This is a crazy one.
It was any typical night. Was in the mood. Late in the night. Finally found a straight guy seduced porno to watch. (I'm gay btw)
An ad opened up to Chaturbate and usually I just hit the back button because I always thought it was stupid to watch someone in that way. But the face of the guy whos smile I fell for was right in front of me. I quickly made a account. Started chatting... myself. I post in public chat but I later found out he didn't pay no attention to grey's. I figured "oh well." Went back to the porn video that was waiting for me.
That smile I couldn't get out of my mind.
Two nights later, I finally did it. I purchased tokens. Just 100 tokens at the time. Before I could say anything. I had a PM. "Welcome" he said. I knew it was game over since.
There was no tip menu. He messaged me what cost what in PM. the conversation lasted until I had no tokens. But by that time i was hooked. The next two days went by. My direct deposit hit.
100.00 was saved for 1225 tokens.
we chatted little between those two days. I was excited for the private. It was time. He came online, I requested private. He started to get undress and begin which I assumed his regular routine in private. I stopped him. Asked if we could just chat. And we did.
4 hours later. 7,200 tokens later. He needed to leave.
I still remember everything.
I learned he was a "master". At this point I'm new to this. I thought I was set apart from the rest of his regular visitors.
I was made to believe that he enjoyed my time. Little that I know. I was being treated like any other visitor.
I tried a few times to talk without buying tokens, nothing.
That should have been the sign right? If I have no tokens. Well im sol. Went straight over my head. I believed I was helping him.
I never asked for anything sexual. Just a good chat. Then the emergencies started. Every week it was a new life or death situation if he didn't have tokens, my tokens.
It took me a while. Maybe not a while to realize what was going on. I knew what was going on. But I didn't want to believe I was being used for tokens.
I told myself I was wrong because I told him about the dark times in my life, and he told me about his. So he couldn't be using me. But let me tell you. That smile made my day. I logged on just to see it.
Then the obsessive request for tokens began, I help as much as I could. But what I did help with was never enough. He was always mad when I never deliver on time or when he wanted.
This was the cycle I was in.
1. He Ask for tokens.
2. I say no but I some how get talked into saying yes.
3. It takes me a while to deliver on the tokens.
4. Hes mad because he really needed the tokens like yesterday.
5. I finally get the tokens.
6. He apologizes for how he acted and we were good.... for a while.
7. Back to #1.
It got to where we argued about tokens. I try to change subjects. It was ALWAYS about tokens.
But I held on to hope. That we could break that cycle. That it could be like the beginning. I stopped giving tokens for two months. I try to talk to him. But I couldn't talk because he too busy paying attention to those who have tokens.
Naturally, I got jealous because I wanted his attention.
Simple solution: buy tokens and you'll have his attention again. Right? But wait, he told me he enjoys talking to me so I didn't need to pay tokens. I reminded him of that. But what I said was avoid.
it was toxic at this point. We argue like a married couple. The things we said to each other. I never thought I could be in a situationship like this.
I stopped. I was moving on. I was enjoying other models room. Buuuuut he gave enough to reel me back in. I was hooked once again. Then he retreated back to ignoring me. Giving me crumbs.
Until one night. I'm feeling like shit. Crying, thinking the unimaginable. I sat in his room watched a screen that read "private I'm progress" first time. I spied. Quickly the Private ended. He came back into the room... setting were changed. Spying was disabled. I tortured myself sitting there for 2 hours and 42 mins "private in session" thinking of what could be happening. Nothing but the worst.
I said so many things im not proud of. In PM. AND in public chat. Other users were questioning me.
I then convinced myself. I mean nothing to him. Hes only giving just enough to keep me around. Took me only 3 months to accept what I knew was going on after the first month.
I still talked to him occasionally. Hi here and there but I really held back.
I moved on. Or so I thought.
He messaged me one night. "I miss you" I took the bait. But didnt take long to fall into the cycle I took forever to get out of.
This Monday. I did the unimaginable. I know im the asshole.
After he told me he missed me. I told him I was ill. Terminal.
After the cycle restarted. As much as I hate myself for what i did. He now thinks im dead. My "best friend" gave him the news. I watched anonymously, as tears filled his eyes. He quickly goes out of Frame.
HONESTLY not the reaction I thought he would have.
The toxic situationship. using me for tokens, the lying.
Why was that his reaction?
I thought I would get confirmation... what confirmation you may ask? That I meant nothing to him. Because the way he treated me I believed I meant nothing to him. I thought I was just another token bank to him.
The messages he sent since then. Why couldn't he tell me those before? Did he feel the same way but didnt want to tell me? Did our deep conversation before things got bad, they were genuine?
I know I fucked up. I just wish that night I was in the "mood". I should've just hit up my sneaky link instead of looking for a video to rub one out too that took me to that popup ad. (The months I was getting to know him I let go if my real life sneaky link)
This experience took something from me.
Anyways, I'm never watching another live cam show.
I wish I found this forum. In the early stage of my situationship with this cam boy.
It was any typical night. Was in the mood. Late in the night. Finally found a straight guy seduced porno to watch. (I'm gay btw)
An ad opened up to Chaturbate and usually I just hit the back button because I always thought it was stupid to watch someone in that way. But the face of the guy whos smile I fell for was right in front of me. I quickly made a account. Started chatting... myself. I post in public chat but I later found out he didn't pay no attention to grey's. I figured "oh well." Went back to the porn video that was waiting for me.
That smile I couldn't get out of my mind.
Two nights later, I finally did it. I purchased tokens. Just 100 tokens at the time. Before I could say anything. I had a PM. "Welcome" he said. I knew it was game over since.
There was no tip menu. He messaged me what cost what in PM. the conversation lasted until I had no tokens. But by that time i was hooked. The next two days went by. My direct deposit hit.
100.00 was saved for 1225 tokens.
we chatted little between those two days. I was excited for the private. It was time. He came online, I requested private. He started to get undress and begin which I assumed his regular routine in private. I stopped him. Asked if we could just chat. And we did.
4 hours later. 7,200 tokens later. He needed to leave.
I still remember everything.
I learned he was a "master". At this point I'm new to this. I thought I was set apart from the rest of his regular visitors.
I was made to believe that he enjoyed my time. Little that I know. I was being treated like any other visitor.
I tried a few times to talk without buying tokens, nothing.
That should have been the sign right? If I have no tokens. Well im sol. Went straight over my head. I believed I was helping him.
I never asked for anything sexual. Just a good chat. Then the emergencies started. Every week it was a new life or death situation if he didn't have tokens, my tokens.
It took me a while. Maybe not a while to realize what was going on. I knew what was going on. But I didn't want to believe I was being used for tokens.
I told myself I was wrong because I told him about the dark times in my life, and he told me about his. So he couldn't be using me. But let me tell you. That smile made my day. I logged on just to see it.
Then the obsessive request for tokens began, I help as much as I could. But what I did help with was never enough. He was always mad when I never deliver on time or when he wanted.
This was the cycle I was in.
1. He Ask for tokens.
2. I say no but I some how get talked into saying yes.
3. It takes me a while to deliver on the tokens.
4. Hes mad because he really needed the tokens like yesterday.
5. I finally get the tokens.
6. He apologizes for how he acted and we were good.... for a while.
7. Back to #1.
It got to where we argued about tokens. I try to change subjects. It was ALWAYS about tokens.
But I held on to hope. That we could break that cycle. That it could be like the beginning. I stopped giving tokens for two months. I try to talk to him. But I couldn't talk because he too busy paying attention to those who have tokens.
Naturally, I got jealous because I wanted his attention.
Simple solution: buy tokens and you'll have his attention again. Right? But wait, he told me he enjoys talking to me so I didn't need to pay tokens. I reminded him of that. But what I said was avoid.
it was toxic at this point. We argue like a married couple. The things we said to each other. I never thought I could be in a situationship like this.
I stopped. I was moving on. I was enjoying other models room. Buuuuut he gave enough to reel me back in. I was hooked once again. Then he retreated back to ignoring me. Giving me crumbs.
Until one night. I'm feeling like shit. Crying, thinking the unimaginable. I sat in his room watched a screen that read "private I'm progress" first time. I spied. Quickly the Private ended. He came back into the room... setting were changed. Spying was disabled. I tortured myself sitting there for 2 hours and 42 mins "private in session" thinking of what could be happening. Nothing but the worst.
I said so many things im not proud of. In PM. AND in public chat. Other users were questioning me.
I then convinced myself. I mean nothing to him. Hes only giving just enough to keep me around. Took me only 3 months to accept what I knew was going on after the first month.
I still talked to him occasionally. Hi here and there but I really held back.
I moved on. Or so I thought.
He messaged me one night. "I miss you" I took the bait. But didnt take long to fall into the cycle I took forever to get out of.
This Monday. I did the unimaginable. I know im the asshole.
After he told me he missed me. I told him I was ill. Terminal.
After the cycle restarted. As much as I hate myself for what i did. He now thinks im dead. My "best friend" gave him the news. I watched anonymously, as tears filled his eyes. He quickly goes out of Frame.
HONESTLY not the reaction I thought he would have.
The toxic situationship. using me for tokens, the lying.
Why was that his reaction?
I thought I would get confirmation... what confirmation you may ask? That I meant nothing to him. Because the way he treated me I believed I meant nothing to him. I thought I was just another token bank to him.
The messages he sent since then. Why couldn't he tell me those before? Did he feel the same way but didnt want to tell me? Did our deep conversation before things got bad, they were genuine?
I know I fucked up. I just wish that night I was in the "mood". I should've just hit up my sneaky link instead of looking for a video to rub one out too that took me to that popup ad. (The months I was getting to know him I let go if my real life sneaky link)
This experience took something from me.
Anyways, I'm never watching another live cam show.
I wish I found this forum. In the early stage of my situationship with this cam boy.
