Dealing with members who want to have real life sex?

[Rvmps]

This is obviously a no-go for me. I would definitely consider meeting someone in real life, but anything remotely sexual is off the table.

I have a few regulars who seem as though after I do a private, or a skype show with them they think I want to meet in real life. Some have even tried to kind of set up a tentative timetable and I never know what to say.

I think it's incredibly unsexy to flat out say "I don't want to fuck you, or anyone off of MFC irl" but it feels almost as though I need to with some of these guys.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Do I just keep flirting and deflecting? Any advice is much appreciated.

 

[Amberlie_]

Sounds like you're dealing with all the classic douchebags and pushers attracted to newbies. You look sweet and naive which is why they do this, thinking you'll maybe give them a little more and a little more until eventually they get what they want from you. Looking sweet and naive can be a really great thing and will also attract and intrigue much nicer guys who want to protect and spoil you. So it's a fine line between retaining your natural charm and keeping the pushers in order. I would suggest ignoring those who ask you for things you're not comfortable with.

If you're in a private with them I know it may feel awkward at first, but keep talking about or doing whatever you were doing before, and don't allow yourself to be drawn into a conversation about meeting them or doing anything you don't want to do. This has always worked for me and they keep thinking you're sweet and charming and eventually start to feel guilty that they tried to push you. They will get the idea that you just won't entertain their nonsense, without you even needing to say a word. Eventually they will move on or buck up their ideas and talk to you/ support you in the ways YOU want. You don't have to be a bitch or sacrifice that natural, newbie charm and sweetness, let them figure it out by themselves.

I hope that makes some kind of sense x

 

[Influenced]

If you haven't already, lay out your do's and dont's in your profile. If they are respectful people, they will read it fully and adhere to your rules and respect them, you will have to do some weeding out of the asshats that do not respect you I am sure. Politely listing that in your profile that you do not intend to sleep with any of your members "period" and telling someone one time is more than enough, if they still persist or try to "Woo" you or "buy" you with tokens after they know the deal, then scrape em off and move on, don't feel bad about banning them because this will show other members you mean business when it comes to complying to your rules and not crossing the line. I personally would never meet a model in real life, I come to camming sites to chat, tip, and enjoy the model, if I were looking for a date or something more I would sign up for a dating site. That being said on not meeting face to face in real life, I have on many occasions just taken a model private just to hang out and talk nothing more, without the distractions of the room, but that is where I leave it, on the internet. Again, this is just myself. Hope this insight helps.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

This is obviously a no-go for me. I would definitely consider meeting someone in real life, but anything remotely sexual is off the table.

I have a few regulars who seem as though after I do a private, or a skype show with them they think I want to meet in real life. Some have even tried to kind of set up a tentative timetable and I never know what to say.

I think it's incredibly unsexy to flat out say "I don't want to fuck you, or anyone off of MFC irl" but it feels almost as though I need to with some of these guys.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Do I just keep flirting and deflecting? Any advice is much appreciated.

We all deal with it, everyday. I get it at least once a camming session. I just smile and say "No sweetie I don't do meet ups. I'm a cyberfuck only" and most back off. I ban anyone who hassles me further about it and don't really engage into any guys whining about it or being insistent. I never had an issue about anyone saying "omg how unsexy of you!" A direct answer is best and can be put in a nice way that won't ruffle feathers. I have noticed no effect on my room whether I say it in a bitchy way or a nice way.

 

[Rvmps]

Thanks for the answers everyone! I am definitely going to put my dos and don'ts into my profile now, and I will just ignore requests to meet up by steering the conversation a different direction. If that fails I will get stern! Thanks again.

 

[Albert_1]

Just flirting and deflecting will only feed their delusion. Shut them down before it gets to far out of hand. Tell them you'll be their online friend but cam sites aren't dating sites and you are not a prostitute.

 

[Rvmps]

I wouldn't ever meet up with someone who was pressuring me for more, don't worry, I won't let it get out of hand in any real dangerous sense.

It just seems a shame to offend someone who just had a long, profitable private with me. But if that is what I need to do, I will.

 

[SaffronBurke]

It just seems a shame to offend someone who just had a long, profitable private with me.

They should know better. Most of them DO know better.

 

[Nordling]

No need to offend. "I don't meet people offline from my room." is direct, to the point and anyone who is offended is a douche.

 

[SaffronBurke]

They should know better. Most of them DO know better.

Meant to also say, because of this, you're not offending them. You're calling them on their bullshit.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

I wouldn't ever meet up with someone who was pressuring me for more, don't worry, I won't let it get out of hand in any real dangerous sense.

It just seems a shame to offend someone who just had a long, profitable private with me. But if that is what I need to do, I will.

No matter how much someone spends, you can still be direct with people. Hell, I've been a major sassy bitch to guys who spent heaps of money and wanted to meet/made advances that made me uncomfortable. If they choose to be offended by being told "No" that is their issue.

 

[JickyJuly]

There's nothing "unsexy"about turning down sex with strangers.

 

[Amberlie_]

Just flirting and deflecting will only feed their delusion. Shut them down before it gets to far out of hand. Tell them you'll be their online friend but cam sites aren't dating sites and you are not a prostitute.

That's daft when she can be collecting the $$ by deflecting. He's gonna move on anyway so milk it

 

[barbeque]

Just say it clearly and move on to talk about something else. Chances are they've been asking a lot of other people before this and getting rejected, so this will come as no surprise.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

That's daft when she can be collecting the $$ by deflecting. He's gonna move on anyway so milk it

Or he could get out of control stalkerish. Feeding delusions can be dangerous. Very very dangerous.

Also, pretty unethical.

 

[FluffyGalore]

In my view there are three ways to deal with this.
1) point blank say no sorry I don't do any sexual meets
2) I may meet up for a non sexual encounter it would be 100,000tks and ONLY with someone who has checked with me first and I'm comfortable with, have known for a while and completely on my terms (chances are they will not pay for this anyway)
3) and finally milk them for all its worth. This takes a specific kind of person to do, and if your not comfortable with it DON'T DO IT. Sometimes during Pvt if a guy is talking about meeting I play along and with tippers in the main room as well. I say on a daily basis in my main chat that I don't do sexual meets. If after me saying it many times over they still go on then yes I will play along for the time they are tipping as some guys get off on the fantasy of meeting up without the intention of going through with it. I'm fine doing that. If they mention it afterwards then I will say again, I don't do meets and let them know that the naughty chat or session was purely for fantasy purposes only, which I thought they knew.

It is totally up to you. As @Miss_Lollipop said the 3rd can be a dangerous game to play depends on how well you know the guys in question. If the whole thing makes you completely uncomfortable then best thing is to be very straight to the point with them. If they are going to stay around the will regardless, if they are only interested in meets they will move on quickly and aren't worth the emotional drain on you. So the sooner you tell them the better.

 

[Violet Dawn]

I just tell them I'm not a prostitute. If they push I tell them, again. I'm not a prostitute. If they get offended, then that's their problem. I have had men tell me stuff like "Money is money though." If someone doesn't respect your boundaries, block them. Money isn't worth being uncomfortable to me.

Edit: I have been in your position. Having really good members talk about meeting up, inviting me to live with them. I thought I should just "play along" with the fantasy to "be nice." It's not worth it. You're just being dishonest and it could cause really bad outcomes.

 

[FluffyGalore]

I know some guys really do think that if they offer you £3000 that you will just jump at the chance, as if. Funny how its always lots of money and not lots of tks

 

[Belladona_Lyn]

I have two go to answers for when guys get like this.


1. if it is a regular that is fairly nice and likes to think of me as their online girlfriend I point out to them how extremely unsafe it is for me to meet anyone off the sites I work on. If they really cared for me they would not want to jeopardize my safety with even thinking of making such a dangerous request. . . . . . I lecture them on it till they drop it and normally the lecture is enough to stop them from asking again.

2 the drive by want to meet up guys. These ones make me laugh. I point out to them that to come on a cam site looking to hook up is about the dumbest idea they could every have. Most likely I am not even in the same country or if I am not in the same area as him. Even if I was why the hell would I meet up with someone that has a screen name like ______ you all know the type of screen names that fit in there. And I just continue to belittle them till they leave or I kick them. I have had others guys in my room tip me on multiple occasions for this. Believe it or not a lot of our customers get just as tired of seeing it as we do.

 

[CherryChu]

You gotta be blunt with the guys like that. I've also noticed they will keep pushing you if you seem to have a tiny bit of hesitation. I used to feel really bad about saying no to things I didn't want but over time you'll get more used to it, and also they'll lay off a little because a lot of them target new models specifically. "I don't meet people from MFC" is just fine

 

[Amberlie_]

Or he could get out of control stalkerish. Feeding delusions can be dangerous. Very very dangerous.

Also, pretty unethical.

It's not feeding anything, I think you took me the wrong way. It's doing exactly what I said above.

Regarding ethics if they show so little respect to try to push boundaries, then it is perfectly OK to take their money as long as they last in my book. I'm hard nosed like that x

 

[CrazyCatLady]

It's not feeding anything, I think you took me the wrong way. It's doing exactly what I said above.

Regarding ethics if they show so little respect to try to push boundaries, then it is perfectly OK to take their money as long as they last in my book. I'm hard nosed like that x

A lot of people come to cam sites because they struggle with social interaction. It's not absurd to think that they wouldn't understand. Some people need to hear NO before they understand that it is a no. When you deflect they are not hearing a no. Therefor they are not pushing boundaries or disrespecting you.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

It's not feeding anything, I think you took me the wrong way. It's doing exactly what I said above.

Regarding ethics if they show so little respect to try to push boundaries, then it is perfectly OK to take their money as long as they last in my book. I'm hard nosed like that x

However you meant it, please know that many camsites advertise as dating sites where members can meet up with women. Also, MFC even has in their wiki that they encourage offsite interaction as many models and members have found relationships through their site. It really isn't fair to lead them on when you're not actually willing and sites say it's possible.

http://wiki.myfreecams.com/wiki/Rules_and_Guidelines

Exchanging contact information with models
Members and models are free to exchange e-mail addresses or other contact information. Many of our users and models have formed great relationships, friendships, and marriages, so we would never want to get in the way of that with rules or restrictions.

 

[JickyJuly]

Regarding ethics if they show so little respect to try to push boundaries, then it is perfectly OK to take their money as long as they last in my book. I'm hard nosed like that x

If you allow how someone treats you to be the deciding factor in how you treat them, you lack ethics. So, no. She was not wrong in what she said, and she didn't misunderstand you.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

It's not feeding anything, I think you took me the wrong way. It's doing exactly what I said above.

Regarding ethics if they show so little respect to try to push boundaries, then it is perfectly OK to take their money as long as they last in my book. I'm hard nosed like that x

I didn't misunderstand, if you lead someone on and they turn out to be unstable, it can put you at risk. It might be a calculated risk you decide to take, but it is one.


Regarding ethics, they are obviously subjective based on your personal and cultural values. Mine are very different from yours in that regard, and my personal ethics and the way I was raised was to treat people the way i wish to be treated, with kindness.

 

[OhAugustonCB]

Um...Say no. Unless they somehow are not a killer, insane and give you two million dollars that turns out is completely legit then there's really no other alternative than to say no.

 

[Rvmps]

Thanks for the replies everyone, seriously very helpful!!
I do not actually feel comfortable leading them on. I think that is why I posted this thread... I guess I assumed that was the norm, to be seductive and entertaining to take their tokens, and not follow through.

This definitely cleared that up for me. I am going to be upfront now, 100% in my profile, my chats and even in privates.

Esp. with the fact that I am not a prostitute and not to degrade their work or put myself above them, but is that not inherently more sexy to the patrons of MFC. I mean, they did come to us and not a brothel or backpage ad, so I will really play that up and not worry so much about their feelings.

Thanks again.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

Just a note that it's usually best to say Sex Worker or full service sexworker or escort.. prostitute can be a slur/shamey. I've seen it pop up a couple times in this thread.

I'm glad the thread helped!

 

[Rvmps]

Ah thanks, it most certainly wasn't my intention to slut shame.

 

[Moffle]

Thanks for the replies everyone, seriously very helpful!!
I do not actually feel comfortable leading them on. I think that is why I posted this thread... I guess I assumed that was the norm, to be seductive and entertaining to take their tokens, and not follow through.

No wait! Please do be seductive and entertaining and take tokens - that really is what we want, a seducive fantasy. Just don't encourage the strange people who don't understand the boundaries.