Dating while camming

[callmejesss]

I've started camming recently, and I'm not very experienced in dating in general, but I am going to go out with someone next week, and I have no idea at what point to bring up the fact that I'm doing sex work and hope to grow my business, that it's not some side thing. They seem like someone who would be fine with it, but of course you never can tell. It doesn't seem like first date convo but maybe it's better just to get it out of the way?

I'm super sex positive in general (which they know) and want to be a sex educator, but sex work has such stigma.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Personally, I'd rather get it out in the open and out of the way from the jump. If someone doesn't approve of my life, I want to know that at the beginning before I put any effort into creating any sort of relationship with them. But if you want to discuss it less directly, you could find a way to bring up "a friend" who cams and feel their stance out that way, before deciding whether or not to disclose. It seems that most people are quick to display their feelings on the subject once it is brought up.

 

[thinkinboutit]

Like @THE MOLLIE MARIE said, you want to start with honesty and to weed out any incompatible people before you become too emotionally invested. There are several threads on this forum showing how crummy it can be when partners arent on the same page about camming.


this is just based on my own experience:

I dont tell people until after Ive met them in person. If I want to keep seeing them, Id let them know after a couple dates (and no longer than that) It doesn’t have to be a big “WE NEED TO TALK” moment where you divulge all the personal details. And I def wouldn’t give them online names or sites unless its a more serious relationship.

My job is no secret, but Im also careful. Because Ive had some experiences where guys got invasive/creepy about it (very revealing about them, but scary and uncomfortable for me).

 

[Deleted member 37064]

For those who have been upfront and told someone right away, is there any time where you felt like they were simply wanting to continue because you are a model?

 

[Danigirl]

There's other ways to suss out how they might react in a first date. I personally wouldn't tell on the first date because I don't tell many people in general. See if they're a jealous type of person or if they're overly alpha in personality. Both of those types generally do not do well with partners who cam. I would tell before any intimacy though.

 

[mike_aussie]

I wouldn't on the first 2 or 3 dates. It's none of their business at that point and best to keep things light and fun. But I'd do it before things turn serious.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

For those who have been upfront and told someone right away, is there any time where you felt like they were simply wanting to continue because you are a model?

I have sort of experienced this, where I tell someone what I do and then suddenly they are really into the fetishized version of me that they've made up in their head. It's funny but mostly annoying, ruins my ability to see them past being an attention-seeking fanboy. Like yes I think it's cool when people accept/respect/appreciate what I do, but it's NOT cool to feel like some sort of prize to be won solely because of career choice and whatever they think that means they will experience because of it.

Lots of intrusive questions, talking about their fetishes and kinks as if I'm supposed to care when we started out simply having a friendly conversation. I am open about what I do and I am happy to talk about it all day long, on my own terms. I am also very sex-positive, it's not talking about fetishes and kinks that I'm not okay with. It's the part where it feels like they are filing the interaction away in the wank bank or hoping to get free services by trying to get involved with me that rubs me wrong. Like do you want to know me personally or to be a client? Pick one and then act right.

Mostly this seems to happen with random woke bros I meet who I wouldn't be interested in romantically anyway. Haven't had it happen with folks I've actually pursued though, thankfully.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I have sort of experienced this, where I tell someone what I do and then suddenly they are really into the fetishized version of me that they've made up in their head. It's funny but mostly annoying, ruins my ability to see them past being an attention-seeking fanboy. Like yes I think it's cool when people accept/respect/appreciate what I do, but it's NOT cool to feel like some sort of prize to be won solely because of career choice and whatever they think that means they will experience because of it.

Lots of intrusive questions, talking about their fetishes and kinks as if I'm supposed to care when we started out simply having a friendly conversation. I am open about what I do and I am happy to talk about it all day long, on my own terms. I am also very sex-positive, it's not talking about fetishes and kinks that I'm not okay with. It's the part where it feels like they are filing the interaction away in the wank bank or hoping to get free services by trying to get involved with me that rubs me wrong. Like do you want to know me personally or to be a client? Pick one and then act right.

Mostly this seems to happen with random woke bros I meet who I wouldn't be interested in romantically anyway. Haven't had it happen with folks I've actually pursued though, thankfully.

Thanks for the response, @THE MOLLIE MARIE I've often wondered how often this really happens. Perhaps even thinking it'd occur far more than it really does based off of conversations I've had with dancers I've known personally as well as different models. Though, it seems also very contradictory in that some people want that "prize" so to speak yet also condemn it on the backside.

Glad to hear you haven't had the experience with those you've wanted to pursue. At least there's some positive out of it

 

[callmejesss]

There's other ways to suss out how they might react in a first date. I personally wouldn't tell on the first date because I don't tell many people in general. See if they're a jealous type of person or if they're overly alpha in personality. Both of those types generally do not do well with partners who cam. I would tell before any intimacy though.

I'm semi-confident he'll be alright with it, based off his behaviour that I've witnessed peripherally (through instagram mostly) he definitely doesn't portray alpha vibes, and jealous, well that's harder to suss out. Overall, one of the things that attracted me to him was his open feminism, sex positivity and seemingly similar values. He just today posted something about how nudity empowers some women. I probably won't tell him on the first date, but definitely will keep an eye out for signs in the positive or negative

[Also, I know that posts don't mean someone is interested in dating a sex worker, but everything I've seen gives me hope for a good outcome]

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Perhaps even thinking it'd occur far more than it really does based off of conversations I've had with dancers I've known personally as well as different models.

If I had to guess, dancers and more "vanilla" performers probably have a varied experience from mine since I am femdom-focused. They likely have a more broad appeal to the sort of dudes we are talking about.

 

[Sxmxr]

I've started camming recently, and I'm not very experienced in dating in general, but I am going to go out with someone next week, and I have no idea at what point to bring up the fact that I'm doing sex work and hope to grow my business, that it's not some side thing. They seem like someone who would be fine with it, but of course you never can tell. It doesn't seem like first date convo but maybe it's better just to get it out of the way?

I'm super sex positive in general (which they know) and want to be a sex educator, but sex work has such stigma.

Hi, I know I’m going to get some backlash for this but I don’t consider camming sex work... for everyone at least. I don’t call my self a sex worker because I don’t have sex with other people for work. Sex work sounds like porn or prostitution where you have no choice who you sleep with. I’m a solo model and intend of staying that way. So maybe tell your future date that you are a cam model instead. Be honest about it. Honesty and trust is how I maintain my relationship.

 

[SMuser69]

Hi, I know I’m going to get some backlash for this but I don’t consider camming sex work... for everyone at least. I don’t call my self a sex worker because I don’t have sex with other people for work. Sex work sounds like porn or prostitution where you have no choice who you sleep with. I’m a solo model and intend of staying that way. So maybe tell your future date that you are a cam model instead. Be honest about it. Honesty and trust is how I maintain my relationship.

You don't have to have sex to be a sex worker. The concept is any job where sexuality or sexual identity is part of the value of the purchase is considered sex work. This is why venues like phone sex still have sex in the same and still considered sex work.

Basically if you believe that your job on your camsite would not be affected at all if you turned into the opposing gender or superficial features fell outside of the sexual preferences of your audience then you'd be right.

This doesn't mean you don't have natural talents that could have entertainment value but there's a probably a reason you are using camsites for income and not tiktok. But there probably should be some acceptance that no matter how nice your member are being to you or how much they enjoying your company that many of them are stroking their cocks and imagining themselves in bed with you or other activities that might be vulgar in any other situational format.

tldr; camming might not be SEX but still is sex work due to audience is paying for sexuality in some form from you even if one sided.

 

[Sxmxr]

You don't have to have sex to be a sex worker. The concept is any job where sexuality or sexual identity is part of the value of the purchase is considered sex work. This is why venues like phone sex still have sex in the same and still considered sex work.

Basically if you believe that your job on your camsite would not be affected at all if you turned into the opposing gender or superficial features fell outside of the sexual preferences of your audience then you'd be right.

This doesn't mean you don't have natural talents that could have entertainment value but there's a probably a reason you are using camsites for income and not tiktok. But there probably should be some acceptance that no matter how nice your member are being to you or how much they enjoying your company that many of them are stroking their cocks and imagining themselves in bed with you or other activities that might be vulgar in any other situational format.

tldr; camming might not be SEX but still is sex work due to audience is paying for sexuality in some form from you even if one sided.

I get it, but it’s a lot explaining and webcam model seems easier. I don’t like the term sex worker tbh I feel like it’s kind of a scary word for someone who is trying to get into a relationship. Again when I hearth terms sex worker automatically think prostitute; and anyone who is not in the industry would think the same. I think in order to get past the stigma of camming, the term webcam model, or broadcaster is more specific and less taboo.

 

[anabeauty37]

i wont say in the first dates.. that person doesnt know you and will start with a bad opinion.. After divorce, i have meet my actual bf, 3 weeks we date and i didnt said a word about camming, when i saw that he started to know me and to get close to me , then i decided to tell him , wasnt easy even then but i had all his support after he was in love ) and we are almost 4 y togheter now...

 

[Aprilsweetart]

I've started camming recently, and I'm not very experienced in dating in general, but I am going to go out with someone next week, and I have no idea at what point to bring up the fact that I'm doing sex work and hope to grow my business, that it's not some side thing. They seem like someone who would be fine with it, but of course you never can tell. It doesn't seem like first date convo but maybe it's better just to get it out of the way?

I'm super sex positive in general (which they know) and want to be a sex educator, but sex work has such stigma.

I'm sorry that I'm such a weirdo but I've been wondering how your date went, lol. I'm also single and in the same place as you and would love to know lol

Hoping it went awesome and he had that good dick energy

 

[darcyduke]

I have tried to date whilst camming, and guys just tend to get jealous. Or they want to get involved. I did date one guy who didn't really mind it, but he did cheat. He blamed the camming for the reason he cheated too, because he felt that the camming meant we were in an open relationship...sigh!

 

[callmejesss]

I'm sorry that I'm such a weirdo but I've been wondering how your date went, lol. I'm also single and in the same place as you and would love to know lol

Hoping it went awesome and he had that good dick energy

Super late reply! The first date was a bit awkward, but I definitely got good vibes from him, we went to a super queer friendly coffee shop where they had magic wand art up on the wall, so I had a good feeling. On our second date he came to my house and watched a movie and well, turns out he cams too! He was super cool with it, apparently he doesn't do it for money just for the exhibitionist aspect but still, definitely a good revelation.

Then we had sex and it was great! Probably going to end up being more of a casual dating thing rather than a relationship (obviously things might change), but it all went really well and I don't regret telling him at all!

 

[Deleted member 55529]

Hi, I know I’m going to get some backlash for this but I don’t consider camming sex work... for everyone at least. I don’t call my self a sex worker because I don’t have sex with other people for work. Sex work sounds like porn or prostitution where you have no choice who you sleep with. I’m a solo model and intend of staying that way. So maybe tell your future date that you are a cam model instead. Be honest about it. Honesty and trust is how I maintain my relationship.

I don't agree. Full-service sex workers choose who they sleep with (of course, depending on their background and resources). I actually think that there's a sort of hierarchy in the sex industry that stigmatizes full services sex workers over camgirls because they touch clients, and pornstars over camgirls because they expose themselves more...Who knows. I think we are all the same in the eyes of society. A lot of people confuse camming over prostitution when they are completely different jobs.

 

[Deleted member 55529]

I have tried to date whilst camming, and guys just tend to get jealous. Or they want to get involved. I did date one guy who didn't really mind it, but he did cheat. He blamed the camming for the reason he cheated too, because he felt that the camming meant we were in an open relationship...sigh!

My ex was the one who introduced me to camming because he didn't agree with having an open relantionship. When I started the first month, he called my mom to yell at me and started crying like a baby. A man under 30 can't understand sex work. He was 20 like me. I usually find older men easier to date.

 

[Deleted member 55529]

I get it, but it’s a lot explaining and webcam model seems easier. I don’t like the term sex worker tbh I feel like it’s kind of a scary word for someone who is trying to get into a relationship. Again when I hearth terms sex worker automatically think prostitute; and anyone who is not in the industry would think the same. I think in order to get past the stigma of camming, the term webcam model, or broadcaster is more specific and less taboo.

Seems I'm lucky. I tell people I'm an SW and they are ok with it. My last bf knew what I was doing and helped taking pictures for ads. His brother was preparing himself to be a PRIEST. He said: ''I respect what people what to do''.

 

[NikkiKnokki]

This is a moot point now since it sounds like your date went well, OP. But I wanted to put in my two cents for why I think it's important to just be super upfront about everything from the start.

I am incredibly polyamorous and have been my whole life. I didn't start out knowing though, so I went through a couple uncomfortable monogamous relationships before I decided to be unashamedly polyam. Ultimately this aspect of myself, much like any form of sex work, can be a dealbreaker for many. I don't want my potential partners to just tolerate the polamory or the OnlyFans or the camming just because they care about me and fear losing that connection. I want them to actively embrace that part of me, if not excitedly then at least without disdain.

My job and my relationship style are both major aspects of my life, so if they're only "willing to deal" with it then that's a big part of what goes on with me that they're just putting up with; that isn't worth the potential future issues for me. Sometimes people just have base incompatibilities, and their ability to fully accept this work can be one of those. I also know that there are plenty of people out there that will be super cool with it, so it makes no sense for me to waste my time on those who aren't.

 

[Trixxi_Love]

I’m bisexual and personally finding that when I tell a woman I am seeing that I do this cam modeling part time I am GHOSTED. Men of course are all turned on by it and most just want to cam with me - which I have no interest in.