Sometimes, the misconceptions about BDSM (even within the community) are horribly frustrating for me.
Yesterday, an older man sent me a series of messages explaining that if his previous girlfriend wanted a bruise on her butt, she should commit suicide.
I constantly read messages on groups and forums that promote the idea that a D/s relationship could never be good as an M/s relationship, or that slaves are more dedicated than lowly submissives, or, in one brilliant expose on humanity - that when a submissive or slave is raped, we should accept it as a gift because it makes us grow as people.
There also seems to be a growing trend in some circles that sadomasochism is a disease that can be treated and is curable (just like homosexuality, yo.)
But let met tell you... if the other people weren't out there, and I just had my happy little community and social circle (and Daddy Bear, of course), it would be great.
I have never in my life been interested in an equal power dynamic in my relationships. Many vanilla men are quite thoroughly trained that woman demand respect and equal treatment, and for many of them (such as the boys I dated in high school) express this by refusing to make decisions or choices lest they disagree with my mysterious womanly needs.
I was playing slavegirl in my back yard since I can remember. The earliest daydream I remember having is being taken away from my town and forced to serve a wealthy family. My first sexual fantasy was about non-consensual sex. I dunno why, but I've always been an odd cookie.
As far as day-to-day life goes, sometimes it is wonderful and sometimes it can be horridly hard. Daddy Bear, while often big and fluff-huggable (yeah I just made up that phrase), is not always a font of love. There are times when he does not want me to give him ankle-kisses while he is trying to watch Star Trek, or even talk, or screw around on the floor too much (I am generally not allowed to sit on the furniture). He just wants me to do my chores, sit down in an out of the way corner, and leave him alone. But that's part of the deal for me.
While I still belonged to him (I technically do not right now) my rules were extremely strict and numerous. I could not, for example, use the restroom or go downstairs to get a glass of water without asking him first.
Generally, we do not do scenes. He is not a sadist, and I am usually not a masochist. If I want to do something (like wax, say) I ask him, and if he isn't in the mood I wait a couple of days and try again if I am still in the mood. Also, he does not wear leather chest harnesses and boots, and I do not clean house in a maid outfit with 6 inch spike heels
In summation, my relationship certainly is not "fair" by any vanilla standards, or even particularly fetishy (I have yet to be lead by a leash through our mall), but it is definitely M/s and I love it. I was never in the market for a relationship that was happy 100% of the time. Part of my kink is for me to periodically suffer.
