What's your stance on...

[Phoenix4987]

Would you feel more comfortable meeting a member that hasn't seen you naked/payed for a sexy time private for some time? Me and someone started talking again after a lot of heated discussion. Decided to leave some things in the past and move forward from past issues. Talked about meeting again etc. Going to be a good while before that has the chance to come to fruition, but I was just thinking...

I do enjoy getting shows, but sometimes kinda feel..not guilty..but..I guess I become aware that I payed this person to do something which may/may not be as enjoyable and definitely I'm sure wasn't up for it at times. Like I feel like I'm using them for my own satisfaction, granted I know, it's a job. I fork out a decent chunk for this time, but in the end it's not nearly as satisfying as just getting to know her better when we talk. Sounds cheesy as fuck, I know. But it's true, getting to know this person is a bit more lasting than the few seconds of release at the end of a pvt. I talked to her about it, said I don't make her feel like I'm using her as an object. On paper it looks exactly like that's what I'm doing..

If we do end up meeting, then I want her to feel as safe and comfortable as possible. And I just wanted to know if I'm being maybe too self conscious about it?

 

[Carmita Bonita]

This question is a bit confusing for me to follow.
--You said "meeting again" in the begininng then ending with "if we do end up meeting" have you met her in person or not?
--Is this a friendship/regular & camgirl relationship/or the start of a romantic relationship?

It's a job, most of us don't judge the morals of a guy who pays for our entertainment as a matter of fact I prefer them to obviously lol. If she has expressed interest in meeting you/meeting again the ball is on her court, I would honestly just ask what she would would want. Whether someone watches me on cam to fuck myself or talk for the girlfriend experience type of show doesn't make a big difference to me as long as they're paying. I don't feel any 'safer' or 'comfortable' with a person based off just that. I think safety and being comfortable runs way deeper for camgirls, since a lot of camgirls wouldn't meet a regular at all in person.

I have met one member in person but we had started an online long distance romantic relationship months ago and I didn't care that he spent money enjoying me on cam watching me be naughty.

 

[Phoenix4987]

We talked once again about meeting. We haven't met yet. Made some plans that sorta fell through.

The type of relationship now is just friends. We had expressed romantic interest in each other, things happened and now just on a friendly level. Whatever happens, happens.

But that's cool about you and that guy. I mean obviously I enjoy it haha, I just didn't know if it would make things weird or not when we actually met or what the general consensus was.

 

[Empress Mika]

As I always say, if the answer is maybe, the answer is no. Especially if you have to ask this on a public forum.

Honestly, it sounds like you have some personal issues to deal with, first. Using someone for your own satisfaction, especially when you knew they weren't into it, isn't a good foundation to start any relationship. I'd focus on developing yourself as a person and have that rock solid before you seek out any real, romantic relationship with anyone.

Best of luck!

 

[Phoenix4987]

As I always say, if the answer is maybe, the answer is no. Especially if you have to ask this on a public forum.

Honestly, it sounds like you have some personal issues to deal with, first. Using someone for your own satisfaction, especially when you knew they weren't into it, isn't a good foundation to start any relationship. I'd focus on developing yourself as a person and have that rock solid before you seek out any real, romantic relationship with anyone.

Best of luck!

I mean that's how I feel about paying ANY cam model for a private show. It's not like she explicitly said, I'm tired/feel bad/etc. I'm not into kinky shit, I just like normal vanilla stuff. But I'm sure a 60 year old man who comes in and pays for a show, turns on his cam is not a generally a turn on for the young and beautiful model who opens it. And I'm also sure not 100% of every show anyone will ever get is that real,jaw dropping orgasm being performed.

I'm just giving it the benefit of the doubt that I'm sure she wasn't into it at times, that's all. haha. I didn't lie to her or take advantage of her for personal gain sheesh.

Mainly someone's recent thread about wanting to meet a studio model and all that, she said she was glad she got fired/quit because she didn't like to feel like an object. And I was like, is that how I make my favorite model feel? That's how this all got brought up.

And then it got me thinking that if me and her are talking about meeting, if it would make things weird if I kept paying for camsex up until the time we met.... It's not like I pay for a show, get off, have no conversation and then bounce. Obviously we're kinda close if we're talking about meeting yknow?

 

[Violet Dawn]

If she quit because she felt like she was being treated like an object that has nothing to do with you. That's not your fault. That's the job she signed up for. Do not feel bad for paying for a service.

Do I think you guys could be friends? Of course I do. So long as you don't ask for sexual advances in exchange for money, if she isn't offering that anymore. I mean unless she has actually said she wanted to. Don't expect it though.

I'm a little confused, does she still work as a cam model? Because you did mention doing shows till you met. If she isn't, forget the shows. That's in the past. Just focus on a friendship.

 

[Phoenix4987]

Erm. My communication skills seem to suck.. I'll try again.

Recently, there was a thread about a member asking about meeting a model. The model in that thread ended up quitting or being fired because the member's mom ended up getting involved and messaging people on facebook somehow. But she had told the member that she was glad in a way because she was tired of feeling like an object.

Soooo. When I read that. It made me think of my friend (who is an active cam model) and how if I wonder if I ever made her feel like an object. I talked to my friend about this she explained No, she does want she wants. She works out of her room and she's the boss and she can ignore or close out of a show anytime someone tried to make her feel like that. So that brought some ease of mind, but I still feel a little iffy about it.

What my biggest concern was, even though I'm paying for a service and we're kind of close, if it would help make things less awkward when we met to stop asking for sexual shows sooner rather than later. If ultimately I'm trying to move our friendship/relationship from the virtual to the real, then I want to act like how I'd be with a friend in person.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Erm. My communication skills seem to suck.. I'll try again.

Recently, there was a thread about a member asking about meeting a model. The model in that thread ended up quitting or being fired because the member's mom ended up getting involved and messaging people on facebook somehow. But she had told the member that she was glad in a way because she was tired of feeling like an object.

Soooo. When I read that. It made me think of my friend (who is an active cam model) and how if I wonder if I ever made her feel like an object. I talked to my friend about this she explained No, she does want she wants. She works out of her room and she's the boss and she can ignore or close out of a show anytime someone tried to make her feel like that. So that brought some ease of mind, but I still feel a little iffy about it.

What my biggest concern was, even though I'm paying for a service and we're kind of close, if it would help make things less awkward when we met to stop asking for sexual shows sooner rather than later. If ultimately I'm trying to move our friendship/relationship from the virtual to the real, then I want to act like how I'd be with a friend in person.

Think of it like having a friend who's a waitress. You're friends outside of the restaurant, but that doesn't change your behavior inside the restaurant, where she's doing her job. You still sit in her section, order food you normally would, and tip her for her service. It also doesn't change your behavior outside the restaurant. If you're chilling at someone's house, you won't expect her to bring you everything, because she's not working right now. She can be both your friend and your waitress, but each in the appropriate location. Same with a camgirl friend. In her chat room, you're a customer. Offline, you're buddies. The only reason I would see a problem (my personal perspective/opinion here) would be if you were to stop getting sexual shows, but continue to spend as much time in her chat and expect as much attention, but cut back on spending because you're no longer getting the sexual shows, even though you're taking as much of her time and energy as before and she's still entertaining you. To tie in to the restaurant analogy, that would be like sitting in your friend's section, ordering a different meal than normal, but tipping less because it's a different meal, even though the price is the same.


To throw in a personal experience, I had at one point told a couple friends that I was a cam model, and they went on about how much they love mfc and blah blah blah. I gave them my model name, and they showed up in my chat room - as basics, and wanted me to give them personal attention/a show just because we're friends. Nope. I'm working, and you're a customer, you need to pay for what you're asking. Yes, I showed you my boobs for free yesterday, but I wasn't working then, I just show my boobs to my friends a lot cause it's fun. Doesn't change that I expect to be paid to show them when I'm working.

 

[EllaGray]

If she isn't ashamed of her job, there's no reason you should be ashamed of participating.

It only feels like exploitation and objectification when customers use their level of friendliness etc to push boundaries and start expecting things for free or extras. That's when it feels gross. As long as you keep paying its pretty gravy.

The best thing you can do as a prospective friend is not to judge her or her choices based on how you feel and just keep being cool. Clearly there's a connection there that's been built on how you behave so don't change that and it should be ok.

 

[Phoenix4987]

@Saffron

That's a really good analogy and I see your point. It's not really my intention to spend less or demand more attention. She split cams on several sites and I've been a regular for almost a year now, pretty sure I'm her top tipper across all too... For some time, she's the only one I see and spend on. Often, I'd log in from the time she got on until she got off for the night. With school starting now, I can't be around as much as I used to .

I know her attention is really divided because she split cams and I understand our conversation can be limited at times because of this. But I don't get pissy, she's working, I get it and I don't stress her out if she doesn't reply in .025 seconds. If we don't talk while she's working, I know I can just text after.

The only difference is your friends know you in person before going to visit you in your room and I'm trying to make the opposite happen.

@Ella

Yes I suppose you're right. We've talked about many times what all her job entails. Definitely by visiting this forum and talking with the community has opened my eyes a lot too. I couldn't be where I am now without the insight I've learned from everybody.

Thanks for all of your responses