A model told me what I wanted to hear for a year and broke my heart

[CraziestRyan]

There was a model I met over a year ago. She did a lot for me, helping with mental issues, confidence, motivation, and loneliness. I supported her through that time as well. Sudden;y, we were both in rocky parts of our lives and she broke my heart. Who I thought was my best friend told me she had just been telling me what I wanted to hear and pretending to be someone she is not. We attacked each other personally and never recovered. I wonder where the line is for models to tell members what they want to hear. There's being a performer, then there's being a manipulator. I lost my best friend and have been depressed since then. I want to prevent this from happening to other people and want to hear your thoughts on the matter. Below, is my full story.



I suffer from some issues with sex and events in my childhood. Usually, if things get too intense I can look away, exit out, catch my breath, but sometimes I can’t and get a panic attack. Little over a year ago, I was not in a good place. Depressed, anxious, unmotivated, confused, and I was often looking at hardcore porn. It was about once a week, but it was like an addiction destroying me on the inside. Sometimes I could find some soft stuff that wouldn't make me sick and give me hope of being comfortable with some form of intimacy. Models could sometimes help with that. I finally had some extra money and thought this girl was pretty cute. She was really sweet to me too. I talked about tipping her just to talk, but felt too embarrassed for that. She wanted to talk even if I didn't tip.

For the next year, we had an awesome relationship. I was in her room almost every day, often staying up late with her on slow nights, and talking outside of mfc. If the shows got too much for me, I could just leave. I never watched anything hardcore again.

She told me she wanted to be a non-nude model. She aspired to be like Oliva and Joey Kim. She promised to warn me if she had to promote some hardcore stuff. Didn’t always, but after those kind of things, she was there to comfort me. I supported her too. Encouraging her goals, put time into her promotions, and gave her almost $4000 over the course of 8 months.

She would take months to make videos for me and often stand me up on Skype dates, but I was okay with it because I knew she was busy. I wanted her to succeed more than to do my requests. Well, her business started getting too rough for me, without warning. I went to her snapchat for kittens and food to calm down. It had always been safe, but this time had her hardcore porn on it. I pleaded with her to keep a safe space for me, even offering to pay. She wouldn’t do it for me and I still don’t know why. About once every two months, she would be taking some time to comfort me. I thought it was sweet and enjoyable.

She never complained about me before, but suddenly she was calling me a burden. Told me I was a drain on her life, she didn’t care about me, and doesn’t want to talk to me about it. The only reason I ever got from why she didn’t want to talk about it, was she didn’t want me to use it online against her. At that moment, I was frustrated and argued back with personal details that she was vulnerable to. I knew it would hurt, but I hoped she could have related to it and maybe convince her. I do regret that decision. I could have handled things better.

Later on, she told me she was going to be her honest self now. No Joey Kim ambition, she is all hardcore now. She told me I shouldn’t have gotten so close and it was just business. She said her job was being a people pleaser and just said whatever would make me happy. I thought she was my best friend. We know all about each other’s personal lives. I guess the signs were there. She would talk about using other models just for promoting herself. I knew she was lying to other guys, but she told me that was just business with them and that we were different. Said, her cam-self is different from her real self. Nothing she says, posts, or does has anything to do with who she is. All of it has left me confused and hurt. I’m nervous about being open with people now. I don’t know what they really think about me.

It’s been a couple months since then. She rarely talks to me and I’ve been seeing worse and worse sides of her. Attacking person details about me, transgender people, gender fluid, fetishes other than her own, and supports people like Milo Yiannopoulos and Trump. Thinks Americans are pampered and lazy from all the free government money. Actually thinks women should look a “certain way.” Yet, I still somehow care about her. A part of me feels like the person I used to know is there and I can help her. She’s not all evil, has apologized for some of her attacks, lives humbly, and does a lot for her family. Thank you, for reading all of this. I hope I can eventually move on and maybe prevent this pain from happening to someone else.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

I'm curious if you've ever spoken to a therapist about the issues you've had since before meeting her online. Not trying to shift blame away from her, but it feels the hardest part of shaking this with her is more than likely directly related to the trauma.

I suffer from some issues with sex and events in my childhood. Usually, if things get too intense I can look away, exit out, catch my breath, but sometimes I can’t and get a panic attack. Little over a year ago, I was not in a good place. Depressed, anxious, unmotivated, confused, and I was often looking at hardcore porn. It was about once a week, but it was like an addiction destroying me on the inside. Sometimes I could find some soft stuff that wouldn't make me sick and give me hope of being comfortable with some form of intimacy. Models could sometimes help with that.

Anytime something is too stressful, you look for something to make you feel good and help you forget. I'm sure you know this at least subconsciously, but it's obvious from what you've typed that whether it was softcore or hardcore...you have had an addiction problem to things that help you forget stress (dopamine). That isn't healthy at all. If it were a situation were you had "a stressful day" it would be one thing, but this is obviously debilitating.

Definitely seek out a therapist if you haven't already.

Here's a website free for anyone feeling a need for therapy or counseling.
http://www.7cups.com/

Hope things get better for ya.

 

[Serenity_Tam]

I am sorry your heart is sad. I agree very much with what Ann has already stated. And to add: talkspace.com

And now for some other things, I want to note I am not trying to be mean, but there are additional areas of concern I just wanted to mention. And of course I am not this girl, I can't speak from her perspective or anyone elses but my own::

Camgirls are entertainers. It's a job for us. So. If hardcore is what makes her dollars then that's what she has got to do to pay her bills. We can be friends and confidants, but primarily for many of us we are offering entertainment services for money. This doesn't mean we can't be friends, but we have to do what we need to survive. In the past I had an amazing member friend who I considered a supportive member and a great friend. But then he started causing a hindrance to my work and made work difficult so I had to ask him to not come around. Even with RL friends if I feel a friendship becomes toxic or a hindrance to either party I will call off the friendship for my own mental well being.

I pleaded with her to keep a safe space for me, even offering to pay. She wouldn’t do it for me and I still don’t know why.

I just want to say, this seems so self-centered. You are asking her to change her business model. Personally I would have cut you off there. Immediately. Because this would make me feel like you see me as your personal little person thing and that you felt like what you wanted was more important than what I wanted. I don't think I would have done anything to berate you but firmly told you not to contact me, so I am truly sorry in addition to the hurt of losing a friend cam lady you were also beat down.


I would advise against visiting this chicks room ever again. Like I said, cam girls are entertainers and if she is not compatible with you move on. Really even if you still believe she's compatible you should move on because the relationship sounds like poison and cam girls are entertainment friends, you should find one who treats you the way you are looking to be treated, or at the very least doesn't bring the sad into your life.

 

[CraziestRyan]

I've only gone to a therapist once, it was once I had to go to after a suicide attempt when I was 15. She was awful. Broke her oath about keeping what I say in the room and said I was weirder than most of her kids. Gee, thanks. I'm sure there are therapists out there that good and nice, but I can't afford them. The thing with 7cups is, I don't think I can talk about models or the cam industry with them being able to relate. I think some issues I could and may try it. Not even sure what to ask.
For awhile, with her, I was happy and making progress. I can deal with the world pretty well. With her, it was different. I think from being so close, I was more sensitive and it was easier to drag up repressed feelings. I was okay with her making whatever content she wanted. I just didn't want to see it or be part of it. It was working for a long time. If I was a bother, than she should have talked to me about. She shouldn't have pretended to be someone for me. Her suddenly not caring anymore hurts me the most.

I just want to say, this seems so self-centered.

I wasn't asking her to changer her business. I was asking her to do something for me that she had always been doing and I had thought she wanted to do. She said she didn't have time, so I offered to pay or do anything to make up for the burden. She could do whatever she wanted to make her tokens. I just wanted a place I could talk to her and see how's she doing without unexpected sex and dicks.
I also don't understand giving up on friendships without talking about it.

 

[BobbyB]

The bottom line on camsites is : You pay and the models try to give you a good time so that you come back and she can earn more money.
If you are looking for a "real" relation, then look for one that is not based on that you pay money.

 

[FoxSloth]

I'm not sure how this will come across, and it touches on what serenity and Bobby said, from my own perspective. My job is to entertain and enthrall, to captivate my audience so they continue to come back. That's how I pay my bills.

To a certain degree, I will tell you what you want to hear, because you're paying me to. But when a member inevitably asks or states "idk if you're being real with me or being a camgirl", it causes pause.

Because I'm on cam. You came to me, a camgirl. And paid me to do my job. And youre taking way too much away from our interactions.

I sell my social media, and the members that I chat with through it are awesome. That sometimes blurs the line between personal and business, both ways, because they've paid for that perk. But I'm still a camgirl.

I feel like you'd be better served talking to a professional than us. Unless one of us is actually an LMHC or similiar. I'm not saying how the model handled things is right, I'm just saying, in th end, it's not personal, it's business.

At least, for me.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

You were asking her to change her business model. She has the right to operate her snapchat however she wants and while you feel you wanted a seperate place to talk to her, she doesn't owe that to you and no model in the world would just not have snapchat or not use it in a certain way because of what one member wants. Even if you were willing to pay to cover her other subscriptions it just isn't a healthy situation.

From what you have said this girl sounds like she must have been angry, maybe she regretted having such a close relationship with you and that's why she acted so harshly. I am sorry that you were hurt and that things turned ugly. It doesn't sound like you deserved it by any means.

I don't think people mentioning therapy are talking about therapy to deal with this Camgirl but therapy to deal with your own personal issues. This wasn't a great situation and I understand truly that you would need to heal but if you're truly depressed over losing this person and can't move on then it's you who need help for whatever causes you to not be able to let go. Not for the situation/girl itself.

I also agree that you need to cut this girl off completely and never watch her. Recognize that it's an unhealthy relationship for you and that you deserve to be rid of it.

 

[Osmia]

I've only gone to a therapist once, it was once I had to go to after a suicide attempt when I was 15. She was awful. Broke her oath about keeping what I say in the room and said I was weirder than most of her kids. Gee, thanks. I'm sure there are therapists out there that good and nice, but I can't afford them. The thing with 7cups is, I don't think I can talk about models or the cam industry with them being able to relate. I think some issues I could and may try it. Not even sure what to ask.....

It's unfortunate that you had such an unprofessional therapist. However, there are plenty of really good ones out there; you just have to take the trouble to find them. Most therapists will see you for a free appointment (or at least a phone call) to discuss your needs and the therapist's approach. During that meeting, you can get a sense of how well you would click with the therapist. Also, in my state (Texas) and probably most states, you can look up licensed therapists to see whether they've had any disciplinary actions. There are websites that provide ratings of doctors and therapists. The cost issue can be addressed in various ways: some therapists have a sliding fee scale, there may be therapists available in a public clinic, they will be covered by Medicaid or Obamacare, etc. Finally, not being able to talk to them about cam models...chances are, they don't know anything about MFC or camming, so you will just have to educate them on the topic at least enough so that they can help with your issues. That's how it was with my therapist, who's a woman, and it was somewhat awkward for me (not for her) to explain what MFC is, what I get out of it, etc. But it's their job not to be judgmental, and they've heard it all before.

Point being, it sounds like you're making excuses for not taking care of your mental health and well being. This business with the model is just a symptom, a distraction. This model is not your problem.

 

[CupcakeQuinn]

So to add to what others have said.... If you're employeed does your job have an employee assistance program? Sometimes they will have counselors that are linked in and they will give free sessions, though sometimes numbered. I hated therapy when I was younger. I saw a counselor that ended up leaving and the replacement started out with "So *she* said that you think you're crazy?". Ummmm no. I had given her song lyrics cause I had no clue how to describe things when I was 15. I was paranoid, thinking people were lying to me, but certainly not "crazy".

Shit sucks, but you CAN find someone you feel comfortable talking to.

 

[Honey Moon]

Well, her business started getting too rough for me, without warning. I went to her snapchat for kittens and food to calm down. It had always been safe, but this time had her hardcore porn on it. I pleaded with her to keep a safe space for me, even offering to pay. She wouldn’t do it for me and I still don’t know why.

You still don't know why? Because it's HER business and she is NOT your therapist.
Don't act like you own a portion of a model's business and feel like she has to cater to you because you've dedicated yourself to her and spend $500 a month on her. For many top girls, that's chum change and not worth changing their whole business tactics over, and after a while I'm sure most models would get sick of overbearing members who expect us to be their 'safe place' no matter how much you spend (unless it's millions lol.)

You need therapy, not camsites. You need to learn to overcome/handle your own issues without putting it on someone else who has no professional experience with trauma and issues such as yours, as well as find the APPROPRIATE people to support you.

 

[TheBabySittersClub]

Yeah, 4k over 8 months isn't even that much considering how much time and energy of hers you probably took. Just saying.

 

[MFCGod]

This might not be of any help and a bit generic but I will type it anyway

I used to suffer with anxiety very badly about 10 years ago, to the point I couldn't even leave my house, thankfully I'm a whoole lot better now

The problems you have right now you probably think you will have forever, but things can get better, it's about training your mind into thinking/reacting differently to certain stimulus

It wont happen over night, I think of it like learning the guitar, you can't pick up a guitar and play like a pro on the first day, but over months/years practicing, playing guitar fluidly will be as natural as walking or talking

And so it will be with thinking positively

I don't know the right avenue you should take to get better, but I just want you to know it can

 

[Influenced]

If you are looking for a "real" relation, then look for one that is not based on that you pay money.

I am not saying it never happens with models meeting up with men and having a relationship, myself personally I would never do it. Just me. I have some friends on cam sites, yes, quite a few actually, but can I say that doesn't have something to do with my support or that I haven't ever been told what I want to hear? No. Do I really care? No. For me I have to leave it cordial and leave cam girls as a source of entertainment. Online friends is cool but that is as far as it will ever go for me. The only way that would ever change is if I were to meet this person and the cam persona completely fall away and I just would never indulge in that even if they insisted, I would just stop supporting them and cut off contact. I understand both sides of things, Models may think they are your fantasy and that is kinda what some are doing or are doing, and they act accordingly. I mean it is a job. This is adult entertainment whether it be softcore or hardcore, I am not knocking it if someone else differs on the whole lets meet up and date a cam girl thing but there is a lot to watch out for there on both sides. I leave the net on the net and my real life is far from the entertainment I enjoy on many cam sites. Again that is just me and I have never had any problems sticking to this rule. If you have the money try some dating sites etc that are proven validated if you are looking for the real thing without money etc like the post I quoted up ahead says. I think you will have much more luck with something like that. No one likes to get their feelings hurt so change your perspective no matter who's fault it may have been, you cannot change what this person did or for that matter the person themselves, you can only change yourself and what you do, so people have given you some options on how to change things up and its up to you whether to take them or leave them. I'll get off my Dr. Phil soap box now and just say I wish you the best of luck just like I would anyone, no one likes rejection or to be mistreated on either side. Best of luck. I also know you never said in your post about meeting anyone in person etc, this has been offered to me and is just my personal experience in relating to what you posted on how involved you got with this individual. Just my personal experience in relating to your own misfortune and maybe some helpful advice if you see yourself getting to involved with someone camming online again.

 

[Kitcatt]

Okay, I have to toss in my two cents.

Everything you just said is a SCREAMING red flag of someone who sounds like an obsessed stalker. Sorry. I know it doesn't sound nice, but it's the truth. I'm sure in the beginning she did enjoy talking to you. Then, you became possessive and started asking for more things. For instance "protecting" you from her hardcore work. Why? To me that shouts "I don't want to think of anyone jacking off to you, because you're mine". Then asking for special services on the side because your friendship dictates that she needs to do that for you because of the fact that you are depressed and unstable? Re-read what you wrote and now look back and ask yourself how MUCH of her off cam time you kept asking for? 2 hours a day? 3? Anytime she had her phone with her? I'm guessing its the last one. And I'm guessing she started getting really creeped out with your constant need for attention and stopped thinking of you as an online buddy and thought of you as that guy who will keep taking and taking until one day you end up at her front door and she ends up stuffed in a crawlspace.

I'm not saying you had any designs on actually DOING that, but you need to understand this from a cam models perspective. Having had some creepy fucking stalkers of my own that started out as online buddies, I have to tell you, I would have cut you off too.

Nope, nope, nope. I don't blame her for kicking you out of her life, and the fact that you attacked her when she tried to leave by threatening her with personal info?

We are NOT therapists, we are NOT girlfriends, we are cam models and we have to protect ourselves.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Very curious to hear about the "hardcore" porn that triggers you. Is it just straight b/g stuff? Had some probs dealing with porn myself years ago. Sympathies.

Reading your post, honest truth, it sounds like you were quite the burden. A "safe space" on her snapchat?

A part of me feels like the person I used to know is there and I can help her.

If hardcore porn is giving you panic attacks, I feel like you are a bad match to be helping anyone who earns their living making hardcore porn.

 

[Ambers Troll]

CraziestRyan most models are young, quite normal well balanced women emotionally, many of us members far less so. I think it was actually quite a healthy push for you to switch more towards interaction with camgirls. What happened between you and the model you should be examining, if done right it, will push you into a better place.

Childhood traumas are very hard to work through and can throw off some odd behaviours/ conditions. Don't be too harsh on yourself or look back too much at what you couldn't have changed, as only an adult has the capacity to move on from their own childhood. Adults can choose their own mindset, not necessarily their fantasies, but definitely their own actions.
For you when it comes to what happened with the model you were quite 'borderline', be sure to look it up. It doesn't mean you have the condition, it can be expressed from reactions to trauma. The model reacted to you just as most normal people would.

I suggest you stick at it, give this model a break from you for a while. In a few more months you can say hi, perhaps start over in some way assuming you didn't go too far with the personal detail thing. I do mean start over, you must notice some change in yourself firstly.
You should probably not let yourself start getting too attached to any one model until you can interact more normally with someone, then pick a favourite if you choose to. Start with someone like Kickaz, upbeat woman, very nice, and you wont be ignored even though the room will be crowded.

It’s been a couple months since then. She rarely talks to me and I’ve been seeing worse and worse sides of her. Attacking person details about me, transgender people, gender fluid, fetishes other than her own, and supports people like Milo Yiannopoulos and Trump. Thinks Americans are pampered and lazy from all the free government money. Actually thinks women should look a “certain way.” Yet, I still somehow care about her. A part of me feels like the person I used to know is there and I can help her. She’s not all evil, has apologized for some of her attacks, lives humbly, and does a lot for her family. Thank you, for reading all of this. I hope I can eventually move on and maybe prevent this pain from happening to someone else.

This bit made me laugh, from my own personal experience with one model in particular, incidentally we ended up falling out too. I called her selfish for the final time after 6 years together and she banned me. Sometimes we like or get addicted to people we don't really agree with on ideological levels.

 

[CraziestRyan]

Well, I don't think I was a stalker or obsessive. We mostly talked while in her room when nothing else was going on. Never asked for her phone nor to give me 2 hours a day. The actual , during that event, was like 1 Instagram or snap post a week. About once every two months I'd say I had an attack, not even caused by her, but she stayed up with me or one time even got me over it in a few minutes.

She told me she didn't want to do hardcore business. She had only made the one bg vid years ago and said she never wanted to do that again. Said she was even tired of pervy solo content. She wanted to be a non-nude model. I wanted to support that business. It was a win-win. She still did some pervy stuff to make money and there was never a problem. Moaning and pictures of sex is what's rough on me. I got exposed, had an attack and tried to figure out a way where I could still have a nice time with her, support her, and not hold her back. She suddenly had no sympathy for me and completely flipped on me. Last week, I was "life-saver" then, "life-drainer." I don't know how it happened. I was trying to have safe and fun place for me while also supporting a business that thought she enjoyed and wanted, because it what she told me.

Reading your post, honest truth, it sounds like you were quite the burden. A "safe space" on her snapchat?

Her snapchat was free and sfw even before me. I never told her what she could or couldn't do. It was a fair offer, especially considering other members could get personalized snaps.

Usually, she would be asking me for my help around payday, to help with her family, cam supplies, and bills. Sometimes I did just out of appreciation and other times said she could pay back with hanging out or gaming. Dancing and stuff. It was fun the first time we did that. Never got to do the gaming There were times when I tipped specifically for varying degrees of soft content, but all that would usually get postponed. Which I was okay with her getting things in order first, but it became a little hurtful and confusing after a couple months. Like, you're telling me you want to this kind of content, but you never seem to actually feel like doing it. If she didn't want to do it, then she should of told me from the start.

If I tell you I'm sensitive, having trouble with this kind of content, and could get panicky. Are you going to lie to me, and say you hate that content too? Will you say you don't enough for me and glad I came into your life, while actually thinking of me as a burden? Where is the line for performing entertainment? When is it taking advantage of someone's emotions?

That's the thing too, after awhile, she never felt like a model to me. She was my friend. I was there for her and she was there for me. It never felt like business until she said it was.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

If I tell you I'm sensitive, having trouble with this kind of content, and could get panicky. Are you going to lie to me, and say you hate that content too? Will you say you don't enough for me and glad I came into your life, while actually thinking of me as a burden?

I don't know. Like I said, sympathies about the problems you have.

One thing to keep in mind, a lot of times leaning on somebody with your problems will put quite a strain on them, and they may feel obligated to hide it until they finally snap. I saw that happen with another model who got herself in the position of being an emotional crutch for a member. Over and over she told me "I can't take it anymore"; but for months she put up a good face for him. When she finally told him to f*ck off, he sounded just as wounded and bewildered as you.

 

[BooyaaS]

Yeah, 4k over 8 months isn't even that much considering how much time and energy of hers you probably took. Just saying.

this

surprised she put up with you for that long. she's not there to help you with your problems or put you in your "safe place"

 

[Mila_]

There was a model I met over a year ago. She did a lot for me, helping with mental issues, confidence, motivation, and loneliness. I supported her through that time as well. Sudden;y, we were both in rocky parts of our lives and she broke my heart. Who I thought was my best friend told me she had just been telling me what I wanted to hear and pretending to be someone she is not. We attacked each other personally and never recovered. I wonder where the line is for models to tell members what they want to hear. There's being a performer, then there's being a manipulator. I lost my best friend and have been depressed since then. I want to prevent this from happening to other people and want to hear your thoughts on the matter. Below, is my full story.

I suffer from some issues with sex and events in my childhood. Usually, if things get too intense I can look away, exit out, catch my breath, but sometimes I can’t and get a panic attack. Little over a year ago, I was not in a good place. Depressed, anxious, unmotivated, confused, and I was often looking at hardcore porn. It was about once a week, but it was like an addiction destroying me on the inside. Sometimes I could find some soft stuff that wouldn't make me sick and give me hope of being comfortable with some form of intimacy. Models could sometimes help with that. I finally had some extra money and thought this girl was pretty cute. She was really sweet to me too. I talked about tipping her just to talk, but felt too embarrassed for that. She wanted to talk even if I didn't tip.

For the next year, we had an awesome relationship. I was in her room almost every day, often staying up late with her on slow nights, and talking outside of mfc. If the shows got too much for me, I could just leave. I never watched anything hardcore again.

She told me she wanted to be a non-nude model. She aspired to be like Oliva and Joey Kim. She promised to warn me if she had to promote some hardcore stuff. Didn’t always, but after those kind of things, she was there to comfort me. I supported her too. Encouraging her goals, put time into her promotions, and gave her almost $4000 over the course of 8 months.

She would take months to make videos for me and often stand me up on Skype dates, but I was okay with it because I knew she was busy. I wanted her to succeed more than to do my requests. Well, her business started getting too rough for me, without warning. I went to her snapchat for kittens and food to calm down. It had always been safe, but this time had her hardcore porn on it. I pleaded with her to keep a safe space for me, even offering to pay. She wouldn’t do it for me and I still don’t know why. About once every two months, she would be taking some time to comfort me. I thought it was sweet and enjoyable.

She never complained about me before, but suddenly she was calling me a burden. Told me I was a drain on her life, she didn’t care about me, and doesn’t want to talk to me about it. The only reason I ever got from why she didn’t want to talk about it, was she didn’t want me to use it online against her. At that moment, I was frustrated and argued back with personal details that she was vulnerable to. I knew it would hurt, but I hoped she could have related to it and maybe convince her. I do regret that decision. I could have handled things better.

Later on, she told me she was going to be her honest self now. No Joey Kim ambition, she is all hardcore now. She told me I shouldn’t have gotten so close and it was just business. She said her job was being a people pleaser and just said whatever would make me happy. I thought she was my best friend. We know all about each other’s personal lives. I guess the signs were there. She would talk about using other models just for promoting herself. I knew she was lying to other guys, but she told me that was just business with them and that we were different. Said, her cam-self is different from her real self. Nothing she says, posts, or does has anything to do with who she is. All of it has left me confused and hurt. I’m nervous about being open with people now. I don’t know what they really think about me.

It’s been a couple months since then. She rarely talks to me and I’ve been seeing worse and worse sides of her. Attacking person details about me, transgender people, gender fluid, fetishes other than her own, and supports people like Milo Yiannopoulos and Trump. Thinks Americans are pampered and lazy from all the free government money. Actually thinks women should look a “certain way.” Yet, I still somehow care about her. A part of me feels like the person I used to know is there and I can help her. She’s not all evil, has apologized for some of her attacks, lives humbly, and does a lot for her family. Thank you, for reading all of this. I hope I can eventually move on and maybe prevent this pain from happening to someone else.

I am going to give you a straight, honest, no bullshit reply and hopefully I will make you think about a thing or two.

You say she was your best friend. And yet, how long did you know her for? 4 months. Four months. One season of GoT. I don't know about you but I don't really see how a relationship can run so deep in such short time.

You say she was your best friend. And yet, you called the person she *actually* was "the worst side of herself" simply because you did not like her political ideas. Were you her best friend? This is not what a friend does.

More than a friend you sound like a clingy boyfriend with no concept of personal boundaries. Nobody owes you anything. And you don't get to dictate how another person runs her life or her business and feel personally offended or heartbroken when they don't cater to your whims.

On top of the boundary problem, and the superficial relationship, there is also the issue of splitting. How she went from being your best friend and amazing person to a shitty person who broke your heart in a very short time. These 2 things plus the theatrics/cry for attention this post is makes me think of a Cluster B disorder. Get professional help.

 

[CraziestRyan]

You say she was your best friend. And yet, how long did you know her for? 4 months. Four months. One season of GoT. I don't know about you but I don't really see how a relationship can run so deep in such short time.

It was one year, not four months.

You say she was your best friend. And yet, you called the person she *actually* was "the worst side of herself" simply because you did not like her political ideas. Were you her best friend? This is not what a friend does.

But, it's okay for a friend to lie about her beliefs so that person likes them? She should have been her actual self sooner.

More than a friend you sound like a clingy boyfriend with no concept of personal boundaries. Nobody owes you anything. And you don't get to dictate how another person runs her life or her business and feel personally offended or heartbroken when they don't cater to your whims.

I don't see where you guys are getting this? I never told her how to run her business. I didn't ask her to cater to my whims. I was having a bad day and asked for her help and unfortunately got that bomb from her.

On top of the boundary problem, and the superficial relationship, there is also the issue of splitting. How she went from being your best friend and amazing person to a shitty person who broke your heart in a very short time. These 2 things plus the theatrics/cry for attention this post is makes me think of a Cluster B disorder. Get professional help.

She still has some good qualities and I said there were signs throughout the time I knew her. LGBT and being body positive has been a debate before, never nasty. She's just not holding back now. I don't think it's crazy for a friend to say to another, "hey, those people haven't done anything to you, don't be mean to them, they're just like you." Even then, she would tell me she liked that I kept her on track with what she wants to believe in.

As for entitlement, do you never do anything in return for people that help you? If I help you move a few times and you don't help when I need to move, say we're not friends anymore, and not tell me why. I'm going to be upset. I believe in doing whatever you can for people you care about. It's why I was always there for her. That money might not be much for you really fortunate models and old members, but it was a lot to us. I put a lot of time into her as well. Helping with her profile and content. Staying up on bad nights. Helping her when she feels bad about her body.

 

[Mila_]

But, it's okay for a friend to lie about her beliefs so that person likes them?

If I help you move a few times and you don't help when I need to move, say we're not friends anymore, and not tell me why. I'm going to be upset. I believe in doing whatever you can for people you care about. It's why I was always there for her.

You talk about her like she is your friend from college or someone you met at the local bar. But she is a camgirl and you met her in her chatroom. Your relationship is colored by that fact. You haven't helped her move and you probably never will.

Expecting her to make Snapchat a safe space for you is narcissism 101. Your thread in general is. Even the title is click-bait. What you are looking for is attention. Get a therapist, if you only take 1 session per week it will be cheaper.

And don't take this the wrong way, I am not trying to offend you, but I think you need to hear the truth.

 

[Magnolia]

As far as your personal relationship with her, I don't have much to say. I see it as you are both very different people and you need accept that and simply move on. Shit hurts, but in the camworld people meet, get close, then part ways suddenly very often.

Rather, I'd like to focus on one bit of what you mentioned about yourself: If you have some sort of issue where explicit sexual material triggers panic attacks then you need to get off of camsites and seek professional help. This goes for anyone who is easily triggered by sexual material, whether it be from PTSD, sex addiction, etc.

EVERYONE: CAMSITES ARE THE NOT THE PLACE TO SORT OUT YOUR SEXUAL (or other) ISSUES. YOU WILL END UP HURTING YOURSELF, MODELS, AND OTHER MEMBERS.

*insert two-cents emote*

 

[CraziestRyan]

I appreciate the support for my mental issues. I do want to try 7cups to talk through some of childhood events and maybe be less sensitive to the world. I've never actually been able to talk talk about them. She was the first person I told about them.

I still don't think I was asking for much. I just wanted to be her friend and be able to talk talk without having to see her porn. I would think that would be a little relatable in a world where get a lot unwanted pictures from people.

I also don't understand this thing about her being camgirl. Is she not a person? No one has answered where the line is for pretending to be someone. You can play role on the clock, but she wasn't doing that. I feel like she was genuinely misleading me. Maybe she did care, maybe she just wanted the income. Personally, I think she did care from how long we knew each other. It's why it hurts and is confusing. I only have a few ideas on why, as she never gave me a full explanation. She did apologize for some things she said and blamed it on stress. She still stuck with not wanting to care anymore though and that, I don't know why.

 

[Mila_]

I also don't understand this thing about her being camgirl. Is she not a person? No one has answered where the line is for pretending to be someone.

That's the thing. If you go to a doctor's office to get a check up and strike conversations with him while at the office, you can be very friendly with him, but he is still a doctor, your doctor. You can't expect him to turn his office into a café simply because you would prefer to talk to him as a friend and his office setting upsets you. Also think the knife cuts both ways: how would you feel about your doctor telling mutual friends about your health conditions? Because while a doctor is bound to confidentiality, a friend is not. Is he your doctor or is he your friend?

By default camgirls are pretenders. Camland is fantasy-land. You have to assume that whatever a camgirl says or does she will do it to enhance your experience as a viewer. Most patrons who like GFE don't want the camgirl to be an actual girlfriend, they don't want to have to deal with messy human beings. Because messy human beings will talk about their periods, that boring fight she had with her mother on the phone, will not want to have sex when you want to, and will probably fight with you over stupid shit and call you out on your bullshit. The last part is something you already didn't take very well from your girlfriend experience. When she became a messy person and hurt you, you stopped liking her so much. When she talked about her real interests, you thought less of her. So you didn't want her to be a person, you wanted GFE. But you weren't satisfied with the experience she offered for $500 a month. You wanted more, you wanted to be special in her eyes. But remember, special in her eyes comes with period talk and hurtful arguments. So what is it then?

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I still don't think I was asking for much. I just wanted to be her friend and be able to talk talk without having to see her porn. I would think that would be a little relatable in a world where get a lot unwanted pictures from people.

You wanted to be friends and talk talk without having to see porn WITH SOMEONE WHO MAKES PORN.
You didn't "get" unwanted pictures YOU WENT ON HER SNAPCHAT.

She doesn't owe you honesty, virtue, support, a vanilla sexual persona, or an explanation. If you want those things, go try to find where they are, and stop agonizing over where they aren't.

She still stuck with not wanting to care anymore though and that, I don't know why.

Maybe because she got sick and tired of you. Maybe she decided to take her career in a direction she knew you wouldn't be able to deal with. Maybe she's just a no-good lying nutjob. Who knows.

 

[Ambers Troll]

CraziestRyan for your own sake read some of the replies here and then you may understand the model's reaction to you. Yes she did like you (only like, do not read something more into it) until she learnt more about you, she was being honest, you were just too difficult to satisfy. Some of us told you why. The model herself may not exactly know why your company has become toxic, only that it has, but it is quite clear to some of us.

No one here wants you to be hurt, just for you to see it. What you are going through is actually highly painful, there are better ways to be with people. The model is fine, what you are doing to yourself isn't.

 

[BobbyB]

I appreciate the support for my mental issues. I do want to try 7cups to talk through some of childhood events and maybe be less sensitive to the world. I've never actually been able to talk talk about them. She was the first person I told about them.

I still don't think I was asking for much. I just wanted to be her friend and be able to talk talk without having to see her porn. I would think that would be a little relatable in a world where get a lot unwanted pictures from people.

I also don't understand this thing about her being camgirl. Is she not a person? No one has answered where the line is for pretending to be someone. You can play role on the clock, but she wasn't doing that. I feel like she was genuinely misleading me. Maybe she did care, maybe she just wanted the income. Personally, I think she did care from how long we knew each other. It's why it hurts and is confusing. I only have a few ideas on why, as she never gave me a full explanation. She did apologize for some things she said and blamed it on stress. She still stuck with not wanting to care anymore though and that, I don't know why.

To use your own words : Camgirls are always "on the clock" when dealing with " paying customers ", if they would act differently they would possibly lose some future income.
As Supermila said Camming is fantasyland and you made the mistake to confuse it with reality. Rest assured you are likeley not alone.

The best advice I can give you is to value the good times with the girl and now move on and try not to make the same mistake again.

 

[papichulo80]

When these kind of threads come up (mine included once apon a time) you're going to get a lot of responses that read as heated.
This is because those who came here as members have probably had some shade of your experience and those who came as models have probably had some shade of hers at least from their perspective.
The bottom line is this and it's actually pretty simple. Once money enters any relationship it is different forever. When a relationship starts predicated on money it is nearly impossible to ever remove those dynamics.
She is there to make money you are there to spend it. What she has to sell is time and attention and that's what you want to buy. Once you make that transaction the transaction is made.
The two of you will never view interactions the same way. When you see models talking about taking up her time and what the cost/value proposition was for her it's because for them quite literally time is money. What you see as leisure and "free time" is quite the opposite for her. When she is talking to you, or texting, or snapping she is working.
And though you may not want to look at it this way, you probably asked things of her you wouldn't have of a normal friend you met in real life. Whether that is conversational or otherwise. You felt safe and justified doing this because you were paying her. If you really look at it, you'll see the truth in that.
Camming is a very grey world for everyone involved. Except for a few users who really just wanna see a couple minutes of sex show and models who are extreeeemely scrupulous about the rules of their product, it gets muddy. People are buying and selling things that are very personal and maybe not even really meant to be bought and sold. Members complain that models shouldn't act like friends and "lead them on" when in fact that's what they came to the site to get. Models say members shouldn't bring their personal problems to sites when without the personal problems of members camsites probably wouldn't have enough customers to cover their bandwidth. Do both models and members go too far sometimes? Yes, mistakes get made and some people are unscrupulous about kindness and morals.
But mostly it's just people swimming in murky waters and trying to do their best.
Just remember going forward that if you want to be "friendly" with a model that is possible and may even in some respects be genuine on some level. But you will never be "friends" Friendship can't be bought or sold it's given freely. You can't force it with money.
Focus on what you need to do in your life so you can move forward and have the kind of friendships and support system you want. Do it in the world. The internet can be a great place to hide from time to time when life gets tough but what it specializes in is illusion. Ultimately your real answers are inside you and out in the world.

 

[Osmia]

That's the thing. If you go to a doctor's office to get a check up and strike conversations with him while at the office, you can be very friendly with him, but he is still a doctor, your doctor. You can't expect him to turn his office into a café simply because you would prefer to talk to him as a friend and his office setting upsets you. Also think the knife cuts both ways: how would you feel about your doctor telling mutual friends about your health conditions? Because while a doctor is bound to confidentiality, a friend is not. Is he your doctor or is he your friend?

By default camgirls are pretenders. Camland is fantasy-land. You have to assume that whatever a camgirl says or does she will do it to enhance your experience as a viewer. Most patrons who like GFE don't want the camgirl to be an actual girlfriend, they don't want to have to deal with messy human beings. Because messy human beings will talk about their periods, that boring fight she had with her mother on the phone, will not want to have sex when you want to, and will probably fight with you over stupid shit and call you out on your bullshit. The last part is something you already didn't take very well from your girlfriend experience. When she became a messy person and hurt you, you stopped liking her so much. When she talked about her real interests, you thought less of her. So you didn't want her to be a person, you wanted GFE. But you weren't satisfied with the experience she offered for $500 a month. You wanted more, you wanted to be special in her eyes. But remember, special in her eyes comes with period talk and hurtful arguments. So what is it then?

Nail on the head... OP, camgirls are performers, entertainers first and foremost, and almost always, that's all they are. That's all most members want/expect from them, even those who say they want a GFE. They play their role, and you play yours. It's very limited compared to real life relationships, and for most people (models and members) that's a feature, not a bug. It's striking (though it probably shouldn't be) how often the hurt feelings and painful experiences that people post about on here are traceable directly to boundary/role confusion or misunderstandings. You've carried on this long discussion seemingly without having absorbed anything both models and members have been telling you. Why is that? Do you want just to have affirmation or do you want to make positive changes in your life from hearing the truth?