Is it still worth coming back?

[moMIamhere]

Hello and I've missed you it's been a while, I was a camgirl at the age of 18 and stopped at 23 because I was permanently banned so I had no choice but to change, anyways I am 27 now and got married with no kids , My husband is a good provider and I'm madly in love with him BUT he doesn't know that I work as a camgirl before, we're 3 yrs of marriage now and I later found out he's history that he's on LJ , these girls are way younger than me , I don't want to sound insecure but now I experience it all when I was a camgirl, I talked to married men and they say that they love me and now I'm scared that my husband will fall in love with a camgirl because I experience it all. Anyways,my plan is to come back to camming but I just need confidence right now , I have all complete equipment but I plan to do it secretly , I just don't know if it's worth it ? What do you guys think ? I really appreciate your advice

 

[Slapstick]

So, let me see if I've got this straight... you're going to start camming again behind your husband's back to get back at him for visiting cam sites behind your back? That sounds like a totally healthy relationship and I can't imagine aaaaanything going wrong with that plan...

I would suggest finding a way to have a healthy conversation with your husband about your past and his visiting cam sites. If nothing else, get him off of LJ and direct him somewhere better.

 

[Vixxen81]

God I am so old LJ doesn't hit as Live Jasmin at first, but Livejournal.

Anyway, don't do this. It's a great way to end up dead or have your children taken away if you have any.

Men are going to look at porn, women too. Other than that, gonna leave you on your own cause I don't think anything I have to say past this would be constructive. Have a good day!

 

[tscammer98]

I'm poly af. This is soooo confusing to me!

 

[Marceline]

Have you tried actually talking to your husband? Communicating openly with him sounds a hell of a lot easier than being a camgirl again behind his back.

Honestly, this seems like a bait post, because if it’s not, the logic behind starting to cam again simply because you found your husband looking at camgirls is baffling. It’s already crazy, imo, that you withheld that you were a cam model for five years from the man you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. But then to start again without him knowing?

It’s a toss up if a man will be okay with his partner doing sex work. Some men are totally fine with it, some men aren’t at all, then you have men in the middle who want particular boundaries drawn. I personally don’t think any of those are wrong. People are allowed to feel how they want and state their boundaries, and their partner can either respect those boundaries or leave. But know what the vast majority of people aren’t okay with? Being lied to. You lied by omission when you didn’t tell him your job, and I’m sure made up actual lies with what you were doing at the time. You would be lying again if you started camming behind your husband’s back. I’d and put money on him leaving you when, not if, he finds out. Even if he was totally okay with his partner doing sex work, anyone would feel hurt and betrayed by their partner blatantly lying to them. Not to mention, you clearly do not trust him. On multiple levels.

As far as him visiting models go, he’s watching porn. A lot of men do. And the majority of men who do watch porn or visit cam models don’t “fall in love” with the models they watch. It’s such a silly thing to be worried about. And I mean, what do you expect to happen from this whole ordeal? He sees you online, while you’re supposedly sleeping in the next room, and falls in love with you again? Your husband is way more likely to leave you over that than for some random 22 year old cam model.

TLDR; Just be honest with your husband.

 

[moMIamhere]

So, let me see if I've got this straight... you're going to start camming again behind your husband's back to get back at him for visiting cam sites behind your back? That sounds like a totally healthy relationship and I can't imagine aaaaanything going wrong with that plan...

I would suggest finding a way to have a healthy conversation with your husband about your past and his visiting cam sites. If nothing else, get him off of LJ and direct him somewhere better.

thank you for your advice, I honestly feel guilty of going back he doesn't know that I was once a sexworker I was going to tell him but he did open up that he doesn't like those "type" of girls when we're still dating ,fast forward I kept it till now and I just found out he's chatting to girls while I'm acting asleep,he doesn't know that I know he's stuffs , I just thought of going back as a camgirl will make me feel less jealous because men online we're also nice to me before. And thank you again it's just hard to open up to him I think he'll divorce me

 

[moMIamhere]

Have you tried actually talking to your husband? Communicating openly with him sounds a hell of a lot easier than being a camgirl again behind his back.

Honestly, this seems like a bait post, because if it’s not, the logic behind starting to cam again simply because you found your husband looking at camgirls is baffling. It’s already crazy, imo, that you withheld that you were a cam model for five years from the man you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. But then to start again without him knowing?

It’s a toss up if a man will be okay with his partner doing sex work. Some men are totally fine with it, some men aren’t at all, then you have men in the middle who want particular boundaries drawn. I personally don’t think any of those are wrong. People are allowed to feel how they want and state their boundaries, and their partner can either respect those boundaries or leave. But know what the vast majority of people aren’t okay with? Being lied to. You lied by omission when you didn’t tell him your job, and I’m sure made up actual lies with what you were doing at the time. You would be lying again if you started camming behind your husband’s back. I’d and put money on him leaving you when, not if, he finds out. Even if he was totally okay with his partner doing sex work, anyone would feel hurt and betrayed by their partner blatantly lying to them. Not to mention, you clearly do not trust him. On multiple levels.

As far as him visiting models go, he’s watching porn. A lot of men do. And the majority of men who do watch porn or visit cam models don’t “fall in love” with the models they watch. It’s such a silly thing to be worried about. And I mean, what do you expect to happen from this whole ordeal? He sees you online, while you’re supposedly sleeping in the next room, and falls in love with you again? Your husband is way more likely to leave you over that than for some random 22 year old cam model.

TLDR; Just be honest with your husband

I did lie I have my personal reasons. I was once broke before but now I'm doing good I'm just at the point of my life where Im tired watching him he's laptop facing away from me while I'm pretending that I'm asleep and when he's sleeping,I opened his laptop and saw everything, our savings is obviously affected but I didn't say anything at all . ,I never mention that I was once a sexworker because he told me that he doesn't like sexworker while we're still dating till now I found out it broke my heart seeing him , I really don't want to to be jealous but can't help it that's why I want to to have fun even if just a few hrs to take my mind off .

I know my situation is very hard to understand and I really appreciate your response, I deserve this because I never mentioned my past when I met him , I didn't know that it would end up like this .

 

[tscammer98]

thank you for your advice, I honestly feel guilty of going back he doesn't know that I was once a sexworker I was going to tell him but he did open up that he doesn't like those "type" of girls when we're still dating ,fast forward I kept it till now and I just found out he's chatting to girls while I'm acting asleep,he doesn't know that I know he's stuffs , I just thought of going back as a camgirl will make me feel less jealous because men online we're also nice to me before. And thank you again it's just hard to open up to him I think he'll divorce me

There is a big circle of i don't know what to call it here. No shame in your past and don't let others make you feel that way! You should not be "acting asleep" in a relationship.

LIKE OMG!!!! he likes camgirls and well he doesn't know you where one. idk but theres like a lot of missed opportunity here, but if yall have been together for some time and don't chat about stuff like this I can guarantee revenge, jealousy, camming out of jealousy, pretending to sleep, all those things, are totally going to make this relationship really really drag. BE OPEN DAMN IT! LOL

That's me toning it down. My real thoughts are: fucking end it before it gets worse.

 

[moMIamhere]

God I am so old LJ doesn't hit as Live Jasmin at first, but Livejournal.

Anyway, don't do this. It's a great way to end up dead or have your children taken away if you have any.

Men are going to look at porn, women too. Other than that, gonna leave you on your own cause I don't think anything I have to say past this would be constructive. Have a good day!

I understand guys are guys , I had experience it all having married men or normal guys just want to jack off but now it's even more painful now that I've experienced it with my husband and I know what he's doing while I'm taking a shower , I dunno if his addiction to pornsites is just a phase ? Or long-term . It affected our joint savings, I am just pretending that I don't know what he's doing,
I needed a relief too but you're right he'll probably leave me if he ever finds out

 

[moMIamhere]

There is a big circle of i don't know what to call it here. No shame in your past and don't let others make you feel that way! You should not be "acting asleep" in a relationship.

LIKE OMG!!!! he likes camgirls and well he doesn't know you where one. idk but theres like a lot of missed opportunity here, but if yall have been together for some time and don't chat about stuff like this I can guarantee revenge, jealousy, camming out of jealousy, pretending to sleep, all those things, are totally going to make this relationship really really drag. BE OPEN DAMN IT! LOL

That's me toning it down. My real thoughts are: fucking end it before it gets worse.

He told me while we're still dating that he doesn't like sexworker so I kept it a secret , I didn't mean to lie , I just want to be accepted he'll leave me if he knows , that is my fear , I was a good camgirl in my early 20s have over 2500fans in SM and I was good rp and I completely stopped on 2021 , I didn't even try other sites , now that I'm bored , I plan to start behind his back (I know it's stupid) or maybe I won't do it cause of fear of losing, maybe I'll just accept everything . Only time can tell . Thank you again I am a little bit opened up now

 

[Marceline]

I did lie I have my personal reasons. I was once broke before but now I'm doing good I'm just at the point of my life where Im tired watching him he's laptop facing away from me while I'm pretending that I'm asleep and when he's sleeping,I opened his laptop and saw everything, our savings is obviously affected but I didn't say anything at all . ,I never mention that I was once a sexworker because he told me that he doesn't like sexworker while we're still dating till now I found out it broke my heart seeing him , I really don't want to to be jealous but can't help it that's why I want to to have fun even if just a few hrs to take my mind off .

I know my situation is very hard to understand and I really appreciate your response, I deserve this because I never mentioned my past when I met him , I didn't know that it would end up like this .

Legitimate question, why would you want to be with someone who you have to lie to about a big portion of your past? You said in your OP that you cammed from 18 to 23. That’s five years. It wasn’t like you got on a few times, realized it wasn’t for you and then stopped. Five years at a job is a considerable amount of time for someone in their 20’s. And it is a considerable amount of time to lie about.

If he loves you for you, he would accept your past. If he can’t, then obviously this isn’t a man you should be MARRIED to.

And then wanting to start camming again, knowing he would have an issue with it, just to have fun? To take your mind off your husband looking at porn? That’s legitimately insane.

I’m not saying this to be mean, and I would say the same thing to a friend if they were in this situation. The two of you should not be together. If he would not want to be with you because you were a sex worker in the past, if you’re willing to sneak behind his back to do it again out of jealousy, if you have an issue with him watching porn. Just be honest with him if you truly want to work things out. Or go through with this petty plan and destroy your marriage. I just really, genuinely hope that your husband is not a violent man, because WHEN he finds out you’re sneaking behind his back to cam, it’s going to be a lot worse than if you just communicated with him that you’re not comfortable with his porn habits and that you previously cammed.

 

[AmberCutie]

Nobody here is going to tell you to start camming behind your husband's back.

We are all going to tell you that you need to communicate with him. If you can't, the relationship is doomed to start with.

But it's better to have a disagreement about your past and calling him out for behavior you don't like than it is to further perpetuate the dishonesty in your marriage by starting to cam again.

So the answer to your question in the title is NO.

 

[moMIamhere]

I have a hard time opening up , I know he'll divorce me when he finds out . I'd rather take my past to my grave , I just can't say it, I won't do it again, but will prepare myself for now for the worse scenario, I know my situation is very hard but thank you again I really appreciate everything

I know you guys just want to protect me , I won't go back to camming but I also won't call him out , I just focus in myself for now

 

[MarieElise]

Can't read the whole thing, but from what I did read Amber's last post rings very true.

Kids taken away? Huh? I had court stuff a few years ago, and was completely honest about my job, and achieved full custody of both of my kids with no issues.
Sorry, I was just kind of curious if that was a joke, that I took wrong or what?

Kids get taken away when there is abuse, drug use, illegal, dangerous stuff going on. Not when Mom is earning the money to keep them happy, comfy, housed & fed in a perfectly legal way.
Sorry Vixxen but I read that part, and was like "what in the fuck is she talking about?".
Dead? Kids taken away? Huh?

ETA; If this is all true and not bait, which I also suspect, then he doesn't love you. He loves a fake version of you that you projected to him. That's not a real relationship when you are scared to be yourself. It all sounds so unhealthy. I'd suggest relationship therapy and/or ending things if he doesn't truly love you for yourself. I'm 100 percent honest with my partner, always have been, right down to things like "We're struggling, I've been thinking of having an affair". We work it out, and are going stronger than ever. Men like that do exist. Control doesn't equal love.

 

[moMIamhere]

Can't read the whole thing, but from what I did read Amber's last post rings very true.

Kids taken away? Huh? I had court stuff a few years ago, and was completely honest about my job, and achieved full custody of both of my kids with no issues.
Sorry, I was just kind of curious if that was a joke, that I took wrong or what?

Kids get taken away when there is abuse, drug use, illegal, dangerous stuff going on. Not when Mom is earning the money to keep them happy, comfy, housed & fed in a perfectly legal way.
Sorry Vixxen but I read that part, and was like "what in the fuck is she talking about?".
Dead? Kids taken away? Huh?

ETA; If this is all true and not bait, which I also suspect, then he doesn't love you. He loves a fake version of you that you projected to him. That's not a real relationship when you are scared to be yourself. It all sounds so unhealthy. I'd suggest relationship therapy and/or ending things if he doesn't truly love you for yourself.

It's not a bait I was really a sexworker this is me btw I was 21 that time , I just had a hard time opening up, we've been married for 3yrs and I never open my sexwork , I was selling rice before and camming really changed my life before I met him

 

[Vixxen81]

No, I am not kidding or joking.

If he caught her camming, he could be so enraged he kills her.

If he caught her camming and told a judge the kids were in the room at the same time, a judge could give custody to the father.

 

[MarieElise]

No, I am not kidding or joking.

If he caught her camming, he could be so enraged he kills her.

If he caught her camming and told a judge the kids were in the room at the same time, a judge could give custody to the father.

A comet could fall out of the sky and hit her too, at any time.

I think it's good that you are highlighting the seriousness of the choice & situation, but the way you worded it was as if that was a definite, solidly possible outcome. So I was wondering what the hell you were talking about. Or if you actually had any real life examples/ experience of kids being taken away. Judges in family court are well aware of DV, control and manipulations, they see it every day all day long. Custody is a serious matter, and is treated so in family courts.

 

[moMIamhere]

No, I am not kidding or joking.

If he caught her camming, he could be so enraged he kills her.

If he caught her camming and told a judge the kids were in the room at the same time, a judge could give custody to the father.

Btw I don't have any kids hehhe , I am just a house wife now with no one to talk to , I missed the cam industry but I know the consequences

 

[Vixxen81]

A comet could fall out of the sky and hit her too, at any time.

I think it's good that you are highlighting the seriousness of the choice & situation, but the way you worded it was as if that was a definite, solidly possible outcome. So I was wondering what the hell you were talking about. Or if you actually had any real life examples/ experience of kids being taken away. Judges in family court are well aware of DV, control and manipulations, they see it every day all day long. Custody is a serious matter, and is treated so in family courts.

Yes I do know people who have had their kids taken away, yes one of them was a full service sex worker/author/advocate. No I won't discuss the details, for all I know she has an account here.

 

[MarieElise]

Yes I do know people who have had their kids taken away, yes one of them was a full service sex worker/author/advocate. No I won't discuss the details, for all I know she has an account here.

I've said all I need to say, to correct your initial post, and make it more accurate. Thank you.

 

[tscammer98]

Btw I don't have any kids hehhe , I am just house wife now with no one to talk to , I missed the cam industry but I know the consequences

ok last post on this thread for me. Girl... I think you missed yourself as well as the cam industry. two people falling in love with each other's facade and burying your true self is some super normie shit I can't comprehend. It seems your in fear of losing him, but for what? You want someone who loves you for you or someone that loves the mask your wearing. I mean, it doesn't sound like you even know the real him either. Your posting a lot of relationship details to strangers here instead of just asking if the game has changed since your day, I think your looking for our opinion of your relationship instead? With that being said, fuck yes! ditch him before it gets even more involved.

Ditch him, get back to being you, cam or whatever. OR.... comply comply comply and do that sneak around normie shit with a possibility of Vixen's words coming true (prolly not all the way to that extreme, but hey their not really wrong either)

IDK sry if I seam harsh, but your prolly in pretty deep and won't have any idea what we all mean until your out. lol im just trying to pass a stool so I can finish getting ready for my own show lol *sips more coffee* I'll go back to my cave now.

 

[moMIamhere]

ok last post on this thread for me. Girl... I think you missed yourself as well as the cam industry. two people falling in love with each other's facade and burying your true self is some super normie shit I can't comprehend. It seems your in fear of losing him, but for what? You want someone who loves you for you or someone that loves the mask your wearing. I mean, it doesn't sound like you even know the real him either. Your posting a lot of relationship details to strangers here instead of just asking if the game has changed since your day, I think your looking for our opinion of your relationship instead? With that being said, fuck yes! ditch him before it gets even more involved.

Ditch him, get back to being you, cam or whatever. OR.... comply comply comply and do that sneak around normie shit with a possibility of Vixen's words coming true (prolly not all the way to that extreme, but hey their not really wrong either)

IDK sry if I seam harsh, but your prolly in pretty deep and won't have any idea what we all mean until your out. lol im just trying to pass a stool so I can finish getting ready for my own show lol *sips more coffee* I'll go back to my cave now.

Thank you and I needed the harsh truth , I respect all of your opinion my situation is very complicated but I've come this far , your advice has helped me to think better , I'm still a coward to speak up to him like I can not even bring it up , but maybe I will one day I'll speak up when I had enough of evidence haha
In a perfect world, I'd go back Lol but the reality is hard so I am just planning it slow and do all my pretendings. This helps me to get by day by day
I truly love my husband but I don't think he can face my true self .

 

[Vixxen81]

Thank you and I needed the harsh truth , I respect all of your opinion my situation is very complicated but I've come this far , your advice has helped me to think better , I'm still a coward to speak up to him like I can not even bring it up , but maybe I will one day I'll speak up when I had enough of evidence haha
In a perfect world, I'd go back Lol but the reality is hard so I am just planning it slow and do all my pretendings. This helps me to get by day by day
I truly love my husband but I don't think he can face my true self .

Honey, it's not complicated. You want to cam again. You were permanently banned from whatever site you were on. Neither of you actually love each other because if you did none of this would come to this.

I've been married for 26 years. To the same man. We don't have kids. We talk about every dollar we spend. We openly discuss pitfalls and tribulations and work through them and compromise. We're known around town so much that when one goes into the store and the other isn't with, people ask questions. "Where is she/he?"" For the entirety of the height of Covid he joked that he locked me in the basement. When I start scanning items before he arrives with whatever I sent him to the other side of the store to get, I'm asked, "Where's your better half?" Same if I'm not there when he starts scanning. This is love.

Whatever is going on inside of your house is not.