Started Dating a cam model, how to support emotionally, etc.

[couldnotbemore]

Title states the obvious. Back story, met through a cam site. Wasn't really looking for anything. Eventually dived into our personal lives, we eventually crossed a bunch of boundaries with member - provider. Decided that we were into each other, and started dating. (quick context...)

Just to be clear this isn't about should I date her, but more on how I can help support her as a partner. This is a completely knew realm for me, and I never thought I would be in this position, and I feel like i'm supporting her emotionally, but obviously im not perfect and have been open and understanding when she needs it.

But was wondering from a provider stand point what your thoughts on support, etc.

Thanks.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

I don't know specifically how this is any different than being a supportive partner in general.

That's not to pretend that this job doesn't have specific challenges but they do vary from person to person and couple to couple. Just like any job, some days I need my partner to just let me rant about annoying customers, help me brainstorm when I'm stuck, gas me up when I'm nervous, etc. The best advice I can give you as someone who met and married someone from a cam site is that you should set clear boundaries, make sure you're no longer supporting her financially in anyway (beyond like, normal relationship financial support. Like if you move in together or whatever..) and to work on communication skills early. These are good for any relationship, but especially helpful when you're dealing with a job that involves sexuality and can be very intense. Communication = Ask her directly what she needs from you by way of support. She can tell you far better than we can what her specific needs are.

I'd recommend having a read of "thriving in sex work" even though its aimed at sex workers my partner got a lot out of reading it.

 

[couldnotbemore]

Ya I figured the majority of this would be the same as being a supportive partner. I just didn't know if there was something maybe I was missing.

I appreciate the read recommendation, and definitely will vocalize and communicate what she needs specifically.

As far as financial we are both independent, outside of normal date stuff. Thanks!

 

[MarieElise]

Title states the obvious. Back story, met through a cam site. Wasn't really looking for anything. Eventually dived into our personal lives, we eventually crossed a bunch of boundaries with member - provider. Decided that we were into each other, and started dating. (quick context...)

Just to be clear this isn't about should I date her, but more on how I can help support her as a partner. This is a completely knew realm for me, and I never thought I would be in this position, and I feel like i'm supporting her emotionally, but obviously im not perfect and have been open and understanding when she needs it.

But was wondering from a provider stand point what your thoughts on support, etc.

Thanks.

If she seems like she is struggling, I would recommend this, or a similar forum to her. I think the support and knowledge that other models can share is invaluable. So, I guess if she isn't connected with any other SWs (sex workers), I would gently suggest that.

Other than that, just listening when she needs you to, without mansplaining or problem solving is always helpful. Like truly listening, which is kind of rare. Also just being understanding that she is probably gonna be exposed to some really weird people at times, and might appreciate the normalcy and stability, of just a "normal dude". The time we spend with dudes, they are primarily focused on their penis's, so sometimes during down time, it's nice to interact with dudes who are not 100% focused on their penis. Just chatting about everyday stuff, that doesn't have to do with sexual needs 100% of the time. A lot of times I find it really supportive just to chat with the dudes I live with, about current events, games, politics, philosophy, religion... I mean anything really. We are exposed to dudes all day long, who are only in one state of mind.

 

[veggiebabyy]

This is going to vary from person to person and couple to couple.

I actually needed waaaay more support from my partner when I was a software developer than I do now as a full time camgirl. Emotionally and mentally, this is a walk in the park compared to my experience in an office.

My partner typically just listens when I ramble about whatever shenanigans happened on cam, helps me judge whether I really need a day off or I'm just being lazy, and tells me when I'm being irresponsible with my sex toy buying. Outside of that, me being a camgirl has no more impact on our relationship and what I need from him than any other job has.

Really, I'd be immensely annoyed if he felt he needed to treat me differently because of my job. Just be a good partner, listen to her needs, and don't expect to know her and her job better than she does.

 

[veggiebabyy]

it's nice to interact with dudes who are not 100% focused on their penis.

I want to second this. My partner has a lower sex drive than I do, which wasn't ideal when we first started dating, but now that I spend so much of my time around guys who are constantly in sex mode, it's such a relief to be able to be non-sexy around him.

 

[couldnotbemore]

Thank you everyone for your insight. I will definitely figure out a way to suggest this or a similar forum. Seems like a good place for her to ask questions, etc.

 

[AudriTwo]

I second on asking her how to emotionally support her better too!

Also second on getting her that book thriving in sexwork. it would be a great gift. it is probably the best selfhelp book I've read in a long time. Has seriously helped improve my emotional/physical/financial well-being. I cannot stop recommending.

My husband isnt the best at it recognizing my emotional needs because long story short I'm NT and he isn't. Which is fine, I've come to accept my partner isn't the best at emotional support and I need to better communicate when and how I need it. Most importantly how to be patient if I'm not receiving right away.