Over-reaction?

[MallorieReese]

Sounds a little bit like high school drama. What I imagine happened is that her friend might have did her dirty so she was really hurt by it. I guess she freaked out because she was scared to lose you as a regular because of the girl who did her dirty - which doubles up the hurt. At least this is what I think it's happening in her head. She will come round, you will see. If not, I understand you have a strong connection with her, but if you don't enjoy yourself in a chatroom, why bother still going there?

 

[dusty-of-nymph-dreams]

And this is where you lost me entirely. What. The. Fuck? Poets?

I made up a poem the other week though. Right enough;

There’s a member named Janus,
Who came straight from Uranus,
He tried to camsplain us,
With his head up his anus.

I tried so so hard not to post this in the public part of the forum. Oh well. Too late now. I guess we are poets My poetry, in particular, is extremely high brow, with rich emotional depth, and a heady complexity

tears, my eyes, oh - how they burn

 

[cbhours]

I opened her room up in another browser window, and saw she had only 9 viewers, one of which was the first model I really like. She was still working towards the first goal, and looked pretty downcast. So I said hi and tipped her for a few more fun (but non-explicit) menu items. Was only in there for 5 minutes or so. Then went back to the model I really like. I told her I had just dropped in on her friend and said hi, tipped a little. And she completely freaked out and went nuts at me..........

I asked what had changed in the space of a week since our previous visit together, and reminded her that it was her idea to visit that time. She said that they had fallen out over something, and were no longer friends. I pointed out that each had been in the other's room (and actually still were) so why would I think there was any problem? Also that I had told her openly and straight away, that I had paid the friend a brief visit, so was not 'hiding' anything......
Anyway, the first model acted all cold and defensive to me, saying "you can visit whoever you like", "it does not bother me - go to her if you like her more than me" etc. Which frankly hurt me, as I have been a long-time regular and we had always got on really well.
In the end I gave up and left, it felt like being back in school and those kind of silly arguments that happen over hurt feelings and not understanding or being able to deal with emotions.
What should I do? Why would this have triggered such an over-reaction? I really don't feel like I should have to defend or explain myself, even if I had visited the friend for my own gratification (which I did not), that's my choice and nobody else's concern.
Sure, I can just move on and not think about it any more. But it is bothering me because of the circumstances - trying to cheer someone up, ending up in the doghouse, and somehow losing an online relationship that I really valued, enjoyed and above all, trusted.........

Writing all this down seems to have given me even more clarity. While I still feel this whole situation is not my fault, maybe it was getting a little too cosy.
Example: whenever she takes a private, I close my browser and go off and take a break from the screen. Not to make a point, just that I like to use the time to keep busy - I might mow the grass, listen to music, walk the dog, whatever. I go back when I'm done, if she's there, great, if not - there's a next time.
But she always messages me as soon as the private is over, and follows up again if I'm not back in the room within 5 mins or so.
I have explained why I leave, and what I do, but still the same messaging. Maybe she thinks I just switch rooms, and the explanation is just BS.....

So a break - temporary or permanent - might actually be a good thing.
Just have to get over the withdrawal, there was definitely great chemistry.

Some studios log into models accounts and move them into each others rooms (if its chaturbate), it used to help with placement a little (don't think it does right now for most studio scenarios but they might not realize that). I don't know if its a studio situation or not, just throwing out a possible explanation.

You didn't do anything wrong, she over reacted and was angry and was clearly in the wrong. I don't know what she said so can't say for sure but seems to me like you defended yourself quite a bit which to me says you might be taking things too seriously. You could have gone with "oh i didn't know you wherent friends anymore i was tipping her as a favor to you" and just left, no sense in going back and forth with someone in an unreasonable state, she will calm down later. Me personally I would have made some jokes but maybe in her pissed off state she would have banned me for making light of the situation but chances are high she would unban me later and even if she doesn't it doesn't matter because I don't take these kinds of things seriously and neither should you.

 

[AudriTwo]

i think it's best to not tell any models who you tip in the future. don't know what's happening in the background offcam and it's none of their gotdamn business.


its not like you were in her public room saying "aw i wish i could tip but i spent all my tokens on so and so." if you said something like that, i could understand the model's anger. hate that shit.

 

[rockin_rod]

I don't know what she said so can't say for sure but seems to me like you defended yourself quite a bit which to me says you might be taking things too seriously.

I think you're right. I had thought that she would be as pleased as she was on the 1st time, to know that I had remembered the friend and had stopped by again to say hello.
So it was a big shock to get that massive negative reaction, like "you did what???? how could you?????" and straight away I started trying to explain the motivation. Once I realised that defending myself seemed to be admitting doing wrong, I said my goodbyes, told her I hoped to be welcome in her room another time, and left.

And in case anyone was wondering, the reason why I visited the friend a second time after a week was because I suddenly felt conflicted about the idea of 'cheering her up' the first time. I had seen that she was struggling with a quiet room, but one guy going in there for 15 minutes makes absolutely zero difference.
I was hoping to see that she was having a good show this time, and certainly not looking to score points by telling model 1 about the visit. So glad I did mention it though, this shitty situation would have been much worse if the friend had told her, rather than me.

 

[NotYou]

Writing all this down seems to have given me even more clarity. While I still feel this whole situation is not my fault, maybe it was getting a little too cosy.
Example: whenever she takes a private, I close my browser and go off and take a break from the screen. Not to make a point, just that I like to use the time to keep busy - I might mow the grass, listen to music, walk the dog, whatever. I go back when I'm done, if she's there, great, if not - there's a next time.
But she always messages me as soon as the private is over, and follows up again if I'm not back in the room within 5 mins or so.
I have explained why I leave, and what I do, but still the same messaging. Maybe she thinks I just switch rooms, and the explanation is just BS.....

So a break - temporary or permanent - might actually be a good thing.
Just have to get over the withdrawal, there was definitely great chemistry.

I have this sometimes where the model will message me after the private, to see where I am and if I am going back.
Similarly, the same model/s usually are the ones that tell me to go do other things and make use of my time, I shouldn't be there too much or "don't I get bored" etc.
Yet as soon as I take their advice and actually, you know, make use of my time while they are in a private show (for example), I can sometimes get messages like as if they are my wife, asking where the hell I am and have to explain exactly what I am doing, how long I will be (if I ate, what did I eat - and not out of curiosity, this is a lot of times a "test" or to see if I should have taken "that" long to prepare and eat it haha). Then the same model again, if I say "hey I need to go for a bit I need to do XYZ", they get annoyed at me because I have told them I need to brb and will be gone for XX hours and "I don't need to know everything you're doing, just go" (if i just go pee or drink I don't generally say brb unless we're mid-conversation).


My point here is that sometimes it can feel too much and they are constantly checking on you. I think sometimes some models can get jealous and think/assume you've gone to watch other models so they become defensive.
I used to be one who would apologize for all of this and constantly explain myself, now I don't try to excuse myself more than I "need to". The times I say "brb" and let a model know I will be back later are purely out of politeness.

 

[rockin_rod]

Yeah Brett, to me there is a fine line between feeling grateful that your absence is noted from the chat/activity, and feeling like you somehow have to defend having competing demands on your time from everyday life.
Anyway, I leave a lot to be desired in my own communication, so have to keep working at it.

 

[EllaM]

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the room of a model I really like, and have been visiting for the best part of a year. She told me that a friend of hers in the same city was online, and having a bad day. She suggested visiting the friend and trying to cheer her up.
So we both entered the room, and had some fun in public chat and I tipped a few menu items (like choosing some upbeat songs, dancing, ass-slapping etc). The friend seemed really grateful, and both of us left after maybe 10-15 minutes, going back to the first model's room together.
Around a week later, in the first model's room, I saw the friend's username in the list of those viewing. I opened her room up in another browser window, and saw she had only 9 viewers, one of which was the first model I really like. She was still working towards the first goal, and looked pretty downcast. So I said hi and tipped her for a few more fun (but non-explicit) menu items. Was only in there for 5 minutes or so. Then went back to the model I really like. I told her I had just dropped in on her friend and said hi, tipped a little. And she completely freaked out and went nuts at me..........

I asked what had changed in the space of a week since our previous visit together, and reminded her that it was her idea to visit that time. She said that they had fallen out over something, and were no longer friends. I pointed out that each had been in the other's room (and actually still were) so why would I think there was any problem? Also that I had told her openly and straight away, that I had paid the friend a brief visit, so was not 'hiding' anything......
Anyway, the first model acted all cold and defensive to me, saying "you can visit whoever you like", "it does not bother me - go to her if you like her more than me" etc. Which frankly hurt me, as I have been a long-time regular and we had always got on really well.
In the end I gave up and left, it felt like being back in school and those kind of silly arguments that happen over hurt feelings and not understanding or being able to deal with emotions.
What should I do? Why would this have triggered such an over-reaction? I really don't feel like I should have to defend or explain myself, even if I had visited the friend for my own gratification (which I did not), that's my choice and nobody else's concern.
Sure, I can just move on and not think about it any more. But it is bothering me because of the circumstances - trying to cheer someone up, ending up in the doghouse, and somehow losing an online relationship that I really valued, enjoyed and above all, trusted.........

Hi!
I think I can give you a proper respons beacuse when I was very young in camming, like 5 years ago I used to be in Model 1's shoes.
So, firts time when you went in Model 2 room she was not mad beacuse she knew that you made this for her, like a favor I mean. Second time she was angry beacuse she felt like you did it for you, beacuse you start like more her friend than her, thinking you will start being a regular there etc.
Most probablly she's not going to apologize to you, because she feel betrayed; I also don't think you have reasons to apologize but send her a message and explain that she's still your favorite and what you did you did for her must fix everything. Good luck!

 

[MarieElise]

I have this sometimes where the model will message me after the private, to see where I am and if I am going back.
Similarly, the same model/s usually are the ones that tell me to go do other things and make use of my time, I shouldn't be there too much or "don't I get bored" etc.
Yet as soon as I take their advice and actually, you know, make use of my time while they are in a private show (for example), I can sometimes get messages like as if they are my wife, asking where the hell I am and have to explain exactly what I am doing, how long I will be (if I ate, what did I eat - and not out of curiosity, this is a lot of times a "test" or to see if I should have taken "that" long to prepare and eat it haha). Then the same model again, if I say "hey I need to go for a bit I need to do XYZ", they get annoyed at me because I have told them I need to brb and will be gone for XX hours and "I don't need to know everything you're doing, just go" (if i just go pee or drink I don't generally say brb unless we're mid-conversation).


My point here is that sometimes it can feel too much and they are constantly checking on you. I think sometimes some models can get jealous and think/assume you've gone to watch other models so they become defensive.
I used to be one who would apologize for all of this and constantly explain myself, now I don't try to excuse myself more than I "need to". The times I say "brb" and let a model know I will be back later are purely out of politeness.

Sorry to laugh but the way you described it was funny; "Man goes to escape monotony and stresses of real life to a lurid sexual fantasy world. Man gets chased back to real life by 5 cyber-wives chewing his balls simultaneously. Man no longer able to spend more than 5 mins making a cuppa noodle or cheese sandwich for dinner. Man refuses to give up on fantasy world regardless, due to love (in general) of hot chicks." Like I said, I apologize for laughing, but there is some humor in it. You guys are right that this behavior is not on from either side, viewer or model though.

 

[yummybrownfox]

ooooh those women, lol.

if there is one thing i learned in all this time than it is not to talk about other models in a models room. You are there for that model, so give her the attention she needs or leave.

Yup, that really should be in the Ten Commandments of Cam Site Chatroom Etiquette, imo! Also, telling a model something such as "I'm hangin' out in here while I wait for my favorite model to get online" is rude and tacky, but some people will just say anything.

 

[Carmen_Monroe]

Horny Guys, money and many , many, MANY hot woman are are the perfect basis for drama. But usually we see that stuff on TV

how nice it would be if some men had more respect for us and models would support each other more. We could really move mountains for us sexworkers/cammodels. It's a shame that this will probably never happen and that so much people prefer to bring each other down.

 

[melanieoncam]

Horny Guys, money and many , many, MANY hot woman are are the perfect basis for drama. But usually we see that stuff on TV

how nice it would be if some men had more respect for us and models would support each other more. We could really move mountains for us sexworkers/cammodels. It's a shame that this will probably never happen and that so much people prefer to bring each other down.

I wouldn't say most though, a lot yes but I don't think it's a majority. Sometimes you get a silly one here and there acting jealous.

I have gotten more help on tech issues and tips for making more money from cam models than any other industry I've ever worked in. It's been awesome. I don't think anyone can name any other profession where you can ask your competition for help and get it, freely given.

(With that said, I feel like there is more than enough business to go around and have no issue helping other models progress in their careers).

 

[rockin_rod]

how nice it would be if some men had more respect for us and models would support each other more.

I think this forum and it's variety of members is a great asset in helping with this ^.
I wish I had found it long ago.
Perhaps the reason why I enjoy asking questions here, and considering all the responses, is that I want to better understand aspects of the industry and our behaviour, that make us act and react the way we do.
While it is always about business and work, it involves human beings, with feelings, emotions, and personalities.
I am often appalled at some of the behaviour I see from viewers while online, and any progress towards changing that and raising the bar on respect has to be a win.