"Should I stay, or should I go?"

[Gary_Indeed]

Would love to get the community's view on my situation.

I have had a cam model as a friend for over a year. I have been a regular in her room almost every day and I tip much more than the other members. I tip because I have genuinely have fun in the room with both her and the other members.

I also tip because the relationship I have with the cam model is special to me. She is alot of fun and very personable. I feel that we have become close friends over time. We text through the day offsite. We tell each other "good morning" and "good night" and our daily conversations range from "I cannot believe I just did this..." to "I miss you and love you." Whether it is online love or real love is difficult to say and not the input I am looking for. But the feelings are definitely a variable in this.

I recently found out with 99.9% (because nothing is 100%) accuracy that she is married, despite her previous statements to me about not being married. I also found out her real name, which she has never given to me in the time I have known her. So I feel that I have been scammed here.

I realize I am 50% responsible because I believed what she said. I do not believe that revenge will do anything but escalate the situation and make things worse. In the end, the best I can do is learn from this.

I see my two options as:
1) Asking her about what I have found out, seeing what she has to say and walk away.
~ or~
2) Just walk away without saying anything.

My preference is #2, but I am really torn. If you have another option, would enjoy hearing it.

And yes, the thread title is not 100% accurate. Should have thought of another one. It just seemed right at the moment.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Does her being married change how you see her as a person? Why does that change your friendship? I understand that you feel deceived, but models creating a work persona is part of the job. The job that defines the context of your relationship with her. It's valid that she wants to keep parts of her personal life as just that, personal.

Now, you didn't ask for my input on any of that, so let me answer your actual question. I'd say, just move on. It sounds like you have expectations beyond the model-member "relationship" and that is only going to lead to trouble. Option one sounds like you're hoping for an apology, which doesn't seem likely since she has nothing to apologize for, or at least, that is almost definitely how she will see it. So that seems pointless.

 

[ExcellaExe]

Quick question, why would you feel deceived that she never told you her real name? That's a given. I have friends I've made as a model, but I will never, ever give them my real name because my safety and privacy come paramount to anything else. It's very easy to let a person's name slip in conversation with other members, or to feel jilted and do something you never thought you could (not talking to you, individually, but to why she didn't tell you). It's basically camgirl safety 101 is don't tell people your real name.

 

[AmberCutie]

Members who feel scammed or upset that a model won't share their real name are not good members to have around.

Don't do that shit.

 

[fandango]

Everything about this sounds wrong.

Firstly it sounds like you got strung along because you're her top tipper and she basically just told you whatever you wanted to hear.

Secondly why did you go snooping on her to find out her real name and that she's married? Dude thats creepy and weird. No wonder she kept that hidden.

I think you either need to pretend you never found out any of this and keep it more casual. Or just stop talking to her move on and adjust your expecations from camgirls.

 

[Gary_Indeed]

Quick question, why would you feel deceived that she never told you her real name? That's a given. I have friends I've made as a model, but I will never, ever give them my real name because my safety and privacy come paramount to anything else. It's very easy to let a person's name slip in conversation with other members, or to feel jilted and do something you never thought you could (not talking to you, individually, but to why she didn't tell you). It's basically camgirl safety 101 is don't tell people your real name.

Appreciate the input and what you are trying to say.

My feelings of being deceived are more from being told "I love you" and "I'm not married". Whereas the real name is about camgirl safety, but also a barrier that was there, despite what was said to me. I have had other cam models give their real names, and some that have used my real name in public chat. So accidents can happen.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Appreciate the input and what you are trying to say.

My feelings of being deceived are more from being told "I love you" and "I'm not married". Whereas the real name is about camgirl safety, but also a barrier that was there, despite what was said to me. I have had other cam models give their real names, and some that have used my real name in public chat. So accidents can happen.

So it sounds like your hurt feelings stemmed from your expectation that you would get more than the standard performer/client relationship. Unrealistic expectations and feelings of entitlement like this are only going to get you into trouble with cam sites.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

Quite a lot of camgirls lie about being single. More than we will ever know. Lies about personal details as a camgirl are common--most of us do it in one way or another (age,location,marital status etc)

Whether or not she meant the "I love you" you have zero right to know her name and details of her personal life. None. You can feel scammed all you want but that doesn't change that you aren't entitled to that information. You crossed a line and if I were you I would walk away.

 

[mynameisbob84]

She hasn't scammed you. She simply chose not to share her marital status with you. Maybe she felt you and other members would tip her more if they thought they had a shot with her. Based on this post, maybe she was right.

As to what you do next, it's up to you, innit. I would suggest walking away though. You're already deep enough in to this thing to have "found out" things that the model in question very clearly didn't want to divulge (if you found out these things by essentially stalking her, undermining her privacy in the process and maybe even putting her in danger, that's a dick move) and you even mention the word "revenge" (for what exactly I don't know. Not divulging every part of her life to some guy she speaks to online?) which is frankly alarming. I suggest stepping away now before you do something you'll regret.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

I recently found out she is married
I also found out her real name, which she has never given to me.

Yep, you should go. Sounds like you've already crossed over into the stalker category. Be best to walk away.

 

[Guy]

Quite a lot of camgirls lie about being single. More than we will ever know. Lies about personal details as a camgirl are common--most of us do it in one way or another (age,location,marital status etc)

Whether or not she meant the "I love you" you have zero right to know her name and details of her personal life. None. You can feel scammed all you want but that doesn't change that you aren't entitled to that information. You crossed a line and if I were you I would walk away.

Why do a lot of models lie about their age? As long as the member does not know her birthdate, It would be impossible for him to use her age to identify her.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Why do a lot of models lie about their age? As long as the member does not know her birthdate, It would be impossible for him to use her age to identify her.

A man never asks, a woman never tells. Except when she does, and he doesn't believe her, and so she lies because why the hell not?

Just kidding. Or am I? But I disagree with your statement that just knowing age can't help identify someone.

 

[Guy]

A man never asks, a woman never tells. Except when she does, and he doesn't believe her, and so she lies because why the hell not?

Just kidding. Or am I? But I disagree with your statement that just knowing age can't help identify someone.

But how could you when millions of people share the same age?

 

[AmberCutie]

But how could you when millions of people share the same age?

Birthyear is just one more detail a very observant fanatic can add to his list of information...

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

But how could you when millions of people share the same age?

It might not be the thing that helps find her but could be used when trying to narrow it down. Please don't ask any more questions where I answer how to stalk better lol.

 

[n_i_c_u]

I know this is ask a model, but I would do Number 2:

2) Just walk away without saying anything.

Over the past few months as I get farther and farther away from the cam model world I realize (from reading here) that this is more of a luxury in life to have fun. Some guys just know how to do this right and I think I am finally getting it (from reading). Saying something that might bother you really never works out in the end because, as I have learned, models are like comic book superheros with their alter egos and it really isn't all that fun to have conflict. Just imagine confronting Bruce Banner about being the Incredible Hulk--it just makes the relationship weird for one or both.

 

[Albert_1]

Appreciate the input and what you are trying to say.

My feelings of being deceived are more from being told "I love you" and "I'm not married". Whereas the real name is about camgirl safety, but also a barrier that was there, despite what was said to me. I have had other cam models give their real names, and some that have used my real name in public chat. So accidents can happen.

99.99% of the time if a camgirl says "I love you" it means she loves you as a friend or she wants your money. Either way her marital status and real name aren't things you need to know. On the rare occasion that you fall into the 0.01% were "I love you" means "I want something more with you" she'll let you know with more then just saying I love you. As others have said walk away, you've already crossed a line members shouldn't be crossing.

 

[LenaSexton]

It trips me out how guys act as if cam sites are dating sites. I'm interested in knowing how exactly you got her personal information, so that we as models can be even more careful.

 

[ExcellaExe]

It trips me out how guys act as if cam sites are dating sites. I'm interested in knowing how exactly you got her personal information, so that we as models can be even more careful.

I'd rather he not post that in the public section of the forum, if it's all the same to everyone involved. Best not to give dudes the tools to find us with.

That is a gorgeous color on you, btw.

 

[LenaSexton]

Thank you.

I'd rather he not post that in the public section of the forum, if it's all the same to everyone involved. Best not to give dudes the tools to find us with.

That is a gorgeous color on you, btw.

 

[Guy]

It trips me out how guys act as if cam sites are dating sites. I'm interested in knowing how exactly you got her personal information, so that we as models can be even more careful.

My guess: She recycled a photo and he used reverse image search.

 

[Ambers Troll]

You obviously like a bit of romance from your models. There are plenty of models who will go there for members.

I won't assume that you were searching out for her identity; often it is by accident. The point is you feel scammed because she lied to you? Models will regularly lie about identity (name/ birthday), country of origin, status, and sexual orientation. The first (identity) is for personal security, the other 3 they perceive will affect their cam success.
Telling you that she was married earlier; when chat got romantic, would have hurt you for no reason, thrown you out of the fantasy and had the same result. If model's don't start out with telling members that they are involved, they won't share it later on, it just isn't appropriate.

My suggestion is calm down, to tell her what you heard/ found out, cut any romantic chat (that fantasy is gone) and to see what happens. You may find that as you visit other models for your romance fantasies that you sometimes like the company of someone romantically safe. Liking a married woman, and her liking you, is fine on a cam site.
A married/involved model can 'love' and miss a member as easily as a single model (applies to gay equally so), people are complex when it comes to regular relationships (working ones too). It is up to you to decide what part of that is important to you, and what isn't.

You will find as you think about this type of thing that you change your rules of behavior around different model groups (assuming you know anything for certain). For instance when I know a model has children I never gauge my spending, for married women I don't do romance with private shows, I don't cam to cam with gay women, with pregnant women I always chase cum shows, with porn stars it must be interactive/ personal, and so on.
You can see why models try to keep it simple, false name (or 2), from the US, single, no children, and bi. It keeps the largest number of member options open. No model wants to be excluded from member spending due to some irrelevancy.

[Out of interest: Some singles label themselves 'involved', to stop romantic chat from members. So it can go both ways.]

 

[Ambers Troll]

It might not be the thing that helps find her but could be used when trying to narrow it down. Please don't ask any more questions where I answer how to stalk better lol.

I once observed that a model was in my city due to the weather outside, just from the natural light changes (I couldn't even see outside). I could even determine direction and get an approximate distance, enough to determine the suburb; it would have been easy to guess at where she would go for coffee/ hang out (Weather observation is within my professional field.)
It is amazing what small cues or mistakes can lead to accidentally sharing your details, especially if the one observing it is in a professional field where it is made obvious. It only takes a few of the right cues to determine someone's identity. Scary.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

I once observed that a model was in my city due to the weather outside, just from the natural light changes (I couldn't even see outside). I could even determine direction and get an approximate distance, enough to determine the suburb; it would have been easy to guess at where she would go for coffee/ hang out (Weather observation is within my professional field.)
It is amazing what small cues or mistakes can lead to accidentally sharing your details, especially if the one observing it is in a professional field where it is made obvious. It only takes a few of the right cues to determine someone's identity. Scary.

Yep. This is why it's really frustrating when members push for more information than we are willing to give.

 

[JGenius]

I asked a model what music she was listening. She answered me but she told me too that she was using soundcloud.
The artist haven't lot of followers at this time, so i've checked by curiosity found her and,... acted like if i've seen nothing and kept my mouth shut.

 

[DFT]

There are a lot of little ways identity is given away while just being a person conversing. My spidey sense tingles "gee, hope she doesn't do that again", might mention it if it happens again. Some "gee, she's sending me signals to find her".

Amy Adams doesn't look that good to invite you over, she's playing a character in a story. Cam models are doing the same, except they do their own camera work. And lighting, makeup, catering...

If you find a model out for who she is, congratulate yourself on your detective skills and find a bigger mystery to tackle.

 

[Sevrin]

Just in case anyone was disappointed by this thread.

 

[victor0021]

All said in this post is just my opinion and shouldn't be taken for anything more than that. It's super long too sorry.

I wish there was a way members could be trained how camsites work before having stuff like this happen.

A model "lying" about her relationship isn't like a real lie. It's a job lie. like "yeah sure boss i'm totally
going to make that deadline". They are just lying to either protect themselves or maybe they find they make more
money if dudes think they are single or maybe they just got sick of members saying crap like "your BF sounds like a
tool i'd totally never do that too you" or finally maybe it's none of our damn business why they don't tell us. Going in
as a member and finding this out the hard way can kind of suck but now at least going forward you know.

The "I love you" part is a bit tougher. Try to look at "I love you" in Camland as meaning "hey you're a cool member; I
hope you are having a good day" or "holy shit that tip was huge thank you I can now get some new shoes". The first time
you get bit by the "I love you" can suck but you can now move forward knowing what it really means.

For your situation unfortunately you are screwed. If you cyberstalked her to find out who she really was; what
you did in her eyes will be just as bad as what she did in yours and it kind of makes you a turd.
You can try to tell her you know she's married now but that will totally get turned around on you and you will
probably be banned in a heartbeat and she will look at you as the bad guy. If you didn't cyberstalk her confronting
her still really won't "fix" anything.

Your real choices are:
1. walk away now and never go on cam sites again in fear of being lied too.
2. walk away now and knowing what you learned find a new cool model and if you did cyber stalk before
don't cyber stalk her.
3. confront her and look like a huge turd if you cyber stalked her.
4. pretend like nothing happened and go forward with her knowing what you know now.(I don't recommend this one)

 

[OldSheriff]

On a different note i would really appreciate some feedback from the cam girls regarding tipping, Would you rather have a flow of constant tips of smallish amounts between 10-100 tokens at quietish moments to stimulate some tipping action or would you rather have larger tips of around 2000 to 3000 tokens sporadically say once or twice a month roughly. I generally spend the same amount per month regardless but i really want to try and do the best thing by the cam girl.

 

[Phoenix4987]

May be best to start a new topic with that one sheriff. You might attract replies you're seeking from a properly titled thread instead of the title of this one. And it's something that warrants its own discussion instead of trying to blend two completely different topics into one thread