MsDonkey said:
What would make you think you're not an inherently good person? I'm willing to bet money on it that you are.
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Are You a Good Person?
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What would make you think you're not an inherently good person? I'm willing to bet money on it that you are.
DDuckworth, in general it's not that I feel like an inherently bad person or anything. I think I do nice things, and that I'm nice to people, but I also know that acting nicely towards people takes effort for me. And maybe just in my head, I think if deep down I was innately and intrinsically good, it wouldn't require any effort at all.DDuckworth said:
But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. some philosophers would argue that being effortlessly good is less noble than being flawed, and struggling against your nature to do good.
I think the best answer for this would come from the people that know me. I often don't think very highly of myself. My wife refers to this as my "Jewish guilt."
In my opinion the word 'good' to describe people comes from black and white thinking, which when it comes to something as complex as humans, just isn't sufficient to use.
I've struggled with this for nearly a decade now, and it's only since last week when I hit rock bottom that I've realised (amongst many other insights) that belly-aching over whether to label yourself 'good' or 'bad' is no way to live.
I think it is good to have ethics, consider seriously the best way to live and interact with the world openly and honestly in an authentic way, develop a certain level of acceptance for oneself and others with a desire for improvement as well. The ironic thing is that when you develop the traits that would tend to cause people to label you 'good', you care less whether you are and focus on simply doing what you think is right from a place of openness, sensitivity and humility.
I've struggled with this for nearly a decade now, and it's only since last week when I hit rock bottom that I've realised (amongst many other insights) that belly-aching over whether to label yourself 'good' or 'bad' is no way to live.
I think it is good to have ethics, consider seriously the best way to live and interact with the world openly and honestly in an authentic way, develop a certain level of acceptance for oneself and others with a desire for improvement as well. The ironic thing is that when you develop the traits that would tend to cause people to label you 'good', you care less whether you are and focus on simply doing what you think is right from a place of openness, sensitivity and humility.
LadyLuna
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I think being a good person is a mix of trying to do the right thing, and trying to be considerate of how others feel. Sometimes, these enter into conflict, and then you have to weigh which is more important.
I used to consider myself neutral-good. I still think I'm usually neutral-good, but sometimes I slip all the way into chaotic-good. But, when I'm in the midst of a depression, I feel like I am a monster, and like the world would be better off without me. Even then, when talking with others, I'll claim neutral-good... so I don't know.
I'm really bad about about being charitable of other people's intentions. By this, I mean not judging their actions based on what little I can see. You know, someone cuts you off and you think immediately that they're an asshole. It's reflex, but it's not right. And then, I can be really bad about doing the same thing I've been getting mad about other people doing. And I know that's not good. But the point isn't that you can't do anything bad when you're a good person. The point is that you try not to.
I used to consider myself neutral-good. I still think I'm usually neutral-good, but sometimes I slip all the way into chaotic-good. But, when I'm in the midst of a depression, I feel like I am a monster, and like the world would be better off without me. Even then, when talking with others, I'll claim neutral-good... so I don't know.
I'm really bad about about being charitable of other people's intentions. By this, I mean not judging their actions based on what little I can see. You know, someone cuts you off and you think immediately that they're an asshole. It's reflex, but it's not right. And then, I can be really bad about doing the same thing I've been getting mad about other people doing. And I know that's not good. But the point isn't that you can't do anything bad when you're a good person. The point is that you try not to.
everyone has to justify what they do, to themselves for any chance at happiness. So anyone remotely happy, is forced to consider themselves a good person in ways.
But like... even most sociopaths, consider themselves good people in their own minds.
Other people perceptions can be wrong, and you can be easily misunderstood, but others usually provide the most objectivity.
I'm pretty mild mannered in my day-to-day life and as far as I can tell usually perceived positively.
One memory sticks out where I was called an asshole by a stranger pointing in person that I'd supposedly interacted with but didn't even recognize. That was weird. Like most people I like to be liked so I still remember it.
But I can say for certain that I have a clean conscience and I sleep well most nights. :-D
But like... even most sociopaths, consider themselves good people in their own minds.
Other people perceptions can be wrong, and you can be easily misunderstood, but others usually provide the most objectivity.
I'm pretty mild mannered in my day-to-day life and as far as I can tell usually perceived positively.
One memory sticks out where I was called an asshole by a stranger pointing in person that I'd supposedly interacted with but didn't even recognize. That was weird. Like most people I like to be liked so I still remember it.
But I can say for certain that I have a clean conscience and I sleep well most nights. :-D
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RandomGuppy said:
I agree completely. When I get these thoughts it turns into a vicious cycle where I torture myself over everything I've ever done that's ever hurt anyone and it doesn't exactly leave a lot of room to be the best person you can be starting now. I isolate myself because I don't want to hurt anyone and that, in turn, hurts the people that want me in their life.
I find it much more effective to instead ask myself, "was I a good person today?" and if the answer is no, or not sure, or maybe, or whatever, whatever, it's just one day, tomorrow there's a whole new one. Anyone who has lived any life at all has a lot to be guilty for. It's like that therapy they use for people with addictions, showing them the TOTAL of their consumption in their lifetime. Of course it's going to be huge. Can you imagine being shown the entirety of the trash you've created in your life so far? It's really not fair to yourself to think in those terms.
I think a lot of my anxiety comes from this. It's good to keep things in perspective.
Having said that;
Yes, I'm 100% perfect.
If I am honest... yes.
Wish I wasn't, I miss my evil ways. Am not white knight good, more a black knight these days (my good acts can seem pretty dark).
Wish I wasn't, I miss my evil ways. Am not white knight good, more a black knight these days (my good acts can seem pretty dark).
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I try to be. You should get a second opinion if you don't want to take my word for it.
I_Am_Iris said:
It is NOT! :-D What I was trying to get at, before Iris interrupted us (Im keeping an eye on you, lady
) is that if you and I were friends and I called you at that ungodly hour because something tragic happened and you took the call then yes, I'd say that not only were you a true friend but you were a good person.But now we'll never exactly know...thank you, IRIS!
MsDonkey said:
I'm definitely in line with those philosophers, the effort is what makes it mean that much more to the person that you are doing it for. If it was easy then it wouldn't mean quite as much.
Think about a simple scenario like - getting up to get the remote for your SO. Do you really want to? No, probably not...but if you do, it's super nice and means a lot more than if you only had to reach over to grab it.
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I believe that being a "good person" is as much a personal thing as religion. Each person must figure out what it means to be a "good person" to them. I believe I am my idea of good. For example: I believe that putting other peoples feelings above your own is a trait of a good person and I spend my time trying to help others. I have a friend who disagrees, she believes that you must find a balance between your own feelings, and the feelings of others, and sometimes that means that her feelings come before anyone else's. I don't think she's wrong, nor do I think I am wrong. We just have different ideas of what "good" is.
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I try my best to be a good person most times. But it always seems that when I back slide, and start to be a selfish person, it's always the ones who love me the most that I end up hurting. And that is what makes me feel like a bad person. Geez, this is actually a more complex question than I thought lol. I could go on and on answering this, so I do believe I'll leave it at that.
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I'm good part of the time, and I'm bad the rest. I haven't worked out the percentages. I just like being myself. Myself has turned people away in the past, and it'll happen again. The number of supporters of Mike/Duo greatly outclasses the number of detractors, so I'm cool with just staying the same.
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I am a good person and I know this to be true. I am a severely empathetic person and literally will give anyone the shirt off my back or my last dollar if they need it. Being a good person isn't being perfect or always doing the right thing, its making the best possible decisions to better the world. However, you could ask everyone that I know what they think and you would be amazed at the myriad of answers you would get. I'm a good person for myself and my children, so others opinions don't bother me all that much.
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