3 Telltale Signs Your Online Girlfriend Is a Scam

[Evvie]

http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/3-telltale-signs-your-online-girlfriend-scam/

Finding love in this post-Friendster era isn't easy. Just ask 68-year-old University of North Carolina physics and astronomy professor Paul Frampton, who was recently sentenced to five years of house arrest for transporting a suitcase full of cocaine out of Buenos Aires, Argentina, and into the United States.
What compelled the Oxford-educated scholar to freelance as a drug mule? Well, Frampton was under the impression that this valise full of toot belonged to his online girlfriend, one Denise Milani, who in reality is a bikini model who may or may not hail from some undiscovered Toontown where Rob Liefeld was elected mayor. Frampton believed that if he smuggled the drugs, he would be able to retire to a small cabin located two ticks north of Ms. Milani's solar plexus.

But when Frampton traveled to Bolivia to meet Milani earlier this year, he was not greeted by his new girlfriend/the letter "P" made human flesh, but by a strange man and an even stranger suitcase (their respective cup sizes went unreported by mainstream media).
Think about it -- Frampton spent his entire damn life acquiring degrees covered in fancy calligraphy and nodding with solemn approval at supercolliders. What hope do average jerks like us have against the wiles of breasty fabulists?

Fortunately for you, dear readers, we at Cracked have compiled this handy checklist should you ever find yourself exchanging sexy instant messages with the entire performance squad of the Namibian All-Nude Ice Capades. So if you begin receiving suspicious emails from the N.A.N.I.C. about needing donations for new tassels for the 2014 Winter Olympics, consult this list immediately.

 

[spikyhaired]

Buy me a Porsche via eBay/PayPal and you can come pick the climbing ivy out of my wall, bb.

 

[Jupiter551]

before I read the article I'm going to assume the dude being 68 and the girl being a bikini model is a telltale sign :lol:

Edit lol wow for real, this is who the 68 year old thought was his online gf:

 

[EdgarAllenWhoa]

before I read the article I'm going to assume the dude being 68 and the girl being a bikini model is a telltale sign :lol:

Edit lol wow for real, this is who the 68 year old thought was his online gf:

So with him being in the joint for the next while...she is single again?

You got an email to go with that picture?



Whats dat bb u gots a phone number 4 me's? Me's buys u big house in dat dares suburbia's bb

 

[Jupiter551]

Also pretty funny:
http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/6-pathetic-attempts-by-corporations-to-create-superhero/

 

[Rose]

Here's a good way to tell if she's fake, she uses my pictures, but not my name and doesn't talk like me AND she's willing to meet you without making you walk her dogs. :lol:

 

[Jupiter551]

Here's a good way to tell if she's fake, she uses my pictures, but not my name and doesn't talk like me AND she's willing to meet you without making you walk her dogs. :lol:

omg so we're not starting that surrogacy business where I knock you up then we sell the child and do it again??!

 

[Rose]

omg so we're not starting that surrogacy business where I knock you up then we sell the child and do it again??!

Rotfl why the hell not? The only downside is it will take two years to get me knocked up and then another 9 months to cook the booger and then 6 months after that for me to heal. If you're ok with a long term project, count me in! :thumbleft:

 

[SoTxBob]

Physics prof huh? I'm guessing he was most definitely fascinated by the physics involved to support those dirigible sized mammaries of hers and why she didn't constantly fall forward. :mrgreen:

She resembles MFC's very smexy Brunettefir3 in the black shirt pic.

 

[Jupiter551]

omg so we're not starting that surrogacy business where I knock you up then we sell the child and do it again??!

Rotfl why the hell not? The only downside is it will take two years to get me knocked up and then another 9 months to cook the booger and then 6 months after that for me to heal. If you're ok with a long term project, count me in! :thumbleft:

well, we can streamline the project by using invitro fertilisation which gives a far higher chance of multiple births AND we can appeal to the public for funds! How do you feel about the title 'Decamom'?

Only real downside is we'll have to line up homes first and take a deposit because any left over we'll end up having to give 'free to a good home'.