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Please talk me out of outting my ex.

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Jan 19, 2018
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For the record, I know this is going to come off as creepy as fuck. Especially to camgirls who, because they are also women, operate from a triple-distilled context of solipsism. You can save the name-calling. I would just like to get some perspective & maybe talk myself out of outting this woman, which I realize is the shittiest thing I can do - and that's why I wanna do it.

Backstory: 3-4 years ago I was surfing a popular red-themed camming site & I stumbled across a girl who I almost immediately liked. She got me. She encouraged my racist jokes & made her own. We listened to the same music, read the same books etc. You get the idea. I never took her in private. Never gave her a dime. She liked me anyway because basically I'm funny af & well-read & those are her sexual triggers.

Anyway, a couple years go by. She disappears for long stretches, so do I. Just living our respective lives. No big deal, we were only buddies on the chatsite. After disappearing for about a year, she came back last summer. I had just moved back from overseas & it was cool being re-united with my hot friend again. After a few months I mentioned to her that sometime in the past I had uploaded one of her model pics to my profile on one of OUR favorite porn sites. I just wanted to know if it was cool or if I should take it down. She responded by visiting the site in her off-hours, making a profile & sending me a private message. I messaged back & we started communicating almost daily. Really deep, personal shit. Becoming very good friends in the process.

After a few months of this we both bit the bullet & admitted being very attracted to each other & we lamented our physical distance (I'm in the states, she is in Romania). We just couldn't stop falling in love (or limerence if you will) & things got very intense between us. She told me I was her best friend & soulmate, she would never leave me, she was in love with me.

I begged her not to say those things unless she truly deeply fucking meant them. I had so many pressures pushing on me irl & failed relationships that I knew if she lied to me, or to put it in girl-code "Changed Her Mind", it would make me snap & I would rather just keep being her friend if she couldn't handle the responsibilities of being in love with someone. She assured me that I could trust her, that I needed to trust her. And I wanted to so bad I just put everything on the line and did.

Things got so much deeper after that. Our sexual & emotional & conversational life just kept growing. We did things we never did with anyone else before (supposedly). We were even having sex when Charles Manson died which was pretty significant for both of us because reasons. We had some arguments & miscommunications sometimes. No major blow-outs or anything. We even seriously talked about what it would look like for her to move out of Romania & come live in the states close to me.

The last time we had sex was amazing. She came 3 times, I came twice. A new record for both of us. But then after that, she started changing fast. Would take sometimes 24 hours or more to answer a text. Refused to answer anymore of my emails, confessing to reading them but then just ignoring them. Would only skype with me once every 7-10 days, often times cutting them short to 45 minutes or less after the norm was a minimum of three hours. She stopped texting me & stopped asking for skype.

I just kept pretending like it was all good. I understood that camming can cause major complications in relationships but it was something we had talked about & were both sure we would confront & deal with when the time came. I would ask her time & time again if something beside work was wrong. She denied it. Said it was just work & life. Which I understand, but I couldn't see how you can just cut off someone you love & blame it on something which had already been happening for years & didn't impact us at all in the first 5 months of our relationship.

I was reaching the end of my patience when I found out she spent New Year Eve in her hometown, with some friend of a friend & nobody else..

I snapped & lost my cool. Called her a liar. Said some other shit, nothing unforgivable. I was just angry.

Anyway, she has barely talked to me since then. Won't even read my texts. Won't see me on skype. Nada. When I do get her in a convo that last more then 5 minutes, I tried my very best to apologize for getting angry. I tried to tell her that between people who shared a bond as deep as we do, nothing is impossible or unfixable. She just kept making weepy excuses about how camming won't psychologically allow her to be in love. Or even allow her to spend any more time with me.

"It isn't you, it's me"

Typically when things like this have happened in life, I just shrug my shoulders & move on to whatever is next. I can't do that with this one. I begged her not to lie me (change her mind, remember?) I begged her to keep it real with me because I didn't know if my heart could recover from another break. I left every door in the world open to her to just be my friend & DONT FUCKING LIE.

Now, rumor has it she is sleeping with the tech support guy at her job..

Romania is a very conservative country. Sex-work is a huge societal no-no. Almost nobody there knows her secret.

I want to make a collage of her sluttiest model pics & include her real name, screen name, website, links to her camming site & relevant twitter accounts. I want to upload this collage to her last 50 public posts on facebook. I then want to private message the image to her parents, her relatives, her friends & ex-schoolmates. Anyone she admires or has respect for. I feel like she stole my sense of being able to trust a woman & why shouldn't I do the same? I've also contemplated going into her free chat and doxxing the fuck out her every single hour of every single day, schedule permitting. I don't know if I will do this, as I don't want some psycho to find her & hurt her. I just want her to lose her job, the job she blames for wrecking our thing. If camming doesn't allow her to form & maintain interpersonal relationships, she needs to stop.

I just feel like she deserves it. I feel like I wouldn't be doing anything except telling the truth. The punishment for her lie is - her truth.

I haven't done it yet. The future is still murky between us but I'm almost 90% sure it's completely done between us. And on the day its 100% done, I feel like I might do the worst thing to her I can possibly do. If she lost everything because of me, I would temporarily feel victorious but I know that later on I would feel like a bastard.

But she needs to know that everything has it's cost - especially lies. It's okay to be wishy-washy about stuff but you don't get to leave a trail of broken hearts behind you & think it's okay because you have a vagina & because you can always log-off..

No. I need to hear some voices of reason about this. I need someone to talk to me about the alternatives between turn the other cheek & fuck the world.

I'm really not a bad person. Not at all. I just can't stop feeling like I need revenge & like she deserves it. Because I know if I do this thing, it will ruin my soul. I will literally kill my fucking self. I don't want to hurt her, but she can't do this & just walk away without consequence.

Help me. Please.
 
Revenge is not going to help you, and will bring harm to someone else.

Do not do that. Find other ways to get beyond this without putting someone in harms way because they hurt your feelings.
 
OK, so you aren't the divine arbitrator of who punishes whom. So put that aside.

You've got to move on. It's going to take time, but obsessing won't make you feel better. "Outing" her won't take away your hurt. Taking the low road is never as satisfying as you think it will be. Do what it takes to get out of your own head, healthily, because right now you are obsessing.

I recommend talking to a therapist, or even making an ANONYMOUS post somewhere like Reddit's r/offmychest or a similar support subreddit. This is a camgirl forum and most of us will not be sympathetic.
 
Any woman who reads this has probably had a dude tell her he loved her, climb inside her body and then ghost her or disappoint her. It hurts. Whatever reasoning she tells you for stepping away probably isn't the full truth anyway. So, blaming yourself, camming, whatever and trying to burn it all to the ground isn't going to help you. It won't win her back, and it will likely prove to her that she made a good decision stepping away. If you do it, you'll have to admit it someday to another woman, probably a woman that you want to love...and you'll be ashamed. Instead of feeling like you cared for someone and got hurt, you'll have to admit to being cruel and petty. It also comes off as misogynist which isn't a good look especially if plan to continue dating women. On top of all of that, it's just not healthy. As someone who's been to anger management, I can tell you that being angry and lashing out is a coping mechanism to avoid sadness. Whether you do something in anger or not, you'll eventually have to work through the sadness to get rid over the whole thing. Revenge is basically dragging out your own sadness.
 
I feel like she stole my sense of being able to trust a woman & why shouldn't I do the same?
i'm sorry she hurt you, but that is not a healthy response to this situation. don't doxx her or out her. doxxing sexworkers can lead to violence. do you want physical harm done to her?

go live your life dude. you can trust other women, because other women aren't her. please go speak to a counselor .


----

i had a boyfriend, who i loved very much, ghost me when i went off to college. it sucks.
 
We just couldn't stop falling in love (or limerence if you will) & things got very intense between us. She told me I was her best friend & soulmate, she would never leave me, she was in love with me.

Dammnnnn. I stopped right there for some weird reason (I think I've been on this board for too long). But, like I always say, good luck!
 
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(just a disclaimer: I've never really advised about getting tattoos of a Model's name on your body, but, having seen people do it in the past here, PLEASE do not!---obviously I haven't read your whole post...but I can't. I just can't read all the way thru it)
 
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(just a disclaimer: I've never really advised about getting tattoos of a Model's name on your body, but, having seen people do it in the past here, PLEASE do not!---obviously I haven't read your whole post...but I can't. I just can't read all the way thru it)
TL;DR actual romanian girlfriend who is cammodel. they fucked while charles manson died which is a pretty big deal. ghosted after he got angry with her hanging out with other people. it's also suspected that she was sleeping with a coworker. op is conflicted to out and dox her because heartbreak.
 
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TL;DR actual romanian girlfriend who is cammodel. they fucked while charles manson died which is a pretty big deal. ghosted after he got angry with her hanging out with other people. it's also suspected that she was sleeping with an coworker. op is conflicted to out and dox her because heartbreak.
Thank you, I did read the whole thing but was wishing there was a TL;DR at the end for those less patient yet still curious.
 
TL;DR actual romanian girlfriend who is cammodel. they fucked while charles manson died which is a pretty big deal. ghosted after he got angry with her hanging out with other people. it's also suspected that she was sleeping with an coworker. op is conflicted to out and dox her because heartbreak.

Well, I didn't realize, and just a big fuck it all! Maybe a tattoo would be good?
 
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For the record, I know this is going to come off as creepy as fuck. Especially to camgirls who, because they are also women, operate from a triple-distilled context of solipsism. You can save the name-calling. I would just like to get some perspective & maybe talk myself out of outting this woman, which I realize is the shittiest thing I can do - and that's why I wanna do it.

Backstory: 3-4 years ago I was surfing a popular red-themed camming site & I stumbled across a girl who I almost immediately liked. She got me. She encouraged my racist jokes & made her own. We listened to the same music, read the same books etc. You get the idea. I never took her in private. Never gave her a dime. She liked me anyway because basically I'm funny af & well-read & those are her sexual triggers.

Anyway, a couple years go by. She disappears for long stretches, so do I. Just living our respective lives. No big deal, we were only buddies on the chatsite. After disappearing for about a year, she came back last summer. I had just moved back from overseas & it was cool being re-united with my hot friend again. After a few months I mentioned to her that sometime in the past I had uploaded one of her model pics to my profile on one of OUR favorite porn sites. I just wanted to know if it was cool or if I should take it down. She responded by visiting the site in her off-hours, making a profile & sending me a private message. I messaged back & we started communicating almost daily. Really deep, personal shit. Becoming very good friends in the process.

After a few months of this we both bit the bullet & admitted being very attracted to each other & we lamented our physical distance (I'm in the states, she is in Romania). We just couldn't stop falling in love (or limerence if you will) & things got very intense between us. She told me I was her best friend & soulmate, she would never leave me, she was in love with me.

I begged her not to say those things unless she truly deeply fucking meant them. I had so many pressures pushing on me irl & failed relationships that I knew if she lied to me, or to put it in girl-code "Changed Her Mind", it would make me snap & I would rather just keep being her friend if she couldn't handle the responsibilities of being in love with someone. She assured me that I could trust her, that I needed to trust her. And I wanted to so bad I just put everything on the line and did.

Things got so much deeper after that. Our sexual & emotional & conversational life just kept growing. We did things we never did with anyone else before (supposedly). We were even having sex when Charles Manson died which was pretty significant for both of us because reasons. We had some arguments & miscommunications sometimes. No major blow-outs or anything. We even seriously talked about what it would look like for her to move out of Romania & come live in the states close to me.

The last time we had sex was amazing. She came 3 times, I came twice. A new record for both of us. But then after that, she started changing fast. Would take sometimes 24 hours or more to answer a text. Refused to answer anymore of my emails, confessing to reading them but then just ignoring them. Would only skype with me once every 7-10 days, often times cutting them short to 45 minutes or less after the norm was a minimum of three hours. She stopped texting me & stopped asking for skype.

I just kept pretending like it was all good. I understood that camming can cause major complications in relationships but it was something we had talked about & were both sure we would confront & deal with when the time came. I would ask her time & time again if something beside work was wrong. She denied it. Said it was just work & life. Which I understand, but I couldn't see how you can just cut off someone you love & blame it on something which had already been happening for years & didn't impact us at all in the first 5 months of our relationship.

I was reaching the end of my patience when I found out she spent New Year Eve in her hometown, with some friend of a friend & nobody else..

I snapped & lost my cool. Called her a liar. Said some other shit, nothing unforgivable. I was just angry.

Anyway, she has barely talked to me since then. Won't even read my texts. Won't see me on skype. Nada. When I do get her in a convo that last more then 5 minutes, I tried my very best to apologize for getting angry. I tried to tell her that between people who shared a bond as deep as we do, nothing is impossible or unfixable. She just kept making weepy excuses about how camming won't psychologically allow her to be in love. Or even allow her to spend any more time with me.

"It isn't you, it's me"

Typically when things like this have happened in life, I just shrug my shoulders & move on to whatever is next. I can't do that with this one. I begged her not to lie me (change her mind, remember?) I begged her to keep it real with me because I didn't know if my heart could recover from another break. I left every door in the world open to her to just be my friend & DONT FUCKING LIE.

Now, rumor has it she is sleeping with the tech support guy at her job..

Romania is a very conservative country. Sex-work is a huge societal no-no. Almost nobody there knows her secret.

I want to make a collage of her sluttiest model pics & include her real name, screen name, website, links to her camming site & relevant twitter accounts. I want to upload this collage to her last 50 public posts on facebook. I then want to private message the image to her parents, her relatives, her friends & ex-schoolmates. Anyone she admires or has respect for. I feel like she stole my sense of being able to trust a woman & why shouldn't I do the same? I've also contemplated going into her free chat and doxxing the fuck out her every single hour of every single day, schedule permitting. I don't know if I will do this, as I don't want some psycho to find her & hurt her. I just want her to lose her job, the job she blames for wrecking our thing. If camming doesn't allow her to form & maintain interpersonal relationships, she needs to stop.

I just feel like she deserves it. I feel like I wouldn't be doing anything except telling the truth. The punishment for her lie is - her truth.

I haven't done it yet. The future is still murky between us but I'm almost 90% sure it's completely done between us. And on the day its 100% done, I feel like I might do the worst thing to her I can possibly do. If she lost everything because of me, I would temporarily feel victorious but I know that later on I would feel like a bastard.

But she needs to know that everything has it's cost - especially lies. It's okay to be wishy-washy about stuff but you don't get to leave a trail of broken hearts behind you & think it's okay because you have a vagina & because you can always log-off..

No. I need to hear some voices of reason about this. I need someone to talk to me about the alternatives between turn the other cheek & fuck the world.

I'm really not a bad person. Not at all. I just can't stop feeling like I need revenge & like she deserves it. Because I know if I do this thing, it will ruin my soul. I will literally kill my fucking self. I don't want to hurt her, but she can't do this & just walk away without consequence.

Help me. Please.


Hope you got some catharsis from writing this all out. Sounds like you know what the right thing to do (or not to do, in this case) is, so that’s good. Right now you’re blinded by your emotions. Take a week or month(s) to clear your head and you’ll see things in a better perspective - that is, how absolutely unacceptable doxxing her would be.
 
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Along with what everyone else has said about not doing it, actually doing it will do nothing but make you feel awful. What is probably making you feel slightly good right now is the fact that you could do it. I am guessing you are feeling pretty powerless right now, you fell for someone you have no physical relationship with, you have no real tangible connection with her friends, family or outside world. If someone breaks up with you in real life there is more reason to give them certain courtesies just to save face and make life afterwards more livable, and if that person doesn't, you can usually go round and confront them or speak to their friends so you get some answers. In the case of online relationships, if that person wants to end it, they can easily bottle out and not go through the hard stuff with you, and there is nothing you can do about it. This really sucks, and she probably doesn't realise just how much she has hurt you, that is something you can never force her to do, nor can you force her to feel guilty for hurting you.

Right now you have one piece of control and power, and that is the idea that you could out her and "get revenge". You clearly know this is an awful idea and that you don't want to do it, because it will not do anything except turn her into the victim and you into the abusive crazy person, but it seems like you want others to know that you have this power and are actively making the decision to do it or not. I get it, I have been in situations where I have felt powerless and have maybe ranted to a friend about how I could do such and such, and it makes you feel a little bit more in control feeling that you could. I have been hurt by boyfriends or friends and have indulged in fantasies of just how much I could harm them.

Sadly, some people you will never get closure from, and threatening her or carrying out this horrible act will not help you in any way, I think you already know that. You will have to live with what you have done, you will have to live with the fact that you could lead her into serious harm. While you have had a relationship with this girl, you really have no idea what was truly going on in her life, you don't know why she chose to leave you, and you don't know why it truly was that she looked to you for comfort and company in the first place. Be very careful, she is a girl from an extremely poor country who has chosen to cam (seemingly from a studio), you have absolutely no concept of what she has had to face in her life. If you got her killed, or even isolated her so much from her community that she killed herself, that would be on you for the rest of your life. Online bullying is extremely serious, yet people do it without a thought, and something like this can seem so easy, yet it could destroy a life. This may seem really far fetched, but it sadly really isn't. Did she hurt you? Yes. Does she deserve the potential consequences of what you are thinking of doing? No, absolutely not.

You are not a bad person for indulging in this idea to help you cope with the pain of losing her, but if you choose to do it then you have committed a truly evil act. This is the sort of thing that psychopaths and people with personality disorders and mental health issues that prevent them from feeling empathy might do (and many still wouldn't, because like, wtf?!). Maybe you are one of those people, who knows? But if you are, all I can say is that she would be better off having everyone in her life knowing about her job than ever speaking to you again, because you would be likely far more dangerous than anyone she would face there.

If you are looking for a trusting, loving relationship, camgirls living on the other side of the world are not the place to look. You should not blame her, or any woman for breaking your trust, by doing so you are just doing whatever you can to remove potential fault from yourself. Visit a counselor, talk about your trust issues and work out a way to work through them, and how to recognise a trustworthy person in the future. People fuck up all the time, we are only human, for most people this is hugely hurtful, but we deal with it, accept it as a part of life, and move forwards, perhaps a little wiser next time. For some, they obsess and place huge amounts of blame on others rather than taking some responsibility. This is what will harm you the most in the end. I hope you find a way to move on and stop obsessing. This girl has left for whatever reason, you may never know, but the more intense you act and the more you try to push her, the more you're going to scare her. Honestly, after hearing your post I can only imagine the sort of fear she probably feels for you, so it's unsurprising she's not contacting you, you're being scary, and you're right in the phrase "creepy as fuck". It did come across creepy as fuck, because you are being creepy as fuck. Try not to be "that guy", no one likes that guy, that guy never wins the girl in the end, he's the person she has to get years worth of counselling after dating. That is your choice, and I hope you make positive and healthy choices in the future which will lead you away from potentially toxic situations like the one you are in now.
 
1) You are a huge mangina. Your post comes across as clingy and whiney which is an instant panty drier. Maybe that is why she broke up with you, because you are such a girl. You need game and self respect.

2) I have been on the internet long enough to know that unlike most advice given here some people don’t feel awful when they doxx others, for some it is a fun activity and they forget all about it tomorrow. This guy reads like a mild case of sociopathy so I wouldn’t count on him listening to anything on this thread or choosing the high road. When he takes revenge on her he won’t feel bad about it and the only thing that would discourage him is actual consequences. Here is something that could happen if you doxx her: Romanian studios are often owned by Romanian gangs with American chapters and if you piss off the wrong person she has your real life info too. Romanians have no scruples and a family member or her boss could have someone go looking for you.

3) Nobody owes you eternal love. Everyone changes their mind about relationships which is why such small percentage ends up in an actual marriage. Her broke up method sucked but that is what you get when you start a long distance relationship with someone who lives in another continent. Be a man, find an actual girlfriend in your town.
 
I feel like I was privy to a real life Nicholas Sparks novel reading his post. :rolleyes:


Just from his thread title, I'm already creeped out, and I only read the first two small paragraphs. LOL. I'm gonna eat this chocolate frosted with sprinkles donut real quick, and then come back...unless I get distracted by another Sanford and Son rerun. :p
 
Just from his thread title, I'm already creeped out, and I only read the first two small paragraphs. LOL. I'm gonna eat this chocolate frosted with sprinkles donut real quick, and then come back...unless I get distracted by another Sanford and Son rerun. :p
Save for a couple of heroes in this thread I think we all read it piecemeal. lol Save a bite of donut for when you get up to the Charles Manson part.
 
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I'm really not a bad person. Not at all.

You are in control of whether or not this is true going forward. Good people do not put other people's livelihoods (and possibly even life) in danger.

Unfortunately for all of us, the world is not fair and no matter how much it hurts, heartbreak is not a criminal offense so there really is no justice to be had here. The complete and utter pain of heartbreak is felt by all of us multiple times in our lives and if we all took revenge on our exes the world would just burn.

I know its a cliche, but living well really is the best revenge. Setting a personal goal (like getting a raise, or more hours at the gym, etc) and achieving it will be far far more satisfying than ruining her life (I would hope).

If nothing else, make an appointment to speak with a therapist because your post is riddled with a lot of really scary details that you seem to be half aware of. I'm a big advocate of not being in a relationship until you are more stable within yourself.
 
Just from his thread title, I'm already creeped out, and I only read the first two small paragraphs. LOL. I'm gonna eat this chocolate frosted with sprinkles donut real quick, and then come back...unless I get distracted by another Sanford and Son rerun. :p

my favorite part is when they had sex. she orgasmed three times and he twice! a new record!
 
Dude, I'm an atheist and I think you need Jesus. Because you clearly need something in your life to teach you right from wrong.

Maybe a therapist? Something.

Having your heart broken is NOT that big of a deal unless you already have underlying issues in your life that need to be addressed. Heartbreak sucks and it hurts but it's NEVER an excuse to destroy someone's life.

Yeah she hurt you but is your life over? No. It's not. And if it feels like it is you need to speak to a therapist or a pastor or something. Because wanting to destroy a person's life and put them in danger for breaking your heart is not a sane mindset.
 
my favorite part is when they had sex. she orgasmed three times and he twice! a new record!
There is a special irony to the triple-distilled context of solipsism that would lead to name calling from models comment because if you read the thread models have so far given the most thoughtful advice while the members in the threat have been a bit more merciless.
 
Thanks to everyone who took the time to write me a thoughtful response.

Obviously I'm disconnected from reality here & I really do need to see a therapist about this.

I've deleted all our correspondence & blocked her on social media etc.

I know I have mental problems. I'm trying to fix it.

Thanks again.

And in case it wasn't clear, I've adamantly decided to NOT do this & just let the ship sail.
 
.unless I get distracted by another Sanford and Son rerun. :p

You know, I bought all those on dvd a long time ago! (sucks now because they are streaming out the wahoo)WoW. Tons and tons of life lessons on that show that the younger generations could learn from --like when Lamont and Rollo invited two hot babes to Fred's house to party. :) Didn't turn out too well for Rollo and Lamont.
 
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Thanks to everyone who took the time to write me a thoughtful response.

Obviously I'm disconnected from reality here & I really do need to see a therapist about this.

I've deleted all our correspondence & blocked her on social media etc.

I know I have mental problems. I'm trying to fix it.

Thanks again.

And in case it wasn't clear, I've adamantly decided to NOT do this & just let the ship sail.
Glad to hear that. And seriously, since you mentioned it in the OP, if you have a dark moment:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
 
You know, I bought all those on dvd a long time ago! (sucks now because they are streaming out the wahoo)WoW. Tons and tons of life lessons on that show that the younger generations could learn from --like when Lamont and Rollo invited two hot babes to Fred's house to party. :) Didn't turn out too well for Rollo and Lamont.


Yeah! Fred saved the day by showing up with Ripple...hot food...and interesting dance moves. :)

I've been marathon-ing it up on YouTube (as well as 'All in the Family' reruns). When I get to one of the episodes where Fred isn't featured (He's away in St. Louis, and Grady's looking after the house for him), I just skip it and go to the next video. Lol. Grady's cool, but he's no Fred Sanford.
 
The thread title is a bit misleading. It doesn't seem like you were in a real bf/gf relationship. So why say you are thinking about outing your "ex". You also mentioned that you stopped tipping her early on. So perhaps she took that as the end? Maybe your "girlfriend experience" was reliant on money, which is her job.

Please don't dox her. You could put her in serious physical danger.

Instead take your anger out at the gym, or on that really hard video game level you can't beat. Outing a girl like this could gave serious consequence for you both. You could be charged with blackmail if she finds this post.

Take the high road, stop trying to date a cam girl and instead go out into the real world.

I hope these "harsh" but straight talk responses don't fuel your bitterness.
 
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