem. All the attention I show her she shows me back and multiplies it. She is starting to act a little bit like the crazy girlfriend, and unfortunately I find myself liking that because the way it displays has been unbelievably genuine and endearing. If she is actually playing out "girl friend experience" all I am going to say is that she is a pro level player. :) The only reason I mention this is that this is the only case I have experienced so far where my rule about imbalanced relationships does not help me understand what I should do next and where I should put on the brakes. Everything feels incredibly balanced, yet things keep escalating.

    Anyway, to the original poster's question: if you are not interested in him that way you might just tell him you have a real life relationship and you have no intention of changing that. Ask him if he thinks he can maintain balance in his relationship with you, and maybe point blank ask him to spend a little less time with you and shower you with a little less attention. At least give him a chance to understand these issues and see if he is rational enough process them and do the right thing.
     
  22. SaffronBurke

    Cam Model

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    No, it's that they enjoy touching their penises to us. That ain't a crush, it's a boner.
     
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  23. lovingwitch

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2018
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    Thank you for sharing that! As someone who's new to camming, I'm amazed at the possibility for incredibly rich and complex relationships to form through this medium. I appreciate complexity, and so perhaps I'm more open to inviting it into my life. But yes, I think it depends on where your own boundaries lie, and, of course, even though ultimately it is not your responsibility, doing your best to care for the well-being of one of your members. :)
     
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  24. SMuser69

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2016
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    Who's into the occult and raising dead threads?

    [​IMG]
     
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  25. JyJy

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
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    68
    Be vague when he talks about feelings.
    If he's smart enough he'll understand that this is your job and you don't want a relationship with him.
     
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  26. mrmrshorny

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2018
    Messages:
    8
    I have a man at MFC, with whom we had a very nice chat, about everything including skin cancer (we had the same surgery) and his divorce. When he started talking about falling in love (although I make it very clear that I am married), I just told him not to believe in that picture which I create online. I told him some things about my "bitchy" side and he agreed that he shouldn't idealize anything about girls he talks to online.
    And we still have nice conversations, he often tips me "just for being nice and friendly"
     
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  27. Osyrus

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    I was wondering how this developed? Still going on strong or did you stop pursuing the model? Did anything go as you planned or completely derail?
    Personally speaking, it's easy for me to use rational thought and common sense to dilute any personal feeling that might creep up, but I know everyone has their own way of managing feelings.
    No offence or disrespect intended. I find the psychology very interesting behind the different aspects of model/viewer relationships. In my opinion, you have shared some very interesting experiences that I find complex and fascinating. Would love to get a update if you are comfortable sharing.
     
  28. Smores

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2017
    Messages:
    661
    I am an ultra-rational person, and if I am totally honest with myself this girl is not giving me a "girlfriend experience" but something more like a "really crazy girlfriend experience". She has bipolar and zero self-esteem, and navigating that in a real-world relationship would be very hard. I think the whole thing will crash within a few months. Because no matter how much affection I give her, she really won't believe any of it is real and will sink into bad self-esteem habits.

    What makes the relationship unique is how the energy was balanced. The more typical model/viewer pattern is that viewer develops a crush and puts 10 times more energy into the relationship than the model does. If the viewer wants to develop a friendship, that energy needs to get balanced out and then you just see if over time her interest level rises.

    If you are into psychology of relationships, do you study Myers Briggs (MBTI)? Psychologists refute the value of the system but really do not supply a better alternative. I find the system extremely valuable for identifying people with whom you have a high probability of communicating well, and conversely it will identify situations where communication will be strained. I am an INTJ. She is an INFJ. Most of the people on ACF present as Sensors, which creates communication challenges for an INTJ. Out of curiosity are you an INTP? There are some clues to that in your writing.
     
    #28 Smores, Sep 9, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2018
  29. Osyrus

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    That's unfortunate to hear that you aren't getting what you had hoped for. I've never heard of the "GF exp." until I joined ACF and i'm asking ignorantly, as I am still new to cam culture and don't mean to insult. First, would the model be/feel obligated to adjust her attention level to match her more serious viewers, or a unspoken rule per say? Would this be a crack in the relationship if you approached her on her on the "crazy" part. Im assuming every model is going to have a different way of interacting with her guys, and you wanted to stay with her, "don't like it find another room" would come to my mind as a deterrent to this conversation.

    I think I see where you would be torn both ways. Time/resources spent would be wasted, along with any emotions..otherwise I would think you would have left by now. Also I noted the bipolar/self esteem, and immediately thought of "white knighting/hero" behaviour and wondered if you were using that as fuel initially, and it has changed over time? Most relations change in some way, did you grow apart just by you both being comfortable and realize its not what you thought. I have had a personal relationship that lasted a bit over a year and it took that long for one of us to reveal the hidden side.

    Well, to be honest, I had taken the Myers Briggs test for a job a long time ago but totally forgot about it, so I took it again. It was a completely accurate. (ESTP-A) was the result. I don't study psychology on a scholastic level, I mainly learn through my experience and other peoples opinions, and general social interaction. I do a little lite reading from time to time, but i'd rather chew glass than step foot in a classroom. I agree there are a lot of similarities in the INTJ but I don't have enough patience at my core, to spend the time to achieve the level of understanding a true INTP would have.

    Ive also taken the DISC and the Hogan personality Inventory, and remember the Hogan test details were more detailed than the previous two. Very telling information over all, and as pointless as I used to think they are, parts of it stick and help. .. realized as I was about to post.. this might be getting off of forum topic. lol :nailbiting: be gentle with me
     
  30. Smores

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2017
    Messages:
    661
    If a viewer is paying a model money that she deems significant, you might expect that she will game that viewer and try to create a long-term profitable relationship. But each model does that in her own way. Some models are quite expert at manipulation. Some never manipulate, but they know how to just avoid points of conflict and remain ambiguous enough to keep interest alive. Others are quite genuine and just do whatever they feel like doing.

    With those points in mind, a lot of people accuse me of white knight behavior and that is not quite right. It is more like I have simple compassion for people, but I am probably naive more often than I should be. As I gain experience I learn the games people play and start to identify those patterns.

    As for the "crazy" issue, she constantly raises that point and labels herself as crazy (which she is :) ). The role I play is as a self-esteem builder trying to teach her to not act out her patterns. For me to actually break out of that and start calling her crazy at random moments would really break her self-esteem even further. Ironically, people with such low self-esteem tend to seek out partners who reinforce that and create a really unhealthy codependency. I have no problem acting out "abusive boyfriend" as a sex role, but only if the other person understands that is an act, and only if it is flavor of the day not everyday behavior. I very much do have a problem with acting out that role in non-sexual moments and as a 24x7 role play. She can find that somewhere else if she needs it.

    I really don't know how it will end but I feel in my heart that I won't be able to create anything sustainable. At some point we will agree to disagree on things and agree to stay separate. And at that moment she will probably door slam me. That seems to be the way most INFJs I have known end relationships.

    You can go through this short description of the 16 MBTI types and maybe identify two or three that you think are good descriptions of you. I do not hear a lot of ESTP in your conversation so far, but this is all pretty shallow.
     
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