Fiance wants to start camming...

[zander145]

My fiance used to cam and made lots of money, but then she stopped when her boyfriend at the time asked her too. Now her and I are engaged and expecting a little one. The money would sure help a lot... That's the only reason she said she wants to do it. I told her I'm uncomfortable with it right now. I'm not worried about her starting a new relationship with one of her clients its just she will be doing sexual acts with other guys, or well for other guys, things that I am to believe that are supposed to be between a two lovers. Now I know its not that bad, she isn't an escort or anything. But still I feel like she wouldn't be "mine" persay. I don't want to control her though... I don't want to be the one to say no... Am I being silly and unreasonable? I've let her know how I feel about it. She said she understands and that I'm not bring unreasonable... But the money would really help a lot.. But it feels wrong...

 

[Violet October]

1. You're being a little bit unreasonable.

But....
2. If it's only for the money, she shouldn't do it. Now if she personally enjoys it, then yes it could work.


3. There are plenty of models who don't do sex acts on cam.


4. If it made you feel better, you could cam together.

5. There's always video options. Like Clips4Sale.

 

[JickyJuly]

Since you're about to have a baby, it really will come down to money. If she's comfortable camming, it can be a way for her to be a stay at home mom whether or not your income is enough to allow for that. My husband doesn't necessarily love this line of work. For me, that doesn't matter much. I'm certainly not going to work outside of my house 8 hours a day to bring home $400 weekly when I know that I can make that much working a few nights a week when my kid is sleeping as not to miss out on any time with her. It sounds harsh, but once the two of you have a child, your feelings will never come first again. Babies have needs. Babies are expensive. If she wants to stay home with the kid and works outside of the home to save your ego, she will resent you for every moment she misses out on.

All that aside, it might help if you examine your own feelings thoroughly. You said "she won't be mine". That line of thinking, though novels and movies have glorified it, is really corrosive. She's not yours. She won't ever be yours. She belongs only to herself. She shares herself with you. Appreciate that in its own right. The two of you are about to share an experience that is beyond compare. Try to find a way to make that experience the best it can be because that is yours.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Nope it's not unreasonable. Everyone expects different things in a relationship, have different boundaries, and want different things. If she wants to cam and you don't want her to, I think she should respect you and your boundaries and not do it...ESPECIALLY if it's JUST for money. BUT you need to step up and start looking for another job. Work twice as long and hard for her. Also, there are a lot of charities and churches that give away formula, diapers, and even sometimes money. So look around.

 

[Bocefish]

Maybe you won't mind as much as you think. Perhaps you both discuss terms for a one week trial basis then see where you're both at.

:twocents-02cents:

 

[JickyJuly]

I think this "don't do sex work if it's just for the money" line of thought is pretty unreasonable and juvenile. We all have different reasons. I'm comfortable with camming, but it's not a passion. I do it for the money. I don't see how turning to charities is a better option for anyone. People waitress just for money. Camming isn't any different save the better earning potential. When you have a kid, that kid comes before your passions or ego.

 

[zander145]

I've tried it for a night to see how it would go. It is sex acts. When I say "mine" I mean more of a mentality that she is exclusive to me. Makes me feel like other guys feel like they can say or do anything to her, and have to do whatever they want, which is basically what she will be doing. She wants to be an "escort" in a game, second life. How it works is they put up ads I guess and then guys get on and message her, they get on Skype and figure everything out. He pays her and she does what he says. She does have limits some limits... I've talked to her about us doing it together, and she seems to accept that idea.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I think this "don't do sex work if it's just for the money" line of thought is pretty unreasonable and juvenile. We all have different reasons. I'm comfortable with camming, but it's not a passion. I do it for the money. I don't see how turning to charities is a better option for anyone. People waitress just for money. Camming isn't any different save the better earning potential. When you have a kid, that kid comes before your passions or ego.

Because doing specifically sex work when you don't want to can be more psychologically damaging than working at a 9-5 when you don't want to. What's more psychologically damaging, getting punched in the face or getting raped? Getting raped. Why? Because sex is involved. It's just different. It is.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I've tried it for a night to see how it would go. It is sex acts. When I say "mine" I mean more of a mentality that she is exclusive to me. Makes me feel like other guys feel like they can say or do anything to her, and have to do whatever they want, which is basically what she will be doing. She wants to be an "escort" in a game, second life. How it works is they put up ads I guess and then guys get on and message her, they get on Skype and figure everything out. He pays her and she does what he says. She does have limits some limits... I've talked to her about us doing it together, and she seems to accept that idea.

No need to explain yourself. You have EVERY right to have these feelings.
I'm glad you guys have reached a middle (working together).
Good luck!

 

[Violet October]

I've tried it for a night to see how it would go. It is sex acts. When I say "mine" I mean more of a mentality that she is exclusive to me. Makes me feel like other guys feel like they can say or do anything to her, and have to do whatever they want, which is basically what she will be doing. She wants to be an "escort" in a game, second life. How it works is they put up ads I guess and then guys get on and message her, they get on Skype and figure everything out. He pays her and she does what he says. She does have limits some limits... I've talked to her about us doing it together, and she seems to accept that idea.

What?

You don't have to do sex acts to make money. If she wants to cam and you don't want her to do sex acts, I'm sure you guys can talk it out and she can find a site that fits both of your limits. SO MANY cam models don't do sex acts.


And definitely, if she would like to cam with you... go for it! It could end up being such a fun way for you guys to spend time together, grow together, and make money to support your life with your child.

 

[Kitty_Blue]

She's 100% yours and she's doing it for your baby. And if you're super uncomfortable maybe you guys can compromise? Maybe she can be non-nude or just topless? Or she could just do something nonsexual on cam.

 

[JickyJuly]

I think this "don't do sex work if it's just for the money" line of thought is pretty unreasonable and juvenile. We all have different reasons. I'm comfortable with camming, but it's not a passion. I do it for the money. I don't see how turning to charities is a better option for anyone. People waitress just for money. Camming isn't any different save the better earning potential. When you have a kid, that kid comes before your passions or ego.

Because doing specifically sex work when you don't want to can be more psychologically damaging than working at a 9-5 when you don't want to. What's more psychologically damaging, getting punched in the face or getting raped? Getting raped. Why? Because sex is involved. It's just different. It is.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding what's been said. If you mean that she shouldn't do this job if she doesn't actually want to do it, but thinks the money will be good, I agree. But, if you mean that all of us should only cam if we love it, I disagree. Having a passion for your work is great, but it's not a necessity. If you're a parent, and your life choices have led you in a direction that doesn't include a fulfilling career, get out there and make money for your kid. I would flip big macs in my underpants if it meant the difference between supporting my child or having to beg for diapers at a church.

That said, neither this dude nor his fiance seem to understand camming in a way that will make it beneficial to them or their bank account. This is sounding like a disaster. They need to do some investigating into responsible/lucrative camming instead of messing around with skype.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I think this "don't do sex work if it's just for the money" line of thought is pretty unreasonable and juvenile. We all have different reasons. I'm comfortable with camming, but it's not a passion. I do it for the money. I don't see how turning to charities is a better option for anyone. People waitress just for money. Camming isn't any different save the better earning potential. When you have a kid, that kid comes before your passions or ego.

Because doing specifically sex work when you don't want to can be more psychologically damaging than working at a 9-5 when you don't want to. What's more psychologically damaging, getting punched in the face or getting raped? Getting raped. Why? Because sex is involved. It's just different. It is.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding what's been said. If you mean that she shouldn't do this job if she doesn't actually want to do it, but thinks the money will be good, I agree.

We agree!

 

[CharlotteLace]

Makes me feel like other guys feel like they can say or do anything to her, and have to do whatever they want, which is basically what she will be doing.

I can not get over that line. That is pretty much the unhealthiest route possible to take when it comes to camming. I really hope that's simply your interpretation of things, and not her actual mentality about this. If she's cammed before, she should know that setting boundaries and being firm is the only way to take care of yourself. You say she has some limits, but neither one of you should go into this thinking "oh well he paid so she HAS to do whatever the fuck he says." There's a million guys out there who will try to push her limits and the mentality of obligation will burn her out quickly and affect her psychologically.

I agree with Jicky that you're not going about this properly. Get her to join this forum and get educated on a better avenue to take. If she's doing this thinking she has to be a sex puppet to these guys, you'll likely both regret it.

 

[NataliaGrey]

Also, there are a lot of charities and churches that give away formula, diapers, and even sometimes money. So look around.

I think those charities are supposed to be for people who NEED them...

That said, neither this dude nor his fiance seem to understand camming in a way that will make it beneficial to them or their bank account. This is sounding like a disaster. They need to do some investigating into responsible/lucrative camming instead of messing around with skype.

Actually the Second Life "escorting thing" is legit. I've heard of other independent models doing it and making decent money. Also he says that she's done some sort of camming before, so if she's saying she can make money off of it now, I'd assume she made money off of it before. Now, he, I think should certainly do some more research.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Also, there are a lot of charities and churches that give away formula, diapers, and even sometimes money. So look around.

I think those charities are supposed to be for people who NEED them...

...it sounded like he NEEDS them. He specifically talked about how badly he needed money from her camming. I don't understand where you even got the idea that he didn't need them.

 

[NataliaGrey]

Also, there are a lot of charities and churches that give away formula, diapers, and even sometimes money. So look around.

I think those charities are supposed to be for people who NEED them...

...it sounded like he NEEDS them. He specifically talked about how badly he needed money from her camming. I don't understand where you even got the idea that he didn't need them.

Because if she can cam then they don't need them. Going to charities should be a last resort when you really have nowhere else to turn, because there are plenty of other people out there who really, really do need it, and charities have limited resources.

 

[MintyFlowers]

I don't think we should judge if people "really need" something or not because not everyone wants to or can turn to sex work for it.
Even if she wants to cam, her fiance is obviously not comfortable with it, so it may not be an option for her.

------------
Zander,

I can see your feelings as to where you are coming from because you love her, and want to keep her to yourself.

However, I hope you realize this doesn't degrade your relationship just because she may get naked or maybe do sexual things on cam. At the end of the day, you're the special man she decided that she wants to spend her life with, and you're going to have a child together~ No one else is going to take away those intimate and special experiences away from you.

What she will be selling is a fantasy! Not her body, not her feelings, and nothing could be "detrimental" to your relationship unless you let it become that way. (Although we're not talking about safety risks, such as stalkers though).

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I don't think we should judge if people "really need" something or not because not everyone wants to or can turn to sex work for it.
Even if she wants to cam, her fiance is obviously not comfortable with it, so it may not be an option for her.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

Also, there are a lot of charities and churches that give away formula, diapers, and even sometimes money. So look around.

I think those charities are supposed to be for people who NEED them...

...it sounded like he NEEDS them. He specifically talked about how badly he needed money from her camming. I don't understand where you even got the idea that he didn't need them.

Because if she can cam then they don't need them. Going to charities should be a last resort when you really have nowhere else to turn, because there are plenty of other people out there who really, really do need it, and charities have limited resources.

I think it is admirable that you feel charities are a last resort. That said, most charities are religious in nature, IIRC more than 80% of all food banks are associate with a church or a organization like the Salvation Army. I am sure that vast majority of these charities would prefer that a young mother would come to their charity rather than turn to sex work. I can sort of hear the sermon now, "this young woman was desperate, considered turning to performing pornographic acts live on the internet, but thanks to your generous donations we saved her and she and the baby are doing fine.." So charity will think she needs it.

Also while there is a market for pregnant models, generally speaking guys aren't particularly turned on by it. So there is a distinct possibility that her earning while pregnant and even after the babies is born will be substantial less than she is used to..

Anyway it is a tough call, I hope it works out for you.

 

[curvyredhead]

Nope it's not unreasonable. Everyone expects different things in a relationship, have different boundaries, and want different things. If she wants to cam and you don't want her to, I think she should respect you and your boundaries and not do it...ESPECIALLY if it's JUST for money. BUT you need to step up and start looking for another job. Work twice as long and hard for her. Also, there are a lot of charities and churches that give away formula, diapers, and even sometimes money. So look around.

word

 

[MsAllyCat]

I agree with the others about communication and boundaries. And it goes without saying that you need to talk to HER, understand how she feels when she is camming. How she views what she does.

This is part of an email I sent my BF a long time ago. It's how I see camming and my real life relationship.

It is very very important to me that you understand what camming is to me. It is a small part time job. Something I enjoy very much, and I am myself essentially. But these people don't get the full me. They might hear about my day a little, see my body, watch me orgasm, but I am not giving myself to them emotionally. I am not connected to what they feel, and they aren't connected to how I feel. When I am doing something very intimate, I am not thinking about the people watching. Sometimes I am just thinking of the grocery list. Often I am thinking of how to get the next tip. Every now and then I might find myself truly in the zone. And when this happens I feel very removed from what I am doing, and it's almost with surprise I remember that I am on cam. In those moments, I am feeling my own emotions. Enjoying my sexuality and often thinking of people who make me feel loved. Last night during my oil massage show I was remembering how your strong hands feel when you massage me and how connected i feel to you when you are touching me. Cam guys can make me smile, you can touch my soul.

 

[JickyJuly]

Also, there are a lot of charities and churches that give away formula, diapers, and even sometimes money. So look around.

I think those charities are supposed to be for people who NEED them...

...it sounded like he NEEDS them. He specifically talked about how badly he needed money from her camming. I don't understand where you even got the idea that he didn't need them.

Because if she can cam then they don't need them. Going to charities should be a last resort when you really have nowhere else to turn, because there are plenty of other people out there who really, really do need it, and charities have limited resources.

I think it is admirable that you feel charities are a last resort. That said, most charities are religious in nature, IIRC more than 80% of all food banks are associate with a church or a organization like the Salvation Army. I am sure that vast majority of these charities would prefer that a young mother would come to their charity rather than turn to sex work. I can sort of hear the sermon now, "this young woman was desperate, considered turning to performing pornographic acts live on the internet, but thanks to your generous donations we saved her and she and the baby are doing fine.." So charity will think she needs it.

Also while there is a market for pregnant models, generally speaking guys aren't particularly turned on by it. So there is a distinct possibility that her earning while pregnant and even after the babies is born will be substantial less than she is used to..

Anyway it is a tough call, I hope it works out for you.

I think it's great that charities exist for people, and any parent who feels they need the help should ask for it. Asking for help is hard. So, that's admirable. However, when you get your child's diapers from a charity, all your child gets is diapers. When you can buy those necessities yourself, your child gets stability. Long term, that is VERY important.

Also, while the amount of dudes that will pay to see pregnant ladies is a little smaller, they're willing to pay more. The most I've ever averaged on Streamate was during months 7-delivery with my first child. You never know unless you try!

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

Can i suggest looking into pregnancy fetish clips via clip sites like clips4sale..

This would not involve 'direct' contact with customers.

This could be an option/compromise?

 

[Kunra9]

You're not being unreasonable. Not even a little bit.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

Hi! Other girls said what I wanted to, so just wanted to chip in that I have experience being a Second Life escort! If you are trying to make money and are uncomfortable with the 1-on-1 sexual encounter aspect...RUN AWAY.

Second Life was the worst place to cam, ever. All the guys were so cheap and needy and since there's no "rules" like on a camsite they'll ask for anything and everything without warning. They do that on other sites but you know if you do them you'll get banned, so it is much easier if you're struggling to make ends meet to compromise your boundaries. SL is where 99% of the bad decisions I made in my camming career happened. Would not recommend.

 

[eclipse76]

Second Life, it's the fake 3D world, right? There are "escorts" on this thing?!

 

[zander145]

I've touched on the subject of her going to other sites and she doesn't really want to, her main concern is showing her face, she doesn't want to at all. And she does NOT enjoy this line of work, her words exactly are I want to do this because I can make a large amount of money very quickly and not work very hard for it. I disagree with that, she will work hard, just not physically. I'll see if I can't pursuade her to join this forum. I have a large support from my family. Taking care of the baby is no problems at all. The big thing she is pushing for is I only have a 2 door car, and we will need a 4 door. That's why she wants to get back into camming, money for a car. I told her we have about 6 months left. I can help you get a decent job and we can get a decent car we can afford. If not my family has offered to just give me a nice minivan but she doesn't want to do that...

 

[Sevrin]

Zan, I gotta ask here: What is your role in all this? Are you working, in school or what? So far we have heard about the missus and your family. Since this is all about money, what is your contribution?

 

[zander145]

I currently pay all the bills now. I work part time in retail. I've been searching for another job to go ontop of this, to support us. Sadly only a few places are hiring and I only have experience in retail. I know of a few places that will be able to hire me in June, when most places are hiring again. But at the same time I am supposed to start college this year too, I might have to postpone that a year though, which is no problem to me, if it means giving us a better life then I'll work myself to the bone.