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Recent content by rubbersoul

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  1. R

    In love, jealous, miserable.

    Yeah, I hear you guys. Yes. I think you're bang on. I've had some tough years with a lot of loneliness. I moved pretty far, away from most of my friends, and it's been difficult. I went from hanging out with other people a lot to barely doing it at all. I know almost nobody here, and work from...
  2. R

    In love, jealous, miserable.

    Yeah, I see where you're coming from. I just want to make clear, I don't feel like she owes me anything. Do I feel strong jealousy? Yes, totally. But I don't feel like she owes me something. I don't think "oh, I did that for you" or things like that. I wrote the last reply as background and...
  3. R

    In love, jealous, miserable.

    Thanks a lot. Your replies have really helped me, and I appreciate it very much. I'm pretty shy and not that comfortable with cam to cam but I've sent photos and talked via microphone. One thing that's really painful is that I was there from the start. I was there from the first few days when...
  4. R

    In love, jealous, miserable.

    So it's been two weeks, and I thought I'd post an update. Again thanks to everybody who's helped. Basically, ups and downs. It feels like this thread really helped, and at times I've been feeling pretty good, thinking yeah, this is going in the right direction! But then that feeling doesn't...
  5. R

    In love, jealous, miserable.

    Here's my current plan: It's a week into June. I'm gonna try to make some changes and then evaluate at the end of the month. If things are not looking better by then I will probably say my goodbyes and leave the room. I'll also do mini-evaluations each week, so there's some time to...
  6. R

    In love, jealous, miserable.

    I think the word jealousy should be like 5 words or something because it can be so different. If mild jealousy can push people to be better and do better then I think that's pretty cool. But this jealousy that I deal with is not a good type. And it makes me want to tip less, which is very sad to...
  7. R

    In love, jealous, miserable.

    Yeah all of these responses are kind of overwhelming in a very good way. Thanks a lot to everybody. I'm gonna try to address some things that have come up. Yes totally helpful!! I really appreciate hearing that perspective, and I want to say I'm really sorry that you had to go through those...
  8. R

    In love, jealous, miserable.

    Thanks so much for the replies, I REALLY appreciate it!! This is a huge struggle in my life right now, and being able to talk about it and hear other perspectives is amazing. Hmm, is it love? Yeah, maybe it isn't, it's all pretty hard to put into words... It's sort of a tangle of different...
  9. R

    In love, jealous, miserable.

    Hello. I have some big problems. More than a year ago I registered on a cam site and started talking to a model who had just started working. I ended up liking her and I stuck around. I've had a pretty difficult period in my life and I'm really lonely and this model has been a really good...
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