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A model seeking love and a future with a client? Or a manipulative romance scammer? One year anniversary! Ideas and impressions sought, please.

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May 21, 2022
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I've read so many of the posts on this site about members in love with a model, almost all where it's obvious that the member is deluding himself. I something think these stories should be required reading before one is allowed to join a cam model site as a member. :)

I have a story to tell, too. It might differ than most here...or then again, maybe others will see many of the usual red flags. It relates to my now 12-month journey with a particular model.

I find that many of the reactions to "I'm in love with a model/does she love me" posts tend to blame the member (normally a guy) for being gullible, or delusional. I think that makes sense when the model is just doing her job and maintaining professional ethics. But not all models do and in those cases, such reactions are then like "blaming the victim."

I had never been a member of the cam sites until about 18 months ago. I don't live under a rock; I vaguely knew about the sites but simply hadn't joined any. When I did, I liked them for purely entertainment purposes (as it should be). But as fate had it, I visited a particular Russian, non nude model on Chaturbate one night. She had only a few people in her room. She looked very serious, maybe even kind of depressed. I was drawn to her because it didn't fit the norm. Anyway, we began to chat and eventually we were doing private chats of 1-3 hours...no sexual behavior at all...literally talking about anything and everything.

I'll freely admit, I was in a point in my life where I was lonely (working in another city for an extended time) and I really enjoyed talking to this woman. She speaks minimal English but she is extremely smart and perceptive. And yes, her beauty played a role, too. It honestly go a bit out of hand, as I was eventually doing privates with her almost every night and spending a lot of money, essentially for pleasant conversations. While I could afford it, it was nonetheless kind of crazy when I looked back and did the math. But I think it became emotionally addictive - I would really look forward to signing on and finding her each evening.

Things took a turn around 3 months into this routine. She began to make comments of a romantic overtone and this gradually increased. I remember when Valentine's Day approached, she asked if we could do a session and she said, Basically I'm asking you on a date, at least it's the best we can do for now. As weeks continued to go by, I started to get messages from her offline and those turned into full blown love letters. I'm not talking about, "I miss you" or "I really like your company." I'm talking about three paragraph letters about how much I mean to her, including statements like how, I'm worried to say this but I see you as a man with whom I can have a future. And then there were statements about wanting to meet, fantasies of trips to various cities in Europe, statements of how, When I watch TV, I think about you being there and imagine how you would respond to certain things. I miss you madly when I don't get to see you.

For a little better sense of the flavor of her notes to me, here's a few lines from one of the numerous emails and text messages:

Remember how many times I've told you that you are important to me as a person, a man ... with whom I want to build a future ...
Sometimes I get scared that you've recognized the real me...I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt again...I know that you won't do anything to harm me..But I'm still scared...because in many ways we are similar, even in spite of different countries and different mentality...I even cried about it yesterday
I don't ever want to lose you...not because we've gone too far...It's because I know how I feel about you... and these feelings are quite real....
I believe that you will see me in person soon..I miss you madly and it's strange...thoughts about our first date visit me more and more often...I don't have a boyfriend except a cat.

Note that I didn't ask for a "Girlfriend Experience." Yet someone advised me that this model is "just good at her job" and since I was still paying her, nothing she says could be taken as real. But I have to say....she was damn convincing! Eventually, we began talking outside the sites, via Skype. Then came a phase with precautions and paranoia because her studio monitors conversations.

Eventually, I was even sending her money to her own personal account. She even would talk to me from the studio, doing Skype calls, and I would make donations to her offsite account. This involved her making sure managers weren't around at the studio. Later, a lot of our talking would happen while she was at home. Sometimes we would talk before she went to bed, or just while doing household activities.

Instead of paying per minute, the provision of money turned from privates on sites to requests to help with particular expenses (her cat's vet bill; her own medical tests; even a gym membership and fees for driving lessons). She gave me her name and address. At one point, I told her I was skeptical about sending money to some account of a person I don't truly know, so she showed me her passport and other information. I was able to verify that indeed, this woman provided me accurate identifying information about herself. I even have her non-model social media. She says she's taken all these risks because she trusts me and believes that I'm her future.

I've had actual arguments with this model because I questioned her intentions. We had incidents where she was in tears over it, insisting that she is not lying or misleading but in fact has hopes for a relationship and wants to move out of Russia.

In this circumstance, I'll admit that I developed pretty strong feelings for this woman, though I always had (and still have) an underlying skepticism that's it ultimately about money. In this case I feel that this model is either: a) legitimately interested in something real (and that could be for genuine romantic reasons or for an "escape route" from her circumstances, or b) she's an extremely skilled, manipulative love scammer who will lead me on a trail of bread crumbs as long as she can.

We're still going, though I'm more perplexed each day about what to do. I think this experience goes to show that not all models are ethically doing their jobs and trying to maintain boundaries in the face of lonely, desperate, obsessive guys. I've received about 50 love letters from this woman; she is now trying to send me a painting; I have her real life name and address and all her real world social media. I'm a pretty successful guy and I didn't go to the cam sites to look for love...this model truly went after me. (Of course, I fully admit that I reciprocated with money and similarly sweet words).

But now I have this "relationship" with a Russian cam model who claims I'm not only her boyfriend but her "man" (because boyfriend sounds childish and transitory and man sounds more reliable and lasting). I'm still giving her money though, and as everyone says, doesn't giving money mean I'm still a client? Well, to her, giving her money means that I'm helping her with expenses the way a man would in marriage. She absolutely insists, You are not a member or client!

Still....I don't think you can really know someone long distance and there is still some secrecy. I find her claim that she is being "faithful" to me and telling others about her American boyfriend for the last 7 or 8 months is...well...unbelievable.

Maybe I'm being cynical, but part of me feels that all of this time, emotion and money has been sunk into something that is aimed only to extract as much money as possible, until there's some moment of revelation. (She could disappear off the sites; I could finally try to meet her overseas and find no one waiting; who knows....)

Or...maybe she just wants a green card? Or....could it be love??? :h:

It's not always the guy who is the instigator pushing the boundaries. I feel that this model has broken just about all the normal rules that most models on this site advocate.

What do others think?

And let's say it all turns out to have been one long romance con. Do I just let it go? It's going to be difficult to not view this woman as a sociopath with no moral compass if that's how it plays our.... I would hate for someone else to go through this if it's all just a scam.
 
And mate, she doesn't love you. You are being hosed for cash. You probably already know this and that's why you posted here. Many of us have long established relationships with favourite models, but in most cases any money that changes hands is for sexual performances on the site. That's not a con. That's a fair exchange. Money for services. You pay for something and you get a service in return. You are paying the vet bills for a cat that probably isn't even sick. Stop now. Seriously. Even the cat is laughing at you. This could honestly be one of the most obvious scams I've read here. At least some of the others had some nuance to them or some room for a different interpretation. Not this one.
 
Instead of paying per minute, the provision of money turned from privates on sites to requests to help with particular expenses (her cat's vet bill; her own medical tests; even a gym membership and fees for driving lessons). She gave me her name and address. At one point, I told her I was skeptical about sending money to some account of a person I don't truly know, so she showed me her passport and other information. I was able to verify that indeed, this woman provided me accurate identifying information about herself. I even have her non-model social media. She says she's taken all these risks because she trusts me and believes that I'm her future.

Going to admit I did not read all of this just skimmed it. Saw this part. This is Scam 101. Sorry.
 
I find that many of the reactions to "I'm in love with a model/does she love me" posts tend to blame the member (normally a guy) for being gullible, or delusional. I think that makes sense when the model is just doing her job and maintaining professional ethics. But not all models do and in those cases, such reactions are then like "blaming the victim."

Wanted to address this first. A lot of the reactions are generally "yes, you're being love conned and it's not right for the model to do that". When stuff like this happens, it can make models who do maintain boundaries and don't lead members on also look bad. You're not going to find anyone here siding with a model who is blatantly love conning someone. It may look like someone is blaming the member when they start going off in the thread towards anyone who tells them that it's pretty obvious the model doesn't really love them. And only speaking for myself, when someone starts acting wild in one of the "I'm in love with a cam model" threads or says they were looking for a model to date, I do think part of the blame is on them. The people who fall for these scams are grown men and need to take some responsibility for their actions. Because in the end, no one forced them with a gun to their head to send money. And any internal issues they have that makes them inclined to believe in the con or seek out pretty much unattainable women should be talked about with a trained mental health professional. Because taking care of their own mental well-being is also their responsibility.

With that being said, I'm in the "she's not really in love with you" camp. Your story sounds like essentially every other story where a member got into a "relationship" with an Eastern European studio model. It's pretty well known that the studios teach models how to basically love con members so they keep coming back for more. And the things you said about her showing you her real social media and her real name and address. Even if everything she has shown you is 100% real, it doesn't mean as much as you think it means. There's not really any risk in showing you her real information when you live on a different continent and she's currently living in a country where there's martial law and war. Asking for money for pet bills, medical bills, etc is also a pretty well known love scam tactic.

Do I just let it go?

Entirely up to you. No one can make that decision for you, and you've more than likely already made up your mind.

I'd personally say yes.
 
And mate, she doesn't love you. You are being hosed for cash. You probably already know this and that's why you posted here. Many of us have long established relationships with favourite models, but in most cases any money that changes hands is for sexual performances on the site. That's not a con. That's a fair exchange. Money for services. You pay for something and you get a service in return. You are paying the vet bills for a cat that probably isn't even sick. Stop now. Seriously. Even the cat is laughing at you. This could honestly be one of the most obvious scams I've read here. At least some of the others had some nuance to them or some room for a different interpretation. Not this one.

But maybe you didn't read the entire post (admittedly it was long) but I DID post here because of my skepticism. I said: "part of me feels that all of this time, emotion and money has been sunk into something that is aimed only to extract as much money as possible, until there's some moment of revelation."

My major point was: Most of these threads take the angle that the model is "just doing her job" or something along those lines...or that "the customer should know better." In my opinion, that's true in the majority of situations because models don't usually don't go to these lengths. How many of the models on this forum send dozens of love letters, tell the customer that she wants a future with him, writes the type of messages that I've been receiving from this woman? My main point is that this is an example of something that borders on sociopathic; this isn't normal cam modeling in my view.

I mean, I hear loud and clear how idiotic I must have been for even considering the possibility that she had any sincerity. So I hear the mockey and disdain for my going along with this for a year. But curious why there's no judgment of the model? Is the notion that anything goes if someone is dumb enough or vulnerable enough to get scammed? Kind of a warped view. I can't see how this type of model is even good for the industry.
 
Yeah. That and paying for even offline Skype chats outside of studio hours. Literally paying money to talk to her while she is making dinner 🙄
Well, just to be clear....I didn't pay for offline chats outside studio hours. But she had an expectation of receiving "gifts" from time to time. So it was not quite so direct...but yes...still the issue is that a friend does not charge a friend for the friendship... Your comments seem to suggest that I don't see the obvious issues. But the fact is, I posted this here in the hope that it might get some perspectives other than the usual and customary, "Oh, another idiot who thinks a cam model is in love with him." Personally, I think it's amazing that this woman went to great lengths early on to try to convince me of her sincerity...and even at one point when into an emotional breakdown in open chat (maybe feigned...who knows) when I was pointing out how difficult it was to believe her stated intentions. This post wasn't just about the dumb guy/gullible member. :happy:
 
Entirely up to you. No one can make that decision for you, and you've more than likely already made up your mind.
Truth is, I was suspicious not too far into when the romantic messages and talk of the future began to happen...and by six months ago, I was basically convinced that she was at very least, extremely manipulative. I started to scale back the money and contact...and I noticed that got her mad (another red flag). But why did I not just cut it off entirely at that time? Why did I keep going for months longer? Well...a combination of reasons: It's probably hard for most people to accept that a person is blatantly, callously lying about emotions....maybe that doesn't make me the one with mental problems...maybe it's this model with the mental problems? At the very least, she seems basically lacking in any conscience. And aside from that, it started to become almost a kind of curiosity....just how long is this going to go? If I just play on and on...then what? What's going to be the moment of truth? Will there be some finale where I actually try to meet her and she has a reason to not show? Will she vanish? Will she come up with some crazy story? I'm not saying it was only for this reason in recent months; I admit that I developed an unhealthy and unrealistic attachment to the communication. But in recent months, I've shifted to something more like amazement that a person (this model) would do this...go to such lengths... It's just so....BIZARRE in a way. I'm not even angry now, probably because I had doubts and suspicions and an undercurrent of anger for so long. Now it's more like amazment at the combination of her acting ability and sheer lack of moral compass.
 
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What's going to be the moment of truth? Will there be some finale where I actually try to meet her and she has a reason to not show?
She'll have an emergency that causes her to cancel ahead of time, and make a play on your emotional reaction to get money for said emergency.
 
"My grandmother died three years ago but she needs a new kidney. I'm in hospital with her now. Please send monies for transplant."
 
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Unfortunately they got you.
I also have one of those Eastern European Ex studio models as a cam girl, I know exactly what she is trying, I always get terribly turned on by her and she knows it.
And she knows I don't fall for it, but we do have fun.
No I never had the illusion it was real.
 
Just here to say that if, after this is all over, you find yourself with bags of money and no one to send them to,

I am here for you and can take one for the team... I mean my bank account is pretty full, but if I arrange things a bit I am sure iI can make space for some more deposits.

steve martin 80s GIF by FilmStruck
 
It's probably hard for most people to accept that a person is blatantly, callously lying about emotions....maybe that doesn't make me the one with mental problems...maybe it's this model with the mental problems?

People lying about emotions isn't something exclusive to situations like this. It happens a lot. Someone lying about having stronger feelings than they really have to maintain a sexual relationship, for security (emotional or financial), for attention or validation. There's a lot of reasons. It's never right, and I'd say at the very least the person lying about it lacks empathy and has their own issues.

However, if you're aware that this is happening it's your responsibility to take a step back and decide what is the best course of action for you to take for your own mental wellbeing and happiness. Yes, it's hard to accept, but would you rather be crushed harder later on down the line by not ending it sooner instead of seeing how it will play out for your own curiosity when you know it will more than likely end badly?
 
It's not always the guy who is the instigator pushing the boundaries. I feel that this model has broken just about all the normal rules that most models on this site advocate
Maybe this will help you. An Eastern European ex-studio model told me she had to do it from the studio bosses.
You're not the only one with whom she MUST do this....

Not the girl is the problem, those studios are the real scum, she just doesn't get paid if she doesn't do what the bosses want.
All the money you gave disappears into the bosses' pockets and she gets a tip.
 
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hey george have you thought about speaking with a therapist about this? i understand this is probably really heavy on your conscious. a therapist is a great person to speak with during stressful times to get through your thoughts and decision-making.
 
"My grandmother died three years ago but she needs a new kidney. I'm in hospital with her now. Please send monies for transplant."


Hahaha, this is funny because twice, on PAYPAL I have had some random model/woman request money from me (first time 100 euro, second time 50 euro).
The first time this RANDOM woman said "my father died, it's for his funeral costs", but then literally 1 year later for the 50 euro, the reason attached to "requesting payment" was "my father is sick and needs medicine".

It was a Romanian woman (going by her name), I have no idea how she got my name or email, I don't have them displayed anywhere and the email I use on PP is different to any I use on any camsites.


Oh and... weirdly, both times this random woman wanted money, it was close to Christmas - strange coincidence? I tried reporting her but nothing happened because there was no foul play, even though I am sure she is randomly requesting money from god knows how many other guys. Apparently, you can just type a name/email and request money and hope for the best with no repercussions lol
 
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But maybe you didn't read the entire post (admittedly it was long) but I DID post here because of my skepticism. I said: "part of me feels that all of this time, emotion and money has been sunk into something that is aimed only to extract as much money as possible, until there's some moment of revelation."

My major point was: Most of these threads take the angle that the model is "just doing her job" or something along those lines...or that "the customer should know better." In my opinion, that's true in the majority of situations because models don't usually don't go to these lengths. How many of the models on this forum send dozens of love letters, tell the customer that she wants a future with him, writes the type of messages that I've been receiving from this woman? My main point is that this is an example of something that borders on sociopathic; this isn't normal cam modeling in my view.

I mean, I hear loud and clear how idiotic I must have been for even considering the possibility that she had any sincerity. So I hear the mockey and disdain for my going along with this for a year. But curious why there's no judgment of the model? Is the notion that anything goes if someone is dumb enough or vulnerable enough to get scammed? Kind of a warped view. I can't see how this type of model is even good for the industry.


First, I for one don't think you're stupid at all. And I doubt that any reasonable person who knows about adult webcamming would think it either. It's a personal interaction and so it's entirely understandable that people develop personal feelings.

And yes, love cons are antisocial behaviour and there are sociopaths out there who certainly see people in terms of marks to take advantage of. FWIW, I don't think it's necessarily much more prevalent in cam than elsewhere, but it's visible. I don't know if this woman is a sociopath without a conscience or is hard up in a country that is currently circling the drain, not that it really makes a difference.

If I was in your situation, I would simply cut her loose and ghost.
 
I'm not even angry now, probably because I had doubts and suspicions and an undercurrent of anger for so long. Now it's more like amazment at the combination of her acting ability and sheer lack of moral compass.


Her acting didn't have to be award winning, she just needed to have a lack of ethics. Most people are predisposed to kindness to begin with and especially to people they like and feel a connection to. And online chats foster an effect of instant intimacy even when they are totally vanilla.
 
hey george have you thought about speaking with a therapist about this? i understand this is probably really heavy on your conscious. a therapist is a great person to speak with during stressful times to get through your thoughts and decision-making.

A very good suggestion, Audri. Talking it through with a therapist may well help to process.

Although it's not very comparable, last summer I had a strange experience of being generous toward a Romanian girl just a few years older than me because I felt sorry for her. I wasn't attracted to her or have anything really in common, she was just basically a good person in bad circumstances facing a hard life. And I'm grateful to @MarieElise for listening. :h:
 
have we reached the point in the thread where the OP gets plenty of advice and starts responding with "but you don't understand MY situation" yet?
I guess you didn't actually read much of it but if you did, you would have realized that's not where I was coming from when I posted here. I posted because, while I'm not an expert in the various scams that Russian or Eastern European models might run (though I'm being told this is common), I thought it would be good to hear what other models thought. As I said in my post, I didn't have experience with cam modeling sites before (yes...believe it or not...a grown man who hadn't been on one of the sites until about 18 months ago). I wasn't looking for people here to try to convince me that the model was sincere and I'm certainly not arguing with anyone who is pointing out the red flags. Also...there aren't too many places to ventilate about a situation like this....
 
People lying about emotions isn't something exclusive to situations like this. It happens a lot. Someone lying about having stronger feelings than they really have to maintain a sexual relationship, for security (emotional or financial), for attention or validation. There's a lot of reasons. It's never right, and I'd say at the very least the person lying about it lacks empathy and has their own issues.
I agree, though in this case I would say it's a bit beyond claiming stronger feelings than she really has. Although it's been painful to wrap my mind about it, I began feeling weeks ago that this is outright make believe. This is someone who has learned to lie effortlessly...and I probably should have taken it seriously when she said in some prior conversation that she really doesn't have a conscience about anything and couldn't relate to the idea of it. ;)

However, if you're aware that this is happening it's your responsibility to take a step back and decide what is the best course of action for you to take for your own mental wellbeing and happiness. Yes, it's hard to accept, but would you rather be crushed harder later on down the line by not ending it sooner instead of seeing how it will play out for your own curiosity when you know it will more than likely end badly?
Yes, completely true. People naturally tend towards hope, I think, so I probably kept telling myself to wait and see longer than I should have. Heck, I've had multiple arguments with this woman that arose out of my questioning things that didn't make sense about the situation. Funny thing is, she would try to gaslight me.
 
i understand this is probably really heavy on your conscious
It has been... In my case, it's less about wasted time and money (though those aren't nothing). It's more about realizing I was talking with someone from a totally sincere standpoint, even feeling like I was doing some good things for her. Meanwhile, the person on the other side of the interactions was completely pretending with me (and probably laughing with her studio manager or her friends about the latest sucker). That's kind of a mind fuck....
 
It has been... In my case, it's less about wasted time and money (though those aren't nothing). It's more about realizing I was talking with someone from a totally sincere standpoint, even feeling like I was doing some good things for her. Meanwhile, the person on the other side of the interactions was completely pretending with me (and probably laughing with her studio manager or her friends about the latest sucker). That's kind of a mind fuck....

more reason to speak to someone to help you through this mind fuck.
 
I'm sorry that the line between "love cons" and gfe is being blurred here to the point you feel we think love cons are biz as usual.

It's normal to make someone feel immersed in a fantasy/gfe as a model. It's even normal to lie about things.

It's not normal to make someone think you are actually interested in a relationship and decieve them for the purposes of profit. That's shitty. No one here thinks that's ok.

It's true that there can be a weird middle ground where ppl don't want to acknowledge that they're paying for a psuedo friendship and so it's all very much left unspoken.

But that's not the same as a love con.

And i think the part where everyone must make fun of the dude for not knowing better usually only happens when the guy refuses to listen despite asking for advice. We all know it sucks to get scammed .

I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you're able to get away from it and get some clarity.
 
A very good suggestion, Audri. Talking it through with a therapist may well help to process.

Although it's not very comparable, last summer I had a strange experience of being generous toward a Romanian girl just a few years older than me because I felt sorry for her. I wasn't attracted to her or have anything really in common, she was just basically a good person in bad circumstances facing a hard life. And I'm grateful to @MarieElise for listening. :h:
Awh thanks, and I'm grateful to you for the fun chats we have too :party:

Not getting involved in the original topic of OPs, because I saw he's already on the defensive before he even got responses. When people come to this forum and they are already on the defensive, and argumentative, I always ask myself the same thing; Then why did they post here? Another reason I don't trust and am always suspicious of these people. I'm better with people who aren't in the emotional place of their mind, and are in the planning, rational, logical part. Communication goes way smoother that way.

I get it anger is a normal part of grief/ losing something you had/ thought you had (see stages of grief and loss by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross) but I'm also just not dealing with it. Too tiresome.

Counselors and Therapists get paid upwards of $200/ hr for that. I don't :party: :party: :party:

Good luck thread 👋
 
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