How to deal with members/potential members who **swearrrrr** they're 'in a relationship with you'

[Rosia]

How do you other models deal with people in your room and people in your twitter DMs that swear up and down that they're in a relationship with you? And then some of them think that they deserve special treatment. I'm just getting into a relationship now and I know as a cam girl you want to appear 'available' so when I went on cam again I was going to just continue saying I was single. But I'm thinking about just putting on that I'm SUPERR-TAKENNN lol just so that people will know their place. Omg, these people are such a headache!! Any tips or advice about this is much needed and appreciated.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

How do you other models deal with people in your room and people in your twitter DMs that swear up and down that they're in a relationship with you? And then some of them think that they deserve special treatment. I'm just getting into a relationship now and I know as a cam girl you want to appear 'available' so when I went on cam again I was going to just continue saying I was single. But I'm thinking about just putting on that I'm SUPERR-TAKENNN lol just so that people will know their place. Omg, these people are such a headache!! Any tips or advice about this is much needed and appreciated.

You're just plain incorrect. You do not have to appear available. there are arguments for and against, it would be stupid to pretend that relationship status doesn't affect some members tipping decisions, however there are many reasons you may wish to be honest about your relationship or to simply not make it anyones business.

Ultimately, if you are finding that hiding the relationship is causing MORE stress for you then quit hiding it. If you change your mind you can always tell people it's over.

(I've been honest about being in a relationship since I began camming. I think I'm doing ok.)

 

[Serenity_Tam]

*ban*

That's how you do it.

Or depending on the situation just send them an email letting them know how they're making you feel and what you need to feel comfortable. Then if they can't keep boundaries. Ban.

But also. I don't know why you think you need to play at being super available. You don't. The last thing you want to do is lead members on. You don't have to tell them your relationship status but you should be sure to let them know you're not available in that way regardless. Personally I am open about my relationship and being a great big homo. It puts up a lot of boundaries.

 

[naturepet]

It is your room, you own it.
In the short run, being available will be beneficial. In the long term it will eventually backfire.

 

[JickyJuly]

Is this really a problem models face? I don't see how that happens with clean hands.

 

[JoleneBrody]

This is not a required aspect of the job, if you're having multiple people get the impression that you're in more than a sexy friendship, you may want to reflect on what part you're playing in this. Being blatant and open about being taken might just be the best way for YOU to avoid playing your part. An easy and clear line to always lean on.

I've been camming for almost 6 years, am a VERY private person, have the greatest group of mfc frands (many for years) and have never once dealt with this problem. It is completely avoidable IMO depending on your actions. You create your environment and you control what type of member/interaction you attract.

 

[Mila_]

There is also always the possibility that it's not you, it's them.

New members will sometimes mistake camsites for dating sites. With newbies you should simply explain the difference. Tell them you aren't there to date anyone.

There are seasoned members who have issues with boundaries. Some of them watch cams because they have no success with women *precisely* because they are creeps. These will often push no matter how many times you tell them 'no'. It is up to you whether you want to hustle them for tokens or ban them from your room. They tend to gravitate towards the sweeter/innocent girls. Sassy models put them off.

In my case it has been more profitable to never disclose my relationship status whether I am single, casually dating, or taken. If the question comes up I deflect it with humor: "I am married to the internet" or "I have 7 boyfriends, one in each continent" or "I killed my husband for his fortune but don't tell anyone" or "I have a house plant fetish, there is a sexy fern I have my eyes on" I don't know, come up with anything ridiculous and they will back off.

 

[yummybrownfox]

There are seasoned members who have issues with boundaries. Some of them watch cams because they have no success with women *precisely* because they are creeps. These will often push no matter how many times you tell them 'no'.

Like the MFC member who had stopped visiting/tipping me because 'Shelly' wasn't a good enough answer for him to the question "No, I mean what is your REAL name?" *facepalm* Want my social security number and address too, fuckstick? LOL.

 

[mutantdonut]

Coincidently, a member from Twitch was talking how he allegedly found not one, but TWO girlfriends from Chaturbate who were also camgirls. This convo happened Monday if i remember correctly.

 

[Tilly]

Is this really a problem models face? I don't see how that happens with clean hands.

maybe a catfish is using her photos and possibly her name, sending them to her live broadcast to convince them she's real etc etc....
COULD BE!

 

[vapor41]

One of my favourite members from 3 years ago used to be a good tipper, keep the convo going, he was really sweet but something changed over my year break and now he just tries to break all the rules/pm for free and such, thinks he deserves special treatment, wants to date me, and complains about me never being online (like right after I'v been in public chat for 5 hours). I've told him that if he doesn't follow the rules he'll be banned but he did it for months before I snapped at him and said if he did it one more time I'd permanently ban him. Seems to have sunk in this time. I hate having it come down to that, it makes me pretty uncomfortable to have to be like that, but sometimes you have to just look out for you.
I wonder what kind of thing has to change in a member's life for things/their behavior to change that drastically.

 

[SaffronBurke]

I deal with them like this:



If they persist past that, I make friends with that lovely "block" button.


A rambling on another thing mentioned in this thread:
I have seen quite a few newer models in the past few months/year saying that "seeming available" is part of the job, and it really surprises me. I have never got the impression that that was part of camming at all. Even before I started to cam myself, when I was just watching cams, it never seemed like an "oh you might be able to date these girls eventually" sort of thing. I always got the impression that camgirls were your hot friend that you sometimes hang out naked with, and maybe you even masturbate together, but you're friends only. This isn't Coyote Ugly, you don't have to "seem available, but never be available", to badly quote the movie. You can tell people that you're taken. You can tell them that your relationship status is none of their business. You can tell them that the sky is pink and you live on Mars and are 582 years old, if you feel like it. The only reason to appear available is if that is the type of persona that you wish to convey, if that isn't what you want, you can make it clear that you're not available and do just as well, minus the stress of people barging past your boundaries.

 

[Esther_Fae]

I'm very open that I'm happily in a relationship. And I pretty regularly talk about my partner. As well as periodically saying (while on cam) that I will never date a member. I also don't offer girlfriend experience. So I see no point in making myself "available". I'd rather just have friends that enjoy hanging out with me and also like seeing me masturbate and be naked. That's the vibe I want and I'm pretty happy that it's the vibe I've been able to hold onto as well. I'll be their friend. Won't ever be their girlfriend. Nope nope nope. Happily engaged and living with my partner. And my members are very supportive of my relationship as well. So yeah.
Edit for grammar/spelling

 

[Mila_]

To offer a different perspective... there *is* a point in seeming available... it can be part of the fantasy. A guy who tips big will often do it for the romantic fantasy which is easily ruined if they think you are taken. But that fantasy is really easy to uphold, all you need to do is not ruin it by keeping your mouth shut and their brains will do the rest.

To clarify: you dont have to tell them you are single or actually do anything to convey that you are available, on the contrary, tell them you would *never* date anyone from a camsite, they will find a reason to believe they will be the one to change your mind. But dont tell them you have a boyfriend or show them mental images of what you and your SO did over the weekend if you want to keep the fire in their loins.

Seduction is the best route to tokens if you know how to control it. Seduction can seem cruel at times, but people yearn to be seduced. It gives them a reason to wake up in the morning, makes them feel the center of the universe, gives them purpose. We love when brands seduce us to buy their products with a truly good ad. We know we are being seduced and yet we smile, enjoy the process, and buy the product. One way to seduce is to seem attainable. So there are reasons to play it that way.

 

[mickerd]

To clarify: you dont have to tell them you are single or actually do anything to convey that you are available, on the contrary, tell them you would *never* date anyone from a camsite, they will find a reason to believe they will be the one to change your mind. But dont tell them you have a boyfriend or show them mental images of what you and your SO did over the weekend if you want to keep the fire in their loins.

I feel like this particular kind of thought process right here is why so many people despise camming & the people who do it.

 

[Osmia]

....Seduction is the best route to tokens if you know how to control it.

I generally agree with what you said about the pleasures of seduction and being seduced. Even in a fantasy environment like MFC, it can be quite compelling and enjoyable. There are a lot of members who seek it out and respond to it. OTOH, there are a lot of members who just want to see various sex acts and jerk off.

It's difficult enough to "control it" in the real world, where you have opportunities for much richer interpersonal communication and signalling of intentions and desires. To successfully pull this off as a camgirl, it seems like the model would need to have a lot of social savvy and strong personal boundaries.

 

[Myriads]

Another aspect of this issue is that the member IS in a relationship, only it's not with the model it's with the FIGMENT of the model.

Figmentation is an odd thing that used to be reserved for celebrities of the sort that appeared on TV and in films. People would see a star and form an idea of who they thought they were, and in their heads would imagine how they might interact. This interaction of corse is a total self-creation, and it self reinforces, and tends toward total fantasy. At a distance it is harmless, a person will probably never interact with celebrities of this sort in real life. But web-cam models fall into the Figmentation phenomena also and because the interactions are real time, and the model is accessible, problems arise.

Even when the model addresses the individual directly, they may be interpreting what is said through the lens of how they view the figment. And they make the things they hear fit the perspective of relationship they have built in their heads.

The only way to really get thru to these folks is to force a clear conflict between the figment perception and the real person they are in front of. That almost never goes down well.

Being direct and confronting the figment is the best way to be, and blocking and banning totally the next step.

 

[JoleneBrody]

I feel like this particular kind of thought process right here is why so many people despise camming & the people who do it.

I don't see why that would be. Blatant honesty with and air of mystery of lack of over personal information, what's wrong with that? The sentence you quoted of Mila is IMO the PERFECT camgirl. Honest, professional and seductive, a true escape without lies or dishonest manipulation.

 

[Sevrin]

Being infatuated and not understanding that this doesn't constitute a "relationship" isn't something that's exclusive to the camming world. Nor is it unheard of for the object of the infatuation to exploit the situation for gain IRL.

 

[JoleneBrody]

Being infatuated and not understanding that this doesn't constitute a "relationship" isn't something that's exclusive to the camming world. Nor is it unheard of for the object of the infatuation to exploit the situation for gain IRL.

I can definitely see how the camming world could easily be a breeding ground for these issues though, for sure. This IMO is why having very clear boundaries and NEVER playing into delusions of romance is so important. Capitalizing on the the mentally unstable or naive if fucked up.

 

[n_i_c_u]

How do you other models deal with people in your room and people in your twitter DMs that swear up and down that they're in a relationship with you? And then some of them think that they deserve special treatment.

For some reason I feel better about myself as a human being after reading this.

 

[mickerd]

A guy who tips big will often do it for the romantic fantasy which is easily ruined if they think you are taken.

To clarify: you dont have to tell them you are single or actually do anything to convey that you are available, on the contrary, tell them you would *never* date anyone from a camsite, they will find a reason to believe they will be the one to change your mind. But dont tell them you have a boyfriend

I don't see why that would be. Blatant honesty with and air of mystery of lack of over personal information, what's wrong with that? The sentence you quoted of Mila is IMO the PERFECT camgirl. Honest, professional and seductive, a true escape without lies or dishonest manipulation.

I reposted a couple of snippets from the aforementioned quote that really do not feel very honest to me at all, imo it reads as very misleading. Specifically stating you would *never* date someone, but in a manner which may beallowing them to think they will change that, it reads as fairly sinister to me. Also addressing the big tippers a model might not have if they thought The model was "taken". I've seen those guys in rooms before and they always seem to leave after awhile, after they find out and they always seem pissed, as if they were led on.

To me blatant honesty would be someone like Ambercutie, she puts it out there that she has a S.O and there is zero chance ever of hooking up. There really is no way anyone can misconstrue something like that.

Edit, the final paragraph was meant to be my new comment, quotations are hard.

 

[Mila_]

I reposted a couple of snippets from the aforementioned quote that really do not feel very honest to me at all, imo it reads as very misleading. Specifically stating you would *never* date someone, but in a manner which may beallowing them to think they will change that, it reads as fairly sinister to me. Also addressing the big tippers a model might not have if they thought The model was "taken". I've seen those guys in rooms before and they always seem to leave after awhile, after they find out and they always seem pissed, as if they were led on.

To me blatant honesty would be someone like Ambercutie, she puts it out there that she has a S.O and there is zero chance ever of hooking up. There really is no way anyone can misconstrue something like that.

If a model tells a member she would never date anyone off the site, she is not misleading him. But some men love to fantasize about the possibility of changing your mind. As long as I do not feed that fantasy by making it seem like I would date them, there is no harm done.(***)

Your idea that a room of 1500 strangers and lucky loos are somehow entitled to know the details of a model's personal life is so fucked up. Models can choose to disclose that information but it is always the models choice. A model might even lie to her room and tell everyone she is single when she isn't and that wouldn't be unethical because it is her personal life. She also lies about her name, the city she lives in and a million other things. It is her *personal* life.

Personally I don't lie about my relationship status be it single, taken, or casually dating. Deflecting the question with humor and keeping it really vague works best for me.

(***) Most of these men would be petrified if you were to actually go through and ask them to meet you. They don't want to. What they like is the fantasy because it takes no effort on their part, they are never at risk to be rejected so as long as it remains a fantasy they have no risk, nothing to lose. Tokens make these guys feel absolutely desired, and this is a fantasy that many are willing to pay a lot for. That is what I meant with the big tippers being into these fantasies. And obviously they do get pissed when they find out their favorite model is dating someone else because it kills the fantasy.

 

[Mila_]

Oh, and sorry for the double post but I thought this conversation was interesting and wanted to add something else:

When someone in your room asks if you are single there are only 3 straight questions you can give:
(a) I am taken
(b) I am single
(c) I am casually dating

All three suck. All three are unappealing to some of your viewers and by disclosing this info you end up being less desirable. Let's break it down:

(a) Taken: discourages romantic viewers from tipping you. Even if in real life a platonic guy might be inspired to compete for your love and fantasize about you dumping your boyfriend, tippers won't feel that way because it is nearly impossible to compete against a guy that you see in person every day.

(b) Single: discourages sheeple from tipping you. "Single? why is she single? what is wrong with her? she seems hot, but if she isn't taken maybe she isn't as hot as I thought she was" If you say you are single by choice you are an asocial weirdo. If you say your singledom is unintentional then you aren't pre-selected by other men and that makes you seem unattractive. Lose-lose

(c) Casually dating: discourages conservative men from tipping you. A hookups kind of girl is always perceived as less virginal, more trashy, less "fresh" in their eyes.

So even if you are comfortable disclosing this information, whatever you say you are shooting yourself in the foot. It is one of those questions that will hardly ever raise your value in the eyes of the room.

The other 2 options are:

(d) Refuse to answer: makes you look defensive and untrustworthy

(e) Deflect with humor: only way to save some face.

 

[mickerd]

Your idea that a room of 1500 strangers and lucky loos are somehow entitled to know the details of a model's personal life is so fucked up.

Nowhere did I state this at all in anyway, at all.

 

[mickerd]

If a model tells a member she would never date anyone off the site, she is not misleading him. But some men love to fantasize about the possibility of changing your mind. As long as I do not feed that fantasy by making it seem like I would date them, there is no harm done.(***)

Your idea that a room of 1500 strangers and lucky loos are somehow entitled to know the details of a model's personal life is so fucked up. Models can choose to disclose that information but it is always the models choice. A model might even lie to her room and tell everyone she is single when she isn't and that wouldn't be unethical because it is her personal life. She also lies about her name, the city she lives in and a million other things. It is her *personal* life.

Personally I don't lie about my relationship status be it single, taken, or casually dating. Deflecting the question with humor and keeping it really vague works best for me.

(***) Most of these men would be petrified if you were to actually go through and ask them to meet you. They don't want to. What they like is the fantasy because it takes no effort on their part, they are never at risk to be rejected so as long as it remains a fantasy they have no risk, nothing to lose. Tokens make these guys feel absolutely desired, and this is a fantasy that many are willing to pay a lot for. That is what I meant with the big tippers being into these fantasies. And obviously they do get pissed when they find out their favorite model is dating someone else because it kills the fantasy.

I do get what you are saying in your third paragraph, I think at some point there are members who go beyond the fantasy point and t

If a model tells a member she would never date anyone off the site, she is not misleading him. But some men love to fantasize about the possibility of changing your mind. As long as I do not feed that fantasy by making it seem like I would date them, there is no harm done.(***)

Your idea that a room of 1500 strangers and lucky loos are somehow entitled to know the details of a model's personal life is so fucked up. Models can choose to disclose that information but it is always the models choice. A model might even lie to her room and tell everyone she is single when she isn't and that wouldn't be unethical because it is her personal life. She also lies about her name, the city she lives in and a million other things. It is her *personal* life.

Personally I don't lie about my relationship status be it single, taken, or casually dating. Deflecting the question with humor and keeping it really vague works best for me.

(***) Most of these men would be petrified if you were to actually go through and ask them to meet you. They don't want to. What they like is the fantasy because it takes no effort on their part, they are never at risk to be rejected so as long as it remains a fantasy they have no risk, nothing to lose. Tokens make these guys feel absolutely desired, and this is a fantasy that many are willing to pay a lot for. That is what I meant with the big tippers being into these fantasies. And obviously they do get pissed when they find out their favorite model is dating someone else because it kills the fantasy.

In regards to your 3rd paragraph, I hadn't thought about it in that regard before, and I certainly do agree with a lot of what you are saying there.

 

[Mila_]

Nowhere did I state this at all in anyway, at all.

You did say he way to do it is "putting it out there" so nobody can misconstrue it. And you called me synister and disingenuous for keeping it vague even when telling members I would never date them.

Sounds like you have no idea what you want.

 

[mickerd]

You did say he way to do it is "putting it out there" so nobody can misconstrue it. And you called me synister and disingenuous for keeping it vague even when telling members I would never date them.

Sounds like you have no idea what you want.

No, I said being 100% clear in a finite manner is what I'd consider blatantly honest more so then vague generalized answers.

I never said YOU were sinister, I said the particular verbiage of a previously mentioned statement came off as somewhat sinister in tone to me personally as I read it.

 

[MadJohnson]

One thing that I believe might be getting overlooked here is that a desire to date isn't the only reason that a member might prefer a model who is single. For myself, at least, I'll admit that I generally have a preference for models who are single (or dating casually, in supermila's hierarchy of model relationship statuses), although this preference isn't firm and I certainly enjoy and tip several models who are not single.

The reason, however, for my single model preference relates not to any desire to date her. It's because I tend to spend most of my tokens on privates or other 1:1 model interaction and I have the most enjoyable experiences when some form of actual(**) intimacy(*) exists. It's been my experience that models who are in committed relationships are, understandably, much less likely to be interested in or willing to allow that type of intimacy to develop than those who are not. This isn't to say that all single models are okay with it either, but I find that there's at least a greater chance that they might be.

(*) I'll note that this level of interaction goes well beyond the idea of experiencing actual orgasms or sexual pleasure. Even in the case of the latter, the engagement remains essentially a performance. The type of intimacy to which I am referring represents a much more mutual experience; exactly the type of experience which could easily be a problem for someone in a monogamous relationship.

(**) Sure, sometimes intimacy can be feigned, but I've gotten pretty good at observing when models are feigning intimacy, among other things. While I'm certainly not perfect at picking up on it, I get it right enough that noticing a model doing it is both annoying and a big turn-off.

 

[SaffronBurke]

When someone in your room asks if you are single there are only 3 straight questions you can give:
(a) I am taken
(b) I am single
(c) I am casually dating

Or....
d) My relationship status is irrelevant to the purpose of this site.

It's true - we're not on a dating site, so it really doesn't matter. Throughout my camming career, I have been engaged, married, had a friend with benefits, just having casual sex, and completely single, at no point has what I have offered on cam changed because of my relationship status. Learning to politely tell people that it's none of their business has removed a lot of stress from my life. I used to log on and get bombarded by people insulting my partner simply because I cammed, or insisting that I needed to date/marry them because reasons. I even had someone tell me I needed an actual boyfriend instead of a friend with benefits, because I need someone to talk to - I did talk to him, that's what the "friend" part means! We were friends who happened to have sex with each other!