What's another way to put this?

[skifandra]

Hi! New model here. I had a question. I think I need to explain my situation a bit before I just out right asked my question though because I feel the context could be taken the wrong way. So here's a little about me.

I'm a divorced single mom. Have been for the last year and 3 months. During my divorce and up until 2 months ago I was going to school full time. I graduated school and now I'm done. I wanted to move about 2 hours away from where I'm actually living currently and since I have shared parenting with my daughter's father, I needed to go through him or the court to get that ok'ed since the 2 hours puts me out of state (my parents live there, I want my daughter to be closer to them).

So I went to her father, he flipped out and his new wife had to get him to calm down. (I did it as politely as I could, trust me, everyone I know thinks I'm a pushover when it comes to him, but I just want whats best for my daughter) So any who, he filed for full custody because he thinks I have already moved and is trying to tell the courts that my daughter is over there an extra 2-4 days a week beyond his specified time with her. Which all of that is a lie.

So I knew this was going to take a while, these things always do, and I know I can't afford to pay for child care right off the bat. So I needed to make money without sacrificing our lives. So I turned to camming. Which, by the way, I love so far, it makes me almost wish I wouldn't have went to school and just did this. I also need to prove to the court that I can provide for my child money-wise without her father's help. Which I am basically doing, he only pays around $350 in child support a month.

So it leads me to this question, how do I say to someone that I am a camgirl without getting dirty looks? There is going to be a Guardian Ad Li-tum in this case, so everything on my end has to look perfect. Is there any other way to say this? Other than webcam model? Something that sounds appropriate? That won't get me judged badly? I mean this the best way possible, I swear I'm not trying to offend anyone. I love this work, I really do. But a court will seriously look down on me for this, especially in a child custody case where her step mother is an elementary school teacher.

tl;dr: How do you say you work as a webcam model/camgirl in court without it sounding like that's what you actually do?

Anything helps. Thanks for reading!! I appreciate any help!!!

Btw, sorry if I put this in the wrong section. I'm still new to this forum

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I would certainly hope no one here would take offense to this! I wish I had an answer for you. I know a lot of people say "independent contractor", "online customer service", etc. But I hope someone who has been through this will be able to help.

I just wanted to offer some virtual hugs. It's not fair the outside world judges us but when it comes something like this you're absolutely right to want to be protecting yourself.

 

[skifandra]

I would certainly hope no one here would take offense to this! I wish I had an answer for you. I know a lot of people say "independent contractor", "online customer service", etc. But I hope someone who has been through this will be able to help.

I just wanted to offer some virtual hugs. It's not fair the outside world judges us but when it comes something like this you're absolutely right to want to be protecting yourself.

Thank you! Those do help! I didn't even think of saying anything like that. You're so sweet!! Thank you again, I needed the virtual hug haha!

 

[Leon_Omega]

In recent years there has been a significant rise in people who make online content on sites like Blip, Youtube, Twitch, etc. saying that you work in "Online Entertainment" or saying that "I make money with videos on the internet" may well be believable on their end.

If pressed, you could imply that a lot of these content creators are paid through ad revenue.

I wish it wasn't the case, of course, but judging from your ex-husband's reaction to your intent to move, flat-out saying you're a camgirl seems likely to give him more fuel to use against you in regards to custody.

*bunny hug*

 

[mynameisbob84]

Internet personality
Online sales
Online modelling
Online entertainer
Online marketing/Graphic design/Social media enforcer (kind of a lie but these are all technically a part of your job)

 

[BarbieLuv]

I understand the thought behind why you don't want to be up-front about it, but if it comes to light that you lied about your occupation during (or even after) the court proceedings, it will definitely work against you. Also if you need to show any sort of proof of your income/employment to the court to get child support, then lying about it is pointless anyway; anyone can Google the companies which cut camsite paychecks and find out exactly what your occupation is with little issue.

You should really be talking to your lawyer about this. They can give you MUCH better legal advice than we can, and know the details of the case/how your occupation might affect the outcome. My advice would be to be up-front and honest about your job with your lawyer (hold a meeting out of court,) ask their opinion, and proceed however they suggest. It's their job to win your case, and withholding information like this from them could jeopardize their entire plan for how to do that.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, and hope it gets resolved peacefully and swiftly!

 

[skifandra]

In recent years there has been a significant rise in people who make online content on sites like Blip, Youtube, Twitch, etc. saying that you work in "Online Entertainment" or saying that "I make money with videos on the internet" may well be believable on their end.

If pressed, you could imply that a lot of these content creators are paid through ad revenue.

I wish it wasn't the case, of course, but judging from your ex-husband's reaction to your intent to move, flat-out saying you're a camgirl seems likely to give him more fuel to use against you in regards to custody.

*bunny hug*

Aww! Thank you for the hug! The only trouble I'm having at this point honestly is saying exactly "who" I work for. Any of these things would work for the words that I'm trying to avoid.

And you are very correct in your assumption. He's trying to get everything he can on me, but he really doesn't have a case. There's been no change in circumstances, and I'm a great mom. So he's genuinely looking for whatever straws he can grasp.

Thanks again!

 

[JickyJuly]

I would try to handle it without the court first. Explain how you feel moving would benefit your child. Put yourself in his shoes. What, if anything, would make you more comfortable if he were the one trying to move out of state with the kid? Maybe offer to do the majority of transporting for visits? If you can't find a solution together, talk to a lawyer before saying anything about your job. Trying to move out of state might already put things in his favor. I'd be very careful about anything that could make you look bad. If my husband tried to move away with our children, I'd use or say anything necessary to stop him. The gloves would be off. Off and shoved up one of his orifices even! Would it maybe be possible for your parents to move closer to you instead? Then the child can have all of you near and avoid this. Also, don't try to fibb about your job if it does get to court/foc. It all shows up in tax papers.

 

[Camgirl]

I was in a situation where I had to take my ex back to court after I had already been camming for almost 2 years. It was to reduce his custody to supervised visitation. I was very nervous about this because of camming, but I was totally upfront about my concerns with my attorney and she said that it wasn't an issue and that as long as I did not do it in her presence that I was legally fine.

I did not use the term "webcam girl, webcam model" or the like. I said "Adult Chat Room Host".

She asked a few questions and I basically explained that the chat is of adult nature, including nudity, and I am visible on webcam. I did not get into details like "Oh, I get naked and masturbate when members take me private." I did not lie to her or sugarcoat it, but I think there are more tactful ways to explain what we do, without going into too much unnecessary details when dealing with situations like yours. The details can come if someone feels the need to ask for further clarification.

It is all the same thing, but to me sounds a bit more....professional?

 

[HarmlessSquirrel]

Gemma is certainly correct that giving the appearance of being dishonest about your situation could work against you, and you want your lawyer to fully understand the situation in order to give them the best chance to advise you and represent you well. You can also discuss with them what might be the best way to describe your job. You mentioned that your ex- has made claims that weren't true (about your daughter being away more often than she was supposed to be). If you could find a way to document that that's not the case, that might be helpful to you in court -- might shift the appearance of dishonesty to the other side. Again, your lawyer can advise you best about this, but if you have that ready in case your lawyer can make use of it, it couldn't hurt. I don't know how old your daughter is, but a note from school (if applicable) confirming attendance, receipts for day-care (if any), etc. might be useful as documentation.

Best of luck!

 

[skifandra]

I would try to handle it without the court first. Explain how you feel moving would benefit your child. Put yourself in his shoes. What, if anything, would make you more comfortable if he were the one trying to move out of state with the kid? Maybe offer to do the majority of transporting for visits? If you can't find a solution together, talk to a lawyer before saying anything about your job. Trying to move out of state might already put things in his favor. I'd be very careful about anything that could make you look bad. If my husband tried to move away with our children, I'd use or say anything necessary to stop him. The gloves would be off. Off and shoved up one of his orifices even! Would it maybe be possible for your parents to move closer to you instead? Then the child can have all of you near and avoid this. Also, don't try to fibb about your job if it does get to court/foc. It all shows up in tax papers.

That's actually how I approached him. He ended up yelling at me so much his wife got in the middle of us and had to make him calm down. I actually offered him more time and more say so in everything so that way he would feel less like I was taking her. He yelled at me some more. Which I completely understand. Honestly, I've lived 2 1/2 hours away from him before and he never minded. I think its just the fact that I am moving out of state. My mom has tried to work here before and she almost ended up homeless, so the best they could do is the next state over. I offered to do all the driving as well, he didn't want to hear anything. When I told him he was over reacting and needed to calm down he relpiled with, I think I'm not reacting enough. He's an emotional person so I understand why he was upset. I didn't take into consideration that it would show up on the tax papers, thank you for pointing that out! I guess it just didn't go through my thought process. Thank you for your advice! I appreciate it!

 

[skifandra]

I was in a situation where I had to take my ex back to court after I had already been camming for almost 2 years. It was to reduce his custody to supervised visitation. I was very nervous about this because of camming, but I was totally upfront about my concerns with my attorney and she said that it wasn't an issue and that as long as I did not do it in her presence that I was legally fine.

I did not use the term "webcam girl, webcam model" or the like. I said "Adult Chat Room Host".

She asked a few questions and I basically explained that the chat is of adult nature, including nudity, and I am visible on webcam. I did not get into details like "Oh, I get naked and masturbate when members take me private." I did not lie to her or sugarcoat it, but I think there are more tactful ways to explain what we do, without going into too much unnecessary details when dealing with situations like yours. The details can come if someone feels the need to ask for further clarification.

It is all the same thing, but to me sounds a bit more....professional?

I was nervous to even say anything to my attorney about it, I was nervous she would kind of be like, well, this makes things a lot harder. I mostly just need to be able to prove I can provide for our daughter without his help. I don't have the money right now to pay for daycare to get a day job as well and this is paying the bills, putting food on the table, and allowing me all the time I want right now to spend with her. So I'm actually pretty thankful for this job.

Adult Chat Room Host I think is the best way to put it, I didn't even think of that! Professional is what I was going for completely! Thank you so much! This was so helpful! I'm glad I got to speak to someone who has been through a similar situation!

 

[skifandra]

Gemma is certainly correct that giving the appearance of being dishonest about your situation could work against you, and you want your lawyer to fully understand the situation in order to give them the best chance to advise you and represent you well. You can also discuss with them what might be the best way to describe your job. You mentioned that your ex- has made claims that weren't true (about your daughter being away more often than she was supposed to be). If you could find a way to document that that's not the case, that might be helpful to you in court -- might shift the appearance of dishonesty to the other side. Again, your lawyer can advise you best about this, but if you have that ready in case your lawyer can make use of it, it couldn't hurt. I don't know how old your daughter is, but a note from school (if applicable) confirming attendance, receipts for day-care (if any), etc. might be useful as documentation.

Best of luck!

I completely agree- I don't (and haven't been aside from this) want to be dishonest to my attorney. I have actually been keeping a notebook since April 2012 of all the interactions between them that I could. So the courts will definitely get to see whats going on with him and see that she is rarely over there when she isn't scheduled to be. And I have 2 cell phones worth of text messages backing the notebook up. I knew I would need the documentation one day, he's very irrational. She's four right now, I tried to go to her daycare, because I thought they kept note of the days/times she was being picked up and dropped of and by who, but they didn't. Thank you so much for your help and advice!!

 

[AdriannaSorra]

My situation is not at that level yet, but I feel like there may be a time where I'm going to have to fight my child's father for full custody of our son. He lives in Japan(NAVY Stationed) and has no intentions of coming back to US, or so he said last time we spoke. We have a very rocky relationship, we did not part in peace... and he has been the most difficult to work with concerning our sons paperwork that is needed to get his US passport.
I go to school full time and next summer my mom offered to take him to Russia to visit our family for 2 months. To me, that would be perfect because I would not have to worry about providing babysitting for most of my summer semester. He is being so difficult about this... I understand if he was so involved with his son, he couldn't let him go. But he's half-a-world away, and barely ever even asks about his son's well being :/

I wish I could offer you advice, I fear the day I may have to explain my own profession in order to defend my right to parenthood. The only thing I can say is: I've done some research, and in most cases they will never take a child away from his or her mother unless she is proven unfit to provide and parent. "Adult Chatroom Host" (I think this is a great one) is not an illegal profession, and you can prove your income with bank statements... I don't see how they can use this against you.

Best of luck to you and your family. /hugs

 

[skifandra]

My situation is not at that level yet, but I feel like there may be a time where I'm going to have to fight my child's father for full custody of our son. He lives in Japan(NAVY Stationed) and has no intentions of coming back to US, or so he said last time we spoke. We have a very rocky relationship, we did not part in peace... and he has been the most difficult to work with concerning our sons paperwork that is needed to get his US passport.
I go to school full time and next summer my mom offered to take him to Russia to visit our family for 2 months. To me, that would be perfect because I would not have to worry about providing babysitting for most of my summer semester. He is being so difficult about this... I understand if he was so involved with his son, he couldn't let him go. But he's half-a-world away, and barely ever even asks about his son's well being :/

I wish I could offer you advice, I fear the day I may have to explain my own profession in order to defend my right to parenthood. The only thing I can say is: I've done some research, and in most cases they will never take a child away from his or her mother unless she is proven unfit to provide and parent. "Adult Chatroom Host" (I think this is a great one) is not an illegal profession, and you can prove your income with bank statements... I don't see how they can use this against you.

Best of luck to you and your family. /hugs

Honestly, if I were you, I do it and get it out of the way as soon as possible. That's the only thing that has been helping me throughout this. I did everything as soon as possible. Well, not this time, I actually waited for her father to try to get back to me about this because he told me he was going to talk to his lawyer and get back to me. Which turned into me getting papers claiming I moved out of my state already. But my biggest piece of advice for you is to get a notebook and keep a log. Write EVERYTHING down, phone conversations, how long they lasted, times, dates. Nothing is too excessive. If you do that, there is no way the courts can side with him. I never even thought I'd use mine because it never came up in the divorce. Thank god I did. But the only reason I thought they might use it against me is because her father has been with the same job for 2 years and her new step mother is an elementary school teacher. I know I'm going to win this case, I really do. He has nothing against me to hurt me, I just want to look the best that I possibly can in front of the courts. Hope you get that passport! Good luck to you as well!

 

[Sansa]

Avoid saying that you do any sort of modeling.

A few months ago a lawyer I had for a car accident I was in last year asked what I was doing now, and I said I was doing freelance modeling. She got interested and somehow I ended up saying something about lingerie modeling (which wasn't far from the truth as I was non nude at the time). But she did say at one point, "Well at least you're not on one of those porn sites!"

:lol:

Online customer service is a good one, just think of ways how you can answer honestly yet without disclosing details. Do NOT lie! That can come back to bite you so badly.

 

[Jillybean]

I was nervous to even say anything to my attorney about it, I was nervous she would kind of be like, well, this makes things a lot harder.

It will make things a LOT harder on your lawyer if the truth comes out after you've been lying or sugar coating it. It's definitely best to tell your lawyer everything up front so they can build a good tactful case for you and prep you to answer the questions you'll be asked.

 

[skifandra]

I was nervous to even say anything to my attorney about it, I was nervous she would kind of be like, well, this makes things a lot harder.

It will make things a LOT harder on your lawyer if the truth comes out after you've been lying or sugar coating it. It's definitely best to tell your lawyer everything up front so they can build a good tactful case for you and prep you to answer the questions you'll be asked.

Well, I haven't been lying. When I first got my lawyer I wasn't working and had literally just finished school. So basically I would just be letting her know that I have found work at this point. But thank you!!

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I think your lawyer will know what's the best way to phrase Camming once you tell him that's what you do.
Obviously, I don't know your situation or what the father is like. But since he seems mad you want to move with your kids, it makes it seem like he wants to be an active part of their life. If he's not abusive mentally or physically, I'm skeptical that taking kids away from their father to be closer to their grandparents really is in their best interest.