Bad Dates

[OliveDean]

Last year I went to this guy's stand up comedy show, and then we went back to his place afterwards. He asked if I wanted a weed cookie, I said sure. (He didn't eat one). Then he made us screwdrivers, which we drank while watching Paranormal Activity 3. I was drinking a lot more than him. Eventually I started laughing really hard at the movie, which I guess was supposed to be serious and scary. I insisted that he put on Troll 2, which if you've never seen it is a hilariously bad movie. Then I started quoting along with every line of Troll 2. So I'm sitting there on his bed quoting lines like "Goblins still exist!" Yeah, I'm pretty cool.
The rest of the night is blurry. I ended up drinking two screwdrivers and most of his. He told me his cat was named Trashcan and I kept saying over and over that I was renaming his cat Hunter and that I was planning to adopt it. I started crying at one point for some reason. While I was crying, he kept going, "You don't want to be a cam girl, do you? Your friend pushed you into it, didn't she? You want to find a man who can take care of you so you don't have to do that anymore, right?" :roll: We had sex at one point, which I didn't know about until the next morning when I saw that I was bleeding, and then bits and pieces came back to me.
I threw up in his bathroom, cried some more, kept asking when this feeling was going to stop, then fell asleep.
Ugh, worst time ever. :?

 

[SweepTheLeg]

Here's a fun bad date I went on. It wasn't a first date, but sweet Jesus we're going to put this in to the Murphy's Law category of what can go wrong will go wrong.

My woman, for reasons i'm still not aware of loves Twilight and wanted me to at least watch the first one. Upon compromising we decided on a few things. 1. I'm getting sex for this and lots of it 2. We're making a drinking game out of this, because the only way I'm making it through this movie is alcohol and lots of it. Well, at the beginning I could already tell I was going to be in for the longest 90 minutes of my life, I could have been in a coma and I could still follow along with this movie. I was becoming more upset because all the drinking game turned into was me actually having to pay attention to the movie so I knew when to drink.

So instead of watching the movie I decided to lean in and kiss her and received the ultimate response "No, this scene is important!" raising her elbow in self defense mode spilling my drink all over my lap. It got me out of my pants but in a far less sexier fashion than I would have hoped for.

By the end of the movie, she had enough to drink to get into that ADHD stage of drunk where she was just all over the place and when I tried to put the moves on her she instead wanted TO DANCE! When things finally started to be calming down and there looked to be a glimmer of hope she got struck with some wicked food poisoning from going out to eat earlier in the day and she was out of commission for the next day or so.

Next time I agree to do anything for sex, sex is happening first or no dice!

 

[VeronicaChaos]

So instead of watching the movie I decided to lean in and kiss her and received the ultimate response "No, this scene is important!" raising her elbow in self defense mode spilling my drink all over my lap.

While I agree that the best thing to do during Twilight is anything but watch the movie, I so understand her response! I hate when I'm trying to watch a movie and a guy does that. Here's my counter to that bad date:

I invited over my fuckbuddy (who is also just one of my good friends) to come over because really, all I wanted was someone to watch SAW with me while I painted. He had never seen it before and I had been wanting to rewatch it for nearly a week. Halfway through the movie he put the moves on me, and since I'm easy when it comes to his magic fingers I paused the movie so we could continue watching it after we were done in the bedroom. Immediately afterward he put on his pants and left; I was still smoking my post-sex cigarette and had barely had time to process my post-orgasm state. I'm suddenly all alone staring at Cary Elwes paused on my screen, feeling used, when the entire reason I had invited him over was because I was feeling lonely and just wanted to watch a movie with someone. I cried myself to sleep that night. :violin:

 

[SweepTheLeg]

It's understandable, though I'd understand it more had the movie required any effort to really know what was going on. We're rather serious about our movie watching experiences, sexy times wait until the end. It's okay though, I got her back when I had her watch Surf Nazis Must Die

 

[dogglius]

For some reason, I never really make it to the dates.

Between "Acts of God" and severe migraines, they just don't happen!

One time when some friends of mine were in town from the states, we all went drinking and ended up at a strip club.

I'd been to many a club in my life by that stage and they didn't really hold my interest anymore, so while my friends were all off gawking at the women, I was hanging at the sides being bored and fending off women wanting to "talk".

My boredom grew, So I thought "fuck it, I'm gonna just talk to a girl".

One girl was dancing on a table on her own, so I sat down and outright said "im not here for a dance, more for a chat"

"Uh... I don't think you can do that.."
"oh, ok. well, have a great night!"
as I was heading off, she says that she's nearly done and will come and find me. I just shrugged it off and went back to my wall.

5 minutes later, she's dressed and comes up to me and starts talking. We hit it off, even though the first words from my mouth are "I don't want a dance and I'm not looking for one". She was fine with it and just wanted to talk.

Weirdly, she kept looking at her watch, which i picked up on, so i told her that if I was keeping her, she should head out. She told me that she was due on the centre stage in 10 minutes and that I should come and see her show, which I agreed to.

By this stage, my friends are watching me talk to this girl and as soon as she left, she wanted to know more about what we were talking about. I gave the basic rundown and their "WTF" faces were in full display.

We head upstairs to the main platform room where 4 girls (one being her) get on stage and start writhing around on poles and doing their thing. Then, they go out into the crowd and pull up guys on stage and do a lapdance for them to the cheering crowd.

She see's me, winks, then pulls up some random that was close to the stage and does her thing. The entire time, she's watching me, making eyes and doing her thing.

Afterward, I'm talking to my friends, thinking of leaving and whatnot and she taps me on the shoulder and we talk a bit more. Then one of my friends peels me off to ask me something, as another one of my friends talks to her.

"Sooo.. you're hitting it off with this chick, eh? want a dance with her?"
"nope, told her outright that i wasnt interested"
"well, thats too bad.. We just got a dance for you"
"<insert every expletive in english here>"

She comes up, grabs me by the hand and we go into the back room for a private session. She's naked and writhing on a chair in front of me, me being super awkward and not knowing where to look with a vagina right in my face. She comes up close to me and whispers in my ear that she wants to give me her phone number, but retracts due to the rules and asks for my phone number.

After, I give her my card with my phone number on it and we leave.. We're texting for about 3-4 days before I grow a set of nuts and ask her out on a date.

The days leading up to the date were slightly rainy and weird, so I told her that we'd meet in the city (I cant drive) and head to a restaurant.

Well, That day, the ENTIRE CITY flooded. Torrential rain and a thunderstorm kicked in and parts of the city (where we were going to meet) were flooded out, so we cancelled the date. I couldnt be bothered re-organising as I was pretty certain that she wasnt interested in the first place.

Didn't hear from her again until years later when she called me up and thought I was someone else and I thought SHE was someone else. After 10 minutes of talking, we then realised who we were and it got all hawkward and she hung up.

Other times from another friend of mine were "migraine", "forgot" and "HOLY SHIT I JUST GOT INTO A CAR CRASH". By the third time, I'd already organised a night in for myself, knowing (before she even texted) that she was going to ditch the date.

I should give her a call at some stage.. hrmm..

good times.

-DP

 

[spikyhaired]

Years ago a work friend set me up with one of her besties. At the time I was 23, a year out of school, and just looking to date, hang out, and happy to have a job that let me finance a few of the bad habits I couldn't afford during college. My colleague tells me something like her friend is "cute" and we "could really hit it off".

We meet at the restaurant for dinner, and her friend is cute, and we do start to hit it off as we chat while waiting to be seated.

After being seated, though, she explains she had a laryngoscopy earlier that day and isn't really up for eating anything other than ice cream, even though she's crazy hungry as she couldn't eat for 24 hours prior to the procedure. It's only 8 PM, and I had lunch, but I'm also ready for a meal. We both have ice cream and coffee and try to ignore the delightful smells of other diners' repasts.

Conversation gets us back on track. She is intelligent, funny, and adventurous. She just finished an advanced diving certification and we talk about how much we both enjoy being in the water, fantasy vacations, and fun hazy-future kinds of things. We spend almost two hours chatting and finding we have a lot in common.

Then she mentions marriage. As in she thinks she wants to be married within 18-24 months. And start having kids. Several kids. Not that she's is trying to suggest she-and-I get married. Just, you know, so we're on the same page of our goals.

And she's religious. Not super devout, but she does believe, and her husband will have to believe the same way or convert to her religion.

So, after the "meal" any smart people would agree that maybe their goals are not the same and call it a night. But we had planned with our mutual friends to meet at a new lounge and catch a local jazz group. At least we can go as "friendly acquaintances" and spend the even with a group of friends.

Except we arrive to find other people had last minute conflicts. It is just the two of us and one married couple we both sort of know casually. The local act is ok, but nothing special, and all of us spend the night making small talk with people we don't really know between sets of mediocre jazz.

Not exactly the Michael Bay version of a bad date, but I never expected to have a Trees Lounge night, either.

 

[DudeExtreme]

I don't recall ever having a bad date. I was super shy in asking. I had two dates in high school. It was with girls that were my friends.

 

[DudeExtreme]

Since I don't date, I'll tell my moms story. She went out with my karate teacher to a very fancy restarunt. My mom dressed in a fabulous long purple gown. He came in ripped jeans and a bow tie!! Then when they got there she was looking at the menu and he pulled out coupons and said, "so you can get either the steak or lobster." :shock:

A friend of mine met a guy on a single dating site and their main date was going to backyard burgers on New Years Eve. It's like going to a McDonalds, but you pay a little more.

 

[Anonymous]

I met a dude on Okcupid like, two years or so ago. He seemed nice enough from the profile and our conversations, so hey? Why not?

We skyped beforehand so I felt a little less nervous, like I could pick him out of a line-up if.. If I needed to.

We met at a little thai place that I've been to a few times before, food was damn tasty. The food was probably the best part about this date.

So basically, I show up first. Text him to let him know I'm there. He responds with "i'll b there 10-15 mins". Uh, what. Traffic was NOT that bad, and typically when meeting someone at a place, you try to leave at times so you'll both show up at the same time, right? I mean, that's common courtesy, right? So I go back to my car and play games on my phone because why the hell not? If he never shows up I don't have to save face in a restaurant and I can just drive on back home.

No such luck. He does show up, eventually. The first thing I notice when I see him is "Oh wow short" which is NOT something I notice, I mean I'm 5'2", so how much room do I have to talk? He ends up being a little shorter than me, which, if I remember his profile correctly, he said he was 6 foot even. I checked when I got home, to make sure I wasn't missing something.

So basically he turns out to be rude as fuck, would NOT accept that I wanted to pay for my own meal because "He's the man and it's his duty" (dude stop, let me pay for my own food) and then when we were leaving he said "Well you wanted to pay for your own meal so badly... Why don't we go back to my place and we'll see how you can pay me back?"
NO.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I could not even think of a response. I did not say goodbye, I just kind of turned and went to my car as quickly as I could without running and drove away. Blocked his number, blocked him on Okcupid.

I'm getting the heebies and possibly the jeebies, too, just from thinking about it again.

 

[anessa_lamb]

Ok. This one is just creepy.

I worked at a little taco restaurant through most of high school. I looked older than my age, and knew it. I dated a lot of older guys back then, and this one was like 32. I think I was actually 18 at the time. ANYWAY, one day at work I took this guy's order. Let's call him Steve. Well steve had never been in there before, and we hit it off pretty good... He made some joke, I laughed, he flirted, I flirted, he gave me his card. On the back: "If you like motorcycles, call me sometime! " So I called him. We went out. He took me to a nearby city on his bike, we found a bar I could drink at, and got plastered. We were both wasted. I let him drive me, drunk, on a motorcycle, to a random dark alley. He pulls out a blunt, we smoke, I'm feeling great. The whole time we were really on the same level with humor, etc... He was fun. Until the end of the date. :shock:

He dropped me off at my aunt and uncles house, where I lived at the time, at like 2am. I gave him a small kiss and said it was an awesome first date, and that I'd love to go out again sometime. He is confused. He thought that because I had a great time, he should be allowed in. I was sort of freaked out... But patiently explained that I live with my family, its just way too late, no way. I said goodbye again and he was like "ok ill be here". I honestly didn't understand what he said until i got in the house. then, i was like WHAT?? "...ill be here?"

Sure enough the weirdo sits outside my house for 45 minutes, texting me. I didn't want to answer. The next day I saw he had texted me like 20 times. "where are you" "didnt you have fun" "come on baby i thought you liked me"

IT GETS SO MUCH WEIRDER. One of the last texts he sends me "you left your sweater in my bag!" (motorcycle trunk lol). I texted back that he could drop it off at my work. He then starts attacking my via text about why I didn't want to fuck him after our date. He calls me names, etc. My shift rolls around and I go into work feeling dread, and he shows up with the sweater, pissed off that i wouldnt talk to him. He puts in on a table and walks out.

More texts. He tells me he jerked off to my smell in my sweater, and then... he tells me he's married, and his wife wanted him to bring a young girl home, but i wans't even good enough anyway. Then he sends me a pic of two girls in a hot tub, blow drying each others hair. He says the one on the left is his sister, and they are at an awesome party with cocaine that i could have totally gone to, but i lost out cuz i wouldnt fuck him.

I changed my number.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

Ok. This one is just creepy.

I worked at a little taco restaurant through most of high school. I looked older than my age, and knew it. I dated a lot of older guys back then, and this one was like 32. I think I was actually 18 at the time. ANYWAY, one day at work I took this guy's order. Let's call him Steve. Well steve had never been in there before, and we hit it off pretty good... He made some joke, I laughed, he flirted, I flirted, he gave me his card. On the back: "If you like motorcycles, call me sometime! " So I called him. We went out. He took me to a nearby city on his bike, we found a bar I could drink at, and got plastered. We were both wasted. I let him drive me, drunk, on a motorcycle, to a random dark alley. He pulls out a blunt, we smoke, I'm feeling great. The whole time we were really on the same level with humor, etc... He was fun. Until the end of the date. :shock:

He dropped me off at my aunt and uncles house, where I lived at the time, at like 2am. I gave him a small kiss and said it was an awesome first date, and that I'd love to go out again sometime. He is confused. He thought that because I had a great time, he should be allowed in. I was sort of freaked out... But patiently explained that I live with my family, its just way too late, no way. I said goodbye again and he was like "ok ill be here". I honestly didn't understand what he said until i got in the house. then, i was like WHAT?? "...ill be here?"

Sure enough the weirdo sits outside my house for 45 minutes, texting me. I didn't want to answer. The next day I saw he had texted me like 20 times. "where are you" "didnt you have fun" "come on baby i thought you liked me"

IT GETS SO MUCH WEIRDER. One of the last texts he sends me "you left your sweater in my bag!" (motorcycle trunk lol). I texted back that he could drop it off at my work. He then starts attacking my via text about why I didn't want to fuck him after our date. He calls me names, etc. My shift rolls around and I go into work feeling dread, and he shows up with the sweater, pissed off that i wouldnt talk to him. He puts in on a table and walks out.

More texts. He tells me he jerked off to my smell in my sweater, and then... he tells me he's married, and his wife wanted him to bring a young girl home, but i wans't even good enough anyway. Then he sends me a pic of two girls in a hot tub, blow drying each others hair. He says the one on the left is his sister, and they are at an awesome party with cocaine that i could have totally gone to, but i lost out cuz i wouldnt fuck him.

I changed my number.

And burned the sweater?

 

[anessa_lamb]

OH YES. yes the sweater was never seen again.