This is going to be long, but I hope it will be helpful.
I agree with the others that preventive measures - especially building a firewall between your cam and personal lives online - are the best defense against creeps.
But when that fails and you pick up a stalker, there are some smart things you can do to help protect yourself.
One, start documenting every contact with this guy.
Make copies or screen caps of all DMs, texts, emails, etc. Do not delete anything. Keep a separate log that lists the date, time, type of communication and nature of the contact (threat, demand, etc) each time you hear from him. Also, keep notes about how the contact made you feel, whether it made you scared for your physical safety, afraid he would negatively affect your ability to earn, etc. This will come in handy later.
Two, take immediate steps to end the harassment as soon as it starts.
Don't engage him and don't let it go on hoping he will go away. He will take that as a sign to continue, and it will complicate the issue if you have to take legal action later. If you shut him down firmly at the beginning, it can end the problem before it escalates - and it almost always escalates if you don't.
The first thing you do is tell him in writing, through an email or whatever, that he is making you feel threatened and that you do not want any further contact. Do not be ambiguous about this. Tell him "I do not want you to contact me again by any means." Also tell him that you will take legal action if he contacts you again. Make sure to keep a copy of the message that you send and make a note of the date/time.
(Do not ever threaten him, or have a friend contact him to threaten him. This almost always makes it worse.)
This should be your first and last response directly to him.
Like the others have said, doing this and ignoring him will make most creeps go away. It will usually end right here.
But some are more persistent. If he contacts you again, you have a decision to make: whether to handle this through the criminal system or the civil.
Criminal is more direct. The majority of states now have cyber-stalking laws. Most police departments, except for the really small ones, now have at least a few investigators who work computer stalking cases.
(By the way, a guy threatening to expose you in exchange for free shows is a criminal offense.)
You can take your documentation to the police and file a complaint. They'll track down the creep by contacting him directly or sending subpoenas for his social media accounts, ISP, etc. A lot of times, for the less serious creeps, all it takes is a phone call from a detective to make them back off (although you may receive one last pouty message).
Otherwise, they can start building a case. And while they do that, with your police report and your own documentation in hand, you can request a restraining order from a judge. If you apply for one, be sure to describe in your affidavit that his actions have put you in fear. That's something a judge will look for.
Then, make sure the police where he lives know about the restraining order and have a copy of it. The investigator on your case can help with that.
This is the process I recommend for the really persistent creeps. But there are a couple of things to keep in mind.
A police investigation takes time, and a restraining order is just a piece of paper. A really serious stalker will ignore it and may actually escalate because of it, so you will have to take precautions if you are dealing with one of these guys. Stay with friends, avoid your usual places, make yourself physically hard to get to.
If he violates the restraining order in any way, no matter how minor, do not engage him. Report it to the police. That may get him locked up for at least a little while.
The other thing to keep in mind is that in many states, police and court documents are public record, meaning at some point, someone in your town likely will know you went through this process.
Your other option is the civil process. It is more private, but has fewer teeth.
If you to decide to go this route, take your documentation to a lawyer (preferably one that's a litigator). It will be a little more difficult and time-consuming to track down the creep's identity, but the lawyer can get it done. Then, the lawyer can send a cease and desist letter to the creep.
Again, for the run of the mill computer stalker, this will be enough to make him go away.
If not, then the lawyer can file a civil suit against the creep.
And if that's not enough to make him stop, then it definitely is time to go to the police.
Hope that helps.
One other thing: If you're trying to figure out when to take a stalker seriously, I highly recommend the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker.
I agree with the others that preventive measures - especially building a firewall between your cam and personal lives online - are the best defense against creeps.
But when that fails and you pick up a stalker, there are some smart things you can do to help protect yourself.
One, start documenting every contact with this guy.
Make copies or screen caps of all DMs, texts, emails, etc. Do not delete anything. Keep a separate log that lists the date, time, type of communication and nature of the contact (threat, demand, etc) each time you hear from him. Also, keep notes about how the contact made you feel, whether it made you scared for your physical safety, afraid he would negatively affect your ability to earn, etc. This will come in handy later.
Two, take immediate steps to end the harassment as soon as it starts.
Don't engage him and don't let it go on hoping he will go away. He will take that as a sign to continue, and it will complicate the issue if you have to take legal action later. If you shut him down firmly at the beginning, it can end the problem before it escalates - and it almost always escalates if you don't.
The first thing you do is tell him in writing, through an email or whatever, that he is making you feel threatened and that you do not want any further contact. Do not be ambiguous about this. Tell him "I do not want you to contact me again by any means." Also tell him that you will take legal action if he contacts you again. Make sure to keep a copy of the message that you send and make a note of the date/time.
(Do not ever threaten him, or have a friend contact him to threaten him. This almost always makes it worse.)
This should be your first and last response directly to him.
Like the others have said, doing this and ignoring him will make most creeps go away. It will usually end right here.
But some are more persistent. If he contacts you again, you have a decision to make: whether to handle this through the criminal system or the civil.
Criminal is more direct. The majority of states now have cyber-stalking laws. Most police departments, except for the really small ones, now have at least a few investigators who work computer stalking cases.
(By the way, a guy threatening to expose you in exchange for free shows is a criminal offense.)
You can take your documentation to the police and file a complaint. They'll track down the creep by contacting him directly or sending subpoenas for his social media accounts, ISP, etc. A lot of times, for the less serious creeps, all it takes is a phone call from a detective to make them back off (although you may receive one last pouty message).
Otherwise, they can start building a case. And while they do that, with your police report and your own documentation in hand, you can request a restraining order from a judge. If you apply for one, be sure to describe in your affidavit that his actions have put you in fear. That's something a judge will look for.
Then, make sure the police where he lives know about the restraining order and have a copy of it. The investigator on your case can help with that.
This is the process I recommend for the really persistent creeps. But there are a couple of things to keep in mind.
A police investigation takes time, and a restraining order is just a piece of paper. A really serious stalker will ignore it and may actually escalate because of it, so you will have to take precautions if you are dealing with one of these guys. Stay with friends, avoid your usual places, make yourself physically hard to get to.
If he violates the restraining order in any way, no matter how minor, do not engage him. Report it to the police. That may get him locked up for at least a little while.
The other thing to keep in mind is that in many states, police and court documents are public record, meaning at some point, someone in your town likely will know you went through this process.
Your other option is the civil process. It is more private, but has fewer teeth.
If you to decide to go this route, take your documentation to a lawyer (preferably one that's a litigator). It will be a little more difficult and time-consuming to track down the creep's identity, but the lawyer can get it done. Then, the lawyer can send a cease and desist letter to the creep.
Again, for the run of the mill computer stalker, this will be enough to make him go away.
If not, then the lawyer can file a civil suit against the creep.
And if that's not enough to make him stop, then it definitely is time to go to the police.
Hope that helps.
One other thing: If you're trying to figure out when to take a stalker seriously, I highly recommend the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker.
