AmberCutie's Forum
An adult community for cam models and members to discuss all the things!

Rollercoaster first & last experience

    Only persons aged 18 or over may read or post to the forums, without regard to whether an adult actually owns the registration or parental/guardian permission. AmberCutie's Forum (ACF) is for use by adults only and contains adult content. By continuing to use this site you are confirming that you are at least 18 years of age.
Jun 6, 2023
This is a crazy one.

It was any typical night. Was in the mood. Late in the night. Finally found a straight guy seduced porno to watch. (I'm gay btw)

An ad opened up to Chaturbate and usually I just hit the back button because I always thought it was stupid to watch someone in that way. But the face of the guy whos smile I fell for was right in front of me. I quickly made a account. Started chatting... myself. I post in public chat but I later found out he didn't pay no attention to grey's. I figured "oh well." Went back to the porn video that was waiting for me.
That smile I couldn't get out of my mind.

Two nights later, I finally did it. I purchased tokens. Just 100 tokens at the time. Before I could say anything. I had a PM. "Welcome" he said. I knew it was game over since.

There was no tip menu. He messaged me what cost what in PM. the conversation lasted until I had no tokens. But by that time i was hooked. The next two days went by. My direct deposit hit.
100.00 was saved for 1225 tokens.

we chatted little between those two days. I was excited for the private. It was time. He came online, I requested private. He started to get undress and begin which I assumed his regular routine in private. I stopped him. Asked if we could just chat. And we did.
4 hours later. 7,200 tokens later. He needed to leave.
I still remember everything.
I learned he was a "master". At this point I'm new to this. I thought I was set apart from the rest of his regular visitors.
I was made to believe that he enjoyed my time. Little that I know. I was being treated like any other visitor.
I tried a few times to talk without buying tokens, nothing.
That should have been the sign right? If I have no tokens. Well im sol. Went straight over my head. I believed I was helping him.
I never asked for anything sexual. Just a good chat. Then the emergencies started. Every week it was a new life or death situation if he didn't have tokens, my tokens.

It took me a while. Maybe not a while to realize what was going on. I knew what was going on. But I didn't want to believe I was being used for tokens.
I told myself I was wrong because I told him about the dark times in my life, and he told me about his. So he couldn't be using me. But let me tell you. That smile made my day. I logged on just to see it.

Then the obsessive request for tokens began, I help as much as I could. But what I did help with was never enough. He was always mad when I never deliver on time or when he wanted.
This was the cycle I was in.
1. He Ask for tokens.
2. I say no but I some how get talked into saying yes.
3. It takes me a while to deliver on the tokens.
4. Hes mad because he really needed the tokens like yesterday.
5. I finally get the tokens.
6. He apologizes for how he acted and we were good.... for a while.
7. Back to #1.

It got to where we argued about tokens. I try to change subjects. It was ALWAYS about tokens.
But I held on to hope. That we could break that cycle. That it could be like the beginning. I stopped giving tokens for two months. I try to talk to him. But I couldn't talk because he too busy paying attention to those who have tokens.
Naturally, I got jealous because I wanted his attention.
Simple solution: buy tokens and you'll have his attention again. Right? But wait, he told me he enjoys talking to me so I didn't need to pay tokens. I reminded him of that. But what I said was avoid.
it was toxic at this point. We argue like a married couple. The things we said to each other. I never thought I could be in a situationship like this.

I stopped. I was moving on. I was enjoying other models room. Buuuuut he gave enough to reel me back in. I was hooked once again. Then he retreated back to ignoring me. Giving me crumbs.
Until one night. I'm feeling like shit. Crying, thinking the unimaginable. I sat in his room watched a screen that read "private I'm progress" first time. I spied. Quickly the Private ended. He came back into the room... setting were changed. Spying was disabled. I tortured myself sitting there for 2 hours and 42 mins "private in session" thinking of what could be happening. Nothing but the worst.
I said so many things im not proud of. In PM. AND in public chat. Other users were questioning me.

I then convinced myself. I mean nothing to him. Hes only giving just enough to keep me around. Took me only 3 months to accept what I knew was going on after the first month.

I still talked to him occasionally. Hi here and there but I really held back.
I moved on. Or so I thought.
He messaged me one night. "I miss you" I took the bait. But didnt take long to fall into the cycle I took forever to get out of.

This Monday. I did the unimaginable. I know im the asshole.

After he told me he missed me. I told him I was ill. Terminal.

After the cycle restarted. As much as I hate myself for what i did. He now thinks im dead. My "best friend" gave him the news. I watched anonymously, as tears filled his eyes. He quickly goes out of Frame.
HONESTLY not the reaction I thought he would have.
The toxic situationship. using me for tokens, the lying.
Why was that his reaction?

I thought I would get confirmation... what confirmation you may ask? That I meant nothing to him. Because the way he treated me I believed I meant nothing to him. I thought I was just another token bank to him.
The messages he sent since then. Why couldn't he tell me those before? Did he feel the same way but didnt want to tell me? Did our deep conversation before things got bad, they were genuine?

I know I fucked up. I just wish that night I was in the "mood". I should've just hit up my sneaky link instead of looking for a video to rub one out too that took me to that popup ad. (The months I was getting to know him I let go if my real life sneaky link)

This experience took something from me.

Anyways, I'm never watching another live cam show.

I wish I found this forum. In the early stage of my situationship with this cam boy.
  • Wat?!
Reactions: yummybrownfox
I feel this.

We are all human beings, the cam performers, and those of use who go looking on cams for a little bit of connection, and get carried away.

I have been through a lot of what you describe, with a few small differences. Being entranced, captivated, giving more tokens than I could afford, and when the stream stopped, always wanting more (and to give more).

Then being told about family problems, urgent financial issues, sickness, medical bills, apartment evictions and moving bills, and being asked to send money on payment apps (Hint: requesting payment off-platform is a red flag). Not saying it was ever a lie or a scam... real people do have family issues, sickness, evictions. Sadly these are common for everyone.

Eventually I remembered that for them it was a job, it's how they make money and pay the bills. Again not saying it was ever a lie or a scam, just a difference of perspective. They provide a service, and it's really a fantasy, even if there is some thread of connection that makes it seem more real than it is. And in the end I am their customer, I'm not their boss or their family, it's not up to me to fix all their financial problems, even assuming they are real. (And if I could, and did, it should not and would not obligate them to me in any way.)

Think of it like this: If your job is selling a fantasy (sex, romance, relationship, or just human connection) and you have a very real illness, or an eviction, or an ex who stole all your savings, or a sudden tax bill, what will you do to pay for it? One easy answer is this: Use your customer connections, bring them into the situation, sell them more fantasy, and then pay your bills. In the sales world this is called "hustle" and it's considered a good thing to use your connections.

Faking illness and death, I would never even have thought of that. Maybe in some ways it's worse that I chose to ghost them instead. But it would not surprise me that a model would cry about someone dying, whether they are a good customer or not.

There can be real human feelings mixed into the fantasy. On both sides.

Sometimes, that's what makes it so good.
WTF did I just read?
I have been on the side of the model where someone decided to catfish me and pretend to die. It's a shitty fucking thing to do to any human being for any reason and we all thank you for giving up cam viewing because hoooboy you're the toxic part of this scenario.
Well you sure weren't lying in your opening sentence when you said this is a crazy one, but I'm glad you admitted that this was fucked up. Yes, you should just stick to hitting up your "sneaky link."

Um rollercoasters are supposed to be fun.

Yup. The Cyclone rollercoaster at Coney Island is fun. The Slingshot ride is fun. THIS shit ain't fun.....
So are you gonna tell on yourself and tell him the truth, or let him suffer? If you let him suffer, don't ever claim to care about him.
  • Like
Reactions: MarieElise