A model told me what I wanted to hear for a year and broke my heart

[CrazyCatLady]

I've only gone to a therapist once, it was once I had to go to after a suicide attempt when I was 15. She was awful. Broke her oath about keeping what I say in the room and said I was weirder than most of her kids. Gee, thanks. I'm sure there are therapists out there that good and nice, but I can't afford them. The thing with 7cups is, I don't think I can talk about models or the cam industry with them being able to relate. I think some issues I could and may try it. Not even sure what to ask.
For awhile, with her, I was happy and making progress. I can deal with the world pretty well. With her, it was different. I think from being so close, I was more sensitive and it was easier to drag up repressed feelings. I was okay with her making whatever content she wanted. I just didn't want to see it or be part of it. It was working for a long time. If I was a bother, than she should have talked to me about. She shouldn't have pretended to be someone for me. Her suddenly not caring anymore hurts me the most.


I wasn't asking her to changer her business. I was asking her to do something for me that she had always been doing and I had thought she wanted to do. She said she didn't have time, so I offered to pay or do anything to make up for the burden. She could do whatever she wanted to make her tokens. I just wanted a place I could talk to her and see how's she doing without unexpected sex and dicks.
I also don't understand giving up on friendships without talking about it.

The therapy you need is for yourself. Your issues. Not to deal with cam girls. Your issue is what ended your friendship with this camgirl. You don't even have to say that she is a camgirl. Just that you became very controlling of a friend...in a way that directly affected her income and job and that she dropped you as a friend because of that.

You also did not have to go on her snapchat. If it is not something you liked you could delete it. Why do you expect her to change her whole business model affecting her job...income..etc...when you could simply delete snapchat? That is incredibly controlling and uncaring.

Of course she is angry.

I mean...I am sorry you are dealing with this but expecting someone else to consistently take on your problems...and to keep pushing and pushing and controlling eventually leads to a blow up. Usually by that time the person has been pushed to the edge. They may have cared very much at one point...but one person can only take so much.

I appreciate the support for my mental issues. I do want to try 7cups to talk through some of childhood events and maybe be less sensitive to the world. I've never actually been able to talk talk about them. She was the first person I told about them.

I still don't think I was asking for much. I just wanted to be her friend and be able to talk talk without having to see her porn. I would think that would be a little relatable in a world where get a lot unwanted pictures from people.

I also don't understand this thing about her being camgirl. Is she not a person? No one has answered where the line is for pretending to be someone. You can play role on the clock, but she wasn't doing that. I feel like she was genuinely misleading me. Maybe she did care, maybe she just wanted the income. Personally, I think she did care from how long we knew each other. It's why it hurts and is confusing. I only have a few ideas on why, as she never gave me a full explanation. She did apologize for some things she said and blamed it on stress. She still stuck with not wanting to care anymore though and that, I don't know why.

See above.

And again. You didn't have to be subjected to her porn.

Delete your snapchat.

You expect her to individually send snaps to 100...200....300 members instead of posting it to her story or that means she isn't your friend..yet you won't just delete you snap chat? Doesn't that mean you weren't really her friend?

Like I don't get the entitlement you feel.

Also people are allowed to change. Things I said a year ago that I like...or don't like have changed...we are grown women. That's allowed.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

And one more thing...when you say she didn't devote hours a day to you....because it was only one or two or 5 responses a day...or not at all...doesn't mean she didn't give you hours of her day.

You are forgetting about the emotional burden and worry that dealing with someone who has problems takes on you. Those one or 2 responses may have been after hours of worry or stress in the back of her head.

"If I say this will it make him more mad..."
"If I do this is it going to make xxxxx mad."
"Should I just not do this because I know it will upset xxxxx."
"Should I not do this because xxxx will judge me for it...or call me a liar...accuse me of shit."

Having to live your life and run your business the way someone else sees fit...or else they flip out is not healthy or right. As a FRIEND you should support her decisions. You should support what she decides to do to pay her bills and live as happy as possible. You should SUPPORT that. You shouldn't insult, judge, flip out.

Insinuating that she told you what you wanted to hear and wasn't a true friend...which hints at her lying to try to scam you out of tokens or something is ridiculous. If you spent 4000...her cut was less than 2000....1400-1600 after taxes. Barely over $100 a month. That's not even enough to pay a phone bill these days.

Maybe it's easier to tell yourself that she doesn't care...didn't care...and is just a bad person...but maybe you need to accept that your issues drove her away. Take some responsibility for that...and apologize. Maybe she feels used. Maybe she feels like you are only a friend because you want to possess her...control her...and you want more than friendship.

Camgirls are humans. WE often feel used as well. WE often feel taken advantage of. Lied to. Disrespected. Burdened. Emotionally manipulated. Discarded. We often feel our friendship is not enough. Or people manipulate or only pretend to be our friends when they want more...and as soon as you say no you are nothing to them.

Maybe she feels after a year of giving her care and attention to you that you clearly don't care about her in the same way she cared for you.

 

[EllaGray]

So, from a model's perspective...I was in a situation that was very similar to this one, when I first started camming back in 2013. I was a baby camgirl and I know now I shouldn't have let shit go the way it did, but at the time things were different.

I met this dude on the first site that I ever cammed on. He was seriously funny and very refreshing. In a sea of trolls he stood out. At first we had a normal client/camgirl relationship. He paid for the shows/content, i got naked/made the content, everything was good. Then we started really talking. We had a fuck ton in common. He would come keep me company during the lonely nights online. There were many of them back then since my tech and internet were crap, but I hadn't found the forums yet so I didn't realise how important this was. My income sucked and some nights, his money was all I would make.

Of course we ended up skyping etc multiple times. I think at some point he put me on a pedestal or something and expected me to never change else things wouldn't have gone down the way they did. I switched over to camming on SM and I got busier. He couldn't afford SM rates but he would still come by and chat. I also started changing the way I cammed. No more freebies, no more people pleasing. By now I'd found the forums and was learning the ways. I remember one Saturday night it was particularly busy and I was over the moon because I hardly ever seriously busy. I was also really happy cos it meant my rent would be paid on time. Dude of course was not so. He wrote me a message afterwards which went something along the lines of:

"I supported you from the start, I've given you quite a lot of money and now you've turned your back on me, you don't sit and chat to me anymore, you don't tease me anymore (in free), you've changed. I regret all the cash I've given to you, but I am bigger than to make you pay it back. I won't pvt with you again as I don't feel comfortable about what you've become. Cheers".

At the time I was pretty upset but as time went on, I was just like...good riddance actually. OP, it seems you have the same type of attitude. I know that you perhaps thought that this girl would never change, but that's kinda where you are wrong. We camgirls learn new stuff all the time, and we have to adapt. What may work one year or month doesn't necessarily work the next. Non nude is one of the hardest markets to break into and the girl probably needs money to pay bills etc so she will do whatever she needs to to pay them, be it hardcore or whatever. You cannot hold what she does to make a living against her unless you are the one who is paying her monthly bills etc. But even then, just no.

Just like my dude expected me to never change, never adapt and never become something he wasn't ok with, you made that same mistake too and you can't. When it comes to camming, adaptation is often the name of the game. You idealized this version of her to the point where her happiness/money making didn't mean anything to you, you just wanted her to always be consistent with the vision of her that you had in your head. So did my dude. I know its hard at times to keep people off the pedestals, but you gotta do it if you want to have nice encounters in the cam world. You supported one side of her ambition, but you did not actually support her. Had you supported her, you would have maybe been a bit upset but ultimately cheered her on for getting that money, supporting herself and doing her hustle thang. You wouldn't have even had to participate in the hardcore stuff, you would have found a way to cheer her on.

Of course this would have ended badly. This happens in relationships too...people only stan for each other when they are "convenient". The minute they change, all hell breaks loose. From my perspective, I'll do what I gotta to put food on the table and keep the roof over my head. If someone doesn't like it, that's their thing. Please don't take this as an attack on you though, I do feel for you with regards to the issues that you have and I do hope that you can find some peace at the end of the day.