Anyone else with a significant other in prison?

[AlluraBelle]

I'm really curious about this! I can't be the only one. My boyfriend has been locked up for two years and has less than six months to go. We write like crazy and I was visiting him every weekend before he had his visitation pulled for fighting. It's a lot harder now without the visits; we just got them in October of 2015.

Our story? (And no, for the record, it is not my intent to excuse or glorify his actions. This is just our story.)
Well, when we were sixteen he decided loved guns and money a bit too much and ended up with eight felony counts of grand theft of a firearm and burglary of a dwelling (four of each). He was selling the guns, and robbing houses for nearly two years before he was set up by a friend and caught red handed. He served two years as an adult and had four years of probation to deal with. When he was released he continuously violated for stupid shit - once he failed a drug test for marijuana and was sent to rehab over it. Literally, pot sent him to rehab! We weren't dating at the time but had always been best friends and I was so FURIOUS over his irresponsibility. We all fuck up, but his stakes were so high and sometimes I felt like he didn't even care.
So he got out of rehab and we became official. We had eight months together before he caught a warrant in November of 2014. We hid from the police, determined to make it through our first set of holidays, but our door was kicked in on December 28. (almost! lol.) I was arrested, too. The police came to our spot and I hid him once I happened to see two officers in the back yard as I was washing dishes. They arrested me right then as bait, and after taking me to jail returned to the house and basically destroyed it. Like, the door was off the hinges, shelves broken, etc. My boyfriend gave himself up peacefully and the next day we had our first appearance together. I was let go (one night in jail, time served - lol) but he was transferred back to the county we had run from and held without bail. He was facing 78 months and caught an escape charge while in county, so overall looking at eleven years.
So I got him a lawyer.
That wonderful lawyer was able to fight the escape charge since it was circumstantial, and use his house arrest time as time served, so he was sentenced to 30 months. He'll be out with no papers, and no restitution.

The first year was extremely hard. It was our . . . adjustment period. But then he got into a routine and so did I, and we did okay. We had a breakup of about four months and it did a lot of damage to us, but we've come back from it. He knows I've started camming and that when he gets out I don't plan on stopping, so we'll see how that goes. I feel very uncertain about a lot of things, like who I'll be meeting again once he's free, and what issues will come up in the aftermath of this. Also, he HAS to get his life straight, because where I live we have a third strike law. (25 years automatically on a third crime.) Not only that law, but I'm maturing and tired of the fast life we lived. I have a daughter and I'm sick of this prison life, the criminal life we lived before. I'm over that shit, although I still have a little 'street' in me and always will. I just draw on those traits to make me a stronger and more motivated individual in the real world.

Can anyone else relate? I'd love to talk to other models in my situation!

 

[BiancaBaker]

I cannot relate but I would not get back together with him unless he had his shit together especially if you have a daughter. Your daughter should be number 1 in this situation not a guy who can't stay out of jail. As a parent myself I would never bring someone who was dangerous or who could potentially commit another crime especially with a child.

 

[AlluraBelle]

I cannot relate but I would not get back together with him unless he had his shit together especially if you have a daughter. Your daughter should be number 1 in this situation not a guy who can't stay out of jail. As a parent myself I would never bring someone who was dangerous or who could potentially commit another crime especially with a child.

My child has always come first. And he's not responsible for her; I am. Meaning, with him in prison nothing about her life changed. She's only turned three this past year as well, so I can say she wasn't affected emotionally, either. My ex-husband and I agree on this, even. (We co-parent well, thank god!!!) His crimes are nonviolent, even his violation. As far as fighting in prison? You have to. I AM concerned about that mentality when he gets out but he's never raised a hand to a woman or child, (not that violence toward other men is acceptable), but I've been with him for years and I won't just drop him when his chips are down. He knows he fucked up. I've got two years of letters with him detailing his regret and I can tell when he's sincere or not. We do have plans when he gets out about starting our own business, and he's taken courses while locked up and gotten certified to do various trades. I understand your concerns, and I appreciate you expressing them - really, I do. But I can see the effort he's making. And if he wants to go wild when he gets out? I WILL drop him, and he knows that.

 

[paige_orion]

I have zero experience dating anyone who has ever been to jail, but I am sorry that you and yours have to experience such a difficult situation.

I will say that you might have a little more luck posting about this topic in the model's only part of the forum. I know several models who don't even like saying that they have a significant other in a public corner of the forum like this - let alone discussing a topic like this that sounds so very heart-breaking and personal! So you might get a few more responses if it's in MO! Even if they aren't from girls in your exact situation, there might be some advice or at least a few extra hugs.

Sending you lots of hugs.

 

[Bocefish]

No hugs for idiots here, but if your boyfriend needs to sell some guns contact me via PM.

 

[JickyJuly]

My husband was held in jail for a few weeks of the first year of our relationship just because I would not bail him out. All I remember is that it was super expensive to talk to him, and that I could send him money for snacks (also super expensive). Don't spend more money than he's worth.

 

[Bobbie Madison]

Here's my 2 cents: It's not for everyone. It definitely was not for me. I did 90 months with my ex and when he got locked up again I never looked back. But I'm very hard on people. I believe if someone does something once, it's a big chance it'll happen again, and if they do it again like I predicted, then it's already developing into a habit. I'm super clingy though, so my past relationships with a guy in the army and another long distance relationship didn't work out either. I just can't do long distance.

Everyone has flaws though. You have to ask yourself if you can still deal with his flaws right now. You marry/grow old with the guy you meet. He may change, but it's highly likely that he won't. Most grown men are already set in their ways. But you have people married to guys in prison and vice versa and you have people that are in long term relationships with people in and out of jail their whole lives. Is it the bad boy vibes attracting you? If so, would you still love him as much when/if he puts his bad boy days behind him?

The fact that you guys are still together already answers the question. You've already been through thick and thin and you both understand each other. You did a whole bid with him and just 6 months to go. You're almost finished. On the more serious side, get him checked out when he gets home. A lot of people may want to ignore it, but it's hard to acclimate back into society after a sentence, and if your visits were blocked, he could have spent some time in the box and that can mess up anyone's head.

The biggest advice you can get from any corner of the internet though - is to rack up on some condoms and birth control (if you believe in it) because he's about 2 years backed up. Girl you're about to get pregnant. Unless you're wanting another baby, then all is good.

 

[shane n cal]

I'm really curious about this! I can't be the only one. My boyfriend has been locked up for two years and has less than six months to go. We write like crazy and I was visiting him every weekend before he had his visitation pulled for fighting. It's a lot harder now without the visits; we just got them in October of 2015.

Our story? (And no, for the record, it is not my intent to excuse or glorify his actions. This is just our story.)
Well, when we were sixteen he decided loved guns and money a bit too much and ended up with eight felony counts of grand theft of a firearm and burglary of a dwelling (four of each). He was selling the guns, and robbing houses for nearly two years before he was set up by a friend and caught red handed. He served two years as an adult and had four years of probation to deal with. When he was released he continuously violated for stupid shit - once he failed a drug test for marijuana and was sent to rehab over it. Literally, pot sent him to rehab! We weren't dating at the time but had always been best friends and I was so FURIOUS over his irresponsibility. We all fuck up, but his stakes were so high and sometimes I felt like he didn't even care.
So he got out of rehab and we became official. We had eight months together before he caught a warrant in November of 2014. We hid from the police, determined to make it through our first set of holidays, but our door was kicked in on December 28. (almost! lol.) I was arrested, too. The police came to our spot and I hid him once I happened to see two officers in the back yard as I was washing dishes. They arrested me right then as bait, and after taking me to jail returned to the house and basically destroyed it. Like, the door was off the hinges, shelves broken, etc. My boyfriend gave himself up peacefully and the next day we had our first appearance together. I was let go (one night in jail, time served - lol) but he was transferred back to the county we had run from and held without bail. He was facing 78 months and caught an escape charge while in county, so overall looking at eleven years.
So I got him a lawyer.
That wonderful lawyer was able to fight the escape charge since it was circumstantial, and use his house arrest time as time served, so he was sentenced to 30 months. He'll be out with no papers, and no restitution.

The first year was extremely hard. It was our . . . adjustment period. But then he got into a routine and so did I, and we did okay. We had a breakup of about four months and it did a lot of damage to us, but we've come back from it. He knows I've started camming and that when he gets out I don't plan on stopping, so we'll see how that goes. I feel very uncertain about a lot of things, like who I'll be meeting again once he's free, and what issues will come up in the aftermath of this. Also, he HAS to get his life straight, because where I live we have a third strike law. (25 years automatically on a third crime.) Not only that law, but I'm maturing and tired of the fast life we lived. I have a daughter and I'm sick of this prison life, the criminal life we lived before. I'm over that shit, although I still have a little 'street' in me and always will. I just draw on those traits to make me a stronger and more motivated individual in the real world.

Can anyone else relate? I'd love to talk to other models in my situation!

yea i can my ex girl got 16 years, shes been gone like 6 years It took me a couple of years but i have to honest how significant is that!!!

 

[MikeTO]

Here's my 2 cents: It's not for everyone. It definitely was not for me. I did 90 months with my ex and when he got locked up again I never looked back. But I'm very hard on people. I believe if someone does something once, it's a big chance it'll happen again, and if they do it again like I predicted, then it's already developing into a habit. I'm super clingy though, so my past relationships with a guy in the army and another long distance relationship didn't work out either. I just can't do long distance.

Everyone has flaws though. You have to ask yourself if you can still deal with his flaws right now. You marry/grow old with the guy you meet. He may change, but it's highly likely that he won't. Most grown men are already set in their ways. But you have people married to guys in prison and vice versa and you have people that are in long term relationships with people in and out of jail their whole lives. Is it the bad boy vibes attracting you? If so, would you still love him as much when/if he puts his bad boy days behind him?

The fact that you guys are still together already answers the question. You've already been through thick and thin and you both understand each other. You did a whole bid with him and just 6 months to go. You're almost finished. On the more serious side, get him checked out when he gets home. A lot of people may want to ignore it, but it's hard to acclimate back into society after a sentence, and if your visits were blocked, he could have spent some time in the box and that can mess up anyone's head.

The biggest advice you can get from any corner of the internet though - is to rack up on some condoms and birth control (if you believe in it) because he's about 2 years backed up. Girl you're about to get pregnant. Unless you're wanting another baby, then all is good.

Maybe closing her legs would be a better advice instead of condoms or birth control. We all know condoms are not 100% fool proof. Real world usage is effective less than 90%. This is how quite a few single mothers are created. They go after the thugs/criminals and continue with them.

 

[Bobbie Madison]

Maybe closing her legs would be a better advice instead of condoms or birth control. We all know condoms are not 100% fool proof. Real world usage is effective less than 90%. This is how quite a few single mothers are created. They go after the thugs/criminals and continue with them.

LOL. I meant 90 days. I just looked back at my old post and saw 90 months. No that did not happen. That's crazy.