HELP! Living with a Cam Model, S/O who is an outsider

[1step2step3step4]

Hi,

I don't know if this has been asked before, but if it has, I apologize.

I am happen to be a boyfriend of a pretty popular cam model on MFC. I do not currently live with her but our relationship has gone to the "next level" and she has proposed living together. I really like this girl, I am supportive of her career and proud of her success but I am not totally sure I want to move in with her because of her camming. It has nothing to do with her actually modeling but rather the dynamics of the job. Things like the possibility of me hearing her in the action of camming or the question of what do when she is working but I have nothing to do but be in the house, cause me some issues. I should probably note that I stay virtually out of her life as a cam model, I have only seen her profile and never want to see her camming. I don't really ask much about her cam modeling and usually just listen and don't say much when she talks to me about it.

I was hoping to get some advice on how a typical "9 to 5er" like me can deal with issues on first moving in with a cam model and what to expect. I know that a 99% of getting over these issues falls on me but if you models could offer some advice or the advice of your significant others that were/are in my current situation it would be greatly appreciated.

I know its tough to be an outsider and be dating someone in the adult industry but anything piece of advice is wonderful.

 

[BoltEyeAm]

I don't have any advice but I have wondered about this. I think you have come to the right place you have my admiration for being cool with it I don't think I could handle it myself.

 

[Evvie]

Hi,

I don't know if this has been asked before, but if it has, I apologize.

I am happen to be a boyfriend of a pretty popular cam model on MFC. I do not currently live with her but our relationship has gone to the "next level" and she has proposed living together. I really like this girl, I am supportive of her career and proud of her success but I am not totally sure I want to move in with her because of her camming. It has nothing to do with her actually modeling but rather the dynamics of the job. Things like the possibility of me hearing her in the action of camming or the question of what do when she is working but I have nothing to do but be in the house, cause me some issues. I should probably note that I stay virtually out of her life as a cam model, I have only seen her profile and never want to see her camming. I don't really ask much about her cam modeling and usually just listen and don't say much when she talks to me about it.

I was hoping to get some advice on how a typical "9 to 5er" like me can deal with issues on first moving in with a cam model and what to expect. I know that a 99% of getting over these issues falls on me but if you models could offer some advice or the advice of your significant others that were/are in my current situation it would be greatly appreciated.

I know its tough to be an outsider and be dating someone in the adult industry but anything piece of advice is wonderful.

So essentially, you are just worried you will feel awkward while she is working? Why do you never want to see her camming?

 

[FrecklesXxX]

I have watched my partner cam and I must say it was a very interesting experience. I learned things about him that made me fall in love with him even more. Why does the thought of being around her/watching her while she's camming bother you so badly? At the very least you should be pondering that. Porn can be tough on couples, not everybody is that into it. Bottom line: be honest with yourself and her about the way you feel.

Even if you don't ever want to see her work, you should try BEING IN THE HOUSE while she cams. That will give you an idea of what it would be like to live together. Even if you're not home while she cams because of your job, if you live together you should both be prepared for the possibility of being home at the same time she's working. Nobody wants to feel uncomfortable in their own house! Make sure you know what to expect, FIRST.

If you happen to be home while she's working, there are things you can do, like get some good headphones or go jogging/workout/to see a friend. If she works at different times of the day you could respectfully communicate with her and see if she's willing to work when you're gone. You can also give it a little more time and see how you feel about the situation down the road, who knows, it may not bother you so much after you gain some perspective on the situation.

How to score mega brownie points: when she emerges from her masturbatory lair cumdrunk, blushing and dripping with sweat, get her some water & maybe a little snack. She probably just worked her ass off!!

Given the proper motivation, I'm sure you two will work somethin out

 

[caireen]

I think it's so awesome that you're approaching this so thoughtfully.

Another thing to consider is the first time you 'hear' her camming will probably be the hardest. Keep in mind that even if she makes the same noises/sounds the same/says similar things while in a show as she says with you, her experiences having sex with you are probably totally unique and special to her.
My ex boyfriend had a hard time with my camming at first, but once he really realized that my shows and my online relationships were no threat to him- that what I had with him was really special to me- he started to deal with it a lot better.
And of course like Freckles said, headphones are great.

 

[Vanessa Jade]

Also, keep in mind what hours she generally works. She may already keep the same hours as you, and in that case, it'd be unlikely that you'd have to hear or see her working. Also, MFC has pretty strict rules about there being men in the room or on the camera (even voices) so she may want to work while you are not at home anyhow.

If not, have you discussed your concerns with her? As long as you don't come across as judgemental or wanting her to quit working (and it's obvious from your post that you're NOT judgmental and DON'T want her to stop working, just not sure how to handle the prospect of living with a full-time cam model), she'll probably be open to discussing it with you and coming up with ways to make it easier for both of you.

It's definitely an adjustment for both parties involved when one works from home and the other works out of the house, regardless of whether the one who works from home is in the adult industry or not. I had a difficult time working from home when my ex and I first moved in together because it was difficult for him to see what I did as "work" because I was at home in my pajamas on the couch, even though I was working when he left for work and still working when he got home, and doing self-promo and answering e-mails even in bed at night. And that was for my "straight" job, not my "adult" job! At least with camming, he saw a clear boundary in what I was doing as "work" because it looked less like I was slacking off on the internet all day long and more like I was putting effort into "doing work" - getting made up, dressed up, set hours, etc.

Hang in there, and don't move in together unless you get things ironed out first — it can be a make or break situation when you move in with someone. It's really difficult to get used to sharing your space and your life with another person no matter how much you love and respect them, no matter what they do for a living.

You seem like you really respect your sweetie for what she does and for who she is, so I'm sure you can work out whether now is the right time to move in together. I like the suggestions above, especially seeing if you'll really be as uncomfortable as you think you might be - try maybe watching one of her shows, even if it's a little uncomfortable you might be surprised. If that seems like it'd be uncomfortable, see if she'd be okay with you being in the house with her at her place, camming as usual, obviously not in the room as that'd possibly get her in trouble.

Maybe look into getting a place togther that has a "work room" for her so you wouldn't feel kicked out of the bedroom or banished to the living room or kicked out of the house, etc.

Good luck! I hope you get some good advice in here.

 

[SatanJonez]

I think Vanessa said it best and I just want to wish you luck. It's nice to see someone come at this from a positive angle and realize a lot of the issue with it is on them, having never dealt with something like it before. Kudos, fella!

 

[Mork]

I have to give you props for this .. you're thinking ahead with your brain and not the small head in your pants.

All I would suggest is to have a nice quiet talk with her about it all. Discuss your concerns openly and honestly. Work it out together.
The mental visualizations of hearing work or 'cum sounds' of your GF and knowing you have zero to do with it, would torque most guys gut, at least to some extent. Good luck !!

 

[Jupiter551]

Another thing to consider is the first time you 'hear' her camming will probably be the hardest. Keep in mind that even if she makes the same noises/sounds the same/says similar things while in a show as she says with you, her experiences having sex with you are probably totally unique and special to her.

Wow I never thought of that, that would be one of the harder things psychologically.

I dunno I think seeing her camming (from a customer's pov) would only reinforce to you that it's just business, they're not getting to touch or smell or taste her, that she only gives them as much as she chooses etc.

Before I watched cams myself I would have been horrified at the thought of a girlfriend camming as a job. Now I really wouldn't care if it was what she wanted, it's not the same as cheating or prostitution - not even a little bit.

 

[Bocefish]

Maybe it's just my suspicious nature, but this sounds like it may be another Xander just wording things different and from another angle.

 

[Shaun__]

I have two super favorite models and both of them have men in their lives. Those men both know my name and I am sure neither one has much in the way of jealousy over me since they are the ones sleeping with the beautiful and awesome woman in their arms not me. The things I do with my friends are the least parts of a true relationship, because premiums only see and participate in a very small part of a model's life. If you have a healthy mature relationship then there should be no comparison between what I can have and you can have.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

You have every right to not want to be there while she is camming. It's cool you are supportive of what she does, and it's perfectly okay that you just don't want to hear/see it.
I would just think long term. If you don't want her to move in, understandable. But if you think you are going to marry her, and she wants to keep camming during that time, then what? Do you know how long she wants to continue camming?
And like others have said, she can work when you work. But there is a chance she will leave her dildos out, lingerie, lube, etc. Will that, too, bother you?

 

[jamesrobert]

My ATF had a boyfriend (and even cammed with him for a while - so he's not weird-ed out by it) but if she was doing solo shows, he was out of the house. If he was in the house her topic would read something like: bf is home so I can't be loud. Worded more eloquently I'm sure. One time I was in a private with her and she was very into it (loud girl). After we ended the private she left free chat a few seconds later and I head a few "I'm sorry"s as she logged off. When she got back on she said he walked up to the front door and heard her. He (reportedly) was not "mad" but he felt uncomfortable and until she moved out she would get a text about 15 minutes before she would log off. Maybe not a coincidence.

She keeps a pretty 9-5 schedule even now that she lives alone, so this situation was much easier than some schedules. I know tons of models who only cam when their babies are asleep (*by this I mean she could cam after you have fallen asleep). So basically, if her show can handle a few tweaks it may be completely fine and not affect you in any way. If she has a set show with an income she doesn't want to lose, you may want to find a few places to be when she's working. It seems you're afraid of being uncomfortable, but it may not affect you at all, hearing her on cam.

I have to assume all women are vastly different with their lover than on their own.

* = ETA

 

[AlexLady]

While your current stance on things is great and it's a good idea to talk to others on this forum to think it out and get some other suggestions/answers, my best advice would be to talk to her about this once you've thought it out. It might be awkward for you to bring up since you stay out of her camming and usually just listen, but this will only make her realize how serious of a topic it is for you.


As for what to do... that I'm curious about. After all; we hog the internet and can get fined if you so much as have a manly cough off camera. Maybe get into reading a book or play offline games with headphones? You can get noise canceling headphones too!

Oh, and if there's a detached garage you can easily turn that into your space unless she uses it. Those are usually pretty sound proof.

Um... read a book? Art..? Hrm. I don't know what I'd do that's quiet and doesn't require the internet!

 

[hornygods]

Given the diverse nature of cam-modelling, you may be misinterpreting what she's actually doing for a living. How much do you know about the level of interaction on the site? The types of interaction? The activities that goes on? etc. These are the intrinsic questions that needs answering before any meaningful response could be made.

I do appreciate the sentiment that you're supportive and understanding of her career choices. It's a good way to start. I think the crux of the problem really lies within trust and transparency here - what we need is a clear discussion with your SO to clear up any potential misunderstandings. A common shortfall for many men would be the fact that men don't tend to listen, and assume too much. It should be your objective to listen, to understand, and to consider. That's your first step.

EDIT - Rereading your post, it appears that you do listen. It may be your objective to talk, then; listening is only half of the first step. It's fruitless unless you raise the right questions, too. It's important to realise that you ought to be calm and understanding, and to let her fully explain her decisions and choices given the sensitive nature of the topic. It's a common shortfall to be explosive upon learning that one's partner is engaged in online sex - this does not benefit you.

Do you believe that members on this site are merely digital, and therefore cannot be equated to having a real relationship with your SO - or would you consider that the intimate levels of interaction tantamount to having sex? It's a very personal choice, which I cannot fault you for being indecisive about - I know that if I had a significant other in this industry, I'd be concerned too - for all the right reasons.

In addition to my previous questions, there's more to be asked - How much do you know of MFC? Have you ever partook in discussions, games, private shows, public show countdowns, and group shows? Are you fully aware of what the precise dynamics of MFC is, or is it loosely based on your experiences on other cam-sites, assuming that you have frequented cam-sites before?

I think a major appeal of cam-sites for models would be the time and financial freedom - there's no trade off between them. To work with time-freedom, with being financially stable at a high-income rate is almost unheard of outside adult-related industries (even quasi-adult industries, such as MFC). It's important to also ask your partner whether they actually enjoy the work - for many successful girls, it's a choice. Do make sure that this applies to your partner as well. One of the most important objectives in your relationship is to make sure that both parties are happy.

To address the issue of psychological thing with hearing your partner - it's possible to create a schedule for her to work around those hours, therefore eliminating the issue. It may even be possible to enjoy the nature of camming together, if you've got the funds to watch a show.

I hope you could clarify the details in order to get a more meaningful response. I do apologize for my long-winded post.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

I just got a warning from mfc for engaging in incest/underage roleplay. bwahaha.

THe funniest part is what they warned me for. Yesterday we read a TERRIBLE story out loud while trying to masturbate. The story was about a guy who shoved a soup can up his gfs ass while she called him daddy.

I was dying laughing and so was my room...

 

[ElaySmith]

I think you already have some great suggestions here and hopefully they will help you out a bit. I think being more involved in her work may help you feel more comfortable over time. Yes, in the beginning it will be uncomfortable, but in the end knowing and understanding what she is doing and what really goes on behind the camera may help your uneasiness. You don't have to watch her but helping her pick out outfits, or just bringing her a snack, maybe helping her take pics or something like that. You get to be the behind the scenes guy.

Also if you live close enough together have you thought about a trial run at living together. Pack a bag with enough stuff to last 1 week. Plan to "move in" and live life normally as if you were living together. Carry on with your regular schedules, let her cam as normal, you work as normal, and just see how it feels. There is no better way to know how you will really feel until you put yourself in the situation.

 

[LadyLuna]

I've seen a few suggestions that I like, namely:

-get noise-cancelling headphones
-spend a couple days in the place with her while she cams before you move in, so you know what to expect (if you haven't already)
-talk to her about her concerns, stressing that you don't want her to quit

One thing to add:

Is this a house, or an apartment? Either way, look into soundproofing the room, and make sure it's a separate, well-ventilated room for the cam-room. You want her to be able to air all the smells out after her sessions, without having to sleep in there. Plus, it keeps you from being worried that the camera might be on and accidentally catch you.

Also- internet speeds. If you get enough internet speed, you won't have to worry about playing online video games while she cams. If you like that sort of thing. If you don't, you don't need all that much extra speed to browse forums.

Is it going to bother you if she runs naked to the bathroom?

If so, she'll need a box of kleenex and a robe in the camroom, so that she can wipe her hands and throw the robe on. I'd suggest at least 2 robes for her so they don't get too nasty between washes (that's assuming laundry once a week)

Is two bedrooms not an option?

Extra sheets. This is vital. You don't want to be sleeping on the same sheets she cams on, so make sure you have at least 2 sets. Preferably, 7 sets, but start with 2, and use the non-fitted sheets as covers so you have 4 covers. If she's not too messy of a camgirl, that will be enough.

Also- don't freak out too much about the whole being heard on camera thing. yes, it happens randomly that some tard will decide to complain to mfc that we had a "man in the room" because he could "hear" him. I've had idiots think I had a man in the room when there was no one else in the whole damn apartment complex, just because an add popped up on the youtube video someone suggested I watch. It's EASY to find explanations that aren't "there's a man in here with me". If she gets worried about it, we can give plenty of suggestions. As long as you're careful and don't purposely make yourself seen or heard, it should be fine.

 

[TheNightman]

I'm in a relationship with a model and have been living with her. It really will change from person to person how they deal with the things that come with your partner being a cam-girl.

I'm fine with it as a job, I'm fine with what she does. When it comes to her doing shows, I'm fine with that too. Especially as it's not the same as during sex, like has been mentioned could be an issue in this thread. The headphones idea is a good one.

As long as you trust your partner, there shouldn't be a problem. The only issue I have is with the members of the site bothering her during her off-time or trying to hold my tongue when they're mean yet still tipping.

As suggested, try involving yourself in her work more. I help where I can with things.

At the end of the day, remember YOU'RE the one that's with her.

 

[Nordling]

:-D Cheap sound-proofing material: used egg crates (the paper kind).

 

[1step2step3step4]

Thank you all for being so helpful and giving me some of your time. You were all very insightful and I am gracious for that. I’ve been reading the replies to my post and you all have provided me lots of options and points to consider. Someone of you are even model friends of her, and I can see why.

Thank You Again,
1step

 

[AshaSnow]

My husband just plays video games when I work. Or sleeps. Or goes to work. Or plays with the dogs. No biggie.

 

[Satanie]

Every time my husband is asleep and I am doing a show I just worry that my noise will wake him up. He knows all about what I do and is okay with it, but it would still be quite a scare for me, and I'd be live if he woke up and opened the door, haha!
It works for me only because I have been with my husband for 8 years, and I started caming last year. Sure, I don't have a lot of time to do my shows but I'm okay with that since I have another means of making money.

 

[bodisha]

Maybe it's just my suspicious nature, but this sounds like it may be another Xander just wording things different and from another angle.

I'm not sure who Xander is... And I hate to admit it, but I find this post a lil suspicious myself... I've lived with several women, and been married twice... And prior to living with all of them I spent a considerable amount of time around them before the topic of moving in even came up... I'm not trying to pick a fight considering all the positive replies... but I'm having a hard time understanding how some in a serious enough relationship for the subject of moving in to be brought up... And a b/f to NEVER be around a model while she cam's... or not to understand what that means as far what to do with down time while she works

 

[LadyLuna]

Maybe it's just my suspicious nature, but this sounds like it may be another Xander just wording things different and from another angle.

I'm not sure who Xander is... And I hate to admit it, but I find this post a lil suspicious myself... I've lived with several women, and been married twice... And prior to living with all of them I spent a considerable amount of time around them before the topic of moving in even came up... I'm not trying to pick a fight considering all the positive replies... but I'm having a hard time understanding how some in a serious enough relationship for the subject of moving in to be brought up... And a b/f to NEVER be around a model while she cam's... or not to understand what that means as far what to do with down time while she works

Just because he's hung out with her a lot doesn't necessarily mean he's ever been in the house with her while she cams. I know if I were not living with my partner, he would probably never be here when I cam.

 

[MissBettyXO]

i live with my boyfriend and a roommate. it was kind of weird when we first moved in because my house has weird acoustics so you can hear EVERYTHING through both levels. both have gotten used to hearing me. they understand that its my job, and just like i have to put up with my roommate who is an actor practising lines and singing at the top of his lungs, he has to put up with my moaning.

my solution was to save up my amazon gift cards and buy them both noise-cancelling headphones. they both do most of their work on computers so it was a pretty decent solution.
if i know i'm going to have a particularly noisy night (using my fuck machine or doing deep anal... i'm a screamer lol) i'll leave $20 tacked to the fridge and a note saying "go to the movies, i'm going to have having a good night" and leave it at that.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

You live with a cam girl... now assuming she doesn't mind you being in eyeshot of her working here is what you do:

Buy a really comfy lazy boy
Buy a case of microwave popcorn
Set the chair across the room facing your girlfriend
Go pop the popcorn
Then have a seat and occasionally give her a thumbs up and an evil grin.

Oh yes and at least once a day, get on your knees and weep like a little girl and thank Jebus you're so goddamn blessed.
:dance:
Watching your SO pleasure themselves is actually pretty cool... Assuming they get off with you watching.

If she doesn't want you to watch well.... there is always putt putt golf and bowling.
:icon-cry:

If watching her bothers you and not her, quite frankly I'm going to tell you that in time whatever the reason is that bothers you about it is going to eat a hole in your stomach and then drive a wedge between you.

You say you re Ok with with what she does, but if you can't watch or, it bothers you to watch.... Methinks you are not as ok with it as you think you are. Which is OK, but put this all out on the table and sort it out before you do something like move in together.

You might fall victim to stripper syndrome, that odd condition where dating one makes you go giggity giggity goo and when you start living with her, all of a sudden your always like WTF why do I suddenly have a problem with her job goddammit get off that pole I hate men looking at you.....

It happens.... You get all possessive once you start living with her and it's irrational and unfair and probably 100% natural for you to do as a man.
But be warned... it happens. Saying "that wont happen to me" wont vaccinate you against it.

Maybe.... some guys are and continue to be 100% behind their woman doing any job no matter what. Maybe you're that kinda guy.
I'm that kinda guy. You can go door to door selling sex toys or be a stripper or a cam girl or whatever make you happy, if she's happy I'm happy.

But I have dated women who WANT you to be that way and after a while, flip out and start ranting "WHY DONT YOU CARE THAT I DO THIS JOB? DON"T YOULOVE MEEEEEE??"

And that will blindside you and you'll be like..... jebus WTF did I do?

Women are nuts. :lol: and Men are too. And most of the time neither of us understand why.

Good luck dude.
:hello2:

 

[LiLredhairedgrl]

Oh Paulie, you so wise bb... :love4:

 

[Vanessa Jade]

You live with a cam girl... now assuming she doesn't mind you being in eyeshot of her working here is what you do:

Buy a really comfy lazy boy
Buy a case of microwave popcorn
Set the chair across the room facing your girlfriend
Go pop the popcorn
Then have a seat and occasionally give her a thumbs up and an evil grin.

Oh yes and at least once a day, get on your knees and weep like a little girl and thank Jebus you're so goddamn blessed.
:dance:

:lol: Hawt.

Just make sure to be silent like a little churchmouse or else your lady could find herself in super-deep shit with MFC, especially if she's popular. :? I'd totally get off on my partner watching, but I'm terrified that MFC will bring down the ban hammer - I already get people in my room occasionally who hear my neighbors yukkin' it up next door (our walls are thin as fuck here) and threaten to report me for MAN ON CAM *eyeroll*

 

[Tia_Fae]

i've only been camming for a short time but the sounds of me working seem to have a very favorable effect on the hubby i'd say try to look at it in a different light, enjoy it instead of hiding from it and remember, this is her job but you are her love, theres a huge difference