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How to stand out in conversation with someone that happens to cam? (starting a new relationship)

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Aug 12, 2021
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We met at the local dungeon and really clicked hard (Cuddling, talking. and making out for hours after scene). We are both poly and at the dungeon she is doing submissive things, and I Dom, but she cams as a Dom.

I assume I can provide an refreshing opposite activity from her job recreationally. But I also want to provide a refreshing opposite conversations from her job as well outside of scenes.

I think the idea of her job is titillating and would have fun talking about it, but don't want to bore her if that's the only conversation she always has.

What things are probably a straight bore to talk about?

What would you be passionate to talk about with a potential date?
+ hobbies? (or does she get that from stans?)
+ myself? (that's usually a mistake on the regular, but maybe would be the opposite if you work on cam? to not have to talk might be a blessing)
 
Aug 12, 2021
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Also She kept making deprecating remarks about the size of her breasts being too small; To me its "I'm attracted so therefore they are not too small" and "your demo likes them small , if you changed them you would have to find your audience all over again" but I remained silent as I was so shocked that she would feel that (she is gorgeous), and why would she need complements, doesn't she hear it every day and always?

Normally this is complement seeking, but again she probably gets told she is beautiful all the time, me saying as well would probably not be heard.

I really didn't want to respond in a way that would just blend into the noise.

what's a good way to respond that stands out and is heard as a complement?
 

GoddessV

Cam Model
Jul 4, 2020
906
2,525
31
USA
I don't have a lot of insight to your particular conundrum but I will say that for me, compliments on cam are meaningless. Total strangers with a dick in their hand think everything is sexy and I gain no satisfaction from their adulation. Personally, the only meaningful compliments are from partners, friends, family I know and trust, otherwise it does not mean anything. Just empty words. I did nothing for this body or face, I was born like this, thank you to my grandparents or genetics but I am just existing. Drives me mad when beggars enter my chat and give me a compliment and expect me to fawn over them. I hear it a hundred times a day and so do most camgirls as we all have our niche and our fans and they think we are the bee's knees until they move on to their next favorite and say the same thing. They tell it to all the models and copy paste it into every chatroom.

In a patriarchal society, men use compliments as currency and it cheapens them for all women.

She may like hearing how her physical appearance gets your dick hard but I would recommend starting elsewhere until you know her better. Try complimenting things that she worked hard for, stuff she created, things she studied, choices she made, etc. Such examples could include: her career, her hobbies, her outfit, her haircut, her knowledge, her sense of humor and wit or how fun she is, how wonderful to spend time with her.

This is just my opinion and I realize others might like compliments from total strangers and people they just met.

She may have insecurities about her breast size and perhaps was fishing for compliments. Maybe in previous relationships her partners were asshats who said things like "I'm a usually a boob guy but I like your small ones. . . " Who knows. I wouldn't read too much into that until you know her better but if she brings it up again it is probably good to let her know you like her breast size.

New relationships are very exciting! Enjoy your time with her and don't worry too much about saying "just the right thing" she seems to like you as is.
 
Aug 12, 2021
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New relationships are very exciting! Enjoy your time with her and don't worry too much about saying "just the right thing" she seems to like you as is.
Yeah, but kind of punching above my weight class, I am average +1 for cute, she is brain numbingly beautiful and interesting,
Not going to be anything but myself, but don't want to just be constantly putting foot in mouth
 

thinkinboutit

Cam Model
Aug 22, 2019
1,338
3,010
51
If my guy was a plumber and I went to a plumber forum to ask about how to talk to him that would be a little off.:haha: as in any healthy relationship, communication is key. instead of asking strangers who have never met her. Just because we have the same career doesn't mean we have the same preferences.

Its natural to be curious. Personally speaking: in the past when I was dating, having guys treat me differently or fixate on my job was a turn off and red flag.

You don't have to treat her like an alien, we are just people doing a job.
 

Marceline

Cam Model
Aug 11, 2017
1,795
7,369
113
What would you be passionate to talk about with a potential date?

Anything that you're passionate about! I recently had a casual first date with someone who is poly and into the kink scene. We didn't make the conversations all about sex. Instead, we talked a bit about stuff we've experienced in the past, a little about our daily life, what we are interested in, etc. Normal first date stuff. Just because she is a cam model and into the BDSM scene doesn't mean that she doesn't have other things aside from sexy stuff that she is passionate about.

What things are probably a straight bore to talk about?

Honestly, I get bored if I talk too much about work. This was especially true when I was still live streaming. There's some people that will absolutely bombard you with questions when they find out you're a cam model or a content creator, and they want to know every single detail, because it's a turn on to them. Obviously not every cam model is going to have the same thoughts on it as me, but I find that it gets tedious fast, and then that turns to straight up irritation if someone only wants to talk about that part of my life.

+ hobbies? (or does she get that from stans?)

YES! TALK ABOUT YOUR HOBBIES! Mutual hobbies and interests are great conversation topics. Do you both like to read? Do you like similar movies? Are you both into fitness? Do either of you write or draw or film? These are all great topics that can lead to further, in depth conversations.

+ myself? (that's usually a mistake on the regular, but maybe would be the opposite if you work on cam? to not have to talk might be a blessing)

Again, YES! Unless I totally misread your posts, you're not a regular. You met her out in the real world. She's already made out with you. Obviously she's into you, at least on a sexual/physically intimate level. If she is agreeing to go out with you, then obviously she is going to want to get to know more about you.

Also She kept making deprecating remarks about the size of her breasts being too small; To me its "I'm attracted so therefore they are not too small" and "your demo likes them small , if you changed them you would have to find your audience all over again" but I remained silent as I was so shocked that she would feel that (she is gorgeous), and why would she need complements, doesn't she hear it every day and always?

I'm a small titty girl who is planning on getting a breast augmentation. I sometimes make comments about how small my tiddies are that could come off as self depreciating, but it's mostly just me trying to make terrible jokes. Just because I acknowledge that I have small boobies doesn't mean that I'm fishing for compliments or necessarily hating on my boobs. Yeah, I want to get my breasts enhanced, but that doesn't mean that I hate them the way they are. They're just tiny. She could very well be feeling the same way.

what's a good way to respond that stands out and is heard as a complement?

Honestly, this really just depends on how she is. If you feel like your relationship is already to the point where it's not weird to say this, you could just say "I love/like them". Don't say "I'm attracted so therefore they are not too small". That comes off as you saying that you do find small boobies unattractive, but hers are just big enough for you to like. Also, don't say the other thing about "if you changed them you would have to find your audience again". That's not really true and I know I'd be irritated if someone was trying to actively talk me out of getting something I wanted done.


In the end, as cliché as this will sound, just be yourself and allow her to just be herself. While she may be a cam model, she is still a human being. Treat her the same way you would treat any other woman with any other occupation.
 

Emberblaze

Cam Model
Jan 9, 2015
4,514
1
14,672
243
The internet
Twitter Username
@Emberblazexxx
Streamate Username
Emberblazexxx
Don't fetishize her job and get into the mindset that sex work is work and you will automatically be a step above most guys she likely interacts with.

Don't ask to watch her work, don't ask her for details unless she is already sharing, don't assume that because she is self employed or works from home that she is always free, understand she may not want to tell you her work name either now or ever, don't try to find her online (it's always possible she uses her local fetlife profile for work too but if she doesn't respect the seperation between the real her and work her.

I could probably make a huge list but I'll sum it up with respect whatever boundaries she gives you. She might be open to sharing stuff other models aren't but never push for more info.
 
Don't talk about her job. When men know what I do and seem particularly focused on bringing it up, it burns me out on them real quick. I know they find it exciting, why would I care about exciting them as Mollie in my personal time though?

I see you said that you think you offer something different from her work life, so. Maybe don't bring her work and how hot you find it up if that's true. I like to be the one leading the way when talking about my work, I am wide fucking open but I don't like when people pry. It's really easy to cross the line there.

Yes, get to know her as the person, of whom this job is one facet. Definitely talk about yourself, don't grill her endlessly and offer nothing. Treat her like a normal person you are attracted to, because that is what this boils down to.
 

LylacDoll

Cam Model
Jul 8, 2017
1,335
3,146
163
Midwest, United States
MFC Username
LylacDoll
I can empathize a bit with OP--I've had well meaning people IRL make my job into a weird thing just from innocently not knowing the ground rules, and once I explained them they were fine. Just cause it's obvious to me on the other side, I can understand it not being obvious to people on the outside.

For me easy ground rules are:
1. Don't seek out my content or my camming.
2. Don't ask me for my cam name.
3. Don't ask for free/discounted content.
4. Accept that what I do is work, and all that entails. It may not be the same as yours, but it is still work.
5. Be understanding for scheduling boundaries--I may say things like "I am glad to get to set my own schedule" but that doesn't mean the schedule I set isn't important or to be ignored (and just because you may see me shirking my scheduling doesn't necessarily give you a pass to just assume I'll shirk it for you).
6. If you ask me questions about my work believe what I tell you. I won't ever speak for anyone else's experiences. Any assertions I make are based on what I've had happen to me--I am the subject matter expert on my own experiences. If I say certain types of people behave one way, that's how they've behaved with me. If you have any assumptions about the clients or how different kinks work on cam or power dynamics or how much something else would sell vs. something else, drop them.
Example: You pointed out how she'd have to find her audience again if she changed her boobs--that isn't necessarily in line with how things really pan out for models. Men often say they like one thing then tip for another. There is likely 2 overlapping groups of tippers she has 1. Those who are not watching her for her boobs--body type is just one factor among many for tippers--who will not change spending habits regardless of any augmentation. and 2. Those who actually prefer larger boobs but like her more than just boobs in general, and may be more drawn to her if she got work done. This isn't saying she should or shouldn't or meant to direct her in any way, but just to point out your surface value assessment of how appeal and camming works is based on assumptions and not experience which she will inevitably have more of than you. If she says her experience is different than what you assumed, defer to her, and don't argue--especially since it really doesn't concern you anyway, you're not the one who does this as their job and odds are you never will, so it's not like it really matters to you how she runs her business, y'know? -- Not aimed at you in particular, just something I've seen and ugh, it is annoying when it happens. If there was anything a guy could do to avoid being that guy it's this.
7. More generally: don't give unsolicited business advice. Just don't. If you ever catch yourself thinking she wants/needs/could use a "male perspective," you can probably rest assured the male perspective is an oversaturated market.

Mostly it just boils down to not making assumptions to keeping your nose out of my business either in the form of watching my content or giving recommendations about how my content should be constructed. If things get more serious though and you happen to be in the same house as her while she's working, the best thing anyone's done to be helpful to me with camming is just being on call for them to bring me hot tea or coffee so I don't have to leave my stream to go make it and discreetly delivering it outside my room. It's just a very nice gesture and it makes my life a lot easier. I think that's about the most contact my SO has had with my work though, and that's cause we live together, so not exactly 1st or 2nd date material.
 

GraysonDrake

Cam Model
Jul 11, 2021
713
1,763
16
Nunya Village
allmylinks.com
Twitter Username
@fakegraydrake
Streamate Username
GraysonDrake
Chaturbate Username
graysondrake
Also She kept making deprecating remarks about the size of her breasts being too small; To me its "I'm attracted so therefore they are not too small" and "your demo likes them small , if you changed them you would have to find your audience all over again" but I remained silent as I was so shocked that she would feel that (she is gorgeous), and why would she need complements, doesn't she hear it every day and always?

Normally this is complement seeking, but again she probably gets told she is beautiful all the time, me saying as well would probably not be heard.

I really didn't want to respond in a way that would just blend into the noise.

what's a good way to respond that stands out and is heard as a complement?
Honestly don't worry about it. A random person she barely knows saying the right thing isn't going to suddenly and drastically change the way someone feels about their body. Especially not someone who finds her sexually attractive. Self depreciation is a complicated thing and the reason for it can vary drastically from person to person, so don't make any assumptions about her self worth or anything because it's kind of a whole box of frogs.

Also V put it beautifully as to why she will especially not care about your compliments:
In a patriarchal society, men use compliments as currency and it cheapens them for all women.
And all the shit about her being too good looking for you is gross, stop putting her on a pedestal, for both your sakes. When you objectify someone like that you will eventually end up vilifying them when they inevitably don't live up to the expectations you invented.

She's just a person, she's not that big of a deal in the same way none of us are that big of a deal. Don't ask about her job unless she brings it up, and never ask her invasive questions about what she does on cam or ask for an anecdote. It's literally just a job. It might be an interesting job but don't fetishize her work and don't bug her about it. Loads of poly folks do SW in some form or another, especially those of us who are also into kink. It's super common to the point of it not being a big deal. Don't make it into one.

I don't have a lot of insight to your particular conundrum but I will say that for me, compliments on cam are meaningless.
Personally I like them, but I also love attention.
give me compliments GIF

As long as they're not simping too hard or saying a bunch of overtly sexual/objectifying shit outside of a tip note then I usually just say thank you and move on. Genuine compliments with no expectations attached are nice and if I'm having a slow or annoying day they perk my mood up even if I don't get a tip alongside it. They don't change the way I feel about myself, but it's nice to hear.
 

Sugar_butt

Cam Model
May 22, 2020
34
21
21
26
profiles.myfreecams.com
Twitter Username
@Sugar_ButtFairy
MFC Username
Sugar_Butt
I agree with what the other models are saying. My favorite regular is my favorite because he asked me something other than “where you from” or compliment my appearance. My favorite is when people have positive energy and are cool/ unique to talk to. That regular and I play this “question game” in private chat where we take turns picking a number 1-300. I have stem questions (I had from a previous job) that asks questions like : what is the smallest thing that you are very grateful for?
Over all the time we’ve talked and gotten to know cool facts about each other. It’s not too revealing of where I’m located or too personal. It’s always very positive and interesting. Kinda gives me a TRUE good conversation at all times when I get those random messages asking the same lines. Idk I guess it depends if what kind of relationship you want for the service she’s providing. My regular will randomly tip me for nothing just because we have good conversations too. So it’s extra motivation because I’m still making a little money for how much time I invest in keeping the conversation smooth & interesting too. I find it respectful since I’m providing that service for him.
 
Apr 20, 2021
13
4
1
United States
friendsbio.com
Twitter Username
@AdaniaWills
Wow, I think this might be one of the ideal situations because you can understand each other's jobs and even share some experiences and advice. Still, don't share your model name, either the site you're working on. You never know when one of you might get jealous. Also, maybe establishing some basic rules from the beginning might be useful - like never lie, disrespect, and don't talk about your earnings!
 
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