Daily Thoughts

[omni]

I am posting this to remind myself, again, that some of the toughest days to get through treatment are the best days of the process. Positive gains, no matter how tiny.

 

[Marceline]

It's always fun waking up to mystery bruises. Dark black bruise on my heel. How? When? Where? Possibly kicked the futon frame but any guess is good at this point. Ow.

I’m always getting random bruises. Sometimes I’ll have multiple bruises all on my legs and I’m just thinking… am I in some type of alien time warp and losing time? Because I honestly have no idea where 90% of my bruises come from. Yay anemia!

I am posting this to remind myself, again, that some of the toughest days to get through treatment are the best days of the process. Positive gains, no matter how tiny.

I don’t know if your treatment is related to mental health, but if it is, I absolutely understand.

I know when I started being proactive about my mental health and bettering myself, I was often really overwhelmed. When I was at my absolute worst, it felt like things would never get better or that it would take an impossibly long time. It was discouraging for me to think about how substantial change doesn’t happen overnight and there’s no real time frame on when things will get better when you’re facing an uphill battle with your own brain.

Buuut, I realized all I could do was take it one day at a time and instead of focusing on an unclear future, focusing on what I was doing in the now. Just doing tiny things everyday that was better than the day before, confronting issues as I could when they arose and treating myself with grace and understanding when I did slip.

It’s been a few years now since I started taking my mental health seriously, and I can say that I’m in a much better place than I was. It’s honestly crazy when I look back at the person I was three years ago and how much time has passed between now and then and how far I’ve come.

Not everyday is perfect. I still get depressed. I still get anxious. It’s a part of life that I’ve come to accept. And when I have those rough days, I take pride in the small things. Being able to eat a small meal, having the energy to wash my hair or even being able to concentrate on a movie or tv show and actually enjoy it. Those were things I wasn’t capable of doing at my worst, and it’s the small victories that count and really add up overtime.

Sorry if that’s not what you were talking about, but I figured it might be helpful.

 

[omni]

I don’t know if your treatment is related to mental health, but if it is, I absolutely understand.

I know when I started being proactive about my mental health and bettering myself, I was often really overwhelmed. When I was at my absolute worst, it felt like things would never get better or that it would take an impossibly long time. It was discouraging for me to thiynk about how substantial change doesn’t happen overnight and there’s no real time frame on when things will get better when you’re facing an uphill battle with your own brain.

Buuut, I realized all I could do was take it one day at a time and instead of focusing on an unclear future, focusing on what I was doing in the now. Just doing tiny things everyday that was better than the day before, confronting issues as I could when they arose and treating myself with grace and understanding when I did slip.

It’s been a few years now since I started taking my mental health seriously, and I can say that I’m in a much better place than I was. It’s honestly crazy when I look back at the person I was three years ago and how much time has passed between now and then and how far I’ve come.

Not everyday is perfect. I still get depressed. I still get anxious. It’s a part of life that I’ve come to accept. And when I have those rough days, I take pride in the small things. Being able to eat a small meal, having the energy to wash my hair or even being able to concentrate on a movie or tv show and actually enjoy it. Those were things I wasn’t capable of doing at my worst, and it’s the small victories that count and really add up overtime.

Sorry if that’s not what you were talking about, but I figured it might be helpful.

Thank you. You're spot on with a lot of what I've been having to remind myself each morning when I resist the urge to stay in bed. I know the trajectory and that there is, somewhere out there, a goal. But I can't worry about that long-distanced idea. Instead, the little steps are attainable; let's do one more of those today.

I have to keep in mind that I am moving positively and with intent. Even when I have set-backs, like yesterday, I must tell myself that it is for the overall good. Set-backs, to me, just mean there's more work to be done at this moment before the next step can be taken, and that, to me, is still a net positive.

My biggest hurdle right now is releasing my shame. It's such a dirty and toxic spiral...shame for past behaviors that I can't release, ashamed of carrying the shame, unsure why I feel ashamed which only increases my shame... Lots and lots of work to do, and I'm thankful for my therapist, my meds to help moderate my emotional swings enough to focus on the work that I need to do on myself, and my stubborn determination to better myself despite however doomed and reluctant I may feel. I haven't convinced myself yet, but I'm going to put it here in hopes it helps get me there...I am worthy of happiness and good things.

It all fucking sucks, to be quite blunt.

"Better than yesterday" is all I hope for right now. Thank you for your post.