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Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies

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May 29, 2011
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I'll start...

- It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

- No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

- Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

- Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

- Jack Bauer has the most powerful phone battery in the world.
 
Contrary to Newton's third law of motion, 'For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.' A bullet fired from a two pound handgun, that causes some minor kick, will strike a 300 pound man with such force it hurtles him backward ten feet through a wall.
 
There are always industrial fans in action movies no matter the location playing with the light on the actors faces.

Actors have no hearing repercussions after very large explosions where they are sent flying through the air.

Nightclubs are always filled with extremely attractive people.

The main character with a dog never needs to come home to walk or feed it.

Laws of physics do not apply to the hair in interstellar space.

Carbon-based life forms from other galaxies are always really ugly.
 
All bombs have big digital clocks with bright red numbers counting down so you know exactly when they are supposed to explode.

All phone numbers start with 555
 
After changing a dirty diaper you don't need to wash your hands.

Showers/makeup/teeth brushing/bathroom usage only ever takes about 30 seconds.

You don't get sweaty during sex and/or your hair looks perfect during/after.

The kids can feed themselves.
 
Attractive women are essentially prizes to be won
There's always one Black/Asian/Hispanic person in every predominantly white social circle
Nobody ever walks in to a room, forgets what they went in there for, and awkwardly walks out
People routinely experience more in a two hour time span than they did in the entirety of their life up to that point
 
People regularly give speeches or have heartfelt conversations while being shot at.

Being a virgin somehow prepares you to be able to deal with psychopaths.

Being a minority makes you less likely to be able to last very along against psychopaths.

People that smoke/vape herb are all lazy but lovable goofballs.

Hackers are all scrawny nerds.

Clothes don't get wrinkly.

Guns have infinite ammo until you are in real danger and then click.
 
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