The things we don't like to show in our porn, and why we should leave them in anyway.

[Miss_Lollipop]

This is a copy of something I typed out on my cellphone last night while lying in bed feeling a bit useless (so sick right now)

This is an open letter to all of us who create sexual media or performance.

It’s true we sell a fantasy and so we might not want the chat room to know that we pre-negotiated what dirty words could be used before hand, or that we both got tested before agreeing to do that 69 show. On film, we might cut out the part in the strap on scene where she says “ouch – that’s a bit too deep, can u slow down a bit?” Or if it happens on live camera we might cover it up with a kiss. But I’ve started to realize that including these moments when they occur, not tucking them away like something that’s not sexy enough for the screen, can change how people have sex in their own lives.




I had a discussion with a Dom about how to negotiate consent during a scene – he had watched a lot of bdsm porn but never seen it done and he had no idea how to make it sexy. How leaning over, running fingers through her hair and saying into her ear “I know we didn’t talk about this but I want to blindfold you so you have no idea what’s coming next. Nod if that’s ok, slave” can be so so sexy.


Porn is the real sex Ed most people receive. And no, it’s not your responsibility to teach people how to fuck safely, and consensually but I do think that if we just stopped pretending safe sex, sti testing, negotiation before and during sex are all these massive boner killers we might be able to help people have better more fulfilling and safer sexual experiences.


For me it all came down to a moment a few months ago after I had been tied up and beaten for a film. The camera had been on a tripod and we left it recording while the Domme helped me down and after giving me a warm friendly hug said “do you need any aftercare?”. Later, As I was editing the video, about to chop that bit out because it wasn’t relevant, I realized leaving it in might actually be the most relevant choice I’ve made in my porn creation recently. And I’d like to encourage you to consider being more open with your fans about the normal practices you use to keep everyone having a safe, fun time.​

Please share this anyway you’d like to.
You can find a RTable image on my twitter, as well as a blog post on my tumblr and my own website. http://www.miss-lollipop.com/blog/

It's been shared a LOT on twitter so obviously it's getting some agreement.

Would love this to start a discussion about these things on this forum. Do you think we have a responsibility to model responsible sexual behavior (consent, safe sex etc) in our work? Do you leave these kinds of moments in or do you cover them up?

 

[Violet Dawn]

I get rid of them, but I might start leaving them in now. A lot of guys prefer it anyway. I don't think it's our responsibility, but on a humanity sort of level we should be a representation for the youth considering no one else is going to do it.

 

[AmberCutie]

I know the main context of your post is about BDSM and other interactions that require more consent and communication, but I still have a little input and reply in a more vanilla concept.

Porn is the real sex Ed most people receive.

Firstly, absolutely, and it's unfortunate since porn IS so heavily edited, faked, etc. The misconceptions people have come to believe are reality is saddening.

Do you think we have a responsibility to model responsible sexual behavior

Responsibility? No. I mean, it would be ideal for porn and live sexual shows to be more realistic, but if that isn't what sells and allows us to make our paycheck goals, we should have the freedom of mind to create it in the way it works best for us. That fact that such a huge part of our audience has already formed their expectations of what they want to see in their adult entertainment, we might be sacrificing some success to "do the right thing".

Do you leave these kinds of moments in or do you cover them up?

Again, I can't comment on the person to person interactions in the videos and shows that you describe. But in a very general sense, I do edit out the "real" and what would be considered embarrassing moments out of any videos I create. Doing an anal scene and some ickypoo stuff shows up? Delete, edit around it. Fart? Delete and edit around it. Fuck myself too hard with a dildo that's a little too big for my preference but excites people because it IS so big and I DO fuck myself too hard and end up bleeding? Delete, edit around it.
These are all VERY REAL parts of making this kind of content, but aren't really a desirable part of it to the viewers (well, preferred by some, fetishes and all, but I digress.) I feel leaving those things in would just make me feel weird, embarrassed, left open to criticism and judgement. So I would/have taken them out and pretended they didn't happen.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

I don't really think any artist or creator has a responsibility to do anything but create the art that they want; having said that I hope more porn creators want to be more candid and honest about sexuality. We have an immense amount of power that can be used to help people. My favorite bdsm always has the before/after and I appreciate that immensely.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I'm not sure how I feel about this but strangely I think I disagree. I also think I'm a little too distracted by it depressing me to no end. I don't agree that movies or video games need to be changed because of what they might do to children because that's not that industry's responsibility. Same goes for us. I'm a fantasy intended for adults who understand the difference between fantasy and reality. Of course that doesn't mean that those are the only people who see my porn but I do everything in my power to make sure that's the case.

I do enjoy bdsm videos with before and aftercare, I actually don't want videos without them and I do think that would be a good example to set.

I guess I would be more interested in us talking about these things even just casually either on cam or on social media. In D/s shows I ask permission to use certain terms and fetishes. With cum shows I am not going to fuck myself in a position or way that hurts. So I guess if it's what I'm doing live then I feel like I have more power and responsibility for these things. With video production I don't have any desire to be honest about how it feels or keep bloopers in. Doing so would keep it from satisfying me both as a producer and a viewer.

I'm interested to see where this thread goes

 

[MojitosJourney]

Miss Lollipop -
I love this, thanks for sharing.
I wasn't clear when you said you copied it out of your phone - you're the author of this, right? I want to share it and make sure I credit you/author.

Can you link me to your Tumblr? I couldn't find it.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

@AmberCutie you bring up good points - I use BDSM and g/g shows as examples because they're what im familiar with but there is a line..even in solo vids. I'd never even consider leaving scat or blood in a video etc... If it happened on cam I would hide it (actually during a g/g show it has happened - she had a cyst burst and blood everywhere.... and we immediately pulled power and faked an outage to cover the fact that we had a mess to clean up) I guess that brings me to another question I can't quite answer which is where *is* that line. For me, if it would be a turn off during sex.. I edit it out.

@AriaGray i just want to make clear im not just talking about video here - im also talking about the way we cam. So they both apply.

Just to be clear on my personal position - i don't believe we have a responsibility to educate people about sex ed etc. I pretty much line up with ambers views on that..

@Mojito____MFC - http://www.miss-lollipop.com/products/test-product/ here you go. And yes, I am the author. Typos and all.. *wince*

I think basically the point i was trying to make is that it would be awesome if we'd consider when we automatically remove things or cover them up on cam - if that's actually necessary.

 

[MojitosJourney]

@AmberCutie you bring up good points - I use BDSM and g/g shows as examples because they're what im familiar with but there is a line..even in solo vids. I'd never even consider leaving scat or blood in a video etc... If it happened on cam I would hide it (actually during a g/g show it has happened - she had a cyst burst and blood everywhere.... and we immediately pulled power and faked an outage to cover the fact that we had a mess to clean up) I guess that brings me to another question I can't quite answer which is where *is* that line. For me, if it would be a turn off during sex.. I edit it out.

@AriaGray i just want to make clear im not just talking about video here - im also talking about the way we cam. So they both apply.

Just to be clear on my personal position - i don't believe we have a responsibility to educate people about sex ed etc. I pretty much line up with ambers views on that..

@Mojito____MFC - http://www.miss-lollipop.com/products/test-product/ here you go. And yes, I am the author. Typos and all.. *wince*

I think basically the point i was trying to make is that it would be awesome if we'd consider when we automatically remove things or cover them up on cam - if that's actually necessary.

You linked me to your website - can I have a link to your tumblr?

 

[CharlotteLace]

While I agree nobody has a responsibility to destroy the fantasy they've made an effort to build to their viewers, I do think it's nice for us to remember our potential to reach the masses. Some of us have thousands of members in our rooms nightly, others have tens of thousands of Twitter followers. If a model so chooses, they have the capability to educate more people in one night than an entire school semester of sex ed. That's pretty powerful when you think about it, and I think those inclined to sometimes inform their members about "real sex," should go for it. Hell, I spent the other night lecturing my room about the safety of sex toy materials. Did I have to? No. Would I expect any other model to do so? No, that's their business. But I was so happy to know a handful of dudes walked away knowing "jelly toys=degrading material=pthalates=no bueno" that I considered it a good night.

When you think about it, we're in a unique position to help/inform a lot of people about important matters. We don't have to, but it's neat to know we can. Fuck yeah to those who take it upon themselves to do so.

 

[CharlotteLace]

You linked me to your website - can I have a link to your tumblr?

It's in her siggy: http://misslollipoptumbles.tumblr.com/

 

[AlexisRegan]

I'm still fairly new to camming, but I understand where you're coming from. I feel like practicing "normal" things that take place in the average sex life should be depicted on camera. I never really took it into consideration because I assume that people understand that what's going because what we do is LIVE and "mishaps" are bound to take place. It's like the same thing as seeing condoms in porn... I don't think normalities in sex should be hidden just because it's on camera.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

You linked me to your website - can I have a link to your tumblr?

shoot im sorry! I was half asleep http://misslollipoptumbles.tumblr.com/

 

[Ambers Troll]

WOW Miss_Lollipop, nice to hear you thinking of such things... Personally I would trust your judgement on what to leave in and what to edit out. From an entertainment perspective some things can really throw the fantasy out, while others simply delay the fantasy for the moment. Some unexpected moments can be wildly entertaining too, even if slightly throwing off the fantasy.

An "ouch that was too deep", or "can you slow that down" is sexy enough for the screen, and the actions of your partner will demonstrate consent. Consent is very sexy on cam. I think some responsibility for the sexuality you display is healthy even if no one else does that.

As an artist I am sure you express enough honesty to portray healthy sexual behaviour, do not worry too much.

 

[Dream Alien]

Wow this if fucking awesome to read (pardon the french haha)

Way to go so true! A lot of the mainstream porn is so overdone sometimes. I love raw, natural sex thats still hot as hell. It makes it way easier to relate to.

 

[Empress Mika]

One of the main reasons I generally *REALLY* dislike porn is because I feel the vast majority of it is *so* fake and unrealistic. Especially for me personally, a lot of stuff that happens would actually really be uncomfortable at best and very painful at worst. For example, there aren't that many times I can go from seeing a guy, quickly spreading my legs, and have him insert himself into me completely without any ounce of discomfort. Unfortunately, that's what most porn is that I've seen. You miss the part where they warmed her up and/or lubed up. It's all completely ridiculous and it's not enjoyable for me to watch because of these things. Furthermore, in much of porn, I feel that female desire and satisfaction is not appropriately represented. In many cases, we are portrayed that we're just these beings that want sex all the time, even if we don't know the guy at all, in any situation. I suppose that's the fantasy of it, in the first place, perhaps? Haha.

However, I certainly respect that it seems this is what sells and what a large majority of vanilla guys want to see. I'm not about to say everyone should change the way they make porn. Although, in a perfect world, it would be nice to see that the girl is properly warmed up and that the sex is consensual and where I wouldn't have to think twice about "Hm, those moans look like she's faking it and she actually looks really uncomfortable" to "Wow, both partners are enjoying it!" That'd be nice. And what an incredible example to set, for sure. I don't have a lot of experience watching content from cam girls make so I can't comment further - this is just more about professionally made porn in general.

Which brings us around to, yes we do have influence and yes it is up to us how we use it and if we chose to use it. I always chose to be a bit more honest when the topic comes up but it's mostly me just talking about it as oppose to showing it since I'm a non-nude model.

... The power is yoooours! Captain Planet, hahaha! >.>

 

[Dream Alien]

One of the main reasons I generally *REALLY* dislike porn is because I feel the vast majority of it is *so* fake and unrealistic. Especially for me personally, a lot of stuff that happens would actually really be uncomfortable at best and very painful at worst. For example, there aren't that many times I can go from seeing a guy, quickly spreading my legs, and have him insert himself into me completely without any ounce of discomfort. Unfortunately, that's what most porn is that I've seen. You miss the part where they warmed her up and/or lubed up. It's all completely ridiculous and it's not enjoyable for me to watch because of these things. Furthermore, in much of porn, I feel that female desire and satisfaction is not appropriately represented. In many cases, we are portrayed that we're just these beings that want sex all the time, even if we don't know the guy at all, in any situation. I suppose that's the fantasy of it, in the first place, perhaps? Haha.

However, I certainly respect that it seems this is what sells and what a large majority of vanilla guys want to see. I'm not about to say everyone should change the way they make porn. Although, in a perfect world, it would be nice to see that the girl is properly warmed up and that the sex is consensual and where I wouldn't have to think twice about "Hm, those moans look like she's faking it and she actually looks really uncomfortable" to "Wow, both partners are enjoying it!" That'd be nice. And what an incredible example to set, for sure. I don't have a lot of experience watching content from cam girls make so I can't comment further - this is just more about professionally made porn in general.

Which brings us around to, yes we do have influence and yes it is up to us how we use it and if we chose to use it. I always chose to be a bit more honest when the topic comes up but it's mostly me just talking about it as oppose to showing it since I'm a non-nude model.

... The power is yoooours! Captain Planet, hahaha! >.>

YES!!! THIS!!!

 

[kelliver]

I saw this on Tumblr and immediately reblogged it because of how much it resonated, so I'm glad that it's also on here to discuss. This is personally so important to me because of my personal history with intimacy, sex, and porn as a whole, and honestly I can't create content any other way. Anything I involve a second party in, I can't edit out the parts where we are obviously giving or receiving consent, parts where I am visibly lubing myself up because one needs to, etc.; it feels wrong to me because I need that to feel safe in a scene, whether it's in real life or in content that I am selling.

For example - just recently I shot a video with my boyfriend, and completely impromptu he interrupted spanking me to hold up my leather flogger in suggestion. That's all he had to do, no words (mind you, this was while shooting porn between two characters who do not speak... and I had a gag in my mouth), but you can see me nodding enthusiastically. You can see that he checks on me throughout the video. And personally, I love that; I like it for the authenticity, but I also like that I can watch that and remember that I was in a safe environment because I need that in my personal intimacy.

Anywho, vord vomit aside, it's definitely not our responsibility as cam models, clip models, etc. to educate the people on this... heaven knows at least half of the people watching it won't be helped by it, and I think there's a certain level of artistry to being in porn that, like Veronica said, only really gives us the responsibility to create what we want when we want it. But imagine the impact we could make if we all started slowly incorporating these little moments into porn. Might turn into something good.