I'm in love with a cam girl :/

[OldHippy]

Maybe cam sites should implement some sort of warning label that members have to read before they enter a room "Warning! Cam sites are fantasy. Any perceived affection from the performer may be purely coincidental and may not constitute any real romantic interest towards the member".

 

[DonaDiabla]

I disagree with this whole post overall. Customers need be have a straight head and heart when dealing with cam models. Sex work is fun entertainment...this is not the place to find emotional and romantic happiness for most people. Encouraging this type of behavior is dangerous for the customers' psyche.Sure, there are some successful love stories between sex worker and client. Often this stories are beautiful and wonderful. However, these stories are far and between in the grand illusion of sex work. What you are telling the op....will lead him down the road of bitterness and romantic pain.
Customers need to get a grip and keep their feelings in toe. If not then....one becomes like "LivingInMyth". I am also a customer and I will never treat male dancers or web cam models in this fashion. I have used male escorts before and I will never fall in love with them. I treated them with respect and professionally. Professionalism is a must in sex work. Clients and providers must understand this.
Also, not all cam models have great intentions towards their clients and use his feelings to their advantage.Frankly, customers need stop falling in love with sex workers if they can help it. So, yes...it is something wrong with feeling more than what the model wants and needs from their clients. Yes, he must deny his feelings if she does not return them and is doing her job. It might hurt him but he will learn that love awaits him

I know the feeling, feel exactly the same way quite often: Every model I visit knows she has my heart. Don't deny your affection for someone you like, but in this situation you can't let yourself be led by it either. It will always create an odd dynamic to place so much of yourself in a model. If you love her, you will consider how your feelings might affect her, especially if she believes you.

There is nothing wrong with feeling for a model, but unless you are serious enough to take some risks, to take it out of fantasy realms (eventually stopping spending on her), then don't talk too much of love.
Finding love always takes risk.

 

[DonaDiabla]

Actually, the fault lies with both customers and providers alike. Frankly, it is quite foolish for customers to go to strip clubs, cam sites, phone sex companies, and sugar babies sites...to look for love.Also, it is quite foolish for customers to call bedroom fantasies, empty words, and empty promises.... love. This is not love! This is industry is not about love! It is about having light-heart sexy or sensual fun with a hot person for payment. Respect this and you will not have too many problems. Protect your heart while talking to your favorites. If the sex worker and customer fall in love, then so be it. Also, I have to fault most sex workers who use the romance and love hustles for this reason. Because it is playing such a dangerous game for many of us

Draining customers of their emotions and bank accounts is just bad.Using just your bed work, whipped cream lies, and empty promises are not good hustling techniques for most sex workers. Telling customers lies about your future with them is not good for anyone. Talking about love and marriage with customers is not a great idea if you do not mean it. Sure, these hustles yield large results but the costs are just too high. Then it will start hurting business overall because they turn all of their customers into lovesick yet broken-hearted people. These sex workers often become labeled as black widows if this keeps happening. However, most of these sex workers often leave with a large sum never to return.So, the moral will always be...let's have fun and leave the heartbreak for the real world. That is my two cents

Maybe cam sites should implement some sort of warning label that members have to read before they enter a room "Warning! Cam sites are fantasy. Any perceived affection from the performer may be purely coincidental and may not constitute any real romantic interest towards the member".

 

[LivingInMyth]

I disagree with this whole post overall. Customers need be have a straight head and heart when dealing with cam models. Sex work is fun entertainment...this is not the place to find emotional and romantic happiness for most people. Encouraging this type of behavior is dangerous for the customers' psyche.Sure, there are some successful love stories between sex worker and client. Often this stories are beautiful and wonderful. However, these stories are far and between in the grand illusion of sex work. What you are telling the op....will lead him down the road of bitterness and romantic pain.
Customers need to get a grip and keep their feelings in toe. If not then....one becomes like "LivingInMyth". I am also a customer and I will never treat male dancers or web cam models in this fashion. I have used male escorts before and I will never fall in love with them. I treated them with respect and professionally. Professionalism is a must in sex work. Clients and providers must understand this.
Also, not all cam models have great intentions towards their clients and use his feelings to their advantage.Frankly, customers need stop falling in love with sex workers if they can help it. So, yes...it is something wrong with feeling more than what the model wants and needs from their clients. Yes, he must deny his feelings if she does not return them and is doing her job. It might hurt him but he will learn that love awaits him

I had been camming for 10 years and never had a problem. Never got attached, had lots of fantasy fun, and thoroughly enjoyed myself. When models told me that I was sexy or whatever I took it with a grain of salt. Was never looking for love as I knew better. Not sure what happened this time. She played herself as an injured bird from moment one. Revealed things to me (all lies) that made me feel so special. And she manipulated me from day one. No one has put the full court press on me before. And my intention was never to fall in love. Not saying that I have no culpability here just saying that it was never my intention and in my 10 prior years of camming I never grew attached to anyone nor ever felt the need to self destruct in front of them. In fact, I probably only came online once a week during the previous 10 years and spent very little money. I agree with everything you've said.

 

[MikeTO]

Easy way to know is stop spending money on her for several months. If she likes you money wouldn't matter. But we all know that's all bullshit. If you want a woman get off the computer and meet one in real life.

 

[sweetiebatman]

I can, to some degree empathize as you get close to people in this game, it is dangerous because 99.9% of the time it is unrequited from whatever side. Camming is a very social pastime,it was the thing that drew me to it and keeps me coming back. I see it as a fantasy world, ive got close to a few people but i'd never consider them more than "friends"

 

[summerale]

I can, to some degree empathize as you get close to people in this game, it is dangerous because 99.9% of the time it is unrequited from whatever side. Camming is a very social pastime,it was the thing that drew me to it and keeps me coming back. I see it as a fantasy world, ive got close to a few people but i'd never consider them more than "friends"

It only gets dangerous if you get relatively close and even if you think you're close you may or may not be. It's hard to tell if someone is really a friend with how camming works.

 

[Guy]

It only gets dangerous if you get relatively close and even if you think you're close you may or may not be. It's hard to tell if someone is really a friend with how camming works.

Camgirls are there to entertain you. They are not there to be your friends.
The relationship between a model and a member is no different from the realtionship between 2 people who are "friends" on Facebook. If you dont have a realtionship between them outside of the Internet, you dont actually know them. Your cant have a true freindship with them. Honestly I would not feel comfortable meeting a model in real life. Considering that camgirls do not reveal their real names and are prone to stalking and harresment, I would find a model wanting to meet me in real life as suspicious. I would be worried that she wanted to use me and take advantage of me.

 

[LivingInMyth]

I agree with your synopsis. For me, it was difficult because she told me that she loved me first and I saw that as her revealing herself to me. Then she said she hated this life and wanted out and wanted to spend it with me. So I saw it as evolving outside of the normal model / client relationship. Like I said before, I have been doing this for 10 years and this is the first time that I have been actively pursued like this. I used to get the obligatory complements but I always ignored them because they were so cliche but this seemed so very real and I never saw it coming. Still reeling from this 4 weeks after the fall.

 

[Lexi Emerson]

Camgirls are there to entertain you. They are not there to be your friends.
The relationship between a model and a member is no different from the realtionship between 2 people who are "friends" on Facebook. If you dont have a realtionship between them outside of the Internet, you dont actually know them. Your cant have a true freindship with them. Honestly I would not feel comfortable meeting a model in real life. Considering that camgirls do not reveal their real names and are prone to stalking and harresment, I would find a model wanting to meet me in real life as suspicious. I would be worried that she wanted to use me and take advantage of me.

Ehhhhh. I think there is a fine line and it all depends on the specific model but there is potential to be actual real friends through camming. It should never be expected of course but I would consider a few of my members to be better friends than some of my IRL friends. Not seeing each other in person doesn't mean you can't connect and get to know each other just as well as in person. At least for me personally.

I also don't think it should be expected that if a model is okay with meeting that she has some ulterior motive. I am not cool with just meeting any dude at the local Starbucks but I have asked several of my members to attend cam-related events. Not because I want to take advantage of them but because we are friends.

We are here to entertain, yes. But this is a job. We are allowed to socialize outside of that with people we meet through the cam world, just like with any other job. I think too often people go with one of two extremes- either models are shitty for not wanting to be friends with everyone or models can't possibly make friends with members because it's our job. Like I said it should never just be expected by anyone that we want to have a personal friendship with you but some of us are open to it happening with people that we connect with. *shrug*

 

[EspiKvlt]

I get really tired of hearing anything along the lines of "you can't have a real connection with someone over the Internet."

It's simply untrue.

 

[Lexi Emerson]

I get really tired of hearing anything along the lines of "you can't have a real connection with someone over the Internet."

It's simply untrue.

Seriously. Tell that to my boyfriend who has been with me for 3 years after starting our relationship online.

If both parties are invested and connect, it's not that different nowadays than dating or becoming friends IRL. Sometimes if anything you learn more about the people you befriend online since people tend to open up more of themselves.

 

[DonaDiabla]

Honestly, I do agree with your statement to a point. However, I would have to disagree with meeting friends offline. I have met friends off of Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter. So meeting them offline is pretty cool and most of them know me from different times of my life. In addition, I am against getting too close to any of my customers including in the vanilla world. I do not believe in office romances in the vanilla world either. Plus, I am against getting too close to my sugar daddies as well.

Camgirls are there to entertain you. They are not there to be your friends.
The relationship between a model and a member is no different from the realtionship between 2 people who are "friends" on Facebook. If you dont have a realtionship between them outside of the Internet, you dont actually know them. Your cant have a true freindship with them. Honestly I would not feel comfortable meeting a model in real life. Considering that camgirls do not reveal their real names and are prone to stalking and harresment, I would find a model wanting to meet me in real life as suspicious. I would be worried that she wanted to use me and take advantage of me.

 

[dilligaf0]

While there's a potential of someone developing feelings for a model online, there's the probability it is based on fantasy. You think you "love" someone only to find out they don't feel the same way. This situation is not confined to the internet. People are taken advantage of everyday in real life. Please note I wrote that in a gender neutral way, because men do it to women as well as women doing it to men.
People just need to exercise caution when trying to start a relationship, whether it's on the internet or real life. You should always be aware of the possibility of failure.

 

[Ambers Troll]

I get asked fairly regularly about meeting up with models, but never take it seriously. The main reason being they just don't know enough about me to ask: they tend to mistake openness and generosity with sharing. I am so distrustful of anyone liking me I would never act on it anyway.

I am comfortable feeling any emotion for someone I like, and receiving it is fine as it never will lead anywhere. For most people there really is no harm either way on most occasions, especially if you can separate feelings from intent. I find I take a lot of inspiration and self esteem from some moments and we shouldn't fear being affected by others for the good it does us, you can learn so much.

The more intense feelings are always challenging, but ultimately worth it for the personal growth they offer. It is something that only paying members who have gone through this can fully describe, a reward for all the extra spending and time.

The OP seemed to want to face their emotion about this model, I think it is a worthy thing to do for them-self. I see no need to share these feelings, as it is not right to do so without some form of invitation. I recommend being clear on what they really like (and don't like) about the model, and not filling in any gaps with fantasy (there will be many 'I don't knows'), it will significantly clear things up for them.

The day that I am unaffected is the day I switch to freeloader (mostly). Camming is super dull, just porn, without it; sometimes worth spending on but not generously. Some members just want the show but many of us want that something extra, we want to feel it.

 

[DonaDiabla]

Oh Ambers Troll,
This post contains so much that I have never experience as both a member nor cam model. Frankly, I believe it comes from my personal beliefs and how I enter this industry.However, I will talk about the OP first Personally, I believe he should forget about her until he gets a grip on his emotions.One thing that I have notice about these types of threads; often people mistake sex work for a way to meet their future sweethearts and make no seperation between fantasy nor reality. Frankly, it is just not realistic for customers to mistake sexual fantasy for real life relationships. Nor is it realistic for customers to take inspiration nor self-esteem off a cam site. You see, there is a difference between cam models and some girl you meet off of facebook/instagram/vine. You do not pay the facebook girl to spend time with you, right? How I came into this industry....every phone sex company and webcam site was warning models not to get too attached to customers. I took their warnings to heart as well as my family's warnings about getting too close to clients. These warnings has serve my career well. In addition, my personal belief is " business is business".

As far as being a member; I have been a customer of male cam models, strippers, and escorts. We never formed intense bonds because I was not that type of woman. They were naughty fun or distraction from my life. No one mistaken fantasy for reality even when sex was happening. They did their duty, did their sexy thing, and we went about our businesses.

I get asked fairly regularly about meeting up with models, but never take it seriously. The main reason being they just don't know enough about me to ask: they tend to mistake openness and generosity with sharing. I am so distrustful of anyone liking me I would never act on it anyway.

I am comfortable feeling any emotion for someone I like, and receiving it is fine as it never will lead anywhere. For most people there really is no harm either way on most occasions, especially if you can separate feelings from intent. I find I take a lot of inspiration and self esteem from some moments and we shouldn't fear being affected by others for the good it does us, you can learn so much.

The more intense feelings are always challenging, but ultimately worth it for the personal growth they offer. It is something that only paying members who have gone through this can fully describe, a reward for all the extra spending and time.

The OP seemed to want to face their emotion about this model, I think it is a worthy thing to do for them-self. I see no need to share these feelings, as it is not right to do so without some form of invitation. I recommend being clear on what they really like (and don't like) about the model, and not filling in any gaps with fantasy (there will be many 'I don't knows'), it will significantly clear things up for them.

The day that I am unaffected is the day I switch to freeloader (mostly). Camming is super dull, just porn, without it; sometimes worth spending on but not generously. Some members just want the show but many of us want that something extra, we want to feel it.

 

[summerale]

Seriously. Tell that to my boyfriend who has been with me for 3 years after starting our relationship online.

If both parties are invested and connect, it's not that different nowadays than dating or becoming friends IRL. Sometimes if anything you learn more about the people you befriend online since people tend to open up more of themselves.

I agree and I do think with some people online you can just click and open yourself up more due to how much chatting can happen and knowing that distance is there you can be more open than if you were to be talking with someone you know in person. However, I think it's really difficult to be genuine friends with a model as a member and vice versa.

 

[ExcellaExe]

I get really tired of hearing anything along the lines of "you can't have a real connection with someone over the Internet."

It's simply untrue.

I met my best friend on a fan fiction site as a writer and she was a massive fan who ended up editing for me to help get typos under control. We've talked for 8 years and she's come down here to visit almost as many times. I honestly love her like a sister and the thought that just because we met online that we weren't friends before is disengenuous.

As to the topic, I think it's possible for model and member to become friends. I already consider one of my regulars a semi friend. But, I would never meet him in real life or outside of a camming based event. He might be a friend but he's still a fan, and I'm still a cam girl, so my safety is paramount.

 

[SaiyaJordan]

I can understand what you're going through. My friend I met who is a cam model is someone I've grown attached to on a friendship level for a year and around the that time I got feelings for her and I spent a lot of cash on her whenever she had a shitty day. which happened a lot two years ago when she was miserable camming but we truly became friends which is really rare and now we are possibly gonna start something soon. We are meeting for the first time in three weeks and we are excited and nervous about it. We still do shows, but she gives me a dollar per minute rate so we can just talk as much as we can since her phone is off rn. Just wait it out and don't spend money on her and see what she does. You'll know your answer by then.

 

[Haze23]

hi all, i want share my experience with "be in love with a camgirl", i am 31 years old, i am italian,....and she is 25 years old,.i knew her 4 years ago, she is romanian, ......we start with long pvt, i loved her as the first time i saw her, so after 5 months when she give me her phone number i was very happy, i also started send her some euro with western union, probably too much...lol, she dont like this type of work so she prefer ask me some money for be ok all the month, so she can stay home when she want. we know each other in person for the first time, one year ago and from there we saw each other another 3 times, she knew my relatives and i knew her parents, her brother.....now we have plans, she wants come here and live with me,after this summer, i am happy with her, and she is happy with me, so is not true, relationship between camgiirl and costumer can be real.
thanks for read
haze23

 

[LivingInMyth]

I can understand what you're going through. My friend I met who is a cam model is someone I've grown attached to on a friendship level for a year and around the that time I got feelings for her and I spent a lot of cash on her whenever she had a shitty day. which happened a lot two years ago when she was miserable camming but we truly became friends which is really rare and now we are possibly gonna start something soon. We are meeting for the first time in three weeks and we are excited and nervous about it. We still do shows, but she gives me a dollar per minute rate so we can just talk as much as we can since her phone is off rn. Just wait it out and don't spend money on her and see what she does. You'll know your answer by then.

Thanks for the note. Unfortunately I don't think it will work out in my case as I confronted her with all I new and she simply got defensive and threatened to ban me from three site. I just wanted closure. To know if the time we spent meant anything to her. Wanted to tell her that if she ever changed her mind to contact me. That I would give her a chance to explain. Still hard to admit how much she hurt me. Still denying it to some extent although the pain and emptiness is there. Healing takes some time. It's only been a month but feels like it's been a year.

 

[LivingInMyth]

hi all, i want share my experience with "be in love with a camgirl", i am 31 years old, i am italian,....and she is 25 years old,.i knew her 4 years ago, she is romanian, ......we start with long pvt, i loved her as the first time i saw her, so after 5 months when she give me her phone number i was very happy, i also started send her some euro with western union, probably too much...lol, she dont like this type of work so she prefer ask me some money for be ok all the month, so she can stay home when she want. we know each other in person for the first time, one year ago and from there we saw each other another 3 times, she knew my relatives and i knew her parents, her brother.....now we have plans, she wants come here and live with me,after this summer, i am happy with her, and she is happy with me, so is not true, relationship between camgiirl and costumer can be real.
thanks for read
haze23

I am very happy for you and wish that my situation had worked out the same. In spite of everything I'very personally been through I still believe that it is possible. Just in my case, I fell in love with someone who simply pretended to love me back.