Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal breaker

[LuckySmiles]

In a long term or serious relationship, I've always been in the school of thought that it doesn't matter what you like, as long as you like each other. If the sex is at least good ---> all the way to amazing, and you share similar core values that's all that matters right? As I'm mildly wiser and mildly older I've recently gotten into discussions that sway me towards thinking the opposite. I'm not talking about views on marriage, money, politics, spirituality, home styles, or even alcohol or drug use or anything that intense.
Just the likes that are typically a part of daily lifestyle or entertainment that can be small but not ignored forever.

We all have our likes and dislikes that makes us our own people. We're never all going to like all the same things but if you picture a relationship where you're living with someone daily for any length of time, what's the most important taste you need to see eye to eye on at least half the time or more. Plus things like food, music, or an adrenaline pumping sports win can fuel the libido so they're not even mutually exclusive.

Is it more important to like some of the same tv shows or same food? Music? Is sports the glue or the crack in the relationship?
Food? Can you like NONE of the same foods and coexist?

TV? Everyone can have their own TV time but there's got to be Something you watch together or no?

Music? Music can be extremely personal but also a serious bonding point or fight. What is it?

If you had to pick are any of these things, things you feel you have to have in common or else?
I'm only leaving it at four options assuming most of these are a part of many peoples' life regularly if not on a daily basis. Maybe you don't even eat together daily but often enough.
I know lots of people aren't even into any sports but maybe something similarly competitive that is important enough to you that if you just can't get on the same side it's doomed. Beauty pageants or poker tournaments or... something idfk.

 

[LuckySmiles]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

I put food. Music comes a close second. I wouldn't even care if someone was vegan, I love to cook and a challenge as long as they're open to different flavors we'd make it.
And I know for me I've moved from my home state sports teams and can handle my S/O never rooting for my team...
But like I don't think I could ever see myself in a long term relationship with someone who didn't like spicy foods for example.. I put cayenne pepper, jalepenos, or hot sauce on F&^#$^* everything.

 

[Camgirl]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Honestly, I would have picked the last option - but I think you put that there as a joke?

Anyway, I chose music. The thing is, unless it is a drastic type of difference, it likely wouldn't even matter to me. The only music that I just really can not stand is rap, and it is pretty likely I wouldnt even be attracted to that person anyway. I hate to stereotype, but typically in my experience guys who are really into rap music just aren't my type and don't even show up on my "oh hi there" radar.

 

[LuckySmiles]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Honestly, I would have picked the last option - but I think you put that there as a joke?

I mean... I get that the last option could be true, but I'm no sure if I believe that anymore so I might have added some extra words. :whistle:

 

[Sevrin]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Music is probably the best indicator among those listed. How you think about money is by far more important than any of those.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

This may just be me, but I think it'd be pretty superficial to break up with someone over anything so... shallow.

I mean sure if you have no similar interests, but if like you say you have similar core beliefs then personal likes and dislikes shouldn't matter much. Part of being in a relationship is exploring and growing as a person, this includes maybe not watching your tv preference all the time.

If you were with someone who refused to watch what you want and would never eat the food you like or compromise then that's a completely different matter, but it seems ridiculous for me to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't like reading like I do, or he doesn't enjoy horse riding or want to spend ages watching girly programmes.

If someone likes different music to me, well as long as they're not blaring it obnoxiously all the time while I'm around (which again would be more against their personality than the music) then it's hardly a problem. As long as we have a good relationship and are willing to try new things and compromise then I can't see much issue.

I think a bigger dealbreaker in a relationship is lifestyle choices over personal preferences. It's nice to have things in common with your partner, but my boyfriend doesn't have to like the things I love, as long as he's supportive and understanding about them.

 

[Gen]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

I put food only because it limits so much of where you can go and what you can do; I can't stand dating picky eaters or guys who only want to eat the same things all the time. I like cooking and going to all kinds of different restaurants, so dating someone pick would drive me nuts.

In retrospect I should've answered sports, though, because I won't date a guy who doesn't like sports (or worse, derides sports fans, ughhh).

But the biggest dealbreaker to me is guys who aren't passionate about ANYTHING. Like I don't care what you like, whether it's sports or science or chess or whatever, they just have to do and care about something. My ex was a video game designer which is a super cool and interesting field, and he was excellent at it, but he was just like "mehhh it's okay, whatever". He didn't really care at all about what he was doing, but didn't have any big outside interests either (obviously not everyone loves their jobs and that's cool, but have a hobby then!). My last boyfriend is absolutely obsessed with sports, and even when he's watching sports I don't care about, I just think it's so cute watching him get all riled up and into it. (Same with guys playing video games, I want to date a gamer one day.)

Also people with no friends...I like a guy who will say "actually no I can't hang out Saturday because I'm going out with my friends". I hate feeling like someone's sole entertainment or social connection. Bonus points if the friends are cool and can hang out with my friends and we can all be best buddies.

/tangent

 

[LuckySmiles]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

This may just be me, but I think it'd be pretty superficial to break up with someone over anything so... shallow. .

I mean I kind of agree, for the most part it's kind of a tongue in cheek thing. But say you had two people you didn't know that well but both seemed like ideal in a lot of ways. All the important ways anyhow. And one of them likes the same food and music as you but you could never agree on a tv show. And someone else liked the same shows as you but made you cringe everytime you got in the car and won't share appetizers with you.

In the grand scheme of things maybe neither matter. But if you had to which would you pick. Kind of a silly personality question more than anything.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

TV programs. I'm very fortunate to have a SO that will watch TLC with me.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Haha, this topic makes me smile because really, I think that obviously THE most important thing is that the love is there, but beyond that...for my boyfriend and I, I would really have to say it is food. Obviously we have more in common than that but the reason why I think food is so important is because it's a highly intimate thing. In nature, animals tend to have sex in the open and consume privately. At parties and family get-togethers, people tend to gather around in the kitchen. I think we have these tendencies because food is such a huge part of our lives and our being (I mean after all, from a basic level, everything that is alive needs to eat.) I think that something that is so pertinent to our survival really translates over to our culture and relationships, especially relationships that take up much of our time. I live with my S.O. and we understand that both of us are busy as f*ck. We make it a point that almost everyday, we make and have dinner together at the very least, because it's something that A) We both need and are going to do anyway and B) Most days the only time we will be able to see each other. Also, if he didn't like my cooking or I hated his cooking I think it would make both of us rather unhappy. I know we both are much happier when we eat well and like what we eat.

Side note: I used to date a guy that hated authentic southeast asian cuisine which is what I predominantly cook, and I mean he HATED it. It really hurt my feelings because at that point it was an insult to my culture. Needless to say, that was when I realized I probably couldn't be with someone that didn't enjoy the same food that I do, especially since food is so heavily tied into my culture. EDIT: Obviously that wasn't the "deal breaker", but I would say it definitely wasn't a good thing.

That's just my take on it, though.

 

[AmberCutie]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Food does play a bit part in socializing and bonding, in my opinion, so I couldn't be with someone who was the opposite to me foodwise. I definitely could never be with a vegan/vegetarian, I'm way too carnivorous to deal with that. And having a nice meal together is more important to me than fucking, honestly, so I'd rather have a compatible eater than a good sexer.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Food does play a bit part in socializing and bonding, in my opinion, so I couldn't be with someone who was the opposite to me foodwise. I definitely could never be with a vegan/vegetarian, I'm way too carnivorous to deal with that. And having a nice meal together is more important to me than fucking, honestly, so I'd rather have a compatible eater than a good sexer.

That's how I feel about dating a vegetarian/vegan as well. I'm not against it by any means, but just for my preferences I'd like someone that can enjoy and appreciate a perfectly medium rare steak.

:drool I am way too hungry now

 

[eyeteach]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Being from the southern U.S. I can tell you that college football will get your ass shot quick, fast and in a damn hurry. Unfortunately, I could never date a girl that pulled for my alma mater's in-state rival...I'd never lower my standards like that. In short, I cast my vote for option two.

 

[Crumb]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Food does play a bit part in socializing and bonding, in my opinion, so I couldn't be with someone who was the opposite to me foodwise. I definitely could never be with a vegan/vegetarian, I'm way too carnivorous to deal with that. And having a nice meal together is more important to me than fucking, honestly, so I'd rather have a compatible eater than a good sexer.

That's how I feel about dating a vegetarian/vegan as well. I'm not against it by any means, but just for my preferences I'd like someone that can enjoy and appreciate a perfectly medium rare steak.

:drool I am way too hungry now

same.
Food. I'm a meat eater, and just about any dish I cook will have meat in it.
having a salad or something veggie is ok once in a while, but I don't think I could handle it ALL the time.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Ok I'll play.

I love animals.

I've found it harder to get along with guys who don't like any animals. I'm not sure it'd be a deal breaker for me, but if he really didn't like them it'd be strange for me as they're quite a bit part of my lifestyle.

The not having friends thing that was mentioned would also be weird for me over time. More so because it wouldn't fit into my lifestyle and the kind of person I'm attracted to. I like social people, if I were with someone I couldn't socialise with it wouldn't work. Liking their friends is also important to me, but that's more about lifestyle and the sort of person they are.

I think really with any of the smaller things it's about compromise. If someone weren't willing to compromise and always wanted it their way then I wouldn't want to date them. Like if they always had to watch what they wanted on tv or listen to something they wanted or eat what they fancied. I don't care if they have different tastes to me.

 

[Crystal_Cat]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

i've dated several guys with different music tastes than me and it really kinda sucks. I like dating someone i can go to shows with and share new music that i find with and just sit around smoking a bowl/drinking and listening to some good music that we both enjoy.

everything else is not that important to me. i'm a vegetarian but i never expect anyone i'm dating to stop eating meat. the only sport i'm into is climbing and yes, it would be awesome to date someone who's into it too but if not... well they at least gotta belay me every once in a while. shouldn't be too hard to convince a guy to sometimes belay me while i dangle from a rope in tight pants above his head. right? :lol: and TV... meh, whatever. i dont like to watch much TV anyway.

 

[Rose]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

I put sports because that's the only thing that could get under my skin enough to cause me to leave someone. I am absolutely not into sports. Generally speaking I hate them and can't stand talking about them for any length of time. For some reason they just annoy the shit out of me, so if I had a partner that was huge into sports, that would probably be a deal breaker. The exception if they never spoke about it to me.

Otherwise, I don't really watch tv, but don't mind if you do. I listen to lots of different types of music and if you'll tolerate me singing in the shower, I'll tolerate you listening to whatever you want to. I like to eats lots of different food and will try what you like if you try what I like. These topics aren't typically deal breakers for me. Sex IS a deal breaker, being messy IS a deal breaker, disrespect IS a deal breaker, abuse of any kind IS a deal breaker, being irresponsible with finances IS a deal breaker (the occasional fun purchase/irresponsible purchase is forgivable), etc.

 

[Anarah]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Lmao @ the last option

I've always identified with the High Fidelity quote.. "I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Books, records, films -- these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the fuckin' truth."

I'm a big TV show watcher. I love tv & films. I get very into them and if I can't share that with you, or we don't have some kind of overlapping interest in this area, it's unlikely to work due to the sheer volume of time I spend watching things and the joy I get from sharing the same interests with people. If we like the complete opposite things and can't watch anything together it's just not going to go well haha. This goes for all interests I think but to me personally this is a big one. Yay netflix addicts xD

Food is pretty important to me also.

I
But like I don't think I could ever see myself in a long term relationship with someone who didn't like spicy foods for example.. I put cayenne pepper, jalepenos, or hot sauce on F&^#$^* everything.

I'm the same way. I don't know what to do with people who don't eat spicy foods! xD

Also, Isabella mentioned animals and actually that is definitely my number 1 important thing. If you are someone who "doesn't like animals", then sorry but I do not like you. Automatic reaction, no negotiating. I can negotiate at least a little on pretty much everything else but not this. Animals are crucial to my life and if you don't appreciate them you can GTFO 'cause I'll pick my cats/dog/bunny/horses over you every day of the year without fail.

 

[Jillybean]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

I put the last one, but I'm not lying.

Well, kind of. There has to be SOMETHING in common in the realm of lifestyle and hobbies... but I don't really care what it is we have in common.

If we had NO common ground, then that's a deal breaker.

My hubs and I have differing tastes in almost EVERYTHING. Music, food, TV!!!

But we play board games and video games together.

We HATE eachothers' music with one exception. I like one song from one band of his, and it's the song he hates.

We never really watch TV together except for rare occasions. In a hotel room or something. I'd rather watch sitcoms, and he likes river monsters (don't ask me why... he doesn't go camping, hates the outdoors, and hates fishing and hunting in general)

I guess you could say we get along in sports, if you count Pro League of Legends as a sport.

He likes to cook healthy food, and I love me some grease.

But really, there's not much common ground. And even though we get along and have what I consider to be an amazing relationship, I would love him just as much if he hated gaming and we had the same taste in music instead.

To me, there's no one aspect I give the most shit about. As long as I like the dude and we have SOMETHING in common to pass the time together.

Edit because the animals thing: Yeah, that's my one dealbreaker that I give more shits about. I need a guy who loves animals like I do. He can't just like them, he has to be as batshit crazy as I am about animals.

 

[B_E_C_C_A]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

The deal breakers for me are being an addict or an alcoholic/drunk. Now I don't mean being a pothead, because that's another deal breaker.. if he's not as big of a pot head as I am, it's just not gonna work out. I just mean hard drugs and alcohol. I don't care if we party hard once a year, but HELL TO THE NO if he's gotta get shitfaced and tore up every weekend.
Hmm let's see.. if he has some weird friendship with his ex who he dated for years and years. Call me jelly or whatever you want, but dudes who can't let go of the last flame will usually run to them with problems in your own relationship (sooo not cute).
Now this is going to sound really selfish/bitchy, but fuck it, it's my opinion.. I'm a vegetarian and I don't expect a guy to give up meat all together and jump on the veggie train, but if he can't play veggie with me at home MOST of the time.. it's just not gonna work. I don't wanna be scrubbin' no meaty pans and constantly smell cooking flesh up in my house all the time. My current boyfriend still eats meat. I even make him meat sandwiches for his lunch when he goes to work. But its extremely infrequent when he does cook meat at home. When we go out, pssht.. I could care less! But not in my pots and kitchen!
OK here's some more.. if his mom/family doesn't like me. If he talks to me like I'm not as intelligent as him. He's gotta love the same music as me. He's gotta have his own interests and hobbies or passions. Like I love being naked and hula hoops. And sometimes naked hula hoops. He's gotta have something going on to bring to the table.

I love animals too, and people who don't love animals as much as I do would never be considered in the first place. Nor will I consider people who are unhappy all the time and are massive haters. If he doesn't want to do anything because "that's lame", we're gonna have a bad time.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Chose sports. Wouldn't care if she didn't like watching or going to events but she'd have to be athletic and into exercise.

 

[LuckySmiles]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

and ya know what it's the stuff that doesn't matter the most but it's always what comes out in a less than amicable/mature breakup. No one ever brings up the real heartbreak or major problems it's always "And BY THE WAY your homemade soups are effing disgusting!! and Derek Jeter is the most overrated player of all time!!
and then you're all like :shock: "you ANIMAL!!!!" :crybaby:

I'm in a weird mood. :lol:

 

[VeeValencia]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Music is a big one with me. It's how I've connected with most of the people in my life. I've dated two guys with... different taste than mine and every time I was in a car with them I wanted to bang my head on the dashboard. Hard. :lol:

 

[MintyFlowers]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

Video games.

Mostly because occasionally I get really addicted to MMOs and I tend to disappear off the face of the map for a while. :x So usually if we don't play the same games, it's easy for the relationship to start to drift.

 

[AllisonWilder]

Re: Assuming the sex is good to awesome, what's the deal bre

After thinking about each option and realizing that my boyfriend and I have nothing in common on that list (we don't eat the same food, watch the same tv, listen to the same music or like the same sports), I chose the last option. I'll gladly watch his crappy tv if he doesn't bitch when I turn on the music I like in the car. I'm more than happy to cook the food he likes if he'll be so kind as to reserve the sports talk to when he's with his friends or brothers.

Honestly, dudes that are crazy into gaming (for clarity, when I say crazy into games, I'm talking 3-4+ hours a day, every single day) are probably my deal breaker. I've dated a few in the past and after that new relationship awesomeness wears off a bit, they tend to focus more on the games and less on everything else.