You're a good tipper BUT

[Vixxen81]

You demand too much. A model wants to keep you on but set her boundaries. How should she do that, in your opinion?

 

[Smoothie]

I can only give my own opinion, as all members react to things in their own ways (some are probably less reasonable than others).

But if it were me? I’d just want to be told plainly what boundaries you want to set. As long as the dialogue is polite but firm, I wouldn’t be chased away by that. In fact, id probably apologize for whatever the overstep was & agree to the newly adjusted guardrails.

Out of curiosity, are you concerned the new boundary would remove a specific thing that member enjoys a lot?

 

[AmberCutie]

But if it were me?

Yeah I think that’s how you members should approach this thread. I’m interested too!

I know my most drastic of these situations resulted in me banning my biggest supporter for a long time. Eventually he came back in a new account and I let him back, but I wish it had not come to that.

 

[Vixxen81]

Yeah I think that’s how you members should approach this thread. I’m interested too!

I know my most drastic of these situations resulted in me banning my biggest supporter for a long time. Eventually he came back in a new account and I let him back, but I wish it had not come to that.

This is where I'm at and seeking input.

To elaborate I did it once but don't want to do it again

 

[cbhours]

I dunno, do users know your married? Is this a situation where you can just blame the husband for these new boundaries?

 

[rockin_rod]

I'd want to know what I was doing, straight up. Especially if I had been a regular visitor. Probably over-familiarity had crept in and I would not want to convert that to taking you for granted.

 

[smoker919]

Are they work boundaries or personal boundaries that this person is pushing against? If the former then it should be easy enough to enforce new boundaries, but it you have any kind of personal relationship with a viewer it's harder to put that back in the bottle.

 

[Vixxen81]

The heart of the issue is demand avoidance. I will happily do as I please but the second I'm asked to do something specifically -- anything -- I get extremely angry. I have zero intention on trying to fix it on my end.

How to explain without explaining. As you all know by now I don't candy coat things in the heat of the moment. Or very much at all. Heh.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

The heart of the issue is demand avoidance. I will happily do as I please but the second I'm asked to do something specifically -- anything -- I get extremely angry. I have zero intention on trying to fix it on my end.

How to explain without explaining. As you all know by now I don't candy coat things in the heat of the moment. Or very much at all. Heh.

Can you just tell them that requests in general kill the vibe, and you like them and want them to stick around but things need to things to be entirely up to you?

“I have a personal policy” is a good phrase I like.

(Obv I’m not a member so this may not be helpful but that’s what I’d do in your shoes)

 

[Vixxen81]

Can you just tell them that requests in general kill the vibe, and you like them and want them to stick around but things need to things to be entirely up to you?

“I have a personal policy” is a good phrase I like.

(Obv I’m not a member so this may not be helpful but that’s what I’d do in your shoes)

It is helpful. I just feel like I shouldn't have to keep drawing this line.

 

[rockin_rod]

the second I'm asked to do something specifically -- anything -- I get extremely angry.

So to clarify, with the question being 'demand too much', is that demanding anything, or getting to a point where it's excessive demanding?
I'm genuinely trying to understand here, and perhaps have a different understanding of what demand means.
Assume you're OK with tip menu actions, so is a demand where someone asks without tipping, or if they tip but pile on the requests and it feels like they want to direct your show?

 

[Vixxen81]

So to clarify, with the question being 'demand too much', is that demanding anything, or getting to a point where it's excessive demanding?
I'm genuinely trying to understand here, and perhaps have a different understanding of what demand means.
Assume you're OK with tip menu actions, so is a demand where someone asks without tipping, or if they tip but pile on the requests and it feels like they want to direct your show?

If it's in my menu, I'm down to clown, as the kids say these days. It's the push to do things that aren't on my menu and it doesn't matter what the it is, it just dries me up faster than Ben Shapiro's wife. I can't explain it without going into WHY and the why is a TOS-forbidden discussion and it provokes my fight or flight sense and I usually fly. I need a gentle way of saying look, "If I want to, I will and if you ask I will flat out put up a brick wall about it."

 

[AmberCutie]

I need a gentle way of saying look, "If I want to, I will and if you ask I will flat out put up a brick wall about it."

Absolutely a must to have a comfy way to state that. Not just you with your scenario, but all of us.

So members: what words would you like to hear for this sort of comment?

 

[rockin_rod]

If it's in my menu, I'm down to clown, as the kids say these days. It's the push to do things that aren't on my menu and it doesn't matter what the it is, it just dries me up faster than Ben Shapiro's wife. I can't explain it without going into WHY and the why is a TOS-forbidden discussion and it provokes my fight or flight sense and I usually fly. I need a gentle way of saying look, "If I want to, I will and if you ask I will flat out put up a brick wall about it."

Thank you for the extra info, totally helps me understand.

 

[Vixxen81]

Thank you for the extra info, totally helps me understand.

So if you really liked a model with this issue how would you like to be told that you're pushing it and making it weird? Cause I cannot come up with anything where the scenario doesn't end with "well I guess we're done here."

Edit: And had been tipping for years.

 

[bamdicted]

"If I want to, I will and if you ask I will flat out put up a brick wall about it."

If your online persona is similar to what you show here, blunt and no bullshit, I don't see why this could not work. Anyone you deem a good tipper must have been in your room for some time, so they should know your persona.

A softer version might be:
If it is not on my tipmenu I will not do it.
or
Demanding or requesting something that is not on my tipmenu are big turn-offs for me

So members: what words would you like to hear for this sort of comment?

Personally I only need a 'No' and I don't need any explanation, but I am a strange one, I read the tipmenus and assume that what it offers is what is offered, so I have never asked for something specific

 

[bamdicted]

So if you really liked a model with this issue how would you like to be told that you're pushing it and making it weird? Cause I cannot come up with anything where the scenario doesn't end with "well I guess we're done here."

Edit: And had been tipping for years.

'You have been coming here for a long time, so you should know my boundaries and what my reactions is likely to be. You are pushing my limit, please stop.'

 

[Vixxen81]

I don't need any explanation

And I fucking hate giving explanations. But I also see how it can be like "you personally rejected me because I wanted this." And I'm like "well I'm scared you're going to reject me because I don't want this."

New people testing boundaries is an entirely different animal than this.

 

[bamdicted]

And I fucking hate giving explanations. But I also see how it can be like "you personally rejected me because I wanted this." And I'm like "well I'm scared you're going to reject me because I don't want this."

New people testing boundaries is an entirely different animal than this.

Well maybe this is the time for you to break character, to explain what I mean I will share an anecdote:

Years ago I was working as an operations manager at a delivery company, my philosophy was that 'as long as you do your job on time and we don't get complaints, I will not interfere in how you do your job'. I never spoke harshly or raised my voice or shouted at anyone to get them to do their job.
Then one day we were going to have an extra large number of deliveries to make, we were warned weeks in advance, and the warning was forwarded to the people working that day, and of course the 'resident complainer' ( I think there are 1 or 2 in every company) started a tirade, well I guess I snapped and in no uncertain way told him that he was free to go home if he didn't want to work. the result was that after he collected his jaw from the ground he got silently on with his job while the rest of the crew looked on shocked before resuming their jobs.

I was breaking character by being blunt and no bullshit, in opposition to my normal calm and collected character.

Now I will assume that your online persona is blunt and no bullshit, like you show here. So for you to break character would be to go 'soft' and just tell him:
"well I'm scared you're going to reject me because I don't want this."
That might really tell him that he pushed the limit

 

[Vixxen81]

Well maybe this is the time for you to break character, to explain what I mean I will share an anecdote:

Years ago I was working as an operations manager at a delivery company, my philosophy was that 'as long as you do your job on time and we don't get complaints, I will not interfere in how you do your job'. I never spoke harshly or raised my voice or shouted at anyone to get them to do their job.
Then one day we were going to have an extra large number of deliveries to make, we were warned weeks in advance, and the warning was forwarded to the people working that day, and of course the 'resident complainer' ( I think there are 1 or 2 in every company) started a tirade, well I guess I snapped and in no uncertain way told him that he was free to go home if he didn't want to work. the result was that after he collected his jaw from the ground he got silently on with his job while the rest of the crew looked on shocked before resuming their jobs.

I was breaking character by being blunt and no bullshit, in opposition to my normal calm and collected character.

Now I will assume that your online persona is blunt and no bullshit, like you show here. So for you to break character would be to go 'soft' and just tell him:
"well I'm scared you're going to reject me because I don't want this."
That might really tell him that he pushed the limit

This is amazing. Thank you. You're right.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Well maybe this is the time for you to break character, to explain what I mean I will share an anecdote:

Years ago I was working as an operations manager at a delivery company, my philosophy was that 'as long as you do your job on time and we don't get complaints, I will not interfere in how you do your job'. I never spoke harshly or raised my voice or shouted at anyone to get them to do their job.
Then one day we were going to have an extra large number of deliveries to make, we were warned weeks in advance, and the warning was forwarded to the people working that day, and of course the 'resident complainer' ( I think there are 1 or 2 in every company) started a tirade, well I guess I snapped and in no uncertain way told him that he was free to go home if he didn't want to work. the result was that after he collected his jaw from the ground he got silently on with his job while the rest of the crew looked on shocked before resuming their jobs.

I was breaking character by being blunt and no bullshit, in opposition to my normal calm and collected character.

Now I will assume that your online persona is blunt and no bullshit, like you show here. So for you to break character would be to go 'soft' and just tell him:
"well I'm scared you're going to reject me because I don't want this."
That might really tell him that he pushed the limit

This is excellent advice. Sometimes a little vulnerability goes a long way.

 

[rockin_rod]

So if you really liked a model with this issue how would you like to be told that you're pushing it and making it weird? Cause I cannot come up with anything where the scenario doesn't end with "well I guess we're done here."

Edit: And had been tipping for years.

Just like @bamdicted wrote above, that would be enough to pull me up and realise the impact of what I'd done.
And it would only need to be done once.

 

[Smoothie]

It is helpful. I just feel like I shouldn't have to keep drawing this line.

If you mean drawing the line repeatedly for the same member, after they’ve been told, that sounds problematic.

If you mean having to spell it out for each different member, I can just say that it can be hard to know how each model runs shows without being told flat-out what the expectations are. It varies a lot. Some actually do prefer to be “directed,” in my experience, so I could understand a member just following the protocol he thinks is acceptable based on past experiences with other models, unless he’s told otherwise.

Just another reason why it’s best to lay it out bluntly, IMO. Less opportunity for the member to guess wrong.

 

[AudriTwo]

I dont do well with demands either. When i cam its why i have premium set to my choice and if they have requests must take me to exclusive and say PLEASE. i will do nothing until the user types out please or pls.


If they take me to premium and start making requests, i up sale an exclusive so i can bend over the specific way they want.