BIG problem

[SophieLove]

Hey ladies,

So I'm a new model (bear with me with verification and such) and didn't know where else I could ask this question. Here's the deal. I am new and as such am not "out". It wouldn't surprise my family, they know my feelings about sex work and know that my best friend is a ten year veteran, but I do have small children and I think all of our lives would be a little easier if I kept being a vague "freelancer" for a while longer.

A couple of months ago my uncle started adding all these strange, porny women on Facebook. Other guys started posting clips of amateur stuff on his wall. I emailed him, explained that his work friends and family could see this shit, and long story short he got defensive and stopped talking to me. Today I saw a girl I recognize from MFC in my "people you may know" list and saw she was friends with my uncle. A lightbulb went off over my head, they've all been cam girls. Cam girls on MY new site.

He's clearly a bit of an obsessive fan, and has other members as friends as well. The problem is, my Facebook is linked to his as "neice". My real name, real photos, real information is all connected. God this guy has photos of my kids on his wall! Now I'm totally terrified that someone is going to stumble upon me and I have no idea what to do.

If you were in my shoes what would you do? Bite the bullet and block him on Facebook? Confront him again? Covertly message the other models on his page and let them know he's a little bonkers? I really don't know what to do. I want to keep peace in the family without outing myself and putting myself and my kids in danger, but it doesn't look like I can have it both ways.

Help?

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Hard one. I would remove him from your family list, keep him as a friend so you know what he is posting. I would report every post of his with camgirls on it, FB might take them down and eventually he will stop.
Change your avatar to something that's not your face. Change your name to something silly. I have a friend named "Molly" and her FB name is "moller baller" on FB. Close enough where her family knows it's her, but no one can look her up.
Keep your FB on heavy lockdown. I have to change my settings once a month because FB changes that shit without warning. :angry4:
Politely private message him and ask him not to post your children on a page that is adult oriented like his FB has become.
If he's an avid member on the site you're on, I would change sites. OR tell your family about Camming. It will be sooo much worse to hear it from him, than you.

 

[Gen]

I'd delete your Facebook account. FB has such sketchy privacy settings and stuff that I think it's a terrible site for camgirls to use. If you *must* have an account, can you use a fake name (like if your name was Ashley Jones you could be Ash Jay or something) so it's harder to trace? Make your profile photo something that's not you and lock down your settings.

You could always ask him to take down the photos of your kids and say you don't want strangers to see them, too.

And block your state (or whatever state he lives in) to try and minimize the chances of him finding you on a camsite!

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

Hey there! Welcome to the forum! Sadly I think your only option is to block him (which would obviously be odd if you don't want to explain) or you could just delete your facebook.

Even for us without weird uncles, having a personal identity on the internet and also a sex worker identity is unbelievably complicated and I think many just give up.

If you're not ready for that, don't post anything more to his wall obviously and change your profile picture to something unrecognizable. You should be able to go back and delete your own posts if he has pictures of you/your kids on his wall by way of you posting them.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

Have to agree with Megan too. If there's a chance he is going to find out and out you, you have to out yourself first. I have little ones too and felt so weird about it at first. But I quickly came around. I think being in the model's only section will give you a good confidence boost to come out, if you choose to.

 

[SophieLove]

Thanks so much ladies for the quick responses.

The point about asking him to remove my children's photos is something I've been struggling with since this all began. The family is very small and broken to begin with, so I think I've been bending over backwards to maintain connections a little too much. Even before realizing the mystery women were camgirls I started reporting all adult posts to be sure they weren't showing up anywhere near my kiddos (this asshat literally would post a pic of my baby, then one of his member buddies would share a capped boy/girl vid right next to it. Ugh, so so pissed off.). But ultimately I don't think that gives me enough piece of mind and I will have to ask him to take them down.

When I first started at my old site I made sure to change my profile pic and lock down my profile to be safe, but I haven't been checking to make sure the settings haven't changed. Thanks for the tip, I'll make sure it's locked down now.

As for switching sites, that would be a total last resort for me. After trying different options MFC feels like just such a wonderful fit for me. I'd hate to miss out because my uncle has decided to be "that" member. I think telling my family about this job is more of a don't ask don't tell situation. If my uncle were to stumble across me and report back to others it wouldn't really have any negative repercussions at all. I just prefer not to have that particular discussion so early in my career. So I guess the issue is really less being outed and more having this weak link in my online security. At the very least I'm removing the "neice" thing and my kids photos. I'm going to have to mull over the blocking, though I do think I'll most likely do so.

 

[SophieLove]

Have to agree with Megan too. If there's a chance he is going to find out and out you, you have to out yourself first. I have little ones too and felt so weird about it at first. But I quickly came around. I think being in the model's only section will give you a good confidence boost to come out, if you choose to.

Thanks hun, I appreciate another mom's perspective. I hate that I internalize that weird "mothers are asexual creatures" narrative, but unfortunately I think outsiders will probably judge a little more because of that SAHM/camgirl gig duo I'm rocking. It's certainly something on the horizon, and again I think my family would respond as positively as one could expect. I'll definitely be hopping on in the models only section and have a chat with you all about how to approach that whole scenario.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

Thanks so much ladies for the quick responses.

The point about asking him to remove my children's photos is something I've been struggling with since this all began. The family is very small and broken to begin with, so I think I've been bending over backwards to maintain connections a little too much. Even before realizing the mystery women were camgirls I started reporting all adult posts to be sure they weren't showing up anywhere near my kiddos (this asshat literally would post a pic of my baby, then one of his member buddies would share a capped boy/girl vid right next to it. Ugh, so so pissed off.). But ultimately I don't think that gives me enough piece of mind and I will have to ask him to take them down.

When I first started at my old site I made sure to change my profile pic and lock down my profile to be safe, but I haven't been checking to make sure the settings haven't changed. Thanks for the tip, I'll make sure it's locked down now.

As for switching sites, that would be a total last resort for me. After trying different options MFC feels like just such a wonderful fit for me. I'd hate to miss out because my uncle has decided to be "that" member. I think telling my family about this job is more of a don't ask don't tell situation. If my uncle were to stumble across me and report back to others it wouldn't really have any negative repercussions at all. I just prefer not to have that particular discussion so early in my career. So I guess the issue is really less being outed and more having this weak link in my online security. At the very least I'm removing the "neice" thing and my kids photos. I'm going to have to mull over the blocking, though I do think I'll most likely do so.

I have a family member who I had to tell not to post pictures of my daughter simply because she is friends with someone who abused me as a child and there was no way in hell that that person was going to be allowed to see my child. Yeah, she is a fucking idiot. But it was hell on earth telling her but the hell lasted a very short time and now everything is fine. My point is that, and I'm not trying to downplay at all how stressful it is, sometimes we get so anxious about doing something that it ends up being worse in our heads than it actually is. So my advice is just to do it soon

You also could talk to him about you being uncomfortable with him having family/child photos on his page when he shares that kind of stuff. If he doesn't take them down or stop then there if your reason for blocking him and no one will think to ask why you did.

 

[Emmalie]

I deactivated my FB account when I started camming. I only go on if there is a death or something and then I quickly deactivate it again. My family can see my little ones through text messages and email. I thought it would be hard because I was really addictive, but it as super easy and I gained a lot of my time back. Not to mention the piece of mind.

 

[SophieLove]

Thanks so much ladies for the quick responses.

The point about asking him to remove my children's photos is something I've been struggling with since this all began. The family is very small and broken to begin with, so I think I've been bending over backwards to maintain connections a little too much. Even before realizing the mystery women were camgirls I started reporting all adult posts to be sure they weren't showing up anywhere near my kiddos (this asshat literally would post a pic of my baby, then one of his member buddies would share a capped boy/girl vid right next to it. Ugh, so so pissed off.). But ultimately I don't think that gives me enough piece of mind and I will have to ask him to take them down.

When I first started at my old site I made sure to change my profile pic and lock down my profile to be safe, but I haven't been checking to make sure the settings haven't changed. Thanks for the tip, I'll make sure it's locked down now.

As for switching sites, that would be a total last resort for me. After trying different options MFC feels like just such a wonderful fit for me. I'd hate to miss out because my uncle has decided to be "that" member. I think telling my family about this job is more of a don't ask don't tell situation. If my uncle were to stumble across me and report back to others it wouldn't really have any negative repercussions at all. I just prefer not to have that particular discussion so early in my career. So I guess the issue is really less being outed and more having this weak link in my online security. At the very least I'm removing the "neice" thing and my kids photos. I'm going to have to mull over the blocking, though I do think I'll most likely do so.

I have a family member who I had to tell not to post pictures of my daughter simply because she is friends with someone who abused me as a child and there was no way in hell that that person was going to be allowed to see my child. Yeah, she is a fucking idiot. But it was hell on earth telling her but the hell lasted a very short time and now everything is fine. My point is that, and I'm not trying to downplay at all how stressful it is, sometimes we get so anxious about doing something that it ends up being worse in our heads than it actually is. So my advice is just to do it soon

You also could talk to him about you being uncomfortable with him having family/child photos on his page when he shares that kind of stuff. If he doesn't take them down or stop then there if your reason for blocking him and no one will think to ask why you did.

Oh man, I'm so sorry you went through that. I had a similar incident myself, learning someone was giving info about my daughter to a man that had abused me, and I just about had a rage aneurysm. There's nothing worse than someone not respecting your boundaries when it comes to your kids.

I think you pretty much spelled it out there. I'll send him a message and say something like "we've spoken at length before about your actions on Facebook, and I told you how to manage your privacy settings. You're entitled to do what you'd like in your private time, but I have to ask that you leave me and my children out of it. Could you please remove all pictures of the kids?". If I get snubbed, well, then he's made his choice and clearly doesn't deserve the time and worry I'm devoting to this situation anyways. I'd hate to block him, but he's not leaving me a whole lotta options here.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

Heh, thanks to an ex of mine I was outed to my entire family and friends through FB...yeah, probably a good idea to deactivate it now. Needless to say, mine and many other camgirls I know, no longer have one.

*ugh my avatar just took on an entirely different meaning.

 

[SophieLove]

I deactivated my FB account when I started camming. I only go on if there is a death or something and then I quickly deactivate it again. My family can see my little ones through text messages and email. I thought it would be hard because I was really addictive, but it as super easy and I gained a lot of my time back. Not to mention the piece of mind.

It's something I've been debating myself. I'm not online much as is. The only thing stopping me is how scattered and broken the family is. I feel like if I deleted it there would be whole groups of people who would know literally nothing about my kiddos. I mean, it's on them that they don't take more of an interest on their own and I really shouldn't be worrying so much about people who aren't a big part of our lives anyways, but it's easy to get a little irrational when you're dealing with your kids. I guess I feel like I'd be somehow robbing them of family connections if I didn't make the effort. But now with camming in the mix and security concerns I'm starting to feel like it's just not worth the risk.

 

[SophieLove]

Heh, thanks to an ex of mine I was outed to my entire family and friends through FB...yeah, probably a good idea to deactivate it now. Needless to say, mine and many other camgirls I know, no longer have one.

*ugh my avatar just took on an entirely different meaning.

Ooooouuuuuccccchhhh. Oh my god, what an ass. Talk about overstepping boundaries. My close friends already know, and the rest probably wouldn't care, but of course it's still something I'd rather have come to light on my own terms. Yeah, Facebook is looking less and less appealing by the second here.

 

[AllieYess]

Hi! I might not have understood the situation very well, but can't you block the region he lives in on MFC, so he would never find you there and therefore never find out that you're a camgirl?

 

[Deleted member 8603]

Heh, thanks to an ex of mine I was outed to my entire family and friends through FB...yeah, probably a good idea to deactivate it now. Needless to say, mine and many other camgirls I know, no longer have one.

*ugh my avatar just took on an entirely different meaning.

Facebook is the devil for camgirls.
It's got facial recognition, etc.
Deleting it is the best thing to do, I'd also tell off creepy uncle for having your kids mixed with his porn.
Anyone will agree with you if you say it makes you feel weird.

 

[Sansa]

In case

Hi! I might not have understood the situation very well, but can't you block the region he lives in on MFC, so he would never find you there and therefore never find out that you're a camgirl?

If someone is blocked from a region, they can't see the chatroom or the profile, but they can still see your name and alias in the model directory. Apparently using a proxy IP doesn't let one through so easily, but some members have said that they've been able to access profiles blocked in their regions.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

Heh, thanks to an ex of mine I was outed to my entire family and friends through FB...yeah, probably a good idea to deactivate it now. Needless to say, mine and many other camgirls I know, no longer have one.

*ugh my avatar just took on an entirely different meaning.

Facebook is the devil for camgirls.

Facebook is the devil for EVERYONE.
I personally hate Facebook. Same with google+. Just having it means you have to battle privacy issues, they are intrusively worming their way into our lives. Can't hate them enough.

 

[SinSeraTea]

Facebook is the devil.

That said, my mother. My counselors. Most of my friends know I'm a camgirl. And anyone that wants to judge me in my life can just go right to hell and back. But this is me personally and not you.

It sounds like you don't trust your uncle enough to be up front with him. But if I were in this situation this is what I would try first. The risks are so many, but the first in my mind are that he could out you publically to everyone on his facebook feed, start posting capped photos, videos of you as well as the other camgirls thinking he was doing some kind of sick favor... like helping you.

Or he could react poorly knowing his family member is doing it... I don't know him. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all this but the important thing I think is to have a plan.

I kind of want to come out just in person as a camgirl. Because I think this is an awesome job and I want to fight anyone that wants to judge me for it. ... but. That would be a lot of work. A LOT OF WORK. And I'm not necessarily prepared for it. And I also think there's a level of perception there. If I come out as a camgirl of my own volition versus being outed ... well. I'm prepared to use that to my maximum to exact empathy from an unempathetic world. But this is me again and my process, I share it hoping to help rather than be narcissistic but I'm failing at advising and feeling bad about that.

You have a weak link. Deactivating facebooks might be best if you can. Do not do anything for other people that will hurt you unless you know for sure they are going to value you back the same way. Don't honour connections that don't reward you on the future hope that they will reward you. Getting outted camming could bring your family together around you in support. But it could land you with some people who are just dicks.

But it is nice to give them the chance to support you. But you have to do what is right for you, in your time, in your place, for your reasons. Not anything else.

*Hugs*

 

[DDuckworth]

I'm with everyone on deleting facebook, but not de-activating, you actually have to DELETE it in order for facebook to no longer have the right to keep your photos and information.

 

[GreatDane]

Like everyone else has mentioned, Facebook is the Devil for most camgirls. If you take the facial recognition into account, anything that you post on your profile at any cam site may be tied together. When you post pics up on the profile, make certain that there is little resemblance to what you post up on facebook or any of your "social networking sites".

As someone that looks up a lot of things for my job, I end up finding a lot of similar items using the image search function on Google. That also ties in the fun thing called metadata that most cameras automatically embed into the image file. Unless you utilize an image editor that strips out the metadata you can be tracked down to using the same camera for your private life as well as your public life.

If you have a problem with people finding out from your uncle, you might as well come out to anyone that may have issues and face it up front. That should settle your nerves about someone spilling the beans and oops looky what I found on this one tube site. Good luck on whichever you decide to go with.