Married and cam-modeling

[CandeeLand_mfc]

I am a cam model on MFC, I am also married. I haven't started broadcasting yet, but will be any day now. Any other models who are married with advice, tips and feedback on how they navigate this 'job' and service? My husband is a premium and so am I. I've always been interested in an 'adult' industry job, but always imagined it would be stripping and honestly never planned on going thru with it. It was merely a fantasy. Now that I am going to do this, I am wondering what it's been like for other married models and how they handle it.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

Not married, but I was when I started camming.

1. Be sure that both of you realize how important it is that you are both consistent. If you take a day off, you can pretty much expect to make only 3/4 or so what you made the previous day.

2. Many freelancers (camming or otherwise) have spouses who have problems dealing with them working from home. There's no home vs office. Even if you have an office, this will still be a part of your residence. Keep in mind you will likely be working off and on throughout the day...think off and on throughout 12ish hours where even if you aren't on cam, you will be having to respond to messages.

3. Make time to spend together (a date night or something) when you don't talk about work at all.

4. Find out what all he's comfortable with you doing/saying on cam. I'm not saying he should control your job. I'm meaning find out if there are hard limits. Also, if you choose to be open with your members about your marriage, find out if there's anything that will bother him if talked about. If you say you're in a relationship, members will ask all sorts of personal questions whether it be when you last fucked, to how big is his dick to "You mean he's ok with you doing this?!" This is why many camgirls say they're single, and/or don't talk about their dating lives lol.

5. Set time for yourself (possibly out of the home) that's also away from your spouse. Most need to decompress after work, and an hour to yourself won't be bad either way. Either way no matter what site you're on, or even if you only work an hour a day (not recommended financially speaking); that's still an hour where you're constantly trying to ad lib/do improv for an hour, while trying to be sexy and thinking of future shows to do...that needs decompression, even if you don't have to deal with any jerks that day.

That's all I can think of for now, but if you get through that much..it's at least a good start I think.

 

[BrieLovexo]

I also agree, you should see what he's comfortable with, but not let it get to the point of controlling. You should talk with him, and see what his deal breakers are. For me, my relationship would be more important to me than my job, but I try to limit myself to what I'm comfortable with too. You will come to find what you are comfortable with, such as things you are comfortable saying to members.
You should explain to him that this is a service and to you it's going to be a job. You will be working hours and he has to come to respect that there will be days when you will be physically tired, just like with any job.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

Communication.. Communication...communication.

Most cam S/o's feel like they aren't getting 'enough' of you - they rarely realize how much attention and time this job takes as you invest time and energy in relationships with members, social media etc. Make sure you listen to their concerns, don't assume they see things the same way you do (you may fully be aware you're not about to run away with big-tipper#2 but he may not see it that way) and make time that is ONLY for you both.

And then communicate some more.

 

[Ambers Troll]

If you ever get caught with something too emotionally confusing... it is ok to like those that admire you, almost natural in some ways... it is not the same as someone who loves and knows you. Keep in mind the real emotional risks your husband had to take to make you his, you wont worry about this again.

Few married models have too much trouble with the member model relationship. Even if at times us members get to see a part of the model they should show their partner.

 

[MissAnnabelleD]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I'm pretty new at this and I have told my husband he is allowed to tell me he wants me to not do anything. He is my primary. He is my partner, even the biggest tipper will never be my partner, he will be here long after the big tippers are gone, so his comfort level is almost as important as my own. I've found (I'm super new to this though, so it may change) that I actually need to decompress with him after I log off, it helps me reconnect to my real relationship, even if I just kinda brag/complain about what happened that night, it helps me sort of come back to reality.

 

[Violet Dawn]

I'm not married, but I live with my boyfriend of 3 years. But, communication is key. He tells me his concerns and boundaries and I respect them. I don't get too close to members. I don't lead them on per say. But I'm literally allowed to do virtually anything else because my boyfriend knows I don't mean it. I can even omit or even say he doesn't exist. The one thing my boyfriend does care about, however, is what I do if I want to collab with a girl. Most guys would probably be like "Wtf" because it seems to be a really common thing for a guy to be totally cool with his gf fucking another girl, especially if it's just for porn, but my boyfriend isn't okay with it.

Well, to an extend. I basically cannot do anything involving the swapping of fluids. This means like oral, hardcore making out and such. But as long as there's a mutual understanding that it is JUST work, then he's cool with me tying her up and fucking her with a strap on. I'd say, don't just assume your man will be okay with other women because they are women... reason is my boyfriend sees it just like being with another man. Slightly less because I do not like women, but it's still sex with another person. Just understand the boundaries between you two, and listen to his perspective and side. And spending time together outside of work is very important to, because you may find yourself working hours on end, but you always gotta remember there's a human that chose you that needs some contact with you regularly.

Also, one more thing I'd suggest leaving something just between you two. Like a sexual activity or hardcore orgasms.. whatever it is. xD Idk others opinions on this, but it's just something I do in my relationship it makes it something that he can be stingy about.

Edit: just realized this is almost a week old. Whoops. lol

 

[MojitosJourney]

My husband has been super cool about my camming, so it's been a non-issue on the end with him.

The only thing that's come up as a mild problem in regards to being married, is how open you want to be about it with the people who come in your chat room.

Depending on what your style of camming is (a big part of mine is sharing my love and attention), the guys in your room may really enjoy the fantasy that they could date or sleep with you you... and talking about your husband might kill that notion and be a turn off for them.

I say I'm married, only if asked, and wear my ring but no longer elaborate on it or talk about him.

 

[Tristyn]

I'm not married yet, but I am engaged and I live with my fiancé.

My experience is probably a little different than some because we're also in a non-monogamous relationship. Outside of camming, we're both free to see/date/love/etc other people anyway, and we've yet to have any relationship problems related to camming.

Communication, openness, and making time for one another are probably the most important things. Working any job from home can be pretty time/energy consuming, and working a job that requires a lot of physical, emotional and sexual energy can be especially so. It's also important to check in with your partner every once in a while -- dating a camgirl can be a fairly unique experience and everyone handles it a little differently.

I try to limit the work-related screen time on scheduled days off (which might be easier for me than it is for some, since I only cam on private-based sites at this time), and we have a weekly date night.

 

[Coog]

Privates and skypes I imagine can become an area of tension, as it becomes a one to one thing as opposed to one to many. If the member last 5 minutes then it's a non issue but if the member is interested in what you enjoy and what turns you on then there can be a level of emotional investment there. I think it's things like that that can make partners uneasy the most.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

Privates and skypes I imagine can become an area of tension, as it becomes a one to one thing as opposed to one to many. If the member last 5 minutes then it's a non issue but if the member is interested in what you enjoy and what turns you on then there can be a level of emotional investment there. I think it's things like that that can make partners uneasy the most.

Sorry but I disagree...If a partner has a problem with these, then they have insecurities or both partners aren't very open about their own sexuality with the other. Now though I would never tell a model to sign up for all the thingz when they first start camming due to it being overwhelming in number of sites, I do think it should be fine to do a schedule with work hours that include both. If the model was taking a ton of Skypes and privates during their "off time", I can see how that would affect the household, but it shouldn't affect the partner at all unless they have insecurity issues stemming from lack of communication.

 

[Coog]

Sorry but I disagree...If a partner has a problem with these, then they have insecurities or both partners aren't very open about their own sexuality with the other. Now though I would never tell a model to sign up for all the thingz when they first start camming due to it being overwhelming in number of sites, I do think it should be fine to do a schedule with work hours that include both. If the model was taking a ton of Skypes and privates during their "off time", I can see how that would affect the household, but it shouldn't affect the partner at all unless they have insecurity issues stemming from lack of communication.

I wasn't necessarily saying that skype and privates are out of bounds, just that it's possible to form emotional bonds with members and that seems like the most likely place. Ambers Troll actually did a far better job of expressing what I was trying to say.

If you ever get caught with something too emotionally confusing... it is ok to like those that admire you, almost natural in some ways... it is not the same as someone who loves and knows you. Keep in mind the real emotional risks your husband had to take to make you his, you wont worry about this again.

Few married models have too much trouble with the member model relationship. Even if at times us members get to see a part of the model they should show their partner.

Not all relationships are are rock solid and even those that are will have arguments from time to time about trivial things. Yeah some guys may have insecurities and have egos hurt a little but don't forget that admitting being a model to a guy you've been dating can be enough to get you dumped, so it does take a real special guy and a strong relationship to be able to last even if you're married.

Some new models get to experience a whole new world of sexuality that they didn't know existed when they first come on, learning new terms and about fetishes. I couldn't even tell you the number of times a new model had been asked if she had an hitachi and the reply was "what's that" or she didn't have any toys at all.

Some guys can be pretty squeamish around toys too, I knew a model who was told by her boyfriend that he didn't ever want to see her toys, let alone be in the same room as them as he felt threatened by them.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

@Coog I agree they aren't all perfect, but I still think camming might not be the best for relationships that are already that shaky. I completely agree that new models will learn all sorts of things, but I feel it's better to discuss everything with the partner rather than learning on their own and having the partner find out ages later making them feel insecure. It's insecurities (especially when it's on both sides) that can ruin relationships. Sure I realize people can be squeamish over toys/finding out the girl they're into is a sex worker, but I'm not talking about that. I'm not saying people don't have insecurities, but rather than hiding things, it's better to bring it to the light to one another. Eventually it'll lead to a much happier and healthier relationship.

Hard truth is, if a model wants a good relationship with their partner, they need to keep a good line of communication. No she doesn't have to tell every detail of everything that went down, but they need to be able to have trust in one another. If they can't handle that, then they have some things they need to work on even if she doesn't plan on camming in the future.

 

[CandeeLand_mfc]

Not married, but I was when I started camming.

1. Be sure that both of you realize how important it is that you are both consistent. If you take a day off, you can pretty much expect to make only 3/4 or so what you made the previous day.

2. Many freelancers (camming or otherwise) have spouses who have problems dealing with them working from home. There's no home vs office. Even if you have an office, this will still be a part of your residence. Keep in mind you will likely be working off and on throughout the day...think off and on throughout 12ish hours where even if you aren't on cam, you will be having to respond to messages.

3. Make time to spend together (a date night or something) when you don't talk about work at all.

4. Find out what all he's comfortable with you doing/saying on cam. I'm not saying he should control your job. I'm meaning find out if there are hard limits. Also, if you choose to be open with your members about your marriage, find out if there's anything that will bother him if talked about. If you say you're in a relationship, members will ask all sorts of personal questions whether it be when you last fucked, to how big is his dick to "You mean he's ok with you doing this?!" This is why many camgirls say they're single, and/or don't talk about their dating lives lol.

5. Set time for yourself (possibly out of the home) that's also away from your spouse. Most need to decompress after work, and an hour to yourself won't be bad either way. Either way no matter what site you're on, or even if you only work an hour a day (not recommended financially speaking); that's still an hour where you're constantly trying to ad lib/do improv for an hour, while trying to be sexy and thinking of future shows to do...that needs decompression, even if you don't have to deal with any jerks that day.

That's all I can think of for now, but if you get through that much..it's at least a good start I think.

Not married, but I was when I started camming.

1. Be sure that both of you realize how important it is that you are both consistent. If you take a day off, you can pretty much expect to make only 3/4 or so what you made the previous day.

2. Many freelancers (camming or otherwise) have spouses who have problems dealing with them working from home. There's no home vs office. Even if you have an office, this will still be a part of your residence. Keep in mind you will likely be working off and on throughout the day...think off and on throughout 12ish hours where even if you aren't on cam, you will be having to respond to messages.

3. Make time to spend together (a date night or something) when you don't talk about work at all.

4. Find out what all he's comfortable with you doing/saying on cam. I'm not saying he should control your job. I'm meaning find out if there are hard limits. Also, if you choose to be open with your members about your marriage, find out if there's anything that will bother him if talked about. If you say you're in a relationship, members will ask all sorts of personal questions whether it be when you last fucked, to how big is his dick to "You mean he's ok with you doing this?!" This is why many camgirls say they're single, and/or don't talk about their dating lives lol.

5. Set time for yourself (possibly out of the home) that's also away from your spouse. Most need to decompress after work, and an hour to yourself won't be bad either way. Either way no matter what site you're on, or even if you only work an hour a day (not recommended financially speaking); that's still an hour where you're constantly trying to ad lib/do improv for an hour, while trying to be sexy and thinking of future shows to do...that needs decompression, even if you don't have to deal with any jerks that day.

That's all I can think of for now, but if you get through that much..it's at least a good start I think.

I also agree, you should see what he's comfortable with, but not let it get to the point of controlling. You should talk with him, and see what his deal breakers are. For me, my relationship would be more important to me than my job, but I try to limit myself to what I'm comfortable with too. You will come to find what you are comfortable with, such as things you are comfortable saying to members.
You should explain to him that this is a service and to you it's going to be a job. You will be working hours and he has to come to respect that there will be days when you will be physically tired, just like with any job.

 

[CandeeLand_mfc]

Communication.. Communication...communication.

Most cam S/o's feel like they aren't getting 'enough' of you - they rarely realize how much attention and time this job takes as you invest time and energy in relationships with members, social media etc. Make sure you listen to their concerns, don't assume they see things the same way you do (you may fully be aware you're not about to run away with big-tipper#2 but he may not see it that way) and make time that is ONLY for you both.

And then communicate some more.

thank you. i have tried and he is more uncomfortable talking about it than accepting that i'm going to do this. he is this way regarding most things, even minor non-relationship things. i am open and honest and have a personal boundary i will not cross. i believe he trust that. however, in the back of his mind, i know he is thinking about the fact that he was visiting and tipping models with no regard to me and may think of this as i am servicing customers (bad way to word it, sorry) and attending to members. he himself said in his defense that it was just a service made available and he paid for it because he wanted to. so, on my end that is how i am expecting him to accept it. my husband also cannot attend to me as i want, and would prefer a certain amount of attention not from me, but from an anonymous woman-sad but true. i've accepted this as much as i don't think it's 'healthy', it is what it is.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

@CandeeLand_mfc In the end, it's up to you. I feel waiting wouldn't hurt..and perhaps go to AVN and see how things go. I'd be worried if he didn't open up. I'd be concered there might be things bothering him that he isn't feeling comfortable talking about. If that is an issue that keeps cropping up, I'd even go as far as counseling tbh. Couples really need to be able to be open with each other even in the most awkward/uncomfortable of topics. Everyone has to learn to tear down that wall at some point and I just feel he needs to before you start camming or things might get messy in the relationship. *hugs to both of you*

 

[CandeeLand_mfc]

@CandeeLand_mfc In the end, it's up to you. I feel waiting wouldn't hurt..and perhaps go to AVN and see how things go. I'd be worried if he didn't open up. I'd be concered there might be things bothering him that he isn't feeling comfortable talking about. If that is an issue that keeps cropping up, I'd even go as far as counseling tbh. Couples really need to be able to be open with each other even in the most awkward/uncomfortable of topics. Everyone has to learn to tear down that wall at some point and I just feel he needs to before you start camming or things might get messy in the relationship. *hugs to both of you*

i hear ya. and i agree. part of pursuing this was/is a way to show him there's no shame in it for him because i'm into too. i have told him numerous times stripping/pole dancing is something i wish i'd tried earlier, but out of respect i kept it to myself. i have considered counseling as well. honestly, if he can do his thing and do it the way he did, but i do this openly, i will continue to pursue it. our problems are not isolated to this, this just happens to be a new trigger and honestly, up to me, i'm going to do this, just looking for how other women handle it on their end when it comes to how comfortable they are and how they work with having boundaries. he's lucky i not doing this to get back at him or secretly/behind his back. from things he has said, he has the double standard/men do this kind of thinking...which is not gonna work with me. especially if i'm expected to accept him and what he does, whether i know or not. . .but i'm not going to pursue this?

thank you so much for the feedback! it gives me a lot to think about, even if i have my mind made up. it helps to have the sounding board to bounce this off of! thanks again

 

[CandeeLand_mfc]

i know i am okay with what i am doing, i also know that it will effect our marriage/relationship. to me, it's a positive, i have no shame, i'm being open, honest and doing this on the up and up. i also know that i will not be abiding by some double standard by not doing this. i honestly appreciate the feedback and although our relationship has issues especially with communication, (long before this topic came up) i will not put this goal/adventure on hold while he drags his feet, especially after he enjoyed this on his own, in secret and private, defending it as a thing guys do as enough reason to make it okay, or that it's enough of one that i just accept it. uh, no. i hope that by me doing this, with no shame, it helps him get over whatever it is he has built up in his head that this is bad, or only for him? i have never felt like i belonged to a group of women/girls like i have these past few months;it has been a godsend to my soul to connect and feel like i belong and have the ability to pursue this before it's too late in life for it to be an option. again, thank you everyone for your feedback. in an ideal scenario, this would play out much different. however, i am okay on my end how i am approaching it and how i will pursue this. i take all of your feedback as echos of things to keep in mind, to keep myself in the right mindset, regardless of where this takes me (and my relationship with my s/o) and how far i take it!

 

[CuteMissJayla]

First a little back story. My relationship with my hubby is kind of unique in my opinion... due to the fact that I don't think we are a good match for a relationship. Let me explain. I'm married to my childhood bestie. We've been together since we were 13 and we've been married since February. Our relationship is kind of shaky. We have 3 kids and our first was born when we were only 16. We had traumatic childhoods and I think we gravitated towards each other when we met because we were just that couple that had experienced similar things and grew up with each other to lean on. We both had only each other and basically no family for the longest time and so we depend on each other for a lot of things that people in "healthy" relationships do not. We lack trust because of our backgrounds and I'll be the first to admit that we probably do not belong together. But, we love each other greatly and we're trying to figure all of that out as we go... it's pretty obvious that had we not become so close as kids, we would not be together because we really aren't a good fit for each other. That being said, this is the person I've chosen to spend my life with and we both are committed to trying to make things work.

Now the camming.. I had mentioned this to my husband a couple times and he immediately shut it down. The last time that I tried to open it for discussion, he got angry and flat out refused camming as an option for work. I'm a sahm and he wants to completely provide for our family (which he can). There are many reasons I've decided to cam, a few being that it helps me to feel confident, gives me something to do outside motherhood for myself, works with my schedule and allows me financial freedom. The biggest reason I decided to cam was because the income never feels like OUR money. I watch the kids and he works. This is the way our family functions best. He never allows me to be involved in financial decisions, he has me on an allowance for the household needs, groceries, gas, etc. This is the reason I decided to go behind his back and cam. He has no idea that I'm doing it. Do I feel guilty? Fuck yeah. Ridiculously. It's wrong on sooo many levels. Will I stop? Nope. Our relationship is obviously a trainwreck. And I don't think that me doing this for my own security and freedom, makes or breaks the level of fucked up that we're on.... Rant over. Thanks for reading and excuse the sailor's mouth lol

 

[MojitosJourney]

First a little back story. My relationship with my hubby is kind of unique in my opinion... due to the fact that I don't think we are a good match for a relationship. Let me explain. I'm married to my childhood bestie. We've been together since we were 13 and we've been married since February. Our relationship is kind of shaky. We have 3 kids and our first was born when we were only 16. We had traumatic childhoods and I think we gravitated towards each other when we met because we were just that couple that had experienced similar things and grew up with each other to lean on. We both had only each other and basically no family for the longest time and so we depend on each other for a lot of things that people in "healthy" relationships do not. We lack trust because of our backgrounds and I'll be the first to admit that we probably do not belong together. But, we love each other greatly and we're trying to figure all of that out as we go... it's pretty obvious that had we not become so close as kids, we would not be together because we really aren't a good fit for each other. That being said, this is the person I've chosen to spend my life with and we both are committed to trying to make things work.

Now the camming.. I had mentioned this to my husband a couple times and he immediately shut it down. The last time that I tried to open it for discussion, he got angry and flat out refused camming as an option for work. I'm a sahm and he wants to completely provide for our family (which he can). There are many reasons I've decided to cam, a few being that it helps me to feel confident, gives me something to do outside motherhood for myself, works with my schedule and allows me financial freedom. The biggest reason I decided to cam was because the income never feels like OUR money. I watch the kids and he works. This is the way our family functions best. He never allows me to be involved in financial decisions, he has me on an allowance for the household needs, groceries, gas, etc. This is the reason I decided to go behind his back and cam. He has no idea that I'm doing it. Do I feel guilty? Fuck yeah. Ridiculously. It's wrong on sooo many levels. Will I stop? Nope. Our relationship is obviously a trainwreck. And I don't think that me doing this for my own security and freedom, makes or breaks the level of fucked up that we're on.... Rant over. Thanks for reading and excuse the sailor's mouth lol

Hey girl!
I'm sorry to hear you're in that situation.
I think you should definitely be able to work - it's your choice, and it must be really frustrating to have your husband not allow it.

Is it just camming he's not ok with, because it involves relations with other men? Would he be ok if you got a different at home, online job that doesn't involve relations with other men?

The only reason I'm bringing up this question is because of one unlikely but very problematic scenario that could come out of all this. If you go behind his back and cam, and he finds out, and you two end up getting a divorce over it... it's possible that your sexual relations with other men via webcamming could be seen as cheating. That means when it's time to decide whether you get half his money and custody of the kids, you might not be favored in the eyes of the law.

You might have already thought of this when weighing the pros and cons and I completely respect your decision to make a choice based on your own personal freedom from him financially! Just wanted to send my perspective & support.

Good luck with everything

 

[CuteMissJayla]

Hey girl!
I'm sorry to hear you're in that situation.
I think you should definitely be able to work - it's your choice, and it must be really frustrating to have your husband not allow it.

Is it just camming he's not ok with, because it involves relations with other men? Would he be ok if you got a different at home, online job that doesn't involve relations with other men?

The only reason I'm bringing up this question is because of one unlikely but very problematic scenario that could come out of all this. If you go behind his back and cam, and he finds out, and you two end up getting a divorce over it... it's possible that your sexual relations with other men via webcamming could be seen as cheating. That means when it's time to decide whether you get half his money and custody of the kids, you might not be favored in the eyes of the law.

You might have already thought of this when weighing the pros and cons and I completely respect your decision to make a choice based on your own personal freedom from him financially! Just wanted to send my perspective & support.

Good luck with everything

Thank you for your input!! I hadn't considered that!!! Yes the reason he's not ok with it is because I'm exposing myself publicly and interracting with other men. I completely understand his perspective and I know that before I began this little adventure, I had a similar attitude towards it. I haven't found many online jobs that will pay what I get from camming and it's hard to find online jobs that are legit. You gave me some things to think about that I hadn't considered. Thank you for taking the time to respond!

 

[CandeeLand_mfc]

First a little back story. My relationship with my hubby is kind of unique in my opinion... due to the fact that I don't think we are a good match for a relationship. Let me explain. I'm married to my childhood bestie. We've been together since we were 13 and we've been married since February. Our relationship is kind of shaky. We have 3 kids and our first was born when we were only 16. We had traumatic childhoods and I think we gravitated towards each other when we met because we were just that couple that had experienced similar things and grew up with each other to lean on. We both had only each other and basically no family for the longest time and so we depend on each other for a lot of things that people in "healthy" relationships do not. We lack trust because of our backgrounds and I'll be the first to admit that we probably do not belong together. But, we love each other greatly and we're trying to figure all of that out as we go... it's pretty obvious that had we not become so close as kids, we would not be together because we really aren't a good fit for each other. That being said, this is the person I've chosen to spend my life with and we both are committed to trying to make things work.

Now the camming.. I had mentioned this to my husband a couple times and he immediately shut it down. The last time that I tried to open it for discussion, he got angry and flat out refused camming as an option for work. I'm a sahm and he wants to completely provide for our family (which he can). There are many reasons I've decided to cam, a few being that it helps me to feel confident, gives me something to do outside motherhood for myself, works with my schedule and allows me financial freedom. The biggest reason I decided to cam was because the income never feels like OUR money. I watch the kids and he works. This is the way our family functions best. He never allows me to be involved in financial decisions, he has me on an allowance for the household needs, groceries, gas, etc. This is the reason I decided to go behind his back and cam. He has no idea that I'm doing it. Do I feel guilty? Fuck yeah. Ridiculously. It's wrong on sooo many levels. Will I stop? Nope. Our relationship is obviously a trainwreck. And I don't think that me doing this for my own security and freedom, makes or breaks the level of fucked up that we're on.... Rant over. Thanks for reading and excuse the sailor's mouth lol

wow! see my back story is more than what i shared, to respect my husband and our relationship, just in case he stumbles upon this. but i hear ya totally!!!
i don't blame you one bit. it's tough to be between a rock and a hard place, and i can relate on some levels.

 

[CandeeLand_mfc]

Hey girl!
I'm sorry to hear you're in that situation.
I think you should definitely be able to work - it's your choice, and it must be really frustrating to have your husband not allow it.

Is it just camming he's not ok with, because it involves relations with other men? Would he be ok if you got a different at home, online job that doesn't involve relations with other men?

The only reason I'm bringing up this question is because of one unlikely but very problematic scenario that could come out of all this. If you go behind his back and cam, and he finds out, and you two end up getting a divorce over it... it's possible that your sexual relations with other men via webcamming could be seen as cheating. That means when it's time to decide whether you get half his money and custody of the kids, you might not be favored in the eyes of the law.

You might have already thought of this when weighing the pros and cons and I completely respect your decision to make a choice based on your own personal freedom from him financially! Just wanted to send my perspective & support.

Good luck with everything

i think he had this idea in his head that cam models were his private, secret thing. . .that in a way the fantasy of it was just for him, he'd been doing it for so long, way before we got together etc, that it was a reflex to enjoy. he kept it from me, lied etc, and used it as a coping mechanism to avoid our relationship issues;i also know on some level it intimidates him that i am honest, open, blunt, a little aggressive, independent, have no shame and want a say in calling shots. the fact that i now know he was doing this, that he was doing it behind my back, that he now has to not only deal with a wife who is sexually into her own and will be sharing it, adds to it. however, it is now permanently online that he has tipped, had private shows and chatted with all these women. i don't even have a bad opinion or bad thing to say about the women, i've joined the club. in a way i know he supports it, and has admitted in a round about way that he's impressed/although in a shocked kind of way, that i am going to do this and don't care that family, friends, people in general who may know me will find out. he grew up with a lot of shame attached to this, and every woman he's been with, i think this came up, blew up in his face and it never turned out as acceptable. the only parts i don't find acceptable are the lying, the leading me to believe he was not into this on this level, and that it was affecting our relationship. it's somewhat of a karma move that i am pursuing this. i would've gladly taken a few stripper classes, trained to do more stylized pole dancing etc to get my rocks off. . .but considering i have fallen in love with this virtual idea of sex, connecting with people, being of service as odd as that can sound, i'm bitter-sweetly glad it came out this way. divorce? eh, if it happens, it'll happen. we have enough differences and friction over other things to make that happen. we don't have kids, half of his $ etc. i'm not that type of person/woman, outside of what the laws in our state dictates, i'd wash my hands and walk away. btw-we already keep a lot of our money/credit separate, it just happens to work for us that way.
.
as far as camming seen as cheating? i'm upfront and honest, not doing this behind his back. if he considers this a service, as he has stated numerous times, it's a service and it's available, then i can also supply this service to other men. if i am not supposed to label his behavior as cheating, he cannot do that to mine. i do think that how he was doing qualifies as an infidelity to our relationship.

i am fine on my end in terms of knowing how i will behave. i may not do some of the things for other men that my own husband paid other girls to do for him, its very possible. however, i may do things for other men/or women, that he is not interested in whatsoever. also, my husband is a major voyeur, some of what he watched and tipped for in the cam rooms was purely out of the availability of getting to see naked women, and watch them do outrageous stuff.

i think my husband is really stuck and conflicted with realizing that the comfort level he had assuming a double standard was doing to fly, isn't. LOL

 

[RubyDimples]

I'll say about the same when it comes to camming and being in a relationship. Communication and honesty.....darn these girls are smart

 

[BrieLovexo]

thank you. i have tried and he is more uncomfortable talking about it than accepting that i'm going to do this. he is this way regarding most things, even minor non-relationship things. i am open and honest and have a personal boundary i will not cross. i believe he trust that. however, in the back of his mind, i know he is thinking about the fact that he was visiting and tipping models with no regard to me and may think of this as i am servicing customers (bad way to word it, sorry) and attending to members. he himself said in his defense that it was just a service made available and he paid for it because he wanted to. so, on my end that is how i am expecting him to accept it. my husband also cannot attend to me as i want, and would prefer a certain amount of attention not from me, but from an anonymous woman-sad but true. i've accepted this as much as i don't think it's 'healthy', it is what it is.

The one thing that really stood out to me when you said he doesn't want to communicate about it, which is really important to come to a comman ground about it. But maybe it's an uncomfortable subject to talk about, I was in a situation where he didn't want me to discuss when I was getting online or the details of my shows, which I truly understand. Maybe your spouse meant it in that regards. I think you should give him time to open up to you. He just might come to you when something really bothers him about it but right now seems like he needs time to process a little.
Also he admits to it being a service because he's tipped for it, but it upsets him when you do it? That shows he does not see it as a service because he gets insecure that you might be putting more involvement and feeling into it when that may not be the case at all. I think if the one thing you communicate with him about is that this is your job, you provide a service, and to clarify to him that you aren't using MFC as an outlet to hookup with members

 

[CandeeLand_mfc]

The one thing that really stood out to me when you said he doesn't want to communicate about it, which is really important to come to a comman ground about it. But maybe it's an uncomfortable subject to talk about, I was in a situation where he didn't want me to discuss when I was getting online or the details of my shows, which I truly understand. Maybe your spouse meant it in that regards. I think you should give him time to open up to you. He just might come to you when something really bothers him about it but right now seems like he needs time to process a little.
Also he admits to it being a service because he's tipped for it, but it upsets him when you do it? That shows he does not see it as a service because he gets insecure that you might be putting more involvement and feeling into it when that may not be the case at all. I think if the one thing you communicate with him about is that this is your job, you provide a service, and to clarify to him that you aren't using MFC as an outlet to hookup with members[/QUOTE
Yep! i agree with you. the supposed double standard doesn't completely fly for me, considering how upset he gets. . .i too believe it was more than 'just a service' in some ways;but I do see it as a way to avoid 'us'. he wasn't raised to discuss anything, anything talked about was done in only angry and dysfunctional ways;everything was a confrontation or so his not wanting to talk about it, can be simply from that stand point. I can give him time;the part of that that concerns me is that in his silence, behind the scenes, his behavior may still be a reaction to it, he may dwell on his own in his mind and it'll fester;maybe not. I'm going ahead, and I'm not going to be dishonest or hide things to be on par with his behavior. I will keep things to myself that happen in my room and with members, especially what he does not need to know. giving him time? i'm willing to not press him, but considering how long he was doing this while we've been married, the degree that he was doing it, and at the same time avoiding our relationship? i'm not making any extra effort to 'baby' him and his feelings after all that when i'm supposed to let it go (somewhat similar to what he has said). I gave him an opportunity to talk about it, and i'm not forcing him to since then. anything else, he'll be lucky.

 

[marchards]

Communication.. Communication...communication.

I think that's the key to all relationships, regardless of the circumstances.

I wish more people would be aware of this.

 

[CandeeLand_mfc]

i agree. it's difficult when one is more willing than the other. i am more willing and open, so i continue doing what i do, and leaving it open for him when and if he's ready.

 

[Mikey_P]

One thing I do not get is the idea that being a model and being a member are equal. The idea that you are doing exactly what he did but in an open and honest way isn't really a balanced comparison. Sure being honest is great but the two things you are trying to put equal weight behind will never balance.

 

[CandeeLand_mfc]

One thing I do not get is the idea that being a model and being a member are equal. The idea that you are doing exactly what he did but in an open and honest way isn't really a balanced comparison. Sure being honest is great but the two things you are trying to put equal weight behind will never balance.

my point is about the double standard, equal is subjective. personally, how someone enjoys their sexuality, especially in a relationship, one where you are married, should not be one way for one person and different for the other. if a man can enjoy cam models, why can't a woman provide that service? if that same man enjoys his need for sexual services with a stranger, but not his wife;how is that different if the wife provides the service for other men? i'm not trying to make it 'equal'. i wonder how many of the men who would not want their wife being a cam model, would also have a problem if their wife paid male cam models to fulfill their need to sex? denying one person to be sexual the way that works for them, but wanting to enjoy their own the way they choose, is a double standard. . .