Are you in love with a camgirl and aren't sure if she loves you back? Read this.

[Deleted member 45270]

There is a pinned post regarding these types of threads, which is important to read to recognise warning signs from other people's experiences.
But it's a lot to read at once for a new member looking for help, so I want to try something different.
I understand these kinds of threads will continue to be made, but if a quick general bulletpoint list of red flags can help just one person from getting scammed, it'll be worth it.

Red flags:

• She's asking you for money.
  She wants money in exchange for the time you two spend together. She needs help covering her pet's vet costs. She has a sick grandmother. She wants a day off. She's still viewing you as a customer, not a boyfriend.
  
  
• She never spends her free time with you off-site.
  Many sites don't allow off-site contact, but if she truly felt you are worth pursuing, she would follow you.
  I'm not condoning risking a ban, but if she has no other ways to be contacted, consider giving your email/way of contact in chat (you might be banned, but if this is relationship is legit, at least she wouldn't lose a source of income while trying to contact you off-site), and she never followed up to spend free time with you - or only follows up to ask you to follow her on new sites where you're pressured to spend money in private shows/tips/etc - she still views you as a customer.
  
  
• She wants you to be in her camroom.
  This one is more personal and not a complete guarantee that she's a scammer. Some couples truly have one camming while the other mods. My perspective: I'd never want a boyfriend watching while I'm working. I'm not the same person on cam as I am off it, and it's awkward to start prioritising high tippers over my own boyfriend in the moment because I'm at work, I'm working! Why would she want you on camsites? She's very likely viewing you as a customer.
  
  
• She says she loves you
  Yet she's known you a short time, has only spoken to you on camsites, has never met you irl. Does she have something to gain from making you feel like this? Yes: the money you keep giving her.
  
  
• She stops giving you her time and affection when you stop paying her.
  So the fastest way to recognise whether or not you're getting scammed is to stop paying her entirely. Not even a cent. At most, offer to pay for her travel to you and vice versa, and the dates you'll have in person (and even then, tread carefully to make sure you're a boyfriend, not a sugar daddy or customer). You're in a relationship, right, so why does money need to be involved? Or are you still a customer?

The main takeaway is that spending money makes you a customer; spending time off-site, in free one-on-one chats and meeting up in person is more positively a boyfriend.

But no two camgirls are alike. Everyone has their own moral code. Some people will go far to be your fantasy girlfriend, putting the responsibility on you to know it's fantasy because she's on an adult entertainment site, not a dating site, and is asking to be compensated for her time. Others draw the line before anything blurs it.


I hope this bulletpoint format was helpful. Members and models alike, feel free to add red flags.

 

[Lelo1]

90,000+ US citizens have fallen victims to online romance scams in 2021. That's a 540% increase over the last decade. They don't just happen on cam sites, but dating sites, and other social media like facebook. These scams can also take the form of Bride Scam, Vesa Scam, dating scams . The US embassies in Nigeria, Romanian, Saudi Arabia, Ukraine, Russia all have warnings about these scams.

Scammers will often ask for money for an Emergency, Bill, Loan, and Money for travel related expense.

Tips to avoid scams:

• Ask Friends & Family, if what you want to do makes sense to them.
• Be honest with yourself.
  • Why would someone outside your age, and or social group be interested in you?
  • What is this person getting out of a relationship with you?
• Learn about common romance scams, and how to spot and avoid them.
• If someone is trying to establish a offline relationship, Consider a background check from a company that specializes in romance scams.
• Embassies can often tell you about common risks from specific countries.

 

[Omne35]

If I had a woman tell me she loved me after 5 or 6 real life dates I wouldn't buy it much less someone I've only spent a few hours with on a cam.
Like I'll buy, real love takes longer.

 

[yummybrownfox]

There is a pinned post regarding these types of threads, which is important to read to recognise warning signs from other people's experiences.
But it's a lot to read at once for a new member looking for help, so I want to try something different.
I understand these kinds of threads will continue to be made, but if a quick general bulletpoint list of red flags can help just one person from getting scammed, it'll be worth it.

Red flags:

• She's asking you for money.
  She wants money in exchange for the time you two spend together. She needs help covering her pet's vet costs. She has a sick grandmother. She wants a day off. She's still viewing you as a customer, not a boyfriend.
  
  
• She never spends her free time with you off-site.
  Many sites don't allow off-site contact, but if she truly felt you are worth pursuing, she would follow you.
  I'm not condoning risking a ban, but if she has no other ways to be contacted, consider giving your email/way of contact in chat (you might be banned, but if this is relationship is legit, at least she wouldn't lose a source of income while trying to contact you off-site), and she never followed up to spend free time with you - or only follows up to ask you to follow her on new sites where you're pressured to spend money in private shows/tips/etc - she still views you as a customer.
  
  
• She wants you to be in her camroom.
  This one is more personal and not a complete guarantee that she's a scammer. Some couples truly have one camming while the other mods. My perspective: I'd never want a boyfriend watching while I'm working. I'm not the same person on cam as I am off it, and it's awkward to start prioritising high tippers over my own boyfriend in the moment because I'm at work, I'm working! Why would she want you on camsites? She's very likely viewing you as a customer.
  
  
• She says she loves you
  Yet she's known you a short time, has only spoken to you on camsites, has never met you irl. Does she have something to gain from making you feel like this? Yes: the money you keep giving her.
  
  
• She stops giving you her time and affection when you stop paying her.
  So the fastest way to recognise whether or not you're getting scammed is to stop paying her entirely. Not even a cent. At most, offer to pay for her travel to you and vice versa, and the dates you'll have in person (and even then, tread carefully to make sure you're a boyfriend, not a sugar daddy or customer). You're in a relationship, right, so why does money need to be involved? Or are you still a customer?

The main takeaway is that spending money makes you a customer; spending time off-site, in free one-on-one chats and meeting up in person is more positively a boyfriend.

But no two camgirls are alike. Everyone has their own moral code. Some people will go far to be your fantasy girlfriend, putting the responsibility on you to know it's fantasy because she's on an adult entertainment site, not a dating site, and is asking to be compensated for her time. Others draw the line before anything blurs it.


I hope this bulletpoint format was helpful. Members and models alike, feel free to add red flags.

 

[Smores]

Red flags:

• She never spends her free time with you off-site.
  Many sites don't allow off-site contact, but if she truly felt you are worth pursuing, she would follow you.

I liked your list, but for me the quoted point is most of the enchilada. If someone has either the willingness or active initiative to spend time with you offsite, you can develop the relationship into one of trust, maybe friendship, and at some point you can at least talk about meeting or having a relationship without it being a crazy conversation.

Willingness might mean that you take the initiative to ask her to do things with you off the site, like watching a movie together. Active initiative would be her taking the same initiatives, which is rarer.

 

[Deleted member 45270]

Willingness might mean that you take the initiative to ask her to do things with you off the site, like watching a movie together. Active initiative would be her taking the same initiatives, which is rarer.

Well, my theory is that it's going to be rarer because it's not a dating site

The power dynamic is very different for a camgirl crushing on a member than it is for the vice versa. I know I would assume a member would say "yes" if I asked to add them off-site on a personal throwaway made just to be able to get to know them more before deciding if it's worth the risk to give more persona info/meet up/etc. I'm sure many camgirls would assume the same.
Because of this power dynamic imbalance, imo the onus is on the camgirl to initiate something, not the viewer. If the viewer has to initiate something, I'd bet she's not interested. It would only increase the risk of the viewer getting suckered into a lovescam.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

Unironically - and I'm sorry to somehow taint such helpful and informative thread with a sarcastic remark -, I can think of at least more than a couple of my exes who would perfectly fit such description and btw they weren't even cam models. Go figure. Oh well.

to add red flags.

Has kids to raise, wants to send them to college or whatever, and you need to send money, pretty please. That's her job as a parent and the job of the man she chose to have kids with. Not yours.

 

[Smores]

Well, my theory is that it's going to be rarer because it's not a dating site

The power dynamic is very different for a camgirl crushing on a member than it is for the vice versa. I know I would assume a member would say "yes" if I asked to add them off-site on a personal throwaway made just to be able to get to know them more before deciding if it's worth the risk to give more persona info/meet up/etc. I'm sure many camgirls would assume the same.
Because of this power dynamic imbalance, imo the onus is on the camgirl to initiate something, not the viewer. If the viewer has to initiate something, I'd bet she's not interested. It would only increase the risk of the viewer getting suckered into a lovescam.

With 100+ Russian models as my sample, here is what my statistics show:

* Excluding the obvious scam artists, maybe 1/10th of 1% of models would take the initiative on their own to start doing activities with a member offsite. I think it would be ultra rare. I think the viewer would need to be a celebrity, a professional athlete, or someone really really exceptional in some way(s).

* If the viewer is the one taking the initiative, to do some pretty innocent offsite activity like watch a movie together, probably 70% of the models are going to stick with "my studio does not allow offsite contact". That means what it says, but it also means "not interested". About 25% will contact you offsite and have conversations, but they aren't going to show interest in doing more that chit chat. About 5% are open to getting to know you better and doing things like watching a movie together.

As long as you do not abuse trust, you can develop interactions with those 5% that look like something "normal". It can be friendship, dating, relationship, whatever, but it will be different than vendor and customer.

 

[Deleted member 45270]

With 100+ Russian models as my sample, here is what my statistics show:

@Smores Source?

 

[Smores]

@Smores Source?

Myself of course. I have easily talked to more than 50 Russian models offline. Of course even that is not a big sample, but I am just guessing rough numbers with the little data I have.

 

[Deleted member 45270]

I have easily talked to more than 50 Russian models offline.

Don't you think you're misusing camsites? Why not use dating sites, or meetup.com for friends, or any other forum to meet people?

This thread was intended to be aimed at those who would use camsites for entertainment, but end up falling for one person accidentally, and aren't sure if their returned advances are true or if they're being lovescammed.
It sounds like you're actively trying to meet camgirls on camsites. I rarely feel creeped out, but this is creepy behaviour; it's not something to brag about and genuinely hope you realise this isn't healthy.
It's also suspicious that you're talking to so many Russians, when they are notorious for being with studios encouraging them to act like they're in love, or themselves lovescamming people.. and they are also known for selling themselves at dirt cheap prices, easy to be taken advantage of.

Edit: I understand personal situations can put a big hurdle in meeting other people in a "normal" way, but being dependent on camsites to meet others is unhealthy. One or two people, I can be sympathetic to. But 50+? It's time to stop and seek help especially if this is hindering you from meeting people outside of adult entertainment sites.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Don't you think you're misusing camsites? Why not use dating sites, or meetup.com for friends, or any other forum to meet people?

This thread was intended to be aimed at those who would use camsites for entertainment, but end up falling for one person accidentally, and aren't sure if their returned advances are true or if they're being lovescammed.
It sounds like you're actively trying to meet camgirls on camsites. I rarely feel creeped out, but this is creepy behaviour; it's not something to brag about and genuinely hope you realise this isn't healthy.
It's also suspicious that you're talking to so many Russians, when they are notorious for being with studios encouraging them to act like they're in love, or themselves lovescamming people.. and they are also known for selling themselves at dirt cheap prices, easy to be taken advantage of.

Edit: I understand personal situations can put a big hurdle in meeting other people in a "normal" way, but being dependent on camsites to meet others is unhealthy. One or two people, I can be sympathetic to. But 50+? It's time to stop and seek help especially if this is hindering you from meeting people outside of adult entertainment sites.

I think you nailed it! Especially that middle paragraph about why some guys are so drawn to those particular rooms...even if they don't want to come right out and admit it.

 

[Smores]

Don't you think you're misusing camsites? Why not use dating sites, or meetup.com for friends, or any other forum to meet people?

And what if I do not want to meet them in real life? Isn't a cam site exactly about acting out some fantasy and not having to deal with it in real life?

This thread was intended to be aimed at those who would use camsites for entertainment, but end up falling for one person accidentally, and aren't sure if their returned advances are true or if they're being lovescammed.
It sounds like you're actively trying to meet camgirls on camsites. I rarely feel creeped out, but this is creepy behaviour; it's not something to brag about and genuinely hope you realise this isn't healthy.
It's also suspicious that you're talking to so many Russians, when they are notorious for being with studios encouraging them to act like they're in love, or themselves lovescamming people.. and they are also known for selling themselves at dirt cheap prices, easy to be taken advantage of.

I am not trying to actively meet anyone in real life. If I am in a model's room and I like her then I am going to try to know her as a person.

In my experience with studios, the Romanian studios encourage some pretty twisted behavior, but the Russian studio models have not love scammed me. Or maybe I am so good at seeing when someone is not dealing with me in a straight way that I just immediately go elsewhere.

Half the Russian models these days cam from home and the half that work with studios deal with you in a straight way. But studio models have a lot of rules limiting what they can do.

In any case, I think the statistics I gave are ballpark-correct for most people who follow the same kinds of models that I follow. I was not suggesting that anyone pursue models. And I was simply trying to agree strongly with one point on a list you wrote. No conversation change intended....

 

[Deleted member 45270]

Isn't a cam site exactly about acting out some fantasy and not having to deal with it in real life?

You are blurring those lines by moving convo with at least 50 (!) camgirls off-site and, seemingly implying that you've tried it with as many as 100+, and as you said,

About 25% will contact you offsite and have conversations, but they aren't going to show interest in doing more that chit chat.

As long as you do not abuse trust, you can develop interactions with those 5% that look like something "normal". It can be friendship, dating, relationship, whatever, but it will be different than vendor and customer.

I don't think anyone is buying that you want to "get to know them as a person" yet keep it as a fantasy, yet pursuing more than "chit chat" and backing off when they're not interested.
I think it's good to reread what you've written, but imagine that a friend is making the posts, and honestly ask yourself if you would believe he's doing something healthy, or that it's "just" a fantasy.


Now that I think about it, I'm sure this thread will end up attracting people who are using camsites to meet camgirls, so this is a vital point to make: it's not healthy to replace real relationships with camgirls. It's not healthy to look to adult entertainment sites to replace dating, etc.
And camgirls/camboys don't like it either: we're here to work.. hence why I'm personally creeped out, because what you're saying points to using camsites to date people.
It's reminding me that I need to place better boundaries on people who are looking to talk to me off-site, even somewhere as innocent as twitter.

 

[Smores]

Now that I think about it, I'm sure this thread will end up attracting people who are using camsites to meet camgirls, so this is a vital point to make: it's not healthy to replace real relationships with camgirls. It's not healthy to look to adult entertainment sites to replace dating, etc.

I agree

 

[Omne35]

If I start having thoughts of meeting a model or feeling she is falling for me (whether true or not) I would tactfully bow out immediately.
Neither of us needs those problems. I'm perfectly happy getting to know their professional persona instead of "getting to know them as a person". That's what discussion boards are for.

Blurring fantasies of love with reality has another name, Erotomania. Usually leads to stalking, and worse.

 

[CheeseMoon]

And what if I do not want to meet them in real life? Isn't a cam site exactly about acting out some fantasy and not having to deal with it in real life?

Well, yes, but when you take model interactions off site you are arguably dealing with them in your (but probably not their) real life. To each their own, but I have no "use" for cam models after I log off the cam site. Sure, now and then a cam model can creep up on you in ways you didn't expect, but that's easier to deal with if you've already set some ground rules for yourself and stick to them. Like @Omne35 says, nobody needs the potential drama.

 

[Alde]

I think it has been said before that some companies/studios instruct models to exploit the "falling in love" that some members do. I know of a blog post from a Colombian company that does model training, amongst other ventures. The blog post basically tells about falling in love with clients as a tactic to use in being a succesful model. The blog post is pretty basic, so you can imagine that what they trained the models to do goes much further.

Perhaps reading this will enlighten some of the individuals that keep opening "falling in love with a cam model" threads (it is in Spanish, but a google translate is decent enough): https://estrellaswebcam.com/2016/01/14/enamorar-o-no-enamorar-he-ahi-el-dilema/

 

[Smoothie]

This is great. Just a couple things to add:

Red flags:

• She's asking you for money.
  She wants money in exchange for the time you two spend together. She needs help covering her pet's vet costs. She has a sick grandmother. She wants a day off. She's still viewing you as a customer, not a boyfriend.

And sometimes asking for money isn’t direct. It’s implied. If the model constantly tells you about her personal financial hardships, even if she’s not saying “Can you give me money for this?” directly, she might be hoping that you’ll get the idea and give her the money without being asked. Something else to be aware of.

Another clue: If the hardship keeps changing or “re-setting.”

Examples: She URGENTLY needs to get her own place to live, so you help with extra cash. But after you’ve contributed to that goal, suddenly she is desperate for a new vehicle. So you help her with that goal, but before she buys any vehicle she decides she can take the bus for a while because what she REALLY needs right this minute is tuition for school… and so on, and so on…

• She never spends her free time with you off-site.
  Many sites don't allow off-site contact, but if she truly felt you are worth pursuing, she would follow you.
  I'm not condoning risking a ban, but if she has no other ways to be contacted, consider giving your email/way of contact in chat (you might be banned, but if this is relationship is legit, at least she wouldn't lose a source of income while trying to contact you off-site), and she never followed up to spend free time with you - or only follows up to ask you to follow her on new sites where you're pressured to spend money in private shows/tips/etc - she still views you as a customer.

I’ll add that you should also pay attention to patterns of when they’re never available to chat with you (offline or otherwise). It’s not an absolute rule, BUT generally speaking if she’s in love with you, she’d probably talk to you at times when people tend to desire the company of their partners.

If she never chats with you on nights or weekends, she may have a boyfriend, but it’s not you.

• She says she loves you
  Yet she's known you a short time, has only spoken to you on camsites, has never met you irl. Does she have something to gain from making you feel like this? Yes: the money you keep giving her.

Yes, and in addition: “I love you” is not always meant romantically, so don’t read more into it than the model intended. (If she said “I’m *in love* with you, that’s a little different.)

 

[Smores]

Blurring fantasies of love with reality has another name, Erotomania. Usually leads to stalking, and worse.

Erotomania can be a problem, but I think you are taking the idea too far.

First, define erotomania. Mainly, this is when a person imagines a relationship that does not exist. The classic erotomania example would be a groupie who imagines that she is in a relationship with a rock star or celebrity, when the connection is either completely non-existent or tenuous. In my life, I have a relative who has a worker in her household who decided that she is in a relationship with me. She sends me selfies twice a day and writes paragraphs as if we are in a relationship together. I have literally never had one extended conversation with this person. We never kissed. I never flirted. I never showed interest. When I occasionally remind her that we are not in a relationship and she does not need to write me so often, she acts as if we are boyfriend and girlfriend temporarily breaking up. That's classic erotomania.

Is erotomania part of what drives many of the "I love a camgirl" threads? For sure it shows up in many places. There have been a few of these threads where the writer is completely delusional about his relationship status. He has no contact off the cam site at all, yet thinks he is in a relationship.

Is erotomania part of every single off-site interaction with a camgirl? Definitely not. Is it really difficult to have an honest interaction with someone off the cam site, when the place you met is based on her acting out mostly sexual fantasies? Yes, it is really difficult. Should we encourage people to try that? I guess probably we should not encourage it.

I understand why some models will draw a line in the sand and say "I will never allow a member to get to know me off the cam site".

 

[Omne35]

Erotomania can be a problem, but I think you are taking the idea too far.

Where did I use your name in my post? I was making a general observation based on KMH's post.

 

[Smores]

Where did I use your name in my post? I was making a general observation based on KMH's post.

And I made a general observation on your post.

 

[Finchomatic]

50?

I barely have time to talk with family and friends most days. weeks, months. Let alone with 50 random people on the internets.

 

[seek-thought0c]

It's pretty obvious that you can't fall in love with a person via the internet after a few conversations. That's why I understand that camgirls usually say these words just to get more money out of you. As for me, it's better to stay on platforms like xlovecam since people just have fun there, and everyone is pretty honest. I feel bad for men who fall for that, but at least girls get the money they deserve.

 

[GraysonDrake]

I liked your list, but for me the quoted point is most of the enchilada. If someone has either the willingness or active initiative to spend time with you offsite, you can develop the relationship into one of trust, maybe friendship, and at some point you can at least talk about meeting or having a relationship without it being a crazy conversation.

Willingness might mean that you take the initiative to ask her to do things with you off the site, like watching a movie together. Active initiative would be her taking the same initiatives, which is rarer.

No, don't ask her to do shit offsite if she's on a site where that isn't allowed. That's a dick move and puts her livelihood at risk.

If you actually care about a model, never do anything that will fuck her over.