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have you told your significant other about camming?

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Aug 18, 2020
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im really scared to get in a relationship just incase theyll reject me due to me camming, on the other hand, im also scared of having a boyfriend who knows that i cam cause im scared he´ll tell my parents or my close friends about it or blackmail me. However, i feel like if i had a boyfriend it would be wrong not to tell them or have them find out on their own ways.
 
first of all i told to my parrents from the begining since i started to make money and be on my own. they been happy that i dont ask them money anymore and even helping them too. but in case they was telling me to stop i would have told them that i do what is the best for me even if they agree or not . Second, after i got divorced was affraid about what next bf gonna think ,,, i remember i date a guy that i try to talk about this in general and he called all the cam model whores .. so i decided to not meet him anymore i knew wont go anywhere .. but with next bf ,after 3 weeks dating and when i saw that he is open mind and in love , i have told him and his first reaction was tell me how i can help u with this? we still togheter almost 4 years now and we got our own studio now with models, he is taking care of the tehnical part and i am training girls so dont be affraid just pick the right person :and do what is best for you and your future ,P)
 
im really scared to get in a relationship just incase theyll reject me due to me camming, on the other hand, im also scared of having a boyfriend who knows that i cam cause im scared he´ll tell my parents or my close friends about it or blackmail me. However, i feel like if i had a boyfriend it would be wrong not to tell them or have them find out on their own ways.
I told my boyfriend on our first real date. However, later into the relationship, he did try to blackmail me with it (during a heated argument), by threatening to out me to his family (who I never wanted to know, since I never trusted them much). So in partly revenge, and partly just not wanting another person to have any power over me, I told them all myself, just to spite him. Much to his frustration. Oh well, let me cry a river (that last part was sarcasm, he got what he deserved in that instance).

Long story short we are still together and love each other though. It's a very complicated issue, and it can be difficult to navigate. It's good that you are being thoughtful about it.

My boyfriend before him is a very liberal person but had a huge problem with me doing sex work, and would never get back together with me, since I made the choice to be a sex worker. That hurts, but it's his freedom to see the world the way he wants, and at least we can still be close friends, and exchange platonic caring.
 
first of all i told to my parrents from the begining since i started to make money and be on my own. they been happy that i dont ask them money anymore and even helping them too. but in case they was telling me to stop i would have told them that i do what is the best for me even if they agree or not . Second, after i got divorced was affraid about what next bf gonna think ,,, i remember i date a guy that i try to talk about this in general and he called all the cam model whores .. so i decided to not meet him anymore i knew wont go anywhere .. but with next bf ,after 3 weeks dating and when i saw that he is open mind and in love , i have told him and his first reaction was tell me how i can help u with this? we still togheter almost 4 years now and we got our own studio now with models, he is taking care of the tehnical part and i am training girls so dont be affraid just pick the right person :and do what is best for you and your future ,P)

Damn that is a awesome that it worked out that way. Way to go!
 
I don't think it's wrong to be nervous to tell a new love interest something that tends to carry a negative social connotation. Sex worker business is all hush hush because people have preconceived stigmas around it. I don't think OP has deep seated trust issues as it's a very real issue for cam models and dating.

I wouldn't tell on the first date but I would try to suss out any jealousy issues or general bias towards the biz before getting physical. And I definitely wouldn't have sex before I told him my job. I don't want to sleep with a judgemental prick.

Luckily Mr Dani is just like me and enjoys me having this job. He helps with cam setups and tech because I have ideas but zero patience. He's also completely confident and has zero trust or jealousy issues which is a total turn on. There are guys out there that are good with you doing the industry. Ones I know of tend to have the sigma male personality traits. Alphas tend to be jealous assholes and betas tend to be insecure and needy.
 
Yes, I wanna add I knew my boyfriend for a long time as friends first, so I already knew he was a fairly safe person to tell. I also don't think it means you have deep-seated trust issues, it's just common sense and smart to be protective of yourself from people who could potentially judge you, gossip, or cause you problems in your life. I think it's smart that you are thinking about this, rather than being naive about it. Good for you 💜

And, sorry, I should have mentioned the part that I already had known him, (as a friend) for a really long time first. I had already sounded him out, and probed him for possible ultra-conservative, judgemental, and ununderstanding views (as well as unreasonable levels of jealousy, and shitty attitudes regarding seeing women as possessions/ extension of his own ego, like so many losers types have), before even considering a date. That process took me many months. That part was kind of an important piece that I omitted unintentionally. I always screen potential love interests for those things, as well as ofcourse the old bible thumperism. Even people who are not in the sex industry, may want to consider doing that too, to potential dates of either sex/ gender continuum.
 
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My husband knows and even encouraged me to get into it because a friend of ours had been doing it successfully for a few years. I was suddenly faced with being furloughed from work and losing access to my social circle due to quarantine and camming helped solve both those issues.

That said, I imagine it would be very difficult to keep your job a secret from a new boyfriend for very long, and when they eventually do find out, I imagine them easily feeling betrayed. While we know we're just providing a fantasy, some people just don't get that. Jealously and insecurity are very real and very powerful forces.

In your position, I think telling a partner early on is a good idea so they're never blindsided by it later on, but maybe not immediately revealing details like where you stream, your camming name, social media accounts, etc... That way he knows and you can start to build trust together, but he doesn't have much information to use against you until he's proven trustworthy. If he tries to find out these details himself before you're ready, that would also be a violation of your trust and a clear sign that he isn't right.

Also be sure to tell him the reasons why you do it and what the benefits are for you, and for him. In my instance, I'm making more money and am more financially independent than ever before, I can work the hours I choose to work and never have to worry about how I use my free time (this means more time with my husband rather than handholding VIPs at fundraising events!). I get a lot of social interaction without a lot of the anxiety and effort that it used to require, etc.,

And at the end of the day, yeah maybe you're going on a website where men want you and shower you with affection, but at the end of the day you choose to spend your real life with your boyfriend. He gets to be the one they envy.
 
I've been in adult entertainment for 16 years...every partner has known.
I started camming just over a year ago and at the time I started I told both partners (I'm poly) my plans. They were both very supportive of my choice.

Partners who view you as an equal and aren't insecure will be fine with it. Someone who is insecure or bigoted, won't be...but who wants to date that anyway?
If anything I've found that it's a good way of weeding out the bad apples quicker!
 
I told my boyfriend on our first real date. However, later into the relationship, he did try to blackmail me with it (during a heated argument), by threatening to out me to his family (who I never wanted to know, since I never trusted them much). So in partly revenge, and partly just not wanting another person to have any power over me, I told them all myself, just to spite him. Much to his frustration. Oh well, let me cry a river (that last part was sarcasm, he got what he deserved in that instance).

Long story short we are still together and love each other though. It's a very complicated issue, and it can be difficult to navigate. It's good that you are being thoughtful about it.

My boyfriend before him is a very liberal person but had a huge problem with me doing sex work, and would never get back together with me, since I made the choice to be a sex worker. That hurts, but it's his freedom to see the world the way he wants, and at least we can still be close friends, and exchange platonic caring.
I would never get back with someone that threatened me to blackmail......
 
I think you should straight up tell them if they want to get involved with you. Yes, there's a risk of being blackmailed. But you can't live in fear just because you do sex work. It's part of the nature of the industry.
 
I would never get back with someone that threatened me to blackmail......
Good for you. People make mistakes, and when it comes to real love I'm a forgiving person. In all other aspects he's great. I've never met a perfect guy before, and I'm certainly not perfect, so...
 
I recently had a similar conversation with a model I've known for quite a while. We were discussing past relationships, and she mentioned that due to a bad experience early on, she doesn't tell anyone she dates. Apparently once he found out, he became very possessive and tried to blackmail her. To make matters worse, a friend of her BF also tried to blackmail her financially but also by trying to make her have sex with him. I've heard similar stories from a couple of other models I've known, or the guys became lazy and tried to stop working.

But, as models have said here, their SO's can be very supportive. So, it can definitely go both ways in terms of good or bad. I'd say the key is to really know and understand who it is you may be in a relationship and determine if they can be open and supportive and trusting of it. If not, probably best to cut ties with them since it may eventually get figured out.

It's sad that people would do negative things to those they supposed care about. Not just in regards to camming. But, just things in general.

Personally, I'd say I'm open enough to accept and be supportive of someone I'm involved to do camming or similar work. I would most likely have issues with escort or other physical sex work. Not so much from an emotional perspective. But from a health aspect, even with testing. While I do think I'd be supportive, the reality is that I may act differently if in such a relationship. I do know that I wouldn't be vindictive, jealous or controlling. I'd be an adult and just discuss it with her and if we couldn't come to an understanding, I'd take my leave and let her be as I have with my previous relationships.

All the best to those currently in a relationship, or those who may find themselves in one in the future. :)
 
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I'm out as a camgirl in my personal life, although I tend not to go into much detail. Anyone I date is going to have that information (minus my cam name) as soon as the conversation gets to "so, what do you do?" It's not something I worry about. It's hard to blackmail someone with information everyone already has, I have no particular intention of ever having another job that involves a boss, and I think everyone I know has already seen me naked. And so I'd much rather find out sooner than later that someone has an issue with who I am and what I do. Hell, when possible I used to give that information right in my dating profile. But surprise, surprise, on certain platforms that can tend to get you banned.
 
I'm out as a camgirl in my personal life, although I tend not to go into much detail. Anyone I date is going to have that information (minus my cam name) as soon as the conversation gets to "so, what do you do?" It's not something I worry about. It's hard to blackmail someone with information everyone already has, I have no particular intention of ever having another job that involves a boss, and I think everyone I know has already seen me naked. And so I'd much rather find out sooner than later that someone has an issue with who I am and what I do. Hell, when possible I used to give that information right in my dating profile. But surprise, surprise, on certain platforms that can tend to get you banned.

Yeah, a model I used to visit a lot was threatened with blackmail and she said she just laughed about it and told the guy to go ahead and tell her family, friends, etc because they all know about it.

Though, out of curiosity, did you notice that when you had your profession in your dating profile you tended to attract certain people more than if you didn't? Personally, I'd be curious and might send a message asking if it's true. But, unique things in profiles usually tend to pique my interest. When i used to be on dating apps/sites, there were a few times I sent messages asking about something in the background of a picture or oddity in their profile. Not that it went much beyond that for some reason..
 
I've been camming for 9 years now and I still don't tell people I'm dating straight away. I tend to vet them first, learn what kind of person they are and trust my gut about whether or not to tell them my personal business. And it is personal and it deserves caution especially when it comes to men.

Like others have said, blackmailing is real and that nice man that you had a date with can reveal their true colors if they are the type of man to think of sex workers as meat. This can open doors to abuse - emotional and sexual, stalkers, and threaten all variations of our safety.

Once I am comfortable and have decided that a man is trustworthy of my business, I will sit down and explain my work to him and why I withheld it from him. If he doesn't get offended that I kept it private for my safety until I was comfortable then great. If he does then it's onto the next.

In my experience (I'm pansexual, leaning more towards dating women), women are much more trustworthy and respectful so I have often told them in the early stages of dating.

And in my general experience, dating as a sex worker is hard. I hope to find somebody in the future that is progressive, respectful and supportive and I'm hopeful someone like that is out there for me.
 
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I've done video shoots outside of camming and started doing a few CB shows around March. Still very new to cam. My gf knows what I do and doesn't judge at all. It's always a little scary to tell someone new, but honestly I wouldn't want to be with someone who looks down on camgirls etc. That would be really weird to me.

As for blackmail, I've made sure everyone in my life either knows what I do or I wouldn't care if they did. That makes you pretty invulnerable and I recommend it. Are people who look down on what you chose to do really people you respect or want in your life? I've found that question freeing because the answer for me is always "no." I think this is pretty similar to what others have said.
 
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